Disclaimer: I don't own anything; we all owe the awesome Black Magicion Trilogy to T. Canavan of course. I'm just messing around with her characters.

A/N: I just love this setting, this safe and snug secrecy. And yeah, I know that lots of fics with exactly this starting point are around already, but I have a few new ideas. And it's simply irresistible! Just think of it…. It was difficult enough for our two black magicians to find each other and admit their love while out in exile, so how much harder – and more dramatic, and heartbreakingly beautiful! – must it be for them when they remain in the Guild? Held back by taboos of class difference, age difference, the strict rules and curious eyes of the Guild, the fear of scandal and discovery …and of course the wonderful fact that Akkarin is High Lord and Sonea's guardian, so incredibly far out of her reach…
Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

SONEA

When they returned to the Residence that night, Sonea insisted on giving Akkarin the power she had drained from the Ichani. It was not that much, about half as much as her full power, but she wanted to get rid of it. It felt horribly wrong to have a dead stranger's magic within her body. In the gloomy half-light of the underground room, she looked at him. He nodded. As Akkarin took her hands and Sonea gratefully let the power flow out, she felt a well-known lightness in her head and chest, a familiar sensation that accompanied the loss of power. It was the feeling she always had when she gave Akkarin her power. She had never thought about it much, but this night she felt it even stronger, like a pull that drew her to him. It was not unpleasant, she rather felt as if she were floating. After she had drained the extra power, she continued to give him her own – or what was left of it. Akkarin narrowed his eyes, but he did not stop her. After his fight against the Ichani, he had to be nearly out of power right now. With a cold shiver, Sonea realised how vulnerable he was – no, they both were at the moment. She gave him everything she had left, then stumbled to bed.

That night, Sonea suffered from terrible nightmares. She saw herself, a knife in hand, wandering through the slums of Imardin, leaving a trail of corpses behind her. They were staring at her out of dead eyes. And the big, white eye in the sky was open, seeing and accusing. When Sonea awoke, she was drenched in sweat.
Maybe I wasn't ready for this. How does he cope with it? With being a murderer? She shook her head, trying to calm down. It was too late now, remorse would not help. The Ichani would have killed her without a second thought. It was in self-defence and in defence of Imardin that she had killed. But that doesn't make it feel any better. She remembered Akkarin's words. It should not be pleasant.
"It feels horrible, so I guess this is good." She weakly rolled her eyes at the absurdity of her own words. Afterwards she tried to sleep again, but the nightmares came back and after the third time she gave up, got dressed and read her books until dawn came. Only when she was in the bath house she finally started to relax. Despite her exhaustion, she welcomed a day full of classes and work. She needed a bit of normal life.

It was strange, being around the other novices that day. Their normal chatting was soothing, yet it felt alien to her. But they treated her as usual, although she caught a few curious looks at her, probably because she looked so tired. Seno, the boy she had turned down only a few weeks ago, even asked her if she was alright. Sonea reassured him and took great care to be her usual self from then. When she returned to the High Lord's Residence in the evening, she was so tired that she felt like falling asleep on the doorsteps. Despite that, she refused to use healing magic to wave off her exhaustion. She could feel her magical powers regenerating fast, but opened the door without magic as well, determined not to waste a single spark of it anymore from now on. Akkarin had to regain as much power as possible before the next spy, or Ichani, would attack. Sonea did not know how much time they had. She had realised only in the past night how dangerous the threat from Sachaka really was.

As she entered the Residence, she found the High Lord waiting for her in the foyer, only a shadow in his dark robes.
"Good evening, Sonea. How are you?" There was a hint of worry in his voice she had never heard before. Or was she imagining things now?
"I am well, thank you." She hesitated and, after taking a closer look at him, added: "How are you, High Lord?" For a second, he was clearly surprised. Then she saw him smile with just a tinge of amusement.
"I am well enough, Sonea." He did not seem to mind her question, though.
"Come. I have had Takan prepare us dinner", he said and reached down to take her book case.
"Again?", Sonea asked in surprise. It was not their usual day for dinner.
"I think we both can use some energy", he replied evenly.

