"Mark, what's the matter?" asked the Chief in an abrasive tone.

The Afro-American shook his head as if he wanted to clear it after being knocked out. "Ed - you must have bought a pregnant hamster."

For once the sedate sergeant was the fastest to understand. He stood up and peeked into Mark's room. He shook his head as well and showed his rare smile. "No, I didn't. It's been eighteen days now since... well. Gestation lasts 16 to 18 days for Syrian hamsters. No, this is Bobby's family."

"Bobby's what?" Steve jumped up too. He had a sense of foreboding that the trouble would be his.

Everybody seemed to crowd Mark's room now.

Ed started to count the tiny hamsters. "Seven – eight, no, nine baby hamsters. Aren't they cute?"

Ironside stared at him in disbelief, "Cute? You sound like a parent gushing about a newborn. Cute? I'd have another adjective in mind and it starts with a u."

Mike was rather amused, "They do remind me of something, though, was it a photo that Mattie showed me?"

"At any rate I don't want any of them in my office, and I hope you, Mike, will have the sense to forbid them in yours too!" ranted Ironside.

"I think we should leave them in peace now. I don't want the mother to panic," admonished Ed reasonably.

When the older folks had sat down again – Mathilde prudently hadn't left the table – Steve pushed Ed back to the wall. "And now, pal, I demand an explanation. My hamster Bobby is a male. Male hamsters don't give birth. That implies that the hamster in there isn't Bobby. What the heck did you do with him?!"

The sergeant felt a little embarrassed, and Ironside as well as Mike looked as if they were highly interested in Ed's explanation, while Mathilde shook her head. Could it be that this well-mannered young man had wronged her Stiefelchen? If so, he would never get a single piece of her cake again...

Ed tried to keep Steve away with one hand and at the same time scratch his head with the other. "Well... how can I put it..."

"Just come out with the truth!" retorted Steve angrily.

"Ok, ok, short and sweet: The day you brought Bobby in he escaped. I thought that he had died," he didn't want to mention his suspicion that Andy might have munched him, "and I bought a similar one, but as you can see Barry is a female. When Bobby showed up again, the two hamsters had a lovers' tryst, and this is the result."

Steve tried hard to keep a straight face. There was just one thing which puzzled him, knowing Ed's sincerity. He sat down and asked nonchalantly, "But why didn't you just tell me that you thought that Bobby was dead?"

Now the sergeant was at a loss for words. Ironside started to fear for the good reputation of his office and came to his rescue, "He thought that the detective kid needed his pet!"

Ed blushed, Mark grinned, Mathilde nodded understandingly, she remembered fondly how dear Ruth had fooled little Stevie for years on end by replacing a dead goldfish for an identical looking substitute to spare the poor child some heartache. Mike felt bad for Steve and Steve jumped up, pushing his plate with the crumble over his suit this time, and shouted at Ironside, "Sir, with all due respect, but I'm no kid and I don't want to be called one! And... and… and if you keep doing it, Sir, I'm gonna leave right now and my aunt stays here!"

His outburst was met with uncomfortable silence; you could have heard a pin drop.

"Sorry Bob, don't mind him, he's been a bit under pressure recently." Mike pacified and then turned around to Steve "As for you, young man, show some respect, that's no way to talk about your aunt. Ever since she arrived you haven't stopped moaning and complaining. What you need is …" Mike had had enough.

Steve looked at him uncomprehendingly and dismayed. His ally, his rock during the storms of the ancestral visit was turning against him!

"Mike, really, you shouldn't treat him like a child! No wonder other people take the cue and treat him like one, too! Especially the silly name you insist on calling him." Ironside admonished. "What is it - baby boy?" He found the situation highly amusing, but did his best to hide it.

Before Mike could say something, Steve interrupted. "How dare you criticize Mike? And it's buddy boy, by the way, and if anyone else ever called me that, there would be hell to pay!"

The remainder of his tirade was muffled by Mike Stone's hand over the young man's mouth.

Mike once again addressed the Chief. "You know, Bob, the blow he got on the head two weeks ago. A sad story!" And, muttering in Steve's ear, "Watch your tongue now, or do you want to end up in the Chief's Chili pot?"

