Ok, now that I've read through chapter 2, I'm confident enough to say this: Pick a damn style!

You seem to want to write in first person, with all of the comments being from Shirou's internal monologue. However, you often slip into using a second person style where the story refers to Shirou as he, and you sometimes break up the text with parentheses rather than incorporating that information into the dialogue.

I'm also not sure how you intent to write action in this style, as most of it reads like an internal monologue that genuinely gets draining after a while. I don't have any issue with what you've written so far, all of the plot, characters, and so on look fine so far, but the style makes it hard to read.

I don't have any real recommendations about what can be done about that second thought, so I'm just getting my thoughts out there.

Great chapter m8 and don't be mean to Chu, he has been through a lot.

Thanks for the chapter hope you update soon again

Interesting i want more!

Okay... I'm going to point this out though I feel I shouldn't have to. It is grammatically incorrect to switch back and forth between I and he/his, that kind of shift in pronoun should only occur when switching PoVs. Not in the same paragraph during an inner monologue of a single character.

The Characterization is supper off

modoyasu is the nicest of all the heroes he trusts too easily he trusts his teammates the only reason he is a villain is because of Myne but his trust is so blinding that he will believe everything his team says just look at Volume 6 Chapter Chapter Three: "Framed Again" THAT THE ANIME SKIPT :( and for the future The king is a genius he is known as the wize king he can make the best strategies and he won one of Melromarc wars the mention of his name can scare countries the reason he hates the shield hero because his family died to Siltvelt that worships the shield hero he cares a lot about his family and he eventually becomes redeemed over some events I will not spoil

the spear would not chouse modoyasu if he is like that

Pretty great keep it up

Thanks for update.
Great chapter anyway.
Sorry for last time. Wrong review

I, uh, feel like I should clarify something about the LUK stat? Ignore me if you like, tho.
You people know how E is the absolute best your normal, everyday person cas aspire to be, right? Right. Basically, against Berserker? Archer failed the LUK check.
Against anyone else of the human race? The luckiest bastard around would fail a LUK check against Archer half the time.
Besides which, the LUK stat not only determines good luck, but bad luck as well - that's why absolutely everyone with awesome LUK had bizarre shit happen to them all the time. Oh, they got out alright, for the most part. But they got into it anyway.
I... don't think I'm explaining myself very well... I guess I'll just-shut up. Sorry.

Looks well here