a/n: Just a little something I thought up. I realized I hadn't done Kidou/Fudou fics in forever, and I was feeling in the mood. This is part of my oneshot anniversary celebration! I've spent four years on fanfiction, whoo!

dedication: To the villains who become our heroes.

disclaimer: I don't own I11.

summary: In Kidou's nightmares, he is Kageyama, and he's standing with a soccer ball in the ruins of the world. - Kidou/Fudou.

mirror image

It doesn't happen that often. He doesn't reluctantly go to sleep every night, dreading the monsters that come out to play when he's asleep. By all accounts, he has a normal, well-adjusted life. He's a successful businessman, and he enjoys the odd game of football on his weekends.

It happens on specific occasions. Kidou's learnt to recognize the signs – signs he keeps to himself, and signs that keep repeating.

It'll be a bad day at work. He'll argue with Haruna. The anniversary of his parents' death.

But usually, it's the sight of Fudou, gray eyes flashing, mouth twisted in the defiant, slightly insane smirk that he wore way back in Shin Teikoku.

Sometimes, it's all four.

Kidou knows that he's doomed. Today has possibly been the worst day ever and he lies awake in bed. He can't sleep and he's petrified. If he gets up, Fudou will probably take it as an excuse to continue their argument and Kidou's not in the mood. So he just stares at the ceiling, knowing what awaits him but unable to do anything about it.

Eventually, he falls asleep.

It starts the same way. Kidou's shaking hands with Endou – it's almost a memory, except that Kidou doesn't pull Endou close, doesn't whisper desperately, doesn't will the other captain to believe him.

The bars fall.

Every one of them is a perfect hit – nothing less from Kageyama, of course, but in the dream the bars extend till the goal and Kidou sees Endou's mangled body caught in the net.

Teikoku wins the rest of the frontier. Zeus forfeits, because what's the use of a plan B when plan A still works? They crush every team in their path and disbandment papers fly like birds in their wake. Schools are destroyed one by one and the word football quickly becomes a curse. Kids are fearful to even kick the ball, terrified of the looming threat of Teikoku Gakuen.

Kidou watches Raimon fall. Natsumi is kneeling and crying and Haruna looks at him like she's seen the devil come to earth.

That's when Aliea shows up.

Zeus is put to the front lines, kami no aqua used by the galleons. Midorikawa and Gemini Storm, Desarm and Epsilon, Burn and Gazel and Prominence and Diamond Dust and Chaos. They all fall, one by one.

Kidou's left staring at the football field – Aphrodi's body is tangled with Burn and Gazel, kami no aqua failing just as he brought them down.

Genesis never shows up. He might've seen Hiroto's straight red hair at one of the Aliea games, might've seen the Aliea captain watch his friends fall. Or it might have been Kira Seijirou, who couldn't bear to lose any more children.

Kidou plucks the Aliea from around their necks and wears it. A perfect fit.

The world is next. Asia's teams are decimated – Big Waves forfeits the match, Desert Lion collapses on the field, Red Dragon is strewn across the stadium.

And Kidou just stands and watches. England, Argentina, Italy, America, Brazil – the players drop like flies. Football is banned in most countries now.

It's the last match that always haunts Kidou, because it's the worst match. He stands on the field against Little Gigant. Endou's grandfather faces him.

Except it's not Little Gigant. It's Ichinose and Fubuki and Tachimukai and Kogure and Rika and Hiroto and everyone else that he hasn't played against. It's Hide and Rushe and Demonio, Fideo and Mark and Dylan. Every time one player drops, they pop up with a new face. Soon, it turns more personal – it becomes Sakuma and Genda and Jimon and when Kidou turns to see, Teikoku's eleven players are all wearing his smirking face.

He realizes that he hasn't seen Kageyama in a long time. He thinks about it, even when the last face he crushes has gray eyes widened in fear. He thinks as Endou's grandfather collapses on the field.

He realizes that Kageyama was arrested for the murder of Endou Mamoru.

He realizes that he did everything on his own.

He realizes that he's not as bad as Kageyama, but that he's worse.

Kageyama spent his entire life hating football, but managed to hold a silver of hope for himself. It was Kidou who achieved his ultimate dream.

Football is gone.

"You were always my greatest creation."

Kidou screams himself awake. It isn't anything he can explain as horrifying, because no one – not even Fudou – realizes how deep Kageyama's words can cut. Kidou remembers a time when he followed Kageyama's every word, when he agreed with dirty tactics and unfair play, when Kageyama's praise was the only thing that kept Kidou going.

And Kidou hates that part of himself with every fiber of his being.

That is the true nightmare. It's not seeing Endou's dead body, or watching his friends desert him, or realizing that he followed Kageyama's footsteps into a trail of his own.

It's the words. It's the potential in the words, it's the underlying threat that Kidou was, is, will always be Kageyama's greatest creation, the legacy of a man who hated and deceived and murdered.

And Kidou can't protect himself from himself.

But…just maybe…he doesn't have to.

Fudou's puttering stops and he hands him a cup of tea. It's horrible – Fudou is a great cook, but he somehow always fails to make tea – but Kidou drinks it all the same. It's hot and it burns his throat, offering relief from the chills that manage to make it through the quilt he's wrapped in.

Kidou ignores the little voice that tells him it's not cold.

The kitchen light is soft, and it turns Fudou's eyes a light gray when he sits across from him. Fudou takes his hands and just stays like that. He doesn't say a word – he doesn't have to. Kidou could probably see his worry and concern from the moon. The argument is forgotten – Kidou doesn't remember what it was about, anyway, and Fudou keeps him company until the sun comes up.

Fudou hates Kageyama. Hates him more than Kidou can probably imagine, because while Kidou still has memories of the man Kageyama used to be and the man he was, in the end, Fudou doesn't. Fudou knows a murderer and sociopath and a manipulator and Fudou hates being manipulated.

Fudou wouldn't sit silently with Kidou for hours if he thought that Kidou was a part of Kageyama. If he thought Kidou was Kageyama's.

So Kidou doesn't need to protect himself from the dark depths of his mind, the parts that wonder what might've been if he'd taken the bloody hand Kageyama offered to lift him into power.

Because he has people who will do that for him.

And it is, in the end, just a nightmare.

fin

a/n: Well, ended on a light note. So, any thoughts on my experimenting with present tense?