GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN: Unit Guide and Owner's Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have invested into your very own GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit! We've taken the liberties of writing to help you, dear owner, make the most out of your beloved unit (and hopefully squeezing some emotion out of his blank face)! Yay! (This was also written so you hopefully avoid any unnecessary brushes with death. But mainly for the first reason. Yay!)

Technical Specifications:

Name: Gupta Muhammad Hassan. Will respond to "Egypt", "Arab Republic of Egypt", "Pot seller", "Stone Face", and "Spoiled brat".

Age: 24

Height: 5'4

Place of Manufacture: Cairo, Egypt

Weight: 130 lbs

Length: The pyramids and the Nile aren't the only big things in Egypt.

Your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) white keffiyeh

One (1) khaki uniform

One (1) shepherd's crook

Two (2) white robes

Two (2) casual outfits

One (1) ANUBIS unit

Five (5) handmade pots

One (1) lifetime supply of clay

Two (2) cases of heavy eyeliner (no touchie)

Six (6) gold earrings

Programming:

Your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit comes with the following traits:

Potter: Naturally, GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN have a talent for arts and crafts and the like. However, he shows natural aptitude in pottery and will blow you away with his pots. Just send him to a busy bazaar street and he should quickly rake in cash and popularity! (A warning, if a customer doesn't want to buy his pot, he will spend up to five hours trying to convince them to purchase it, listing every dent and curve and attractive feature that his pot has to offer)

Comedian: This might come off as a surprise, seeing how he will respond to Stone Face, as mentioned earlier. However, your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit is bluntly honest to the point where he makes a dull pencil look sharp. Because of this, he will often be unintentionally hilarious.

Historian/Storyteller: GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN units usually prefer to sit in the back seat of time and thus, are great observers. He has listened meticulously to his mother's stories and advice and will provide great info and tales about this time. The only difficulty is trying to convince him to write them down, due to the fact that he guards his childhood tales carefully and will only speak about them, not writing them down for future generations.

Dancer: Believe it or not, your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN is actually very talented at dancing. But like hell you're going to convince him to shake his bod without some bribery.

Removal of your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit from Packaging:

Your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit is a naturally calm person, so it's pretty hard to jolt him into something that puts your life on the line. However, if you wake him up incorrectly, you might accidentally cause him to dislike you (And trust us, you won't want that). The below list is a compilation of tested methods that work.

1. Activate the ANUBIS unit. He should wake up and exit the box without causing any damage and then proceed to pet the ANUBIS unit. You're free to reprogram him now, congrats!

2. Bring in a HERACLES KARPUSI or SADIK ADNAN unit in. The former will kick the cover of the box off and say, "Aígyptos". Your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit should wake up and proceed to have a civil conversation with the HERACLES KARPUSI unit. The SADIK ADNAN unit will give the box a good shaking and the cover should fly off, with the GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit's foot meeting with the SADIK ADNAN unit's face. You're free to reprogram him whichever way you choose, though.

3. Play Bilady, Bilady, Bilady. He should wake up in his box and nod along to the tune. After the song is done, he will remove the cover and get out. Reprogram him now if you don't want him staring at you for a good few minutes.

4. If you are sure nothing damaging has occurred to your unit while shipment, remove the cover gently and reprogram him quickly. He might wake up, and then you'd have a lot of explaining to do.

Reprogramming

After awakening your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit (or attempting to win a staring contest with him), you have the option of reprogramming him into any of the following settings:

Emotionless (default)

Blunt (default)

Clingy

Gloomy

Manipulative

Lewd (locked)

Muhammad Ali (locked)

Emotionless and Blunt are your unit's default modes. His face will show no sign of feeling as Emotionless implies and Blunt means he will naturally be blunt with truth as possible. It's very simple.

In Clingy, your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit will appear to be the same from a distance, but he will follow you whenever and wherever you happen to go. He will be prone to sarcastic tantrums and will try sleep in the same room as you. He'll also be very understanding and a good shoulder to cry on. This mode is usually activated when something startling and/or disturbing occurs, but not startling/disturbing enough to jolt him into Manipulative. It should disable after a week or two.

