Random Rizzles Phonecalls
Red Sucks, Orifices and Lazy Suspects
Summary: Every story about cellphones needs at least one chapter on autocorrect mistakes. (What do you mean it doesn't? It totally does!)
Rating: T for swearing
Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli & Isles of the 2014 movie "Pride".
M: Jane, are you still up?
J: I am, but why r u texting me? Thought u had a date 2nite?
M: Albert cancelled it. He had to fill in for a fellow OB/GYN who fell down a flight of stairs and broke his leg.
J: *scoffs* What kinda name is Albert, anyway? & why would u date a guy who pokes around women's private parts 4 a living?
M: Because he's intelligent, well-mannered and quite handsome. What are you doing right now?
J: Just watching a recorded Red Sex game on tv
M: What exactly is Red Sex? Sleeping with a woman who's on her period?
J: OMG no! Eww!
I meant Red Sax, stupid autocorrect
M: I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term either.
J: Red Six
Sucks
Red SOX goddamnit! A baseball game!
M: That's nice. :-) For the record, there's nothing wrong with having sex while menstruating, as long as you do it safely.
J: Oh no Dr Isles, we're not having this conversation.
M: Jane.
J: Go away, I'm asleep
M: No you're not.
J: Smartass ;) I'm really tired tho.
M: Are you still coming over for breakfast tomorrow at nine?
J: U betcha ;) Nite Maura
M: Goodnight Jane :-)
The next morning, I have my windscreen wipers moving at full speed, but still don't see much of the world outside my car. By some miracle I make it to Maura's house without incident, park my car in the driveway and sprint up to the front door so I won't get completely drenched.
Since the rain still hasn't let up after breakfast, we decide to stay inside for the time being and watch a movie. Being the scientist she is, Maura mostly owns historical and medical documentaries, none of which sound appealing to me right after eating a meal. Instead, a bright yellow DVD case catches my eye. "How about that one? I mean, unless you've watched it already and it was so awful you never wanna see it again."
"I've seen it before, but it wasn't awful at all. In fact I'd love to watch it again," Maura explains with a bright smile.
"Alright then." I pop the DVD into the recorder and settle down on the couch next to Maura.
We're less than 20 minutes into the movie when I have to reach for the remote and pause it. "Can we please turn on the subtitles? I'm not sure what language this is, but I didn't understand a single word of it."
To my chargrin, Maura looks like she's trying not to burst out laughing. "Actually they're speaking English, with a London or Welsh accent depending on the character."
"Really? Well that explains why it said 'London' on the screen a few minutes ago, but who are the Welsh people?"
"Coal miners and their wives. The movie is set in the UK during the great miners' strike in the mid-1980ies."
"Okay, and what does a bunch of gay kids from London have to do with those miners?"
Maura looks at me from the side. "I thought you didn't understand a single word from the movie?"
"I could still read what was written on their Pride Parade posters," I shoot back.
"Touché. Well, these 'gay kids' are trying to raise money to support the striking miners and their families, and a mining village in Wales has just agreed to take that money. Several other villages refused it because they didn't want to be associated with a group of gays and lesbians."
"That doesn't seem like a believable story to me..."
"It is, though - the Lesbians and Gays support the Miners group, or LGSM for short, actually existed. Can we watch the rest of the movie now? Even though there are no English subtitles available for the English audio version?"
"Ha ha."
Two hours later, I'm sitting at my desk at work dressed in a BPD t-shirt and some sweatpants I found in my locker - my suit and button-down shirt currently drying in the women's washroom after I slipped on the wet ground outside and landed in a puddle. Korsak and I still got the perp though, which wasn't easy because he was high as a kite and probably would've kept running from us till he literally fell down dead. We tried to interrogate him, but a few minutes in, his withdrawal symptoms were getting so bad we had to call an ambulance. With our newest perp safely handcuffed to a hospital bed and nothing else to do for the moment, I decide to text my best friend.
J: Hey, u busy right now?
M: Not really, just tidying up my orifice
J: What? O.O
M: Sorry, I forgot to turn off the autocorrect function on my phone. I wanted to write "I'm tidying up my OFFICE!" What does O.O mean?
J: It means, my eyes r wide as saucers from surprise. Doctor Maura Isles made an autocorrect mistake? Really?
M: Yes, really. Did you and Sergeant Corsage get anything useful out of your laziest suspect before he had to be taken to the hospital?
J: hahahahahahahaha :D :D
M: What's so funny about that?
J: Read ur last message again :D
There's no reply for several minutes, so I decide to do what I do best and investigate a little.
J: Maura? U still there?
M: Please just tell me you didn't show my message to Sergeant KORSAK.
J: I didn't show ur message 2 Sergeant KORSAK ;)
M: Thank you, I'm so relieved to hear that. You'll be pleased to know that I managed to deactivate the autocorrect function.
J: Good for you :)
By the way, how does that movie we watched today end?
M: Do you really want to know? We could watch the rest of it some other time - maybe next weekend? I've got Friday to Sunday off and you're not on call that weekend, if I remember correctly.
J: U do, it's a date :)
Sorry, gotta go, Frankie found some information on our perp's bank account
M: Well in that case I won't keep you from working. See you later maybe?
J: Definitely, I'll always make time 4 u Doc :)
A/N
Go watch the movie "Pride" if you haven't already. As explained in this oneshot, it's based on a true story, meaning it does teach you a few things about historical events :) However it also has a great soundtrack, some hilariously funny scenes, and conveys a message that I think it still really important today, even though the movie is set in the 1980ies.
I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read and/or review my little phone-themed oneshots :) This story is now complete, but I'm planning to add several more chapters to the M-rated Random Rizzles Phonecalls fic. There might also be a new story in store - more info will be posted on my profile.