The Reluctant Burglar

Chicago, 2137

'Where should I go on vacation?' Elmyra asked Anne. 'I really need to get away from here and relax. Work has been terrible lately.' Elmyra was an air traffic controller for ChicagoMetroPlex and the latest crop of drones had seemed to triple the workload. 'Some place calm, peaceful, no stress. You know. Dull. I want dull.'

Anne thought for a minute. 'How about one of those book transition things? You should be able to find something peaceful there.'

'Book transition? Never heard of it'. Elmyra tried to keep up with the latest fads, but things changed so fast any more that she often found herself behind the times.

'They came up with it just a few years ago. Some crazy techie figured out a way to open a portal into a book and digitize the reader into the story. I don't know that much about it, but a few friends have tried it and loved it. You see the shops on the street all the time. How did you miss them? You love Tolkien and "Tolkien Fantasy Adventures, LLC" are all over the place.' Sometimes Elmyra's ability to ignore the world amazed Anne.

'You know me, head in the clouds. I think I have seen some of those shops now that you mention it. I just thought that they were some new gaming venue. I get enough excitement at work; I don't need to pay for it on my down time.' Elmyra loved ATC, but it was time for a rest. 'Can you choose lazy parts of books? Tolkien can be kind of intense sometimes. I don't need to be fighting and slashing goblins. I would hate that.'

'You have to talk to the shop folks but I'm sure you could find something quiet. How about Rivendell or the Shire? Nothing much ever happened in those parts.'

Elmyra pursed her lips in thought. 'Did you know it's the bicentennial of "The Hobbit"? Maybe I could spend some time there. '

Anne was always amazed at the trivia Elmyra retained. 'No I did not know that. Sounds like you would fit right into that world. You certainly know enough about it!'

…

Before work the next day, Elmyra looked up the nearest location of "Tolkien Fantasy Adventures, LLC" on her palm implant guide. There was one just a few blocks over. When she walked in the door, she felt right at home. The walls were displaying scenes of Rivendell. Holographs of characters roamed the store. A large group of excited teens was clustered in one corner around a console apparently finalizing a trip.

Elmyra wandered the room and watched as the screens shifted their focus to the Shire. Hobbiton and Bag End flowed around her. This looked like just what she needed. It was green and sunny. Very few people were around. A few cows grazed in the distance and a path wound down a leafy lane.

'May I help you?' said a voice from behind her.

'I certainly hope so,' she said as she turned.

A man stood before her, smiling. 'I'm sorry for the delay. That was a high school group getting ready for a big graduation trip. They are all very excited. My name is Borys,' he said, extending his hand.

Elmyra shook his hand. 'Elmyra. I have no idea what you people do, but I have heard just enough to be interested. What's this all about?' she said, waving her hands at the walls now showing a vast battle scene. NOT what she wanted for sure.

Borys said, 'I take it you are a complete Newby to Book Transitions? Should I start at the beginning?'

'You don't have to break it down completely. I have a general idea. I choose a book, you wave a magic wand and I get to experience whatever part I want to?' She wasn't in the mood for a big technical discussion.

Borys laughed. 'That's it in a nutshell although I have no magic wand. It's really not much more complicated on the surface. Let me give you the basics. Feel free to stop me if I get lost in the details.' He proceeded to tell her what Anne had said about being able to open a book and send people into it. 'It is a well tested, positive vacation opportunity. You can make it as challenging or as sedate as desired. What were you interested in?'

'I want sedate, calm and peaceful. I absolutely do not want adventure. I need a good week of peace and quiet.' She paused, 'Are there going to be hoards of other outsiders roaming around? I mean, if say those high school kids wanted to do the same part of the book, would we keep tripping over each other?' Elmyra was not a fan of crowds.

'Absolutely not.' Borys assured her. 'Each person or group opens their own storyline. There is never any over lapping. Your story is your story. It sounds like you would enjoy "Hobbit Holiday". He led her over to the console and tapped the screen. 'In "HH", you spend the week in the carefree countryside around Bywater in Hobbiton. You can interact as much or as little with the residents. They are all very friendly, but also respect your privacy. It is very easy to avoid interactions. If you proceed very quietly you are all but invisible. The characters act unaware of your presence. At the end of the week, you watch as Gandalf and the dwarves arrive at Bag End, have the fun dinner that ensues and see how Bilbo is convinced to leave his comfortable hole and hit the road with Thorin and Company.'

As he talked, tantalizing images flashed across the screen much like what she had seen on the walls. 'Everything is provided? Food, housing, etc?' Elmyra got right down to business.

'A package includes everything you might need except for personal necessities. We can include those, but it is an additional fee. When you sign up for your book, we will decide where you stay and what things you might like to do. You aren't obligated to stick to any plan however. If you don't feel like going on a hike one day, but you want to ride a pony the next, there is all sorts of flexibility built in. The Device,' he reached under a counter and pulled out a flimsy sheet, 'allows you to make changes when or if needed. It will tell you if there are any additional charges associated with it and you have every right to decline them.' He stroked the flimsy and it hardened into a touch pad.

Elmyra watched as he scrolled down a long list of activities including things like 'Market Day', 'Lunch in Rivendell', 'Bobbing in Barrels' and 'Mayhem'. 'Wow, some of those sound kind of intense. I'll stick with the easy stuff if you don't mind. How safe is all of this? Has anyone ever been hurt or killed?'

'There have been injuries, of course, but usually it is because someone got careless or disobeyed the rules. The Device has safety settings,' once again he scrolled down to show various levels. 'Not a Scratch', 'Taking some Risks', and 'Watch Out!' were a few that she could catch as they streamed by. 'Once again, it is up to you how you want your journey to run. If you want us to allow the riskier settings in your Device, you have to sign all sorts of waivers and go through extra training. It sounds like I don't even need to mention that to you however.' He smiled at her, thinking her to be one of the 'chicken ladies' that walked in all too often. They never fully appreciated what TFA could offer.