Gloomy can be activated by reminding your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit about his dictatorships and bloody wars. In this mode, your unit will silently sulk in his emo corner about a long, long list of heartbreaking topics that will make even a BERWALD OXENSTIERNA unit shed a sad tear. He will take care of his bare needs but will refuse to do anything you ask of him and will drink. A lot. Get a SADIK ADNAN or HERACLES KARPUSI unit to kick him out of this mode.

The next mode is a bit terrifying. In Manipulative, your lovable, blank faced unit will be no more. Instead, he will actually be quite sadistic. This mode can be activated only after learning that a loved one has been harmed severely. GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN will then stop at nothing to get revenge on the one who harmed them. He will twist words around and exploit your emotions against you to use you for his torture devices and as bait, which why you may not want to activate this mode. This mode will only deactivate once GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN has quenched his fury by achieving his revenge. He will then drop into Gloomy. To deactivate it early, call in one of our engineers to rewire his entire hard drive.

Lewd, like almost all of GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN's modes, is a bit difficult to detect. However, here are some red flags to look for: perverted glances at other units when they turn their backs, exaggerated sashay of his hips, disturbing smiles, over-exaggerated simple acts (licking things, bending down, etc), and if you can't be bothered to notice these things, the ultimate red flag is finding your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit in a bed with another unit. Nude. This mode activates when your unit is feeling particularly flirty and has no reasonable outlet for his emotions and only deactivates when a younger nation asks him for reassurance (or something along the lines…) or one of our more terrifying units threatens him for eyeing their significant other.

Muhammad Ali is your unit's last locked mode. Your unit has found himself with a capable leader who's a brilliant tactician and so, is busy kicking the Sick Man of Europe's ass. It activates when your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSEN unit is particularly prideful, such as receiving an award for his pottery, pulling a successful prank, or the like. Your unit overall will still be emotionless but there are some differences. He will start threatening you more and will stare at you for a few minutes if you order him to do anything. He will also mock and attempt to mutilate any Sick Man! Ottoman Empire SADIK ADNAN units when nearby. The said SADIK ADNAN unit will just glare at him, being too weak to really do anything. To pull him out of this mode, you need to give his ego a good smacking. He'll usually float back down to earth after a few weeks, being humble at heart, but if needed, have a POLIS ALEXOPOULOS unit convince him to stop being such an asshat.

Relationships with Other Units:

HERACLES KARPUSI: These two go way back and have known each other since their infancy. They both hung out through their mothers and had to deal living under SADIK ADNAN's Ottoman days. These two see each other as siblings so getting the two into a relationship will be somewhat of a challenge. If enough "moves" are made, though, these two will probably get the message and go into a romance that will leave Anastasia and Christian in the dust. Any nearby SADIK ADNAN units will try their best to sabotage this relationship, however.

SADIK ADNAN: These two know one another due to the fact that GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN was forced to live under him in the former's Ottoman days. SADIK ADNAN units will generally be welcoming and warm towards your unit, seeking advice as well. GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN in okay with him, if not a little irked with his childishness. They can have a relationship if that's what you're asking, you sicko, but it will inevitably end with a very angry HERACLES KARPUSI unit.

ARTHUR KIRKLAND: During World War I, ARTHUR KIRKLAND decided to take GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN away from SADIK ADNAN to get a leverage over the Ottoman Empire, whom the Brits were fighting against at the time. GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN is fine with ARTHUR KIRKLAND's presence and probably can have tea with him with no problems; however, he also looks down at ARTHUR KIRKLAND for his empire days. ARTHUR KIRKLAND sees himself as your unit's mentor (despite not knowing that GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN looks upon him as an idiot) so a relationship is most likely not going to occur.

FRANCIS BONNEFOY: Relations between the two span back to the Middle Ages, and these two share a somewhat okay relationship. GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN units enjoy watching ARTHUR KIRKLAND and FRANCIS BONNEFOY units fighting and will probably ask you to bring some popcorn when such events occur. GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN still holds some resentment over to FRANCIS BONNEFOY due to the French Campaign of Egypt and Syria, however, and will probably mock him if given the chance.

