Chapter 146
Clang! Cling-clang! Clang!...clang!...clash!...Cling-khing-clang-kting-ktang!
The clashes and clangs of sword against sword echoed off the old stone walls as mentor and student swung and parried around the room. The former took smooth offense, advancing without hurry, yet moving so swiftly it shocked the eye, the latter parrying and dodging in swift defense as she countered the other's attacks. Faster, faster...her eyes could scarcely send the signals to her body fast enough for her to reciprocate as her arms hastily moved the weapon to meet that of her opponent. She moved without thinking, her body reacting faster than her mind, her blade deflecting, swinging, swiping...caught up in the thrill of the moment, she jumped in toward him, thrusting quickly, as her opponent simultaneously moved to the side and brought his sword down, aiming for her exposed shoulder. She jumped away in barely enough time to avoid it, her eye seeing the fleeting opening his own move had left and swiping at his side as swiftly as her body would allow. The perceived opening disappeared the instant she went for it and she realized she had fallen for his trap. A split second later his sword struck against her own with just enough strength and opposing angle to throw her blade sideways and leave herself exposed. Spinning with the velocity rather than fighting against it, she whipped around just in time to block the blade that would have struck her unprotected back, before her opponent shoved his blade roughly against her own. It would have thrown her to the floor, but she was balanced and lightly sprang backwards, temporarily out of her opponent's range, but he was closing fast...
Having no chance for any sort of respite (and determined not to ask for one this time, as she had so many others before), she took a deeply needed breath of air as she continued backing away at a swift pace, her opponent's shadow falling over her even as she did so. A flash of metal glinted in the torchlight as the other swung, and she skipped back out of reach again, rather than trying to cross her blade with his. Her weapon was very heavy and almost too large for her, and it took all her upper body strength to maneuver it with any efficiency. In truth, she felt she was trying to spar with a wagon tongue, and she was exhausted. The broadsword her opponent wielded, despite being designed for a two-handed grip as her own was, he only operated with one hand, something she both admired and silently envied.
The idea of ever actually winning never once crossed her mind. She knew it was impossible. He was too strong, too swift, too cunning, and far, far too experienced. He had more of all four than any group of men alive or dead, but beneath her tangled, sweat-dampened locks that fell over her face she watched his every move, mind racing to find some manner of at least ending this practice session without ending up flat on her back, the position she had assumed the past four times previous and was in no hurry to return to.
The Horned King rumbled deeply in his chest, partially amused, partially stern. "You can't keep backing around the room, child," he said even as he continued his relentless approach. "You must engage and-"
His sentence was cut off in the flurry that followed. His blade lightly whisked by the stone floor, scarcely an inch from where her feet had been only a moment previous. While his blade was still in motion, Avalina sprang backwards and sideways in a single movement, simultaneously bringing her own weapon down, striking his sword with as much strength as she could muster as it passed by.
Neither the Horned King or his weapon moved any farther away from her, but she saw the faintest look of surprise flicker through his eyes, before it was gone and he grabbed for her with his free hand. Avalina yelped in surprise and jumped away, but the distraction proved effective. With lightning speed his blade came in from the other side and struck her own, throwing her backwards. She barely recovered and brought her weapon up in time to block another, but the force of it sent her reeling even further away, and he was on her the instant she raised her sword. Each fierce strike sent her stumbling farther backwards, and she couldn't keep up with him. He was moving too fast...
The next strike sent her staggering back into the corner of the old stone wall, effectively trapping her as her opponent closed in, sealing off any possible escape. Her arms felt numb and lifeless, but she clung stubbornly to the sword, refusing to let go of it, and threw it up to protect herself as her opponent's blade came down. The weapons met, the weight of her opponent pressing the blades in toward her in a cross-section, neatly trapping her between the blades and the stone walls. Only a few scarce inches remained between the weapons and herself.
"Yield," the lich commanded. His voice was monotonic as ever to those who did not know him, but Avalina knew it was time to end it. Panting, she released her sword, allowing him to take it as she sank back against the wall, exhausted.
