heeeelo

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems a nice ass. ;)

I'm the girl that who can watch tons of horror movies and not get scared but will scream at the top of my lungs when the toast pops out of the toaster.

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

I didn't fall, i was testing gravity... it still works.

Never annoy a writer. She will put you in a book and kill you.

Everytime you get dressed remember that, if you die, that’s your ghost outfit forever. You don't have to dress to impress, but just remember.

We buy the shampoo that most accurately insults our hair. “For dry, lifeless, dandruff addled hair” - yup that’s me.

Due to the amount of stuff I order from them, Amazon knows more about my personal life than my family does.

Being down for something and being up for something means the same thing.

“Who died and made you the king?” is actually a really terrible thing to say because the answer will almost always be “My dad.”