Aunt Mathilde turned towards Ed for help. "I really don't get what all this commotion is about. Why is there a problem treating Stevie like a child? But he's only a baby! Next thing someone will tell me to stop calling him Stiefelchen!"

May 2nd

Three weeks later Mike was in his office, looking out through the glass towards his partner's desk. Most of it was taken up with a big cage, containing nine adolescent hamsters, four girls and five boys, divided by the slightly nibbled but nevertheless still useful partition that Ed Brown had put in almost six weeks ago, after Bobby met Barry. The nine young hamsters were ready to go to their new homes.

Steve and Ed had been very busy finding good homes - and in the absence of "good" – just homes for them. Especially Steve had been very inventive and started a veritable hamster lottery. He deliberately lured his colleagues into having a bet with him - the loser winning a hamster. Very often the person landed with the little rodent talked someone else into a bet to try and get rid of the hamster again. Hamsters - or taking a hamster of someone's hands, rather - was used as a bribe for swapping shifts and doing favors. So some of the little fur balls must have switched owners several times, but today was the day the big scheme ended, all hamsters had to be claimed and taken home. Steve, on his way to pick up Aunt Mathilde from Modesto, had brought Barry with him, his Aunt Ruth had promised to give her a good home.

To everybody's surprise even Aunt Mathilde, who was the cause for all the hamster migrations and multiplications, had eventually succumbed to the charm of the hamsters and had almost taken up Steve on his offer to bring one of the hamsters back to Germany with her. Ed Brown had been seriously perturbed by the idea; he had visions of the plane going down, because of a hamster nibbling its way through the wires.

Mike's train of thought was interrupted by the arrival of Chief Ironside who wheeled himself through the bull pen. He shot one disdainful look at the hamster cage and proceeded towards Mike's office. "Where is Ed? I remember distinctly giving him the morning off and now it is afternoon", he asked.

"Hello Bob and how are you?" Mike greeted him pointedly. "As you know, Ed wanted to accompany Steve to Modesto to oversee the hamster/aunt exchange in person." He smiled. "I think he wanted to meet Barry's future custodian."

Ironside snorted. "For a fairly rational person he got quite attached to the little rat. I'd expect that kind of behavior from your kid detective, but not from a man I trained myself."

"Aw, come on, Bob, people who care for animals generally care for people, too, and isn't that what we want from our coworkers?"

"Assistants, you mean?" Ironside corrected and threw another glance at the hamster cage. "I don't understand how Olson allows this kind of carry on. In my time…"

"Yeah, yeah, you would have thrown the hamster infestation to the department cat."

Ironside almost smiled as he watched the black cat gazing at the hamster cage with great interest. Watching a cookery program, he thought. Just waiting to pounce...

Ironside and Stone didn't have to wait much longer, though. Soon enough Ed Brown and Steve Keller appeared around the corner, chatting away.

Steve was in particularly high spirits, he had a spring in his step, whistling a merry tune. He stopped briefly to tickle the cat's ears and distribute a generous handful of sunflower seeds among the hamster siblings who lifted their pink noses expectantly when they recognized the familiar figure. But then he and Ed saw that Mike Stone had a visitor in his office and both fell silent. They looked at each other, shrugged and without dawdling they went straight for Mike's office to receive what they had coming… Steve handed each of the men a little parcel. "Some cake," he explained. "Aunt Mathilde was very sorry you couldn't make it today but is hoping to see you when she comes to visit next."

Mike didn't reply. He could have easily made the round trip to Modesto and back, but had felt that Ed Brown was a better travel companion on this occasion.

"You sure look full of beans today!"

"Yep, Aunt Ruth's cooking, not Aunt Mathilde's. Not a shred of Sauerkraut in her kitchen." He sounded very happy.

Ed nodded appreciatively, too. He certainly had enjoyed the meal in Modesto, but he also had enjoyed all the delicacies - with or without Sauerkraut- that Mattie had provided.

"So I take it your Aunt Ruth's arm has healed well." Mike inquired curiously, remembering how Steve had accused his aunt of malingering to get out of hosting the visit.

"It has. I even saw the x rays, it was definitely a fracture." The young man had to admit. "I think she and Aunt Mathilde actually enjoyed the remaining three weeks of her stay." He sounded incredulous.

"Now, then, Buddy boy, order is restored. All hamsters have found homes and the aged ancestor is travelling back to the homeland." Mike watched Steve closely, as a shadow seemed to fall over his face.