"You worked strongly this time, and longer," the Horned King told her as he moved back a step, handing the swords off to an Invisible, who in turn took them away. "But, while your coordination lacks little, your speed leaves something to be desired."
"I know," Avalina panted, lowering her gaze to the floor. She wiped her dripping face on her sleeves. "I'll...work on it."
"Nonetheless, you did well." His tone indicated he was pleased with her.
"Thank you," Avalina answered, shoving her hair back. He only complimented her if she had improved from last time, and the warmth that bubbled inside her at his words split her mouth in a grin. "At least I didn't end up on the floor...again."
"I believe you have become rather well acquainted with it as of late, yes," the lich replied, his eyes flickering dimly in amusement, and she panted a laugh, straightening up as she did so.
"So you decided to introduce me to the wall now?" she teased.
After a moment of thought, the lich answered her. "One's familiarity with the area increases chances of success." After a pause, he gave her a look that was very nearly sly. "Would you like to meet the others today?"
"Ah...no thank you," Avalina panted. "Two's too much, three's a crowd, and I hear four are unbearable, ("Hey!" shouted some of the Invisibles) so perhaps..." she paused to take another breath, "another day."
The Horned King rumbled faintly in his chest in what she knew to pass for a faint laugh. "Well spoken, child."
"Shh!" The fourth Invisible hissed for the fifth time in three minutes. "Can't you be any quieter?"
"If we were any quieter, we'd be nonexistent!" the second Invisible hissed back.
"That's the /point/!"
"You're gonna wake him up with all your 'shh'-shing!"
"You're the one making enough noise to wake the dead," the third muttered, putting the finishing touches on the object it held, before snickering. "Heh...wake the /dead/...get it?" The two Invisibles promptly dissolved into hysterics, quiet gasps punctuating the otherwise dead silence in the castle as silent laughter wracked them.
"Shhhh!" the fourth Invisible frantically hissed around their own quiet laughter, "If we wake him up before it's time it'll spoil the whole thing!"
"Tiiiimeee!" the second Invisible quietly wailed in laughter, the others joining them despite themselves.
"If he hears us, the whole thing is ruined!" the fourth hissed, frustrated now. "And I am /dead/ serious!"
The other two promptly collapsed on the stone floor in silent hysterics. "Dead!" they quietly howled. "Dead, dead, dead!"
"Bruce the Spruce shouldn't be so /stiff/," one cackled, to which they dissolved again.
"You're right! He's not even on ice!"
"Bahahaha!"
"Bahahaha!"
"This is a grave matter!" the fourth all but spat. "You /want/ to give us away?"
The others rolled helplessly on the floor in convulsions of laughter.
"Stop it, stop it," they quietly howled. "You're /killing/ us with the /death/ jokes!" This statement only served to make the hysteria worse, as they proceeded to beat the floor with their fists in fits of almost silent laughter.
"Shhhhhhh!" the fourth hissed, frantically fanning the air for silence. "If Dusty shows up, it really /will/ be over! Do you /want/ that?"
At this, the others seemed to make a noticeable effort to calm themselves, although it was nearly five minutes more before the last snickers wore off.
"Alright, ready?" the third finally whispered when all was silent, to which the others nodded affirmatives. "On the count of three. Three!"
Simultaneously, they slipped into the lich's chambers without so much as a rustle, slowly easing the door shut behind them. Quickly, flitting about the room like the faintest of summer breezes, they finished their plot and exited just as silently as they had entered. They had been in the room less than a minute. Once outside, they cackled and quietly high-fived.
"Show-time."
"/Time/!" the second cackled, which promptly set them off again.
"Wait! Wait, wait!" the third finally managed around its cackles, "we should go get Avalina! She needs to be part of this too!"
"Are you sure that's wise?" the fourth whispered. "His reaction might be a bit...unrestrained."
"Hm...you're right...but it would be so /funny/! Let's go get her!"
"Please-please-please-please-!"
"Please-please-please-please-!"
"Fine!" the fourth hissed. "But if it doesn't end well, I'm blaming /you/!"
"Yes!"
"Yes!"
The troublesome duo high-fived and whooshed off.
"Oi," the fourth muttered to itself once they were gone, "They're turning me into a monster."
