very nice job with this. I very much hope you'll come back to it. I find your characters to be solid, and your story line, intriguing... I do find Ichiru to be a bit of a puzzle...in pain, out of his mind, I still do not understand what would cause him to pull her into the alley... psychosis, maybe, but that was not very strongly indicated... so I'm not sure... with that kind of pain, I'd more picture him trying to remove the pain, with the blade, rather than pulling someone new in... and saying neither how she upset him, nor babbling how he thought she would be helpful. I expect you could make much more of that part, with a few more descriptive sentences. I hope, if you do come back to this, you'll continue his, and his fiancees story, as well.

I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think that you've got the hang of Kyoko's character. She's way too OOC here.
But the plot, the narration... pretty much everything else is written pretty well, in my opinion. I especially like the way that Satoshi is written. He seems like an interesting guy... A character worth exploring.
Please note that I don't mean any offense. Skip Beat! is special to me and I can't bear it if the characters are too OOC... A little can't be helped (since none of us are Yoshiki Nakamura) but too much annoys me... sort of breaks the flow you know... especially when the plot seems so interesting.

Kyoko is very much OOC in the first two chapters. She is not the type to throw a tantrum (to neither Sawara nor Kanae) about how she wants a particular/ specific type of role only... After all, her first perception of Mio was that she was an elegant rich young lady (an "ojou-sama" so to speak) based on which she built her version of Mio- the prideful Mio . . .
Sure, she would express her hope/ wish that it was the fairytale princess role but she isn't the kind of person to throw a tantrum if that's not the case. She would be dejected no doubt, but would take heart in the knowledge that at least the princess has a kind side. I dare say that her overactive imagination would even potray the princess as a victim of circumstances.
In fact the only real problem with the role that the IC (in-character) kyoko will have is having to act out romance scenes and having to do said romance scenes opposite Ren.

Woooowwsss! Don't takr too long to post the 8 chap! Is reaaaally cool the fic. I love it!

Cmon at least finish the tv series
PleZ TT TT

Update soon plz! :)

Hi, I hope you update soon pls! I really love tge plot as well as the storyline of the script

Kyaa~ I absolutley love your fanfic and I can't find any words to describe it because it was perfectly detailed in every way and as AWESOME as I could imagine! Great job! However, will Sho and Beagle appear? O.o Will Ren's past take place too/ Will his mother and father show up too? _ Your Fanfic is really great and AMAZING so please update soon! I'll stay tune for it!

Update please...

Cant wait for next chp.

:0 moko san is going to bond with the director :3 nice story :D hope you update soon!

Okay, i like where this chapter went. Characters were in character and Kyoko acted the fairy tales loving girl that she is. the only little problem I have is the fact that you mentioned this was your first fanfic. Hell, if I didn't see that, I would have thought this might have been your second or third. There's no need for you put in that this was your first fanfic. There's really no need. Like the chapter though.

OMG! I'm loving the suspense. I can't wait for the next chapter.

This story is immensely fascinating and I cannot wait to read more! Please update quickly!

omg omg i really love this! chapter 4 somehow tugged a string in my heart. the way you wrote it and how ren and kyoko interacted. kyaaaa~ please update real soon! this story has SOOOOOOOOO much potential! and ooooo loveline btw satoshi and kanae! yay! can't wait for you updates! 3

I love this story! PLEASE update soon? :D