HELLO! I am elicksir. I am a clown lawyer by day and a door enthusiast by night. I spend my days defending the rights of our great nation's finest comedy sources and my nights are spent sat in a room made purely of doors, where I feel I am most accepted for who I am. The doors understand me. They love me, like humanity never can.

Each and every review I compose and every story I publish is 100% genuine, so take it to heart or suffer the consequences.

If my response to your work is cruel and cold then I thoroughly recommend that you delete your account and spend the rest of your days in a downwards spiral until you finally understand how disappointed I am in your talents (or lack thereof) and appreciate that you will never be more than a failure in my eyes.

On the other side of this flippest coin, if I leave a generous and positive comment on your work then you must understand that this is the online version of a knighthood. You have been awarded with the greatest title known to mankind: my love. Do not let my praise inflate your ego, however. You must remember that with great power comes great responsibility.

I hope you enjoy my work here on FANFICTION DOT NET. While on my profile, take advantage of the fact you have been gifted with the ability to bathe and bask in my literary greatness.

All that there is left to say is: Welcome, my dearest subjects and bogmen, to the breathtaking beauty that is my profile.