"What is going...on?" Avalina yawned, staring blearily at where she guessed the Invisibles might be as they nudged her into a sitting position. She knew they were eccentric, and rather insane, but waking her up in the middle of the night was a first. She straightened suddenly. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no," they whispered, so faintly they could hardly be heard. "We have something for you to see."
"At /this/ hour?" Avalina asked, only half awake. "Like what?"
"It's...sort of a...erm...thing we're doing for the Spruce," they finally whispered at length.
Avalina stared into midair a moment, her tired brain trying to process this. "...What sort of 'thing' could you be doing in the middle of the night?"
"Oh, quit asking questions and just come on before you miss it! Trust us...it'll explain itself."
The snickers that accompanied this statement revealed a lot more than words ever could've.
"You're playing a prank?" she asked, and it was with this realization the drowsiness disappeared completely. "At /this/ time of night?"
She'd wanted to sound disapproving, but somehow, it came out a little too gleefully. And a tiny part of her was a bit wary. Besides herself, there were only two others in the castle the Invisibles could bedevil/introduce-to-rare-and-wonderful-things, as it were...and given their excitement about this newest installment, it could be none other than the Horned King himself.
"Like what?" she asked cautiously.
"Come and see!" Their whispers intensified slightly, pulling lightly at her nightgown. They were excited to share their accomplishment with her.
She should refuse, she knew. Anything involving the Horned King and Invisibles together was absolutely guaranteed to end badly, especially at this hour, and she had no desire to be involved in a possible display of vulgarity and violence. But...her curiosity was already sparked. What /could/ they be doing that they thought important enough to bother fetching her for? Was it not an honor to be invited in on their masterpieces of insane brilliance?
She should go back to sleep. This was not a good idea. But...oh, why did she feel so /happy/ about causing someone some inevitable misery? It was true what the Horned King had said. They were rubbing off on her, and it actually felt quite pleasant...she wondered what his face would look like when he discovered this.
"Come on, hurry up!" they whispered on the edge of her hearing as they attempted to push her into a cloak around the blankets. "Before we run out of /time/!"
Even more snickers followed this statement, along with a cackle or two, and Avalina was grinning as she jumped up and yanked on her boots.
She wasn't sure how they did it, but then again, she was never sure exactly /how/ the Invisibles did /anything/. Despite them speaking to her now, the mystery around them only seemed to get deeper, and she had so many unanswered questions...perhaps she could ask them sometime when she wasn't sitting on what seemed to be an invisible ledge right above the moat and outside the Horned King's room. The Invisibles must've added it onto the castle wall at some point, but the night was so dark Avalina had trouble discerning what was the stone and what was the abyss below, and opted to keep as still as possible.
Although listening to the two conspirators and their half-willing accomplice whispering excitedly amongst themselves at all hours was not an unusual occurrence, her position was most definitely so. But the honor that she had been selected to observe it with them and the underlying threat of being caught in on the joke made her tingle all over in a strange sort of fearful delight. She could only imagine what sort of fiendish scheme they had laid out this time.
She wasn't wondering long. In the darkness of the Horned King's chambers, something happened. It was a strange, high-pitched sort of ringing noise, but it sounded like no bell she'd ever heard. Insistent and noisy, it permeated the night air like a summons to war, and she heard the lich spring to life in his brand new bed. Any sort of intelligible words he might have made were replaced by a surprised snarl and then a 'thwack' noise, followed by the sound of something metal hitting the wall and many little pieces pattering about on the stone floor. The ringing stopped.
The Invisibles bent double in silent hysteria, sounding as if they were holding each other's mouths in an attempt to stay quiet, and Avalina had to cover her own to do the same, her throat constricting with suppressed laughter as she struggled to breathe. She listened to the lich settle himself, growling under his breath, before things slowly grew quiet again.
"What was that?" she barely whispered when all was still.
"An alarm clock," one of the Invisibles whispered in the breeze, its voice laden with hidden laughter. "The key word being 'was'. Pretty sure it's 'destroyed' now."
Avalina paused, puzzled. "One of those things you put up on the walls?"
