The day before Kirk and Spock were to go on shore leave, Kirk was seated behind the desk in his quarters, taking care of the last few things he needed to do before taking time off. Since many of the other crew members were also clearing their in-boxes before shore leave, he'd received a flood of last-minute requisitions, reports, messages, and requests.

Kirk was determined not to be distracted by any unfinished business during shore leave. He was enthusiastic about even ordinary leaves, but the impending leave was more important than any before it, and Kirk devoted all of his disciplined mind to making sure that nothing would get in the way of his upcoming time with Spock.

The door to their shared bathroom swished open, and Spock entered his cabin, looking slightly less impassive than usual. Kirk put down his padd and stylus and looked closely at his first officer. While most people would no doubt see only Vulcan serenity on Spock's face, to Kirk's experienced eyes, Spock looked slightly troubled. Kirk gestured to the chair on the other side of his desk and waited until Spock had seated himself, then asked, "What's up?"

Spock sat stiffly, a sign that he was uneasy. "As I was reviewing all of the information I had given you about pon farr, in order to ensure that your consent would be as informed as possible, I realized that there was an aspect of it that might not be clear to you.

"What's that?"

"While we were on Vulcan, at the time of my koon-ut-kal-if-fee, you may recall that after T'Pring called for the challenge, T'Pau asked her a question."

Kirk nodded. "T'Pau asked T'Pring if she was ready to marry whoever won."

Spock exhaled heavily. "I was afraid of this. You interpreted T'Pau's words according to human cultural norms and believed that she was asking T'Pring if she would wed the victor."

Kirk blinked. "I realize that my memory isn't as exact as yours, so I might not remember T'Pau's question word-for-word, but is it really that important?"

Spock closed his eyes for a long moment, then opened them again. "Jim, T'Pau asked T'Pring if she were prepared to become the property of the victor."

Kirk shook his head. "Vulcan's a founding member of the Federation, and slavery is illegal by Federation law, so T'Pring couldn't actually become anyone's property."

Spock swallowed. "Not permanently, no. A Vulcan male's spouse is his property only for the duration of pon farr. Because pon farr is fatal in the absence of the spouse, spouses cannot be allowed the freedom to do as they will during pon farr, and for the duration of pon farr, yes, a Vulcan's spouse is not just morally and ethically bound to meet his need but also legally bound."

Kirk leaned back in his chair. "Property? How is that even legal?"

Spock's voice was hoarse. "As you pointed out, Vulcan is a founding member of the Federation. As such, Vulcan was able to ensure that there was a loophole in the anti-slavery statute, which does permit this. Permanent slavery is illegal, but extremely short-term slavery is legal under certain rare circumstances, circumstances that happen to coincide with the features of pon farr." Spock looked intently at Kirk. "And thus, for the duration of pon farr, you would be legally my property, legally a thing to be used in any way I might desire."

Kirk shuddered, and Spock took a deep inhalation. The Vulcan looked considerably less distressed as he said, "The notion arouses you."

Kirk ran a hand through his hair. "I couldn't be anyone's property permanently, Spock, not even yours. But for a couple of days, once every seven years?" His eyes darkened. "For a couple of days, I think I could stand it."

Spock's eyes glittered as he stared at Kirk. "You are being less than completely truthful." He stood up, placed his hands on Kirk's desk, and leaned over the desk until he was looming in front of Kirk. "I can smell your arousal, Jim; you cannot hide it from me."

Kirk gave Spock a seductive smile. "Maybe I'm playing coy so that you'll TAKE what you want."

Spock abruptly stopped leaning on the desk and stood up, then turned and took a step away. Kirk watched him in puzzlement, having thought that what he'd just said would have provoked Spock, not turned him off.

Eventually Spock turned back around, and this time there was amusement in his eyes. "I am aware of your manipulative nature and aware that your ability to manipulate those around you is essential to your success as a starship captain, so I should not be surprised if it manifests during our personal relationship." He resumed his seat in front of Kirk's desk. "And while you will be safe with me during our practice pon farr, there are things you must not say or do during it, for during a real pon farr, those things would inflame me to such an extent that they would lessen your safety."

Kirk smiled. "Maybe I WANT you inflamed."

Spock shook his head, and the amusement was gone from his eyes. He looked seriously at Kirk and said, "You do not. Pon farr will inflame me as much as any human could possibly desire, and your function as my spouse is to cool the flames, not to fan them."

Kirk considered this. "But won't having to chase and conquer me already fan those flames?"

Spock tilted his head to one side, clearly puzzled. "Why would I have to chase and conquer you?"

