Nice fanfic

luster for the win

This is a great story.

Boy, what an emotional roller-coaster this was. I didn't quite think it possible for you to top the utter chaos and brilliance that was Kill or Be Killed. But man, this just goes to show how much you've progressed as a writer between your first and second story.

Before I get into a deep analysis, I just want to say that I loved this story. It was beautiful, and a complete 360 from the story you told before. KOBK was a simple tale of destruction and corruption — a fine example of man vs man, above all else. The roles of each character were established early on, and didn't much change by the end. The villain(s) were vile and revolting, while the heroes were true underdogs. The characters were a little one-dimensional, but I honestly think they *needed* to be because of how disturbing and gory the material was.

I think the first obvious distinction is the fact that there really only was *one* villain we needed to worry about in KOBK. There were other immoral tributes like Liane and Katie, but it was clear that Max was the penultimate Big Bad of that story from as soon as he grabbed the pistol.

In this one, everything changed drastically, and in a very good way. The heroes took time to develop, and had weaknesses that set them apart from each other. There were multiple villains as opposed to one. But unlike before, you made us sympathize with every single one of them. Even the psychotic Cardinal, had a Freudian excuse to explain why he was so fucked up. Avalynn didn't enjoy hurting people, but she realized she had to in order to live — which she most definitely made clear in the beginning. (Though it didn't stop me from hating her guts...)

Astrid sort of developed some post-traumatic issues, which may have played a part in her unusual behavior patterns before her brutal demise. Melanthe's decisions could easily have been influenced by an onset of severe psychosis — though I suspect she was suffering from some Borderline personality issues, especially during the whole 'kill Luster' angle near the end. (There was some crazy-ex-girlfriend behavior going on there.)

Now, Elise? Yeah, I can't really explain that. She was just effed up.

I do still think, however, Max's evilness hasn't been topped quite yet. Cardinal was crazy, and sure, Darth Nystalgia was a cunning bitch, but Max...*shivers*

And btw, HELL YEAH WE GOT SOME ZOMBIE CATO. And zombie Max too — seeing him again brought back some disturbing memories.

I was really content with Luster as a Victor. I really connected with him personally. I'm basically him personality-wise, down to the minor-Aspergers thing. The consistence in his dialogue especially, where he didn't really say much and just kind of went along, was a great touch. I loved his journey. His struggles with self-doubt and morality were very realistic. Once everything spiraled out of control after the Reed incident, his story really captivated me.

The Careers weren't really the focal point of the Games until around the third act, and I think that helped balance the story out considerably. In this one, you humanized them and made them relatable. They weren't emotionless caricatures with blood-lust, but rather humanized teenagers who gave off this poignant impression of not knowing what the hell they were doing; trapped in a horror-show. They were very emotionally fragile, which I thought was great. No offense to Blaine and Archie, but they were a necessary wake-up call. Because tbh if they had lived any longer, it probably would have been KOBK all over again.

My favorite character, however, above everyone, was Vigil. He has so far been my favorite tribute in both of your stories. He was the hero I rooted for the entire time. His complexities and relationship with Helen was just beautiful. I really wished he could have gotten farther. Yeah, he didn't go through much, but his adventures with Helen honestly reminded me of a heartwarming novel. The guy was so selfless, he probably would have helped Natalya Nystalgia had he seen her. Rayann, for some reason, neglects to mention the guy at the end, despite the fact that he and Helen were the first people to rescue her. :P He was just awesome, and I feel like we never got to really see him put his detective-skills to use. The whole Ava fight and falling in a hole just felt ridiculous to me.

But man, the fact that he beat the ever-living shit out of Cardinal with a screwdriver will always stick in my mind. And plus, I kept picturing Nick Valentine from Fallout 4 in my head when Vigil came up and it raised his coolness factor.

I actually loved this arena better. It was original. The fountain, the trees, the tunnels, the house — the horror contrast was subtle but effective.

This story succeeded in making me smile and tear up. Micah's alliance dynamic was spectacular, and Tarren's death...Jesus Christ, that was hard to read.

And also, you've effectively made it IMPOSSIBLE to like anyone in the Capitol. Seriously, fuck them all. The stylists, the President and his daughter, Nadia too. Burn them all with napalm. Something tells me that the pay-off isn't going to be fulfilling or easy. *sigh*

Toxic, why you gotta go and be like George R.R. Martin? ;(

Unlike KOBK, there is literally nothing wrong with this story, plot-wise. It was fantastic. And now, I'm off to power read and review COBC. God knows if my character will get in, but I at least want to immerse myself in this series. So far, I've really enjoyed it.

