A-Rank mission, that was the first thing the Hokage told them, the second thing she said – with something that looked an awful lot like a suppressed smirk, was, "Well, you'll have to pretend you're gay."

It was a strange sort of twist in a conversation that had lasted all of fifteen seconds, Kakashi thought.

"What?" he asked.

Gai didn't show as much restraint. "Hokage-sama!?"

"You heard right." Slowly and deliberately, Tsunade unrolled the mission scroll in front of her. "Don't look at me like that. This isn't the first time you've had to deal with… eccentrics, is it? Tsukeyaki's just a special type. Hates women, thinks they're disgusting and inferior and who knows what else… not that that's all that special, now that I think about it." She sighed.

"Anyway, he doesn't even want to be around men who have sex with women. Maybe he's afraid he'll catch heterosexuality if a straight man sneezes on him." There was a smirk on her lips now, laying in wait. "It's ridiculous. The man is a complete moron, but he's rich and powerful, so people humor him."

Kakashi could already see how the pieces fit together. He didn't like the picture one bit. Next to him Gai shifted uncomfortably.

"Thankfully, he's decided that his huge estate is some kind of refuge for male homosexuals with nowhere else to go."

"I see." Kakashi figured he had to carry the conversation for both of them as Gai made no sound. "But for information gathering purposes, wouldn't it be better for someone to go in alone and seduce Tsukeyaki?"

That got him a look from Gai, furrowed eyebrows and everything. It's not like I'm volunteering, he wanted to say. Tsunade, however, was already waving her hand in dismissal of his idea.

"We're not looking to get information from him. The man is clueless. He's got no idea what's going on right under his own nose. You think there weren't a million criminals just waiting for some naïve idiot to open his house to them? It's become a place for secret weapon and drug trade and who knows what else."

"So we might not be the only ones pretending…"

"Maybe." Tsunade shrugged. "Either way I need you to find out what's going on up there."

Kakashi slipped the mission scroll into his vest pocket and started walking back to his apartment, his thoughts already preoccupied with a list of things he'd need to pack. Gai was walking right next to him, hands buried in pockets Kakashi hadn't even known the spandex suit had, unusually quiet.

That was until he suddenly burst out like a predictable ancient geyser, "You know, Rival, we could just sneak in undetected. Then we wouldn't have to pretend anything! It would be a great challenge!"

Kakashi sighed. "It would also be stupid because if we got caught, we'd immediately have a fight on our hands."

"So? We can handle a fight!"

He glanced over at and Gai and practically recoiled from the fire in his friend's shining eyes. Why did he always have to be the voice of reason? "Sure. We can. But there'll be civilians there – most of whom'll be innocent bystanders – in a relatively small, enclosed area; you're really willing to risk their lives when there's a much safer way?"

"…" That took care of the fire, like a well-aimed bucket of water.

Gai was pouting a little, marching on in silence until they entered their building.

"See you tomorrow!" With that and a tired half-wave, Kakashi began jogging up the stairs to his apartment, glad to be rid of Gai for the night at least.

After all, they'd probably see enough of each other in the coming weeks to last them a lifetime.

A.N.: So not sure about this, probably already dead in the water. But it's short. Maybe I'll manage short updates. RL is exhausting and terrible at the moment.