"Well… there is actually one male hamster left. You know that today is the deadline that Rudy had set for the departure of all hamsters from the office."

Both Ironside and Ed watched the exchange silently, but with great interest.

"Wouldn't Bobby like some company?" Mike suggested.

"Oh no, hamsters are solitary creatures, two males would fight!" Steve explained.

"How about Rudy?" Mike asked. He hadn't failed to notice that every time the Captain passed through the office, he stopped to watch the little hamsters play. Ed and Ironside exchanged a surprised look, though the Chief had always suspected that Rudy was way too soft.

"He took one of the females to set an example."

"Bill Tanner?"

"Readily took one for his kids."

"Mark? I'm sure he'd love one!"

"No way! He could barely sleep with the racket that the infernal creature created every night and I will not have my staff distracted by keeping pets, especially not in my quarters!" Ironside vetoed.

"Norm?"

"Won one in a bet, fair and square!" Steve paused for a moment. "Aw, Mike, I was thinking, err… that maybe you would like a hamster, they're great company, you know and I'm sure Jeannie would be delighted. She mentioned something like that to me…"

"Did she now?" though Mike's voice sounded silken, there was a hint of steel.

Steve had the decency to blush and he nodded.

"Conspiring with my daughter behind my back! I should really leave you stuck with the rodent!" he threatened.

"Mike, I'll work any amount of overtime you want over the next week…" he looked at his mentor's face and sighed. "Okay, two weeks, I'll supply the cage and you get to pick the hamster you want!" he added to clinch the deal.

Ironside watched the scene in disbelief. A man he had trained would never use doing overtime as a bargaining point, he would just do what was necessary. And Stone even listening to such infamous talk, the Chief could barely contain his consternation. Ed Brown, on the other hand, seemed to be amused.

"Who could say no to that offer, okay, I'll take my pick!" Mike gave in.

He went over to the spacious cage with Steve, Ed and Ironside following him. Once more nine curious pink noses stuck through the bars of the cage and eighteen tiny paws clung to the rails. Ironside noticed the partition that was still in place.

"Ed, what in the blazes were you thinking of when you put the crime compendia in the rats' cage!" Ironside thundered when he saw the sorry state of his books, nibbled and shredded by sharp little teeth.

"Sir, they were the best thing at hand to keep male and female apart and they still serve the purpose admirably," Ed defended his action.

"We are talking of books of great historic value and I insist that you replace them at your own expense," Ironside insisted.

Ed fought hard to keep a straight face, especially as he could see Mike and Steve behind Ironside's back. Steve was shaking with suppressed laughter, Mike's hand covering his mouth while Mike himself did his best to appear serious.

"Well, Sir, I certainly see your point and I will be more than happy to replace the volumes as soon as somebody requires them." Ed assured him.

"… which may happen in a hundred years or so…" Steve muttered under his breath and was rewarded with a dig in the ribs from his mentor.

Mike then decided that the young people were sailing a bit too close to the wind, or rather an Ironside storm and returned to the hamster business on hand. "Which ones are the males? I'm not taking a risk and bring home a pregnant female."

Steve pointed at the right side of the cage and was fast to explain. "Ed swears we divided them up early enough, so there should be no unpleasant surprises, and I would trust Ed on that!"

Ed smiled when he heard his friend's vote of confidence. Ironside frowned, as his attention was drawn to the ruined books again.

Mike scrutinized the five male hamsters; one looked slightly different, its fur was a bit longer than that of the siblings and parents, probably some kind of a throwback. "I like the shaggy one. He reminds me of someone I know." He looked pointedly at Steve's hair that, in the absence of the dreaded aunt, was curling around the collar again.

"Good choice, Mike, is that what you're gonna call him, Shaggy?"

A wide grin spread on Mike's face. "I was thinking along completely different lines, actually. I thought I'd keep in with the B theme, you know, the parents are Bobby and Barry. I thought Bootee would be a great name, don't you think so, Stiefelchen?"

Authors' note:

So this is the end of our mathematical story, but only the beginning of Bobby's family tree.
The result of our initial calculation is obviously... well... doesn't your hamster's name start with a B?
Thanks, people, for reading our story!
Briroch and Mounty