"Yes, but smaller and with a wake-up bell installed." The Invisibles were barely holding themselves together. "He slapped it off the table."
"Oh." Avalina had to bite her lip to keep from laughing out loud as the mental image floated across her mind. "And was that the only one?"
"Of course not," the Invisibles hissed, indignant. "What sort of pranksters do you think we are?"
"Well, unrivaled, of course, (she could practically see them preening) but...how many have you put in there?"
"...Forty-six at the last count, we think. We were aiming for fifty, but even with our unrivaled awesomeness, there's only so many we can hide in one room without prying the floors up."
Avalina covered her mouth. "Oh, by Fate," she breathed. Suddenly, even the silence seemed laden with suspense as she realized this was only the beginning of the madness. And what was more, she found herself grinning madly.
"By Fate is right. And it will be bloody fantastic, so hush and listen."
They didn't have long to wait. About thirty minutes after the prank began, there was a second jangling noise from the room, shriller than the first. Somewhat shielded by the Invisibles, Avalina peeked around the edge of the window to watch. The lich woke, more quickly than last time, and swatted at his bed table. Unlike the first time, however, there was nothing there to fling off, and the jangling continued. Snarling, he threw the covers back after a moment, got up, and began to hunt through the small table's drawers. Finding the offending object, he crushed it to wreckage in his skeletal hand and dropped it on the floor, a small mass of broken bits and warped metal.
A third ringing set up in the far corner of the room, more cheerful sounding than the first two, but it did not have any such effect on the Horned King. He turned with an astonished, angry hiss and strode forebodingly over. Finding the clock cheerfully ringing away behind a basket of folded bed sheets, he pulverized it beneath his boot, growling to himself. He turned to go back to bed, before impulsively whipping around and yanking the lid off the basket, just as a fourth clock began to throw out its harsh tones from inside. He crushed it to nothing, his growling growing louder.
It was impossible not to be afraid when the lich was angry, but Avalina was almost in hysterics from the hilarity of it all. Pressed against the castle's outer wall, she gripped her mouth to keep the laughter silent, shaking all over with mirth. She could feel the Invisibles doing the same thing all around her, trying valiantly not to be heard and thus ruining the entire performance.
The fifth pinging in the room rent a loud snarl from the lich, and he spun, fangs bared. It wasn't just any jangling this time...
"I'mmm a Yankee Doodle Dannndy!" the clock chortled as it rang, "A Yannnkee Doodle do or diiieee!"
The Horned King stomped over to the other side of the room, his eyes pinpricks of red.
"A real live version of my Uncle Sam, born on the Fourth of Julyyyyyy!"
It only took the Horned King an instant to realize where it was.
The Invisibles had stashed it under the bed.
"Yankee Doodle came to town, just to ride the ponies..."
Watching the lich get down on his hands and knees to dig about under the furniture sent Avalina into a fresh laughing fit, and it had the same effect on the Invisibles. Having to keep quiet under such hilarious conditions was going to cost her a rib, she just knew it.
"Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni!"
The Horned King struggled to his feet, the jangling clock in hand.
"IIII'M A YANKEE DOODLE BOYYYY!"
With a snarl of rage, the lich hurled the clock out the window, its tones jangling into the night.
"I'VE GOT A YANKEE DOODLE SWEEEEEET-HEEEAAaarrrrt! Sheee's my Yankee Doodle joyyyyyy..."
Gradually the volume faded as it descended into the darkness, and the tiny splash as it sank in the moat far below accentuated rather than diminished its exit.
The spectators were in hysterics. "Time flies, doesn't it?" one of the Invisibles wheezed, and Avalina crumpled into silent, anguished laughter.
"Chaaarrriinng!" rang another of those curious time-tellers from inside the room. It took the lich several moments to find this one, and as he stomped back and forth in his search, eyes glowing in rage and a string of unintelligible mumbles drifting in his wake, the spectators were doubled over on themselves and each other, trying to stifle their laughter as tears rolled down their faces.
"Therapy, therapy!" they cried silently, "How-To-Be-Happy sessions needed this very /second/!" Hardly were the words out when /another/ ringing started off inside the Horned King's chambers, a garbled snarl emanating from the interior. Now two were ringing at once.
