Kara strode off the elevator, an extra bounce in her step. With a wide smile, she headed toward her new office. She couldn't wait to begin her new job, now that she'd decided what that entailed. She intended to follow in the footsteps of her mentor, Cat Grant, and become a reporter. Her first assignment, delegated by the boss herself, was to write a series of articles detailing heroic acts by citizens of National City.

Beaming, she thought back to yesterday's meeting. After she'd told Cat that she wanted to become a reporter, the mogul had nodded, as if she had expected that, and presented Kara with her first assignment. "Kara, I want you to write some feature articles about our city's 'unsung heroes'." (Kara couldn't decide whether she was more excited by the idea of an assignment that seemed right up her alley, or the fact that Cat was using her actual name.) "Supergirl has done extraordinary things during her time in National City, but her greatest accomplishment has been her ability to inspire hope and faith in all of us. She has made quite the impression on me, and I want to make it CatCo's mission to further her message. I think you would be a good candidate to provide that voice." She leveled her gaze at Kara. "What do you think?"

Kara grinned widely. This assignment was exactly the kind of thing she hoped to do as a journalist. "Ms. Grant, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Thank you for giving me this opportunity!"

Cat responded, "Kara, you've more than earned this chance. And I think CatCo can use your positive energy. Now… go find me some heroes." She shooed Kara away with a flick of the hand. Kara nodded gratefully and headed off to do some research.

(Later on, Kara would recall Cat's comments about Supergirl, and how it echoed an earlier comment – "You've made quite the impression on me too, Kiera." But she was probably reading too much into a few words.)

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Kara's smile at the memory was interrupted by an emphatic yawn, reminding her that other parts of her life were not so sunny and golden right now. She would never regret her decision to come out as Supergirl – the city needed her, and Kara needed to help – but right now, she felt like she was hanging on by a thread. Her decision to give her life to save the planet had simply been the latest in a series of traumatic moments, and her brain was struggling to process the events of the past few months. She had killed a man. Sure, her uncle was a homicidal maniac, and she'd had no choice, but that fact still didn't sit well with Kara. She was a murderer. That knowledge had made it easier for her to volunteer to sacrifice herself by bringing Fort Rozz into space.

Instead, she had opened her eyes to her sister's worried gaze. Alex had saved her. Again. She was left trying to process all that had happened, coming to peace with her own mortality and then discovering she was alive, and found herself missing Krypton more than ever. Kara felt like an imposter – living on a planet that wasn't hers, and living a life she hadn't expected to be around for. A small part of her wished she had died that night. She could have been with her family now, in Rao's light. The rest of her felt incredibly guilty for thinking that way, especially after all Alex had done to rescue her.

Her mind flashed back to the past two nights, which she had spent lying awake rather than falling prey to the ever-present nightmares. They had amplified in intensity since Myriad had threatened to destroy her second planet in twenty-five years (give or take a few semi-conscious decades in the Phantom Zone). The experience brought back so many memories of Krypton. Visions of her parents saying goodbye and watching her home planet explode had haunted her dreams for years, but suddenly they were more frequent and intense.

Newer visions had entered her nightmares as well. She saw Alex's eyes, hurt and shining with tears, as she ridiculed her sister during her Red Kryptonite haze. She saw the look of panic and betrayal on Cat's face as Kara flung her off the balcony. She saw her long-lost aunt Astra dying in her arms, and Alex's devastated pleas when she begged Kara to forgive her. She watched Non's glowing eyes fading as the life left his body, leaving a burnt, sizzling corpse on the ground. She cringed, again and again, as Alex attacked her with Kryptonite weapons. She watched as her three friends jumped from the CatCo building, and was never able to save them all, no matter how quickly she moved.

Every time she closed her eyes, Kara experienced these horrors all over again. She woke up screaming, or crying, or simply shaking in fear. So she stayed awake. At first, she spent time flying around the city, but she was afraid she'd wear herself down too much. After a couple of hours, she ended up back in her bed, memorizing the cracks in her ceiling.

Fortunately, Kara didn't need as much sleep as humans do, but even the Kryptonian was running low on energy. Kara knew that she would need to sleep tonight. "I'll deal with that later. I'll figure it out. I just have to keep myself busy," she murmured. "Maybe get out in the sun." She entered her windowless office, frowning. "Probably not a good idea to sit in here all day."

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Just as she was pulling out her chair to sit down, James poked his head in. "Good morning, Kara." Her heart sank. Apparently, she wouldn't be avoiding this particular conversation any longer. She had been hoping to wait another day or two before talking with James about her feelings.

Kara had never been good at talking about her feelings. Part of that stemmed from necessity – there were so many parts of her life that she had to hide. But as time went on, her ability to bury her own needs became more and more ingrained. The nightmares had been worsening, in large part, because she kept everything bottled up so tightly.

Her feelings regarding James were complicated. He was a wonderful friend, a trusted confidante, and a kind and generous soul. And then there was the whole drop-dead gorgeous thing. Kara wished, so badly, that she could somehow make things work with him.