Wonderful.
I spent so much time determined to finish every single chapter and I did just that.
So worth it!

I would be an epic dude from district four and be a boss at the bloodbath!

Micah!

Yes, my arm, fingers and toe. It's very painful.

Luster and Micah ;) please!

Well...

So I vanished off the face of the earth in terms of reviewing. School work and stuff. I always saw you update in my inbox, but I was always busy and never got the chance to really read. Well, here you are: the story is finished and you started the next in the series.

Damn! I missed a crap-load! :(

So, my original intent was to read it all and then review at the end with my overall feelings of the story, but I feel I'll stop here and give a review here to discuss my opinions about Cardinal Volke.

We created a monster, you and I.

When I handed you the tribute form for Cardinal, I made sure I gave you someone I knew you could work with: something original and villainous. Cardinal was born and then you gave him life in your story. And what a life you gave him!

All of Cardinal's point of views were SO well written. His thought process was depicted perfectly! His hated for mankind and everything, his ambitions, his cynicism, his hunter-like demeanor, everything was PERFECT! I was in love as I was reading the story! I had an idea what route you were taking him down to..

...and then you had him rape Tarren...

Nowhere in my mind did I honestly think Cardinal would go that far when I gave you his character form. But there he was, this perfectly depicted serial killer that I gave you, scarring Tarren. I honestly had to leave the computer and then come back a little bit later when I calmed down.

I, the creator, was rooting against Cardinal. I was wanting him to die. And then, here he is, dead. And what a death! Exactly how I would've wanted him to die!

...

I applaud you. I applaud you so damn much. I don't think I have the nerve to write what you did. I could never have any of my characters in any of my stories do what Cardinal did to Tarren. And then he was in character while he was doing it! My god...Cardinal was so well-written. He was so scary and such a good villain that he even turned me into a hater.

I'm in love with this story and your writing. Your work with Cardinal was so well-done. Thank you for accepting him and doing so much with him! I was reading reviews (meaning I spoiled myself the winner...fail on my part, but I'll act surprised at the end XD) and I noticed how scared, terrified, and angry readers were with Cardinal. And that makes me so happy. Cardinal was the perfect villain for the first 2/3rds of your story and you did such a good job with him. You went above and beyond what I gave you. So, you are amazing and a great author. Congratulations :)

I'll leave you another long review sometime tomorrow at the end of the story, summing up my overall feelings of your story. But I just had to say that about Cardinal and I felt here, at his death, was the perfect place for it. Thank you so much taking him and making such a vivid, scary creature out of the form I gave you! You are so talented and I can't wait to read what else you have written! As a matter-of-fact...-

continues to chapter 41- :)

Well, if it isn't too late, I'd love to edit it! :D

But, yeah, I totally get it if I'm too late or my writings stinks too much.

And my account is actually hammierox, so you can contact me that way. :)

Anyways, I knew Rayann would stay alive.

I mean, what kind of author would you be without a consistent character for readers to root for? Right?

Anyways, looking forward to a Luster/Rayann friendship.

To be honest, I've actually grown so close to the other tributes that are now dead...

SO much that it's kinda hard to think of a new batch of tributes...

Better not get attached.

Hold on a sec- I thought Luster DIDN'T die. (Sorry, there are no italics, so I have to capitalize them)

In the reviews- i...it said that he won... :(

Ok, I just hope Abe wins...

Melanthe, I'm sorry.

It's too bad you have to right Hunger Games stuff. Why not try something happier- I dunno, Harry Potter? Ahh, whatever. I guess Harry Potter fanfiction wouldn't give the same sense of feelings- that kind of relief that you're alive. Maybe killing is just you're specialty.

I wanted Helen or Vigil to win. : (
Either they would be the last two, and Vigil would kill himself because he loved Helen,
OR
Helen would sacrifice herself for Vigil with a few tributes left, and in a rage, he would kill them all.
Or they could both win, like Katniss and Peeta did.

Okay what killed her? And why? She wasn't doing anything... was that the problem? Meh. Now I'm sad because you killed her. : (

Helen and Vigil are like Peeta and Katniss... except less kissing. One of them has to win. Or both. The others can die, that's actually fine with me.