3

If you were me, you might be cursing yourself for the precarious position you had just ended up in. Yes, as precarious as precarious could get, it truly felt like the earth was about to shatter and I was sure to be crushed under a massive amount of debt, all thanks to the overwhelming insight of a certain doctor. If I were to liken the situation to a film, I would compare it to those old colorless movies that featured a damsel in distress being tied to a train track by an over-the-top, mustachioed, top-hat-wearing villain. However, in this case, I could clearly imagine Nabiki inhabiting the caricature of the evil-doer and myself tied to the tracks. Keeping the metaphor up, I suppose Dr. Tofu would have to be the train conductor then, barreling his way towards my imminent doom.

Except this was real life, not some corny old movie. So even though this is the part where the hero arrives to save the damsel in the nick of time, that wouldn't happen… No matter how desperately I wished it might.

The conductor himself was staring me down with a disapproving look that I was unsure how to react to. Lying would get me nowhere, as he might check my chi again or something. The fact of the matter was, my behavior was too bizarre to explain away as a mere coincidence. Dr. Tofu was expecting an explanation as to why Ranma Saotome, man among men, was acting like this for seemingly no good reason. There was only one thing I could think of telling him, and that was the truth.

"Dr. Tofu… I'm sorry. You're correct, I've been lying and making this entire thing up." I guiltily looked down at the floor. I really did feel bad about lying to kind people the way I did, but the fact of the matter was that being strapped to never-ending debt was worse.

"Ranma-kun. Do you care to explain to me why you did such a thing?" He tapped his shoulder with a disapproving look, probably the first of its kind on his face that I had ever seen.

"Now, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this…" I began. I explained everything. It's not like I had much of a choice, either. I had to pray to any deity that would listen that Dr. Tofu would actually agree that this situation was worth playing along with.

"...And that's the gist of it." I bit my lip as I finished my explanation of Nabiki's forceful lulling of myself into this situation.

Dr. Tofu rubbed his eyes wearily. "Ranma… How on Earth do you end constantly end up in scenarios like this?"

"I wish I knew, doc. Honestly, I'm beginning to find the whole thing a little hard to believe myself."

"As am I," the doctor said slowly. "You don't think… No, nevermind."

He put a stop to whatever thought he had almost formed, causing me to tilt my head slightly. Well, whatever.

"As a doctor, and more importantly as an adult, I can't really help you with this. No, in fact, I outright refuse to."

My heart sank. So that was it, huh. Dr. Tofu would tell the Tendo's I was faking and put an end to our little game. Then it was time to brace myself for at least a month of Akane's hatred for tricking her, then I'd have to worry about getting a good, well-paying job for the first time in my life…

That reminds we, weren't finals in a few weeks? I'd need better grades to get into a decent college that would lead to more diverse career paths, but I wasn't like I had studied for this. Could I do last minute cramming to improve my grades…?

"However," Dr. Tofu continued. "Because of patient confidentiality, I can't exactly tell anyone either."

My head shot up, achieving speeds that felt fast enough to break the sound barrier. "You mean it?!"

Dr. Tofu gave a small smile. "Technically speaking, yes. Even if I am just a chiropractor, I still hold myself to the same standards as a medical doctor. And since you're not committing a crime and you pose no physical danger to yourself or others, everything you tell me in confidence has to stay between us unless you tell me otherwise. "

"In that case, please don't tell anyone, Dr. Tofu!"

He heaved a sigh. "I figured as much. Then I'll need you to promise me something."

"And what would that be, exactly?" I said as I stretched my arms happily.

"If you're ever under a lot of mental stress because of this- or any reason, really- please come see me. My door is always open for speaking with my favorite patient." Dr. Tofu looked at me with genuine care.

"I suppose I can consider that, yeah."

"Good. Now then, I want to talk to you about some unrelated things…"

The rest of my time in Dr. Tofu's office was nothing special. We spoke of my general health, how I felt about my curse, and he performed an embarrassing physical examination with both of my forms. This was normal for our check-ups, since because of my 'special condition' I apparently needed extra care.

After about 20 minutes of that, I exited the office to find Akane waiting patiently on her own next to an extremely talkative old man rambling about his grandkids or something like that. She looked ready to get out of there, so we did, with Dr. Tofu kindly waving us off.