"I /know/!" another Invisible wailed in silent anguish, "he's so /ticked/ off right now!"
"If he were not a lich, his blood pressure would be rather /alarming/," one of the Invisibles hissed back, which did not help their aching sides in the slightest, and when the Horned King found one of the ringing clocks behind the wardrobe and stomped on it repeatedly, the spectators all but lost themselves. Avalina now realized the sense in the strange instruction the Invisibles had made when they demanded she relieve herself before she accompanied them.
The other clock was jangling wildly.
"Da-da-di-di-di-di-doe-doe, diii-da-di-di-doe! Di-da-di-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee-dee-dee-doe! Yeeeeehaaaaw!" the clock shrieked.
After another few moments of searching, the lich discovered it was at the top of the wardrobe.
"Alright everybody, now here we go!
It's a brand new version of the Do-Si-Do!"
The Horned King's eyes were blazing. Gripping the edge of the heavy oak wardrobe, he tilted it over almost on its side, causing the clock to fall onto the bed. Even for the lich, righting the cumbersome piece of furniture again was made all the more difficult by the odious noise filling the room.
"Stomp your feet, clap your hands
Come on everybody, it's the Hamster Dance! YEEEEE-HAWWWW!"
In the middle of its manic instrumental, the lich grabbed the clock and hurled it with all his might.
So great was his strength, the clock instantly disintegrated into approximately eight hundred and thirty seven pieces upon contact with the wall, little bits of glass and metal and gears spraying and tinkling all over the room like metallic raindrops.
The Horned King heaved a great gust, like the snort of an enraged bull, his eyes burning like hell fire as he glared around the room.
Outside the castle, the spectators were weeping in agonized hysteria. At any other point in time Avalina would have been terrified, but the situation made being afraid of the lich king impossible. It was just too hilarious.
"Forty!" one of the Invisibles gasped, in a whisper so ragged by laughter it could hardly be understood. "Forty more to go!"
"Brrriiiing!" chimed Number Forty from somewhere inside the bedroom, and the lich snarled furiously. Avalina was quite certain the string of words that accompanied said snarl were not fit for anyone to understand, and was silently thankful they were not in English. A mad rustle of blankets ensued, followed by the sound of ripping fabrics. Then came a tremendous 'swoosh' noise, and an instant later the bed sheets went flying out the window in a pale, ghostly wad, fragments fluttering in the breeze. Muffled bells and whistles from inside it indicated the location of the fortieth clock.
As it wafted down into the moat, the hidden spectators outside were laughing so hard they had completely lost their breath. The Invisibles were silently beating on the stone with their fists. Avalina had never considered the possibility of dying from laughter, but now she couldn't think of a better way to go out.
After this, there followed a long silence, punctuated by the Horned King's heaving growls as he stood in the center of the room, casting a death glare over everything in it. Glancing about the room herself, Avalina couldn't imagine where the Invisibles had stashed the rest of the clocks. The Horned King had thoroughly wrecked the place.
The bedsheets were gone. The wardrobe was crooked. One of its doors was hanging in a precarious manner where the lich had run it into the wall trying to set it upright again. Every drawer and door on the furniture had been flung wide open and their sparse contents thrown about. With colossal effort, the observers bit back their hysteria, not wanting to give themselves away.
For almost ten whole minutes the lich stood there motionless, glaring at the ransacked area as if he expected it to erupt into cacophonous jangling at any given moment.
"He's gone cuckoo now," one of the Invisibles whispered in the silence, and the others promptly slapped it as they fought to bite down their laughter. Avalina could not resist giving a comeback.
"Yes," she whispered through her sleeves, "You've really /wound/ him up."
They were in fits of hysteria when the Horned King appeared like a shadow in the window, his eyes crimson and his fangs bared as he froze them all with a glare that could melt a forge. Avalina's laugh snagged in her throat and she choked. Then the lich himself froze, suddenly realizing it wasn't just the Invisibles he was glaring at.
"...Child?" He leaned out, grasping the sill as he stared into the darkness.
