I really wanted to write something light and fluffy. But this happened instead. Sorry.

Jonatton Yeah? loved learning new facts. Information was power and he had gained a wonderful amount of power this week.

For example: contrary to popular belief, Dan Ashcroft would not be appearing in Nathan Barley's new show, despite having signed release papers. The new rumour went that Claire Ashcroft had belted Barley one before ringing her mother, who was a lawyer, and getting the whole show pulled from production under the threat of serious legal action.

Contrary to popular belief, Dan Ascroft hadn't really been contemplating suicide before he went and jumped out of the Trashbat window. Depressed, yes. Desperate, yes. Suicidal, no.

Contrary to popular belief, the House of Jones did actually have a second bedroom that both Jones and Dan occasionally used, and not just the one which Claire had claimed when she'd moved in three months ago.

And contrary to popular cynicism, DJ Jones' name was actually Jones, and he was actually younger than his press age. The Shoreditch rumour mill had been letting them all down it seemed, but that was about to change.

Jonatton Yeah? had a nose for a story, and all of these "popular beliefs" and the truths behind them, were facts he'd managed to glean in the last week through a series of well-times visits and carefully crafted heart-to-hearts with a very emotional and sleep deprived Miss Ashcroft. Because despite his "ironic" attitude to life and seeming boredom with his job as SugarApe - now SugaRape - editor, Jonathan was still a journalist and an expose on their (soon to be ex) feature columnist was just too good an opportunity to miss. Dan had been holding out on him, writing shoddy, half-hearted articles for months, and living a private life that Jonatton should have known about in order to exploit the self-righteous wanker for a profit.

Popular belief also had it that Dan Ashcroft was a paragon of 'don't-give-a-fuck' masculinity. There was a bin bag full of fan-mail back at the SugaRape office to attest to the fact that most of their female readership wanted to be thrown across Dan's desk and treated with passionate, toe curling, disdain. Nathan, Rufus, Ned - just about every guy in his twenties that Jonathan knew! - were testament to the fact that men wanted to impress Dan with their exploits and follow him like sheep.

Anyone who was anyone knew that Dan was rough, straight as an arrow (even when he was wanking a builder), and sardonic. He was self-destructive yet always in control.

Except apparently he wasn't any of those things.

And apparently, Jonatton thought to himself with a sly grin as he pulled out his phone and started snapping pictures, if you called by the decrepit "House of Jones" early enough in the morning, you could manage to catch both Dan and the mysterious Jones making out like teenagers on the couch in their front room, lazy as sloths as they moved against one another, whispering declarations of love into one another's mouths.

Now this was interesting.

Jonatton held his breath as he watched Dan skim his good hand up Jones' skinny torso, pushing the t-shirt up so he could run his palm across the pale skin and prominent ribs of the young DJ. Jones gave a shiver in response which quickly became a moan when Dan began to kiss and bite his neck.

"I love you," Dan breathed as he pushed Jones' hair back and nibbled on his ear. "I- I'm sorry."

"Oh, Dan. Don't be. Don't be," Jones whispered, running his fingers through Dan's uneven hair. "We'll be ok. It'll be ok. Please just stop saying sorry. We'll- Oh god, Dan!"

Jones grabbed Dan's chin in both hands and kissed him like he was worried the taller man would disappear and Jonathan's lip curled at such sappy adoration.

He made a some quick marks in his notepad before snapping a few more photos on his phone and moving silently back to the front door. He hadn't meant to walk in on the two, what? lovers? but it was a cheeky bonus and no mistake. And if the pictures were grainy and a bit blurred? Well, all the better for making it seem seedy and underhanded. All the better for ruining Dan's reputation. And that was what he was definitely going to do.

Yesterday Dan had sent in his letter of resignation, a short and loveless letter stating that he had come to his senses and wouldn't be returning to work at SugaRape even when his leg and arm healed. It had been like a slap in the face and Jonathan knew the magazine wouldn't last long without Dan's loyal readership. But if the ship was sinking, Jonatton Yeah? was not going down without taking his sweet, petty revenge. He'd make it so that no publication, or reader, in the city would want to go near Ashcroft even with a long stick and two pairs of gloves. All he had to do now was think of a nice, juicy title for the article. And get a few more sordid details from Claire.

He walked around the corner to the dingy cafe the Ashcrofts seemed to call home and began to write out what would hopefully be the death of Dan Ahscroft's cool credentials. An hour later he texted Claire to say he was in the area and did she want to catch up for a coffee. She replied in the affirmative and Jonatton allowed himself another self-indulgent smile. She was lonely and frustrated and younger than she tried to seem and she'd been so grateful to have someone to cry on when her big brother went and jumped out of that window. They'd met at the hospital and it had just been too easy. He was sure that if he asked, casually, how Jones was coping with Dan's convalescence and resignation, you know, as his boyfriend and all, Claire would give him the goods.

He scrolled back through the photos one more time before she arrived and gave himself a two finger clap in recognition of his own brilliance. You could practically see the 'I love you' on Dan's lips, the 'oh Dan!' on Jones's, and he didn't doubt that the SugaRape readers would see it too if he told them it was there.

Dan Ashcroft was going to be hauled out of the closet whether he wanted it or not and Jonatton knew that, even though they claimed to be cool with just about everything, most of the SugaRape crowd would be uncomfortable to hear that their Preacher Man was a raging gay, and that they hadn't been told before now. This was going to be brilliant.