POLIS ALEXOPOULOS (Cyprus): These two share relations that go back to the Ottoman days. POLIS ALEXOPOULOS units view your unit positively, if not a little too blunt. GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN units in turn see POLIS ALEXOPOULOS units well, if a little too sensitive and okay with people walking all over him. A relationship between the two is possible since the two nations share close relations.

Note: While GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN has many relations with other units beyond these listed, such units have yet to be released. We shall update this manual when they are.

Cleaning

Your GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit is perfectly capable to cleaning himself and will not mind cleaning up small children, animals, etc. If you try to bathe with him, however, he will stare at you until you get the message.

Feeding

GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN is generally good at feeding himself and won't complain about cooking for you. If in Muhammad Ali, though, he will refuse to cook for you and others and will openly remark upon anybody's cooking that he deems unsavory.

Rest

Your unit will generally go to bed and wake later than you. He's a night person, so make sure you get some earplugs.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Q: I ran out of my eyeliner and borrowed some of my unit's, but now he's angry and keeps on staring intently at me wherever I am! It's freaking me out!

A: Didn't we tell you his eyeliner was off limits? Cook him a couple of kebabs and buy him some new eyeliner and he should forgive you.

Q: My unit ran out of clay and now he's digging in my backyard to find some! I tried to buy him some from the store but he refused that! I like having a house and clothing that isn't mud colored!

A: You GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit is very picky when it comes to his clay and only uses the best for his pottery. He prefers natural clays, which is why he is digging for clay in your backyard. Order some from our Products page and that should cure the dilemma.

Q: ANUBIS has gone missing and so has my unit!

A: He's probably out looking for him. Luckily, all units have a GPS chip embedded in the back of their neck, so call us up and give the 8 number code you received with your package to learn your unit's whereabouts.

Troubleshooting

Problem: Instead of a grown man in a tan uniform, you have received a small toddler in Ancient Egyptian wear who actually smiles. He's sweet but very clingy and has no idea who SADIK ADNAN is.

Solution: Whoops! We've sent you a Baby! GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit! He will ask for a Mama! KHEMET and a Baby! HERACLES KARPUSI (Not Little! HERACLES KARPUSI, that's the Ottoman vers). He's permanently stuck in Clingy and while that is adorable, he'll burst into tears if you have to leave him alone for long periods. Send him back if you want "Stone Face".

Problem: Instead of a grown man in a tan uniform, you have received a child of 10 or 11 in Ottoman wear. Other than that, everything's fine.

Solution: Whoops! We must have sent you an Ottoman! GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit! He's practically the same, except he'll ask for a Little! HERACLES KARPUSI and an Ottoman Empire! SADIK ADNAN! unit. Once again, if you want the adult version, contact us to send him back.

Problem: You seriously can't tell the difference between your unit's settings. Like, at all. He just seems to be emotionless to you and nothing else.

Solution: This is one of the cons of buying this particular model. It's kinda hard to tell if your unit is in Lewd, Muhammad Ali, etc. If you can bother yourself to look for the signs, you will find that it's actually quite easy to tell his different modes if you observe him a little more closely. If not, well then, this model might not be the one for you.

End Notes

If you can crack past his blank exterior, you will find a wonderful friend who will stay with you til the very bitter end! Most problems that come between you and your unit can be solved with kebabs, otherwise, he'll never let you forget it. We wish you years of good fortune and happiness with your unit!

Enjoy my terrible sex jokes.

Bilady, Bilady, Bilady: Egyptian National Anthem.

Muhammad Ali: In which Egypt got a super smart boss that kicked the failing Ottoman Empire's ass and conquered large swathes of territory. Unfortunately, due to foreign intervention, they had to remain as an autonomous part of the Ottoman Empire.

When I talk about how there are more units that Egypt has relations with, I'm talking about the Middle East.

Khemet: The ancient Egyptians' name for their country.