"Y-yes?" Avalina squeaked quietly. The lich looked like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"...What are you doing out there?"
Avalina gave a sidelong glance at the air beside her. The Invisibles had gone completely silent. She wasn't entirely sure they were still there, and even less sure of how to answer. "Um..."
After several moments of silence, the Horned King gave her a look she couldn't immediately decipher. "...Not you too," he ground out, his monotone voice inflecting the faintest of a miserable groan. Avalina stared at him. Never had she seen him look anything like this. Was that...betrayal she saw in his expression? Was that...defeat she heard in his voice? That couldn't be possible. He was the Horned King! And yet...it was so similar to looking at a kicked puppy...downright disturbing, in fact. This revelation shocked her into complete silence, and now she felt almost guilty. What had she done?
Mercifully however, Avalina was saved from this terrible situation when the remaining thirty-nine clocks hiding in the Horned King's chambers all went off at once.
It was dreadful. It was glorious. It made hearing anything else impossible. But it wasn't just any bunch of clocks.
To most people, it probably would have sounded like a cacophonous racket. Not that it wasn't, but Avalina had a musically inclined ear brought on from years of piano practice, and as such, she realized in amazement that the Invisibles had somehow chosen the clocks specifically for their chimes, and then coordinated them to ring in ups and downs, making a rough sort of tune.
And then, a few of them started singing.
"There's a time of which none speeeaaaak!
A secret time lost in the briny deeeeeeep!"
Then everything went silent for two seconds. And then the Invisibles joined their clocks in a rousing choir.
"You know all about half time! Big time!" one sang. "Break time, lunch time, dinner-dinner time!"
"Tea time, free time, me time, the time, you'd undo if you could travel in time!" another sang in reply.
"Space time! Face time, hard time, hammer time, in the meantime, miller time, daytime!"
"Snack time!" one cut in.
"Nap time!"
"Night time!"
"Bath time!"
"Bed time!"
"Business time!"
Avalina couldn't be sure, but in the darkness she thought she saw the Horned King's eye twitch very slightly.
"But don't forget about
Nilla Wafer Top Hat Time!" the Invisibles sang.
"It's the time you wear a hat made outta Nilla Wafers!"
As the noise relentlessly expanded, the lich simply regarded her with a flat look, and after an admirable moment of restraint, she dissolved into soft, helpless snickers. She couldn't help it. The noise and his expression at said noise were a perfect combination. After several moments of watching her laugh at his misery, the lich heaved a longsuffering sigh, before extending his hand to help her off the ledge and into the safety of the castle.
"Nilla Wafer Top Hat Time!
It's the best time in the history of mankiiiiind!"
The lines came out as a smug croon, before they decided to repeat the chorus.
"Nilla Wafer Top Hat Time!
It's the time you wear a hat made outta Nilla Wafers!"
After she was inside, he cast another glance about his chambers, his eyes shimmering crimson in the dark. Wiping her face, Avalina followed his gaze, and then suddenly realized where all the remaining clocks were stashed.
They had been lined up in perfect rows on the rafters and crossbeams beneath the stony ceiling, each one chiming cheerfully away.
"Nilla Wafer Top Hat Time!
It's the best time in the history of mankiiiiind!"
With Avalina following, the lich strode deliberately over and grasped the door handle as the Invisibles swung happily into the next verse.
"One day! There was a knock at my door!" they sang.
The door, in question, didn't move.
"A mysterious drifter, was on the other side!"
The Horned King growled in disbelief and pulled harder.
"In his hands was a box! And on his lips were the words!"
The door refused to budge.
'Listen closely, I don't have much time!'
His eyes flickered dangerously. Avalina felt a vague chill run up her spine at the look, but covered her mouth to hide the grin she couldn't seem to stop.
The Invisibles cranked it up a notch. The clocks did too.
"THEN HE REACHED IN THE BOX, AND PULLED OUT!
A NILLA WAFER TOP HAT FROM INSIDE!"
The Horned King braced himself and pulled with all his unnatural might, his eyes burning.