Outside, the cloudy skies seemed to have finally broken and were now struggling to cling to the snow that it once kept from the ground. I shivered, realizing that I was a bit more sensitive to the cold in this form for whatever reason. Perhaps something to do with my lack of training this specific body? I wasn't wearing anything other than my usual red Chinese shirt and pants, so there shouldn't be a major difference.

Akane shot me a worried look. "Ranko? Are you alright?" She tightened her scarf considerably, currently in the process of getting her mittens on.

"Y-Yeah, just fine." I managed through chattering teeth.

Akane's brow furrowed. "Do you need a jacket?"

I crossed my arms to try and save whatever body heat I could. "No, what makes you think that?"

She narrowed her eyes.

"Ranko."

"Yes, Akane?"

She suddenly grabbed me by the hand and began pulling me in the opposite direction of the Tendo residence.

"Hey, what're you doing?! The dojo is the other way…"

"There's a nice little boutique right down the street. You need at least a jacket for this weather, I don't care how much you insist that you're alright."

Akane began muttering something to herself about my constant need for a babysitter, which made me frown a little.

"Akane, really, I'm fine! This is just some strange weather, I'm sure I'll be alright!"

"This isn't strange, this is called winter! You're going to freeze to death if I don't get you at least something for your torso."

I groaned. Although I could easily slip out of Akane's grasp, it would just make her extremely angry which was something nobody wanted.

"Akaneeee… I don't wanna go to a girly clothes shop…" I whined.

"Honestly, even in this state, you insist on the weirdest stuff. Aren't you a girl right now, or did you hit your head again?"

I began to sweat. I may or may not have totally forgotten that this prank was ongoing and let something slip just then.

"Er, well, I just meant I'm… I've always been a tomboy, y'know? Girly clothes don't suit me."

Akane rolled her eyes. "Doesn't suit YOU? I beg to differ. You wear that stuff all the time for various tricks and stuff, and you always look stunning in whatever it is."

"Well maybe it suits my body, but that doesn't mean it suits my spirit!"

"What does and doesn't suit your spirit isn't really up for debate,' she pointed out. "Clothes are just clothes, aren't they? I don't see why it would affect you emotionally, but that's just me."

"Of course they affect me! If your father spent your entire life forcing you to wear boy's clothing, you wouldn't be so willing to jump on the bandwagon of cute, fashionable outfits, right?"

By the way, that's something I've decided about the backstory of Ranko. Since it's technically just my life but modified for a girl, I decided that I should justify as much of my real life experience as I can without throwing people off. For example, since I've actually spent my life wearing guys clothing, that shouldn't change for Ranko, either. Instead, I'll just say that Pops always wanted a son and forced me into guy's clothes instead. Problem solved!

"Well, I guess that's true," Akane agreed.

"Great! So we shouldn't go to any clothing shops, let's just turn right around and-"

"No."

Yeah, she was stubborn alright.

Seeing as I couldn't brute-force my way out of this situation, I began mulling over various escape plans in my head. I could lie about something, but I didn't really want to do that- this elaborate act I was putting on was digging myself into a large hole already, and there's no way I'd go any deeper than I was forced to. I even thought about using my classic crocodile tears, but that would have no effect on Akane.

I sighed heavily and resigned myself to fate.

Well, a jacket might be comfy, assuming it wasn't too girly.

"I'm not wearing pink!"

"But this one's kinda cute! Oh, and this skirt-"

"AB-SO-LUTE-LY NOT."

Yuka and Sayuri are a real pain.

To backtrack, Akane had dragged me into the clothing store she had mentioned earlier, a nice boutique called 'Estelle's'. It was relatively upscale; none of the clothes were what I'd call cheap, but it didn't have any outfits only the exceedingly rich could afford either. Overall, it had a comfortable atmosphere and friendly staff, a hallmark of a locally owned business. I could definitely see this as the sort of place high school girls would go after school.

And that's why Akane and I weren't very surprised to find the two inseparable friends Yuka and Sayuri shopping for their spring wardrobe immediately after we arrived.

"Ranma, Akane!" Sayuri cheerily called out, waving to us from across the store.