"How was your day, Sonea?" He started their conversation with the usual question, but she noted that he had not specifically asked about her classes. So maybe this is not only about my subjects.
"I feel tired", she admitted. "But I could follow the classes well enough." At least I hope so.
"I am glad to hear it. I was actually prepared to tell your teachers you would be sick today. I thought you might need more time to … recover." He spoke matter-of-factly, it was not meant as a threat or an insult. Still, she was surprised about his liberality. He would never allow her to skip classes if there was no serious reason behind. Sonea also realised that she had at some point stopped to feel threatened by him, while only months ago she had been terrified by every word he spoke. Curiously, she lifted her head and watched him for a moment, while Takan served them a simple but exquisite meal of softly roasted enka sirloin stuffed with fruit and nuts. In contrast to her, Akkarin did not look tired. He seemed very much his authoritative self. Also, his movements and posture did not betray his loss of magical power in any way and his gaze was as sharp as ever. Sonea could not help but feel impressed at this display of full control. He was not the Guild's High Lord for no reason. His expression was calm, but she noted that it lacked the cold distance she had been used to. When he met her gaze, she even imagined to find a certain warmth in his eyes. She decided to focus on her food. The exhaustion obviously played tricks with her mind.

"How do you feel about the events from last night?" he asked after they had been talking listlessly about classes for a while. Sonea realised that he must have arranged this dinner in order to talk about this topic. Clearly, classes did not matter much right now.
"I… umm, I guess I feel conflicted, High Lord", she replied hesitantly. She should have prepared herself for this conversation. "I feel guilty, but I am also glad." Which was stupid, as she well knew. She fell silent, avoiding his eyes and trying to collect her thoughts. She felt very much like a young novice right now.
"That is understandable", he replied. "What I need to know is if you are prepared to go on. Are you able to continue helping me?" He leaned forward. "Are you prepared to do again what you did last night, if you have to? – Though I will do all that is in my power to prevent that from happening, I promise you", he added wryly.
"Of course!" Sonea looked at him with wide eyes. "There is no question… I would never back out now! Never. I knew what it meant when you taught me black magic." She was suddenly relieved. So that was what this was all about.
"Very well." He sounded satisfied. "Then we will continue your lesson about blood stones tomorrow evening, I think." He eyed her critically for a moment, before nodding. "You need a good night's sleep." Sonea could not disagree. His gaze lingered on her for a moment and she saw a flicker of something else in his eyes, something kind and… knowing. Sonea looked away quickly and felt heat in her cheeks. So he knew about her nightmares.
Is there anything he doesn't know?
"You may go", he said almost softly.
"Thank you, High Lord." She rose, then stopped. "But you should take my power first."
He looked as if he wanted to disagree, but then he rose from his chair. As he rounded the table, she held out her hands. His touch was cool, but not unpleasant. Then, with the flow of power, the feeling of lightness came over Sonea again. She secretly relished in the sensation, allowing herself to float in it. She felt her eyes close with a flutter, but did not fight it. It was far too pleasant to just allow her power to flow out of her, to give herself up. The contact of their hands somehow suddenly felt new and strange to her. After a while, she sought for rests of magic within her, but felt that she was nearly completely drained. As the flow stopped, she momentarily felt something like disappointment, which she quickly chased away.
"You are giving me too much", Akkarin said with a note of discontent. Sonea just shrugged. Then she had to steady herself with one hand against the wall in order not to fall. Her legs felt like jelly.
"Oops", she mumbled. She blinked and from the corner of her eye, she saw that he half smiled at her despite his strict words. A firm hand grasped her arm and helped her to the door.
"Good night, Sonea."
"Good night, High Lord."

AKKARIN

His eyes followed his novice as she stumbled out of the room. Akkarin half expected her to fall asleep out there on the carpet, but after a few seconds he could hear the door to her room close with an audible click.
He went to the library when Takan came to clear the table, but stood before his bookshelves lost in thought. It seemed that whenever he could cross something from his mental lists of worries, another problem appeared. And when had this list grown so long? He could not remember.
At least he did not need to worry about Sonea's support. I knew her power, but she is strong in more than one way. Her conviction and mental strength seemed just as striking as her magical power. She obviously had not even considered backing out. How have I earned such loyalty? He could answer this question easily. Her loyalty is to Kyralia. Which was remarkable still, considering her background, but he had noticed that long ago. If only the offspring of the Houses had a bit more of what Sonea has…
His eyes narrowed. He would need to make sure that she did not exhaust herself too much. The next evening he would have to stop her. Which might turn out to be more difficult than he wanted to admit. Receiving magical power from Sonea had proven to be exquisitely different from taking Takan's power.