"HE SAID 'WEAR IT, WHEN IT'S TIME!' AND I SAID "WHAT TIME? 0_o"
Nothing happened. Avalina's face contorted in an attempt to stop her laughter bubbling out.
"AND THEN HE DIIIIIIIIIIIED!"
The lich stopped pulling when he realized it was hopeless and glanced over at her, his anger permeating every inch of the room. The Invisibles burst into cackles.
The glower on his face was terrifying, but Avalina got the feeling that if he were any less dignified, he would have been beating his head on the door in exasperation. This mental image was all it took for her to break down again, and his glare turned into something of a defeated look, for the second time in three minutes.
"Later," one of the Invisibles said almost conversationally, trying to pull itself together, "I realized he was talking about...Nilla Wafer Top Hat Time!"
IT'S THE TIME YOU WEAR A HAT MADE OUTTA NILLA WAFERS!" the others chimed in, although not as tunefully as before. They were still cackling madly.
After several more moments of her own mirth, Avalina finally managed to muster some sympathy for him and gently tap the door mid-chorus, which promptly swung open as if nothing had ever been wrong with it.
"NILLA WAFER TOP HAT TIME!
IT'S THE BEST TIME IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIIIIIND!"
Speaking was impossible until they had left his chambers and walked to the end of the hall, and even there, they could easily hear the clocks (and their Invisible partners) jangling away. For some moments, the two of them stood there without speaking, both looking toward the lich's chambers rather than each other. Avalina quickly sneaked a glance in his direction, noticing his eyes were no longer glowing, and wondered what exactly he was thinking. She held in another wave of laughter with immense effort.
"Child," the Horned King finally said after almost a whole minute.
"Yes sir?" she asked as innocently as she could, biting her lips to keep herself from grinning.
"...You could not permit me even a week?"
His tone was all it took for her to cave into laughter again.
"I'm sorry," she gasped around her merriment, "I'm so sorry, but I can't help laughing! It's too funny!"
The lich regarded her dully and did not reply.
"Besides," she managed after a minute or so, "it was their idea."
"NILLA WAFER TOP HAT TIME!" the Invisibles bellowed from his room, the clocks ringing merrily. "NILLA WAFER TOP HAT TIME! NILLA WAFER TOP HATE TIME! NILLA WAFER TOP HAT TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!"
"And you followed," the lich dredged slowly. He looked at her. "They have corrupted you."
Avalina laughed, but when he said no more, she wavered slightly. Had she offended him? Did he really despise them that much? Was he disappointed with her for getting involved in their...antics?
Distant in her troubled thoughts, she didn't notice the Horned King was moving until he had pulled her to him.
"However," he rumbled, "if tormenting me pleases you, you must learn to vanish as they do, or you will not escape your...consequences."
"No!" Avalina gasped as his fingers ghosted over her ribs. "You...you..."
He chuckled faintly, waiting.
"You s-said you might move to the barn if they rubbed off on me too much!" Avalina said hurriedly, trying unsuccessfully to escape his hold. "Do...do you think they have yet?"
They stared at each other for several moments, the uproar in the background not quite so important anymore.
The Horned King arched a brow ridge very slightly.
Avalina held her breath, but she couldn't stop grinning no matter how hard she tried.
The lich leaned in, a smirk nothing less than roguish stealing over his face.
"No."
After being gone for over three years, saying "I'm sorry," doesn't seem to cut it, but it's not all I got, yo! I brought /pie/! :D *gives a slice to everybody* Honestly, I can't believe how much support I've gotten, even when the updates stopped. You all are just /amazing/. Don't ever change. :')
Things've been rough, not gonna lie, and I had unbelievable writer's block on top of everything else going on, but I hope I've gotten the worst of that straightened out. I hope to start updating again somewhat regularly as well, but unfortunately I can't promise. :/ Y'all are still the best though! :D Just try to bear with me. XD
Edit: I forgot to mention, the songs used in this chapter is the one-and-only Hamsterdance, and the brilliant Nilla Wafer Top Hat Time, the latter by Rhett and Link. If you by some horror don't know either of these, drop what you're doing immediately and Youtube them. You will not be disappointed. The Invisibles command it!