James stared at her for a minute. "Wow, Kara, you look like shit. Were you out all night? Is everything okay?" He took a couple of steps toward her, and lifted her chin gently with his hand. "Kara, you're an amazing hero, but you need to learn to say no. You have to take care of yourself too."

Kara forced herself not to wince at his touch. She knew he meant well, but ever since The Kiss two nights ago, she had been avoiding him. She wasn't prepared to have the conversation that she knew she needed to initiate. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"I worry about you, Kara," James reminded her. "I care about you." He leaned forward, his eyes on her and his mouth edging closer, moving in for a quick kiss. Kara sighed and brought a hand up to his chest, stopping him. "James," Kara began. "I can't."

He looked into her eyes, puzzlement turning into worry as he saw the pained expression on her face. "I thought…" he began. "I thought this was something we both wanted?"

"James, I did. Want that. How could I not? I definitely wanted you. I mean… not like that; I was attracted to you," Kara stuttered, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She took a deep breath and continued. "But a lot happened during Myriad, and when you kissed me again, I realized that my feelings have changed. Or maybe I never really had those feelings, and maybe I just wanted to feel that way. But I realized it isn't fair to you. This isn't going to work. I need… I need you as a friend, if that's something you can handle. But I think that's all I can be to you. I'm so sorry."

James looked at her, confusion and disappointment clear in his eyes. "Kara, I don't understand. I thought we…" He paused, then asked, "What changed?"

Kara thought back to that moment on the balcony, when her whole world had shifted. The hug that changed everything. One hug, and she was addicted to Cat Grant's touch… the feel of her hands on Kara's back, the intoxicating mix of perfume and conditioner, the gentle but strong curves of her arms… In that moment, she'd acknowledged that her feelings for Cat extended way beyond professional boundaries. She had finally admitted to herself that her attraction to Cat Grant was far stronger than anything she could ever feel for James. And while she couldn't tell James that – it wasn't fair to him, and she wasn't ready to admit it to anyone – she could at least give him a part of the truth.

"James, I like you so much, and you're so attractive and kind and generous and thoughtful. I do have feelings for you. But I've realized that what I feel for you is never going to be enough to make this work." She paused, seeing the confusion on his face, then decided she needed to be more blunt. Like peeling off a band-aid, she thought.

"James, I'm gay." He looked up in surprise. "I mean, I guess maybe I'd be considered bisexual, but it's not, like, an equal thing, you know? I am mildly attracted to men, but it doesn't come close to how I feel about women. I like you, and I really wanted to like you. I want to be able to date you, and I want to be normal. I want to have a normal dating life. I just wish that something about me could be normal. I want so badly to make this work. But I can't deny who I am. And I can't keep lying to myself, and to you."

"But – I don't understand. You kissed me. You said you have feelings for me," James murmured.

"I do, James. But they're not the kind of feelings that are strong enough to last. It's not going to work, and I can't let you think otherwise. Please," Kara implored, "please try to understand."

He nodded, and slowly turned and headed for the door. At the doorway, he paused. "So who is it?"

Kara shook her head quickly. Her feelings were irrelevant. It's not like Cat Grant was ever going to feel the same way. Cat was straight, and rich, and powerful, and mature, and so much more than Kara would ever be. Hell, she was Cat Grant. Cat barely even knew Kara's name. Nothing would ever come of Kara's crush; she just couldn't keep lying to herself about her sexuality. "There's no one, James. It's just me." With tears in her eyes, she said, "James, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," he said quietly, stepping out of her office and closing the door gently behind him.

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Once the door closed, Kara exhaled and allowed the tears to stream down her face. She sank into her chair, muscles collapsing below her, and rested her head into her arms on the desk. She sobbed quietly, both in relief and sadness.

"Did I do the right thing?" she wondered silently. "Maybe I could've made it work, at least for a while. He likes me. I've never had a real relationship, and he's such a great guy. It would've been a relief to date someone who knows about my… heritage. Heck, it would've been a relief to date someone, period." But she knew it wouldn't be fair to him. "Damn it, why can't I ever be normal? Why can't I let myself be happy? What is wrong with me?"

The tears kept flowing – tears not just for James, but mourning Astra, and Kelly (the third jumper), and Jeremiah Danvers, and her parents, and an entire lost planet. Once they started, she just couldn't stop.

"He's better off without me, anyway," she thought. "Everyone I love gets hurt. My whole planet is dead. Jeremiah is gone because I couldn't follow the rules. Alex spends her life taking care of me, instead of living her own life. Astra is gone. I killed a man… my own uncle. Kelly died because I couldn't save her. I'm a plague. And the thought that I could have a normal, healthy relationship – well, that was a lie too."

Kara sighed. This wasn't helping anyone. "Good start to your new job, Danvers," she muttered. She needed to stay focused. She wanted to make a good first impression, and she really was excited about her first assignment. "Get your act together. Pity party is over." She took a few deep breaths, blew her nose, and got to work.