Kirk realized that he'd only told Spock about wanting the physical aspects of pon farr. He'd thought about wanting to be overpowered and forced to submit, but he hadn't actually told Spock he wanted that. He ruthlessly clamped down on the embarrassment he usually felt when he talked about his submissive desires. Spock needed to know it all, and who could he trust with his entire self, if not Spock?

Kirk grimaced. "I guess I didn't make it clear when we were talking before, but although I DO want to submit to you, I have a hard time giving up control voluntarily, so I'll need you to force me to submit." He looked at Spock and saw dismay on the Vulcan's face, so he added, "But I'm giving you permission to force me, so it's still ethical for you to do it!"

Spock inclined his head. "That part was clear from your using the word 'need,' and if our practice pon farr is successful, I will be completely willing to force you to submit during ordinary marital relations, if such is your wish. But Jim," — Spock shook his head — "I cannot do so during pon farr. Pon farr will already be physically challenging enough that I doubt your ability to withstand it. Inflaming me by resisting would escalate that to a truly dangerous level, and I will not permit it. During pon farr, you must submit willingly; you must give me your body and mind with neither regret nor reservation. If you cannot do so, then we cannot mate."

"Oh." Kirk swallowed. "I see."

Spock looked off to the side. "I had thought it would be the physical aspects of pon farr that would be challenging for you, only to find that it is willing submission that will tax you." Spock looked searchingly at Kirk. "Is this, then, the point at which you refuse me?"

"No!" Kirk said vehemently. "No," he repeated more quietly, "it just means that I'll have to stretch more than just my body to be able to take you."

Spock looked at him sadly. "I would not wish for our relationship to burden you in any way, nor do I wish to add to the stress of starship command by infringing in any way upon your command persona."

Kirk leaned forward and held out his hand. "Spock! Spock, I don't want you to fade quietly away because you think it's the best thing for me. You're worth making sacrifices for, worth forcing myself to grow and stretch for. I won't pretend I don't have qualms, because we owe each other honesty, but I do still want you."

Spock leaned forward, reached out a long arm, and grasped the hand that Kirk held toward him. "And I still want you, Jim, more than I can express, more than you can know unless and until we bond."

Holding Spock's hand, Kirk felt the connection between them strengthen to the point that even he, a non-telepath, could feel it. This was worth it, this was worth anything ... but it would be easier to let Spock break his arm than to submit willingly. He'd have to do it — he'd MAKE himself do it — but he was now looking forward to shore leave with at least as much trepidation as excitement.

Kirk stood up and began to pace, wrestling with himself. Could he do this? Spock was the reward if he did this, and wasn't that reward worth the cost? Doing his duty to Starfleet had required that he force himself to do many things he didn't actually want to do, so surely he could force himself to submit to Spock? Spock was willing to play the way Kirk wanted to play during most of their lives; it was only during pon farr that Kirk would have to submit willingly.

The truth was that although he'd harbored submissive desires for years, he was also embarrassed about those desires. He knew the statistics; he knew that a lot of powerful men achieved balance through sexual submission, but that didn't really help. He'd never been normal or average, had always prided himself on being the very best, and to find that he was a cliché — the powerful man who wanted to be submissive in the bedroom — was a blow to his ego. Was that all this was, ego? Was it just his damned pride complaining?

He paced some more, allowing his body to work off his anxiety while his mind wrestled with the problem. All right, so he had an ego. He HAD to have an ego, to be a starship captain. Only the bold and confident COULD captain such a ship; the meek and self-doubting need not apply. But was a ship captain all he was? Had his job so consumed him that he could do nothing else, be nothing else? Had his role or the power it conferred made him inflexible?

They'd run into plenty of powerful beings in space, entities who'd wanted their submission and who'd been powerful enough to enforce it for a time. Trelane, Apollo, Charlie, the Providers of Triskelion, even Gary Mitchell, all had wanted to control him. He'd fought them all off, and his indomitable will and refusal to submit had served him well ... but sometimes it had been necessary to bide his time, to pretend to submit while he waited for an opening. But he didn't want to go into pon farr practice with that mindset, of feigning submission while waiting for a chance to turn the tables.

What about when he was younger? While a cadet at the Academy, he'd had no difficulty addressing his professors respectfully, because they were all seasoned officers, and it was clear that they knew things he didn't, things he wanted to learn. As a junior officer on the Farragut, he'd respected the captain and first officer tremendously and had no difficulty deferring to them. That was a long time ago, though, and he barely remembered the willing, though non-sexual, submission he'd given to Captain Garrovick.

But what about Spock? Spock was smarter than he was, stronger than he was, more knowledgeable than he was, yet Spock submitted to him on the bridge of the Enterprise every damned day. Oh, Spock wouldn't be as good of a captain for a predominantly human ship as Kirk was; they both acknowledged that. But while he, himself, was a better captain, Spock was in many ways the superior man, and yet he followed Kirk's orders willingly. Was Kirk too stuck on himself to do the same? Could he not follow Spock's orders for the two or three days of pon farr?