I realized who had spoken and my face fell a bit. I had hoped that I'd be able to stay home from school during these 'girl days' of mine to prevent any embarrassment, but if Yuka and Sayuri were here, then word would end up getting out anyway.

Akane broke into a grin at the sight of her friends and joined them, forcing me to groan and tag along behind her like a clingy puppy. They exchanged greetings, but very soon their attention forced its way onto me.

"Ranma! Don't you look feminine today," Sayuri gave a mocking wink.

I grit my teeth, resisting the urge to shout in rebellion. "Thanks," I barely managed through a clenched jaw.

Sayuri stopped in her tracks and opened and closed her mouth slowly, unable to find any words in her vocabulary to voice her thoughts, while Yuka gave a sly grin behind her. I think I've had enough sly grins from Nabiki to last me a lifetime, thank you very much...

Akane panicked. "Ah, well, Ranma here is- No, Ranko, I mean…" She quickly pulled her friends aside and began speaking in hushed tones. I turned away and pretended not to notice. About 30 seconds later, they rejoined me.

"So, Ranko…" Sayuri tried to give a smile, but even I could tell it was a little forced. "How are you feeling?"

"Uh… Same as usual, I suppose. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Yuka stepped in. "Since your fiancee bonked you on the head and messed you up, I was wondering how girly you really got." She picked up a particularly frilly skirt and shoved it in my face, her words earning a harsh glare from Akane. "Do you like this design? Wanna model it for us?" She smiled mischievously.

"Not in your wildest dreams."

"Oh, let me put mascara on you. Those cute baby blues of yours could pop even more than before!"

"No thanks."

"Oh, how about guys? Surely there's been at least one that caught your eye at some point, right?"

"I've never really noticed any before."

"..." Yuka finally fell silent. She looked like a child who had just been pulled out of a candy shop before being allowed to buy anything. "Hey, Akane. Are you sure Ranma really hit his head? This is just the same person as usual."

"Ahaha…" Akane laughed nervously through a scowl. "Yuka, don't bring all the head-bonking stuff up in front of…" She gestured vaguely towards me.

"Right, right," the playful girl sighed. "Ranko. Got it."

Luckily, Yuka's interest in messing with me died down a little after that- though, it didn't disappear completely. It actually made me worried about how dangerous it would be for me to actually end up in the state of thinking I was a girl… not that something so ridiculous would ever happen, of course.

And so our two pairs merged into a group as the shopping trip began, mostly consisting of Yuka's incessant teasing and Akane coming to my defense. No matter how many outfits they threw at me, I refused to budge. I would not be adding anything that wasn't for disguises to my wardrobe.

The only thing that I did end up buying was that jacket Akane forced me to. It was from the women's section, a scarlet hoodie complete with a zipper and two large front pockets, featuring a silver, sparkling shooting star design on the back. Even though it was easy to identify as a woman's jacket, it was the least-feminine one I could find at this sort of place, so I took the blow to my masculine pride to keep up appearances. Luckily it fit my currently small frame very snugly, so it wasn't like it was uncomfortable.

"Oh!" Sayuri shot up after a satisfying half-hour round of shopping. "There's a neat little cake shop that just opened up across the street. Joshua's, I think it was called? What do you say, you guys want to go give it a try?"

"I will, assuming Ranko doesn't have a problem with it." Akane shrugged.

Hmm… On the one hand, it was probably one of those cute sweet places intended for a female audience, not the kind of place I wanted to be seen… On the other hand, no one would think it was weird in my current state AND I loved sweets. This was a no-brainer. My mouth began to water.

"I have no problem," I nodded ferociously, causing Yuka and Sayuri to giggle.

Hey, what's so funny about a Ranma and his sweets, huh?!

"So that's how it is…"

Sayuri was leaning back in her chair and licking the frosting off of the fork she had just used to annihilate an innocent piece of cake. Akane was sitting next to her and giving details to the more sensible girl in hushed tones, leaving Yuka and I sitting together on the other side. As you can imagine, this set-up wasn't fun for me at all.

From the few minutes I had spent in the establishment, I could tell that Joshua's was obviously too girly for its own good. The sweets were certainly tasty, but the tacky pink polka-dotted wallpaper, golden trimmings, and neon-purple toiles were enough to make even the most seasoned of gyarus cringe.