'You are correct about that!' stated Elmyra. 'I like the sound of 'Not a Scratch'. I want to do that "Hobbit Holiday". It sounds perfect. The last thing I want is 'Mayhem', she laughed.

They spent the next half hour setting up her experience and going over the necessary forms and legal items. Borys assured her, 'For you, this is all a formality. I won't even make you imprint the releases for misadventure. Nothing ever happens in Hobbiton. You might break a bone or something, but that is covered under the general release. If you were going any further, there would be more to do. Things heat up pretty quickly after the Company sets out. I do need your thumbprint on this non-interference clause. It states you will not make any attempt to change the storyline or its conclusion.'

'Could I actually do that? Mess up the story, I mean?' She was surprised anyone would want to change such a classic tale.

'It would be pretty hard. No one has done it yet, so this is just a precaution and it acts as a discouragement. Yours covers anything that happens during a week in Hobbiton. Just put your print here.' He held out the Device. Elmyra read over the legalese. 'What does happen if something goes wrong? Do I have to wait out the week for rescue?'

Borys turned the Device to her again. 'Good of you to mention that; I almost forgot. See here,' he pointed to the screen where a large red ABORT button had appeared. 'If you are injured or need rescue for any reason, you just press this button. Your trip will terminate immediately and you will return to your starting point in this world. Please do not do this lightly. There are very bad side effects for an awake return. It won't kill you, but you will wish you were dead.' He laughed at the look on her face. 'In all my time with TFA, no one has ever used the ABORT button. They usually get any necessary treatment and wait out until the HOME button activates. He scrolled a little further down. RESCUE now appeared. 'If you are truly in a life threatening situation, you can press this. Be warned however, that if we come to retrieve you, there will be charges to cover costs. They can be very large. I highly discourage even thinking about it.

Elmyra listened to his words carefully, reread the legal disclaimer and pressed her thumb to the screen.

'Now,' said Borys, 'you are all set for a week in Hobbiton around the last of June. The specific dates are up to you. The night before you want to start your adventure, you press the 'Start' button on the Device and go to sleep as usual. When you wake in the morning, you will be at Miss Primula's Bed and Breakfast ready to start your time in the Shire. We have you down for an extension to the South Farthing by pony cart for the pipe weed tour. After your week is over, the 'Home' button will light. Sometime in the twelve hours after that happens you will need to go to sleep. I cannot emphasize this enough! If you are not asleep, you will still Transition and it will not be pleasant. A few young idiots thought they could gain extra time by not sleeping. Instead they ended up with the nastiest migraine and nausea you can imagine. We will give you sleeping pills in case you need help when the time comes. Any more questions?' He smiled helpfully.

Elmyra thought for a minute. 'Just to clarify, my actual body goes back and the time lapse is equal. I'm not tucked up in my bed at home and then back in five minutes, right?' She was still trying to make sure she had all right information.

'Correct,' Borys replied. 'Your body and one small bag are transitioned and the time lapse is equal to the real world. A week in the Shire equals a week in real life.' He hesitated a moment and then said, 'About the bag. Each participant receives a standard issue canvas tote, but I was wondering if you might be interested in an upgrade?' He reached under the counter and pulled out two bags. One was a rather ugly canvas tote often seen in places of exercise, the other a handsome leather backpack. 'It's on sale….'

Elmyra's eyes lit up when she saw the leather one. 'Oh, I like that! How much does it cost?' Borys named a rather large number of bits, sale or no.

'But believe me, it is well worth it. You can use it for your daily hikes, and it will make a very nice souvenir upon your return,' he urged.

Elmyra took the pack in her hand and stroked the soft leather. 'Does it come with anything?'

Borys sensing a customer on the edge said, 'For you Elmyra, it comes with a set of extra sleeping pills, a week's worth of emergency food rations, the entire literary works of Tolkien loaded onto your Device and the Orc Repellent Spray. Obviously the last is of no use for you, but perhaps you could sell or give it to another client. There are also a few little items too numerous to mention that I will allow you to discover on your journey. I think you would find the 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version' very useful.' He smiled the universal smile of salesmen everywhere to encourage her to bite.

She considered his words. It really wasn't the money. It was her vacation after all and it was a useful item…. She bit, 'Sold!' she cried, hugging the bag to her chest.

…

Elmyra wasn't done shopping with the bag purchase. The next day she went to her favorite travel shop and purchased an entire set of EverCleanClothes. She had used them on vacations before and found them worth their weight in gold. They never needed washing. Any stain simply fell off before it could damage the cloth and if something did manage to stick, it could be shaken out. She discovered that the newest version would even change color depending on how the fasteners were closed! It was covered with handy pockets to hold her Device and anything else she could think of tucking away. An outer tunic gave her more of a "hobbit" look than just the form fitting base outfit would, so with that and a new pair of sturdy boots, she was ready for her relaxing "Hobbit Holiday".

…

The big night arrived. Elmyra sent off a quick palm note to her nephew, Algernon, giving him the details of her itinerary and then she got ready for bed. She had packed as many toiletries as her bag would hold, put on her EverCleanClothes, rolled up her Device and tucked it into her safest pocket. Borys had told her to protect it like it was the Arkenstone. When she was tucked in, she took one of the handy sleeping pills, pushed the big green 'Start' button and fell soundly asleep.

Thoughts and reviews will be much appreciated. I realize the technology end is a bit thin, but given the pace of change these days, anything is possible!