Humility came hard to Kirk because he'd had so little practice at it, had had so few occasions when he'd truly been required to be humble. As a child, he'd been an excellent student, a fine athlete, and an attractive and popular boy. Everyone had warned him that Starfleet Academy would be different. The Academy admitted only the best, and when surrounded by the best, he might not find it so easy to stand out. And while it was true that his fellow students at the Academy had offered more competition than those in his high school, the truth was that he was a standout and a star, even at the Academy. Once posted to a ship, he'd been seen as an extremely promising young officer, and his rise through the ranks had been at warp speed. Now he was the youngest captain in the fleet, not just the youngest current captain, but the youngest captain EVER, and Kirk realized wryly that his life had never actually offered him a chance to practice humility until he took over a ship whose first officer was taller, stronger, smarter, and more controlled than he, himself.

At this point, Kirk paused in his pacing and looked at Spock, who'd been waiting patiently all through Kirk's self-examination. Kirk smiled at Spock and said, "I'm pretty sure knowing you will be good for my character. I've gotten a little too complacent lately, and maybe it's good that you'll be taking me down a peg."

Spock did not pretend to misunderstand the idiom but shook his head. "Reducing your opinion of yourself is not part of my plan. Although it is true that you will be property during pon farr, you will be extremely valuable property, and I will regard you as the treasure you are." He shook his head again. "Even should you desire it, I could do nothing else, for Vulcans do not lie in intimate relationships. A treasure you are, and I will value you as such."

Kirk smiled fondly, reminded why they were doing this and why it was so important. He had loved many people in the past and had been loved by them in turn, but until now, no one had ever seen him as a treasure. Yet he knew that Spock did. Hyperbole was one of those things Vulcans didn't do, and if Spock used the word "treasure," he meant it literally and sincerely. For such a lover, Kirk would risk anything, DO anything. He blew out a breath as something inside him relaxed, and he realized that he actually could submit to Spock, and with more willingness than he'd believed himself capable of.

He looked fondly at Spock, wondering at how much knowing the Vulcan had changed him already and how much more it was likely to change him in the future. And yet Spock never tried to change him; he accepted Kirk exactly as he was, and it was that very acceptance that made it so much easier for Kirk to change himself.

Kirk nodded at Spock. "I've thought long and hard, and I think I can do it. The proof will be in the doing, but I've ... come to terms with what you need."

Spock inclined his head. "I am gratified to have been the catalyst for your introspection, which I gather is not your usual mode of operation."

Kirk chuckled. "Meditation is more your line, and anyway, I've hardly been sitting still."

Spock's eyes crinkled in amusement. "Walking meditation does exist, precisely for those who would find stillness too much of a distraction."

Kirk smiled. "So is that all the bombshells for today? Anything else I need to know before we go on shore leave?"

Spock moved closer to Kirk and caressed his face with the first two fingers of his right hand. His voice was throaty and low as he said, "The closer we get to our practice, the more difficult I find it to control myself when I am near you. I find that I am greatly looking forward to loosening my controls and taking what I wish from you."

Kirk looked up into deep brown eyes that looked as if they wanted to swallow him whole. He swayed, suddenly feeling light-headed. He realized that his self-examination had not been entirely necessary, for when Spock looked at him like that, he found that he wanted to submit. He tried to speak and had to clear his throat before he managed to say, "Tomorrow. And if you don't stop looking at me like that, we won't make it till then."

Spock dropped his hand, inclined his head in a gracious farewell, and hurriedly left the room.

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Author's notes

1. I realize this update has been a VERY long time coming, but I've had even more health problems than usual in the past two years. I had a hysterectomy to treat endometrial cancer in December of 2016 and a mastectomy to treat breast cancer in September of 2018. During the months since my mastectomy, I've had chemotherapy, which made me so sleepy that I could barely keep my eyes open. So I haven't been up to writing for quite some time. Obviously, none of this was expected, and I apologize for leaving you all hanging; that was never my intention.

2. I had thought the guys would finally get down to business in this chapter, but Spock was very concerned about informed consent and wanted to have one last talk with Kirk. There are times when Spock takes over, and I can't write what I want; I can only write what he will allow. (Yes, that IS a little strange, but I actually kind of like it, because it makes him so real to me.)

3. You know I don't own Star Trek, because if I did, things would be soooo different! In fact, it's far more accurate to say that IT owns ME. ;-)

4. Thanks for reading! And thanks so, SO very much for all of your supportive comments. My health hasn't allowed me to reply to them, but I have read them all and cherished each and every one of them. You folks are the best! 3

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