We sat in a warm dining area near the wall and were surprised to see we were the only customers there. I wondered for a moment if the horrendous decor was turning off even its target audience, and found that to be the most likely cause.

An irritated-looking old man sat by the register reading a newspaper and smoking a pipe, the sort of person that would give you a glare of disgust if you told them to do their job. Our waitress (the only other staff member on duty, as far as I could tell) wore a horrid bright green maid outfit and was busy playing some sort of mobile game. The constant tapping of her long, fake nails against the screen of the phone was the only other noise echoing through the cafe besides our voices.

While Akane and Sayuri had a quiet and mature conversation, I was being constantly prodded by Yuka for various information. It seemed my current condition was endlessly fascinating to her.

"So, what do you think? Still attracted to women, or…"

"Didn't you make me answer that already?! I… Uh, never thought about any of that romance stuff at all!"

"Hmm… You know, coming from anyone else, I wouldn't believe it. But I can buy that answer from you."

"Finally you stop aski- Wait, what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

I grumpily stuck my fifth piece of cake into my mouth, chewing and swallowing as quickly as I could. There was nothing quite like stuffing cake down your throat to alleviate stress.

"Ranko, slow down," Akane chided. "Oh, Yuka. I was just sharing my plans with Sayuri for tomorrow."

Yuka raised her eyebrows. "...Plans? What, do we want to hit the town after school again?"

"No no, not that sort of plan," Akane scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "You know… Gym class. And the bathroom situation." She flashed her eyes in my direction.

I almost dropped my fork but managed to hang on. I couldn't believe it, but I had completely overlooked that in my week spent planning for this. Of course the bathrooms were going to be an issue, but gym class? Since lessons were gender-divided, would I be forced to go with the girls or the guys? Either one would be too awkward at the moment, for two very different reasons.

"Ah…" Yuka slowly took a sip of the coffee she had ordered earlier. "Well, as long as we explain the situation I can't imagine it being a huge issue. The other girls might be a bit suspicious at first, but they'll get over it. Or," she added with a shrug. "I'll make them."

Sayuri had a skeptical look on her face, but she nodded in agreement. "I guess so. I can't say I'm not nervous, though. As long as Ranko doesn't try anything…"

I tilted my head in mock confusion. "Try? What would I try?" I asked as innocently as I could.

"Er, well, that is…" The pony-tailed girl went a little red. "I didn't mean anything by it, I'm sorry…"

"I don't know what you could've meant, but okay!" I grinned in her direction, pretending to be ignorant of the situation as usual.

Sayuri gave me a nervous smile and went back to munching on her cake silently.

Suddenly.

"...Gotta use the bathroom," I said sheepishly, standing up and pushing in my chair.

Akane and Sayuri traded nervous looks. "Er, good luck it there, Ranko."

"Akane, what am I gonna do, fall in?" I replied, perhaps sounding a bit more defensive than I had intended.

Not bothering to look back, I bravely marched out of the dining area and passed the register towards the female restroom, an uncharted territory that had been explored by no man before…!

...As it turns out, it was just like the men's room but without the urinals. And even more garish wallpaper, but somehow pinker this time.

Disappointing, to say the least.

One of the stalls was occupied, so I took the other one and-

Well, you know. No need to narrate that bit.

Once I was finished, I exited my stall and began washing my hands silently. The last thing I expected was for the stall door behind me to swing open and for the occupant to speak to me.

"Hey, weird girl."

The odd woman, who had the bravery to speak to someone in the bathroom of all places, had long chestnut hair and shiny red lips. She wore a brown trench coat and matching fedora adorned on top of her head- not to mention, the sunglasses. Who wears sunglasses on a cloudy day like this, and doesn't even bother to take them off inside? This woman, whoever she was, was the textbook definition of 'suspicious person'. It went beyond just looking a little weird or out-of-place; her loud style screamed of a person begging to stick out and be taken note of.

And the fact that the attention-seeker cockily leaned against the frame of the stall, arms folded as if she was the definition of cool didn't help her case in the slightest.

"Weird girl?" I rolled my eyes and glanced at the stranger's reflection. "Look in the mirror before you go calling people that."

"Funny," she said is a humorless voice.

The woman sauntered to the sinks and began washing her hands right next to me. I couldn't help but wrinkle my nose at this.

"So, what, you like to hide in bathroom stalls and insult the poor, beautiful maidens such as myself that wander into your domain often?"

"More like I can't stand snot-nosed teenagers too big for their britches," she spoke abrasively. "But I don't really have a choice but to deal with you, so here you go."

After being satisfied with the dryness of her hands, the rude woman reached into her jacket pocket and placed a business card in my hand without any further warning. I could almost feel my confusion manifest itself into a question mark that popped into existence above my head.

"I'm sorry, what?"

I looked down at the card curiously.

Supernatural occurrences got you tearing out your hair?

Dobi Kinante!

A problem so strange that even your plumber can't solve it?

Dobi Kinante!

Have an extra room in your house to sleep in or food that needs eating?

Dobi Kinante!

Cash only. Rates vary on a case-to-case basis.

Below that was a phone number and nothing else. I even flipped the card over assuming there must be more somewhere, only to find it completely blank.

"Y'know lady, this is the worst business card I've ever seen. I mean, what do you even do? And what kind of name is Dobi Kinante, anyway? That just sounds like jumbled nonsense…"

"Well it's mine," she snapped. "And everything that I do is stated on the card. Give me a call sometime, you'll be needing it soon."

Kinante exited the room, swearing to herself as if I was the most unpleasant person on the planet. I was left alone, baffled by what had just happened.

It wasn't until after I had returned to my cake that it occurred to me; Kinante wasn't a patron here at this empty establishment. We had been sitting in the restaurant for at least 30 minutes, and no one had come in or left once in all that time.

I couldn't help but wonder- Did that insane woman predict that I would use the bathroom here before even arriving?

...Had she been hiding in that stall the entire time?

I spent the rest of the afternoon in silence, thinking about the bizarre encounter at Joshua's. Yuka and Sayuri had said their goodbyes after finishing up their sweets, leaving Akane and I alone again. She seemed relatively tired after hanging out with her friends, and I didn't blame her- those two could be quite exhausting when it came down to it.

We headed back in the direction of the Tendo's, our every step making a soft and satisfying crunching noise due to the half-inch of snow adorning the pavement. I felt relief slowly taking over my body; it would be nice to get home, take off this silly jacket and enjoy a warm bath in my guy form for a moment- Until I would be forced back into my female form almost immediately afterward. Still, a bit of peace would be nice.

As we made a right turn onto the road we usually walk to school on, I noticed the river down below the fence followed by a small hill sloping to its shores. Even I had to note the frozen current, falling snow and the large bridge just above it made for a very picturesque scene. Akane seemed to notice too, stopping in her tracks and peering through the fence to take in the view.

I paused behind her. "Akane, I know it's pretty but can we get going? I'm freezing out here."

"Oh, you admit you're cold when it's an inconvenience to you. Nice one," she twists her lips into a smug 'I told you so', causing me to groan.

"Look, I didn't mean it like that… Fine, if you want to stop for a second, I'll humor you."

Unlike Akane, I leaned my back against the fence right next to her, choosing instead to stare at the snow-covered roofs of suburbia. There was something more pleasant and appealing to me about houses rather than beautiful scenery for some reason.

...No, not 'for some reason'. I knew why. It just wasn't a happy thought.

"You can talk to me, you know."

Startled, I jumped a bit. Was she a mind-reader or something? I glanced over at her, noticing her dark brown eyes were shaded with a degree of empathy.

"...Am I that easy to read?" I muttered. "I don't want to talk about it."

Akane sighed and crossed her arms. "Listen, I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with. We've had a lot of fights in the past, and I've had trouble getting over my small anger issues-" I grimaced at the word 'small'. "-but I like to think, these past few months- as corny as this is to say out loud- That we're still friends, to an extent. And I mean even before today, when you were still-"

She cut herself off mid-sentence.

I couldn't say I wanted to talk about this subject, and I was half-tempted to deflect with an insult, as usual… But that didn't feel right just now.

"I know what you're trying to say," I responded when it became clear she wouldn't keep talking. "But it's awkward. I don't even know what our relationship is supposed to be, Akane. So I never know if I can actually… 'Talk' about things. Serious things. Not that I even want to talk about these things, to begin with."

"But don't you see that that's exactly the issue?" She bit her lip. "You don't talk about anything. Ever. All you do is keep it bottled up inside without actually complaining unless someone directly confronts you about it."

"I told you, I'm fine," I snorted. "You don't get that, do you? I've dealt with more crap than you'd believe. You haven't even heard half of what Pops made me do on the ridiculous training trip. And look at me! I'm perfectly fine and stronger for it! So I don't need your pity or concern, Akane. I'm okay."

Akane paused for a second. "You can still talk."

"What? Why? What's the point?"

"Just talking about things is like a purification agent you know. I mean, the problem doesn't go away or anything, but letting everything out is healthy. Everyone has problems like this, stupid little ones or huge ones that feel like the end of the world. I talk to Kasumi all the time, you know? She's a great listener and she's always prepared to help me and… and today it just dawned on me that there's no one in your life like that. Your parents won't listen, your other fiancee's wouldn't either. Ryoga's the only likely candidate but he seems too busy throwing a fist in your face every five seconds- So who do you turn to?"

She paused to draw a breath. "All I'm saying is, I can listen. You can trust me. It doesn't mean that we have to be best friends, but I can still help you when you need it."

I stared dumbly at her. This sort of heartfelt speech was the last thing I ever expected from Akane.

Why in the world would both Dr. Tofu and Akane ever suggest virtually the same thing? And on the same day, too? This was such a coincidence I wanted to laugh.

"So… Please respond to that," she said, turning red and shifting around in the snow nervously. "Don't leave me hanging here after that embarrassing monologue…"

I opened my mouth, but it took more than a few seconds to form the words that I was looking for. In the end, I couldn't even bring myself to reply seriously.

"You know, Akane," I laughed. "For the girl that hit me over the head with a table the day we met, you sure have softened up."

Akane puffed out a cheek. "Is that so? Maybe it's because a certain red-haired martial artist I know wouldn't stop strutting her stuff and bragging about her body in comparison to mine!"

We looked at each other for a moment and started to giggle. I was finding that looking back on the day I arrived at the Tendo's felt strangely far off and nostalgic. It felt like we were two 30-something friends reminiscing about our time at school together.

"Well?" Akane asked, wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye. "Do you want to tell me why you're so enamored with those houses, at least?"

"Urk. Deflection failed. Systems overloading."

In a last-ditch effort, I leaned my waist forward at a 90-degree angle, arms hanging limply like I was some sort of android that had just powered down.

There was a pause.

"...Ranko. What the hell is this?"

"..."

Ryoga always played along with my dumb jokes these days… Where was the pork-brain when you needed him?

I hastily adjusted myself back to my normal height. Oh, and there was no heat rising to my face or anything like that.

I swear.

No, really.

Not sensing any way out of this, I opened my mouth to speak.

"It's… It's not something I like to talk about. I guess it's because I never really had a home. I mean, I had a home, at some point anyway. But I can barely remember it. Sometimes I just think to myself... I could've had a normal life. I grew up without a real home, always on the road, sleeping in tents and hotels, and never the same town for too long. That's all, really. It's no big deal."

"See, was that so hard? And it is a big deal," Akane insisted, grabbing my hand with her free one. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I just hope that you feel at home with the Tendo household now. Thanks."

"For what?"

"Trusting me with that."

"...It's only because you were so insistent."

"Well, fine. Whatever the reason, it's nice to know."

Akane let go of her grasp of both the chain-link fence and my hand and began walking home. I gave a slight smile and followed.

The slow-paced walk in silence was boring but oddly cathartic. I felt the events of today raced through my head as if my brain was trying to fully process and file away all the information I gathered today.

And boy, was it a confusing mess.

There wasn't just the 'Ranko' act and everything pertaining to it to keep track of, but also my ever-evolving relationship with Akane, whatever the heck Pops and Mr. Tendo were going to do, and making sure Dr. Tofu keeps his mouth shut (though I was sure he would. Tofu was the last person I expected to go behind my back).

Most importantly, though- and I had no idea why this stuck out in my head as particularly noteworthy- my encounter with the mysterious stranger known as Dobi Kinante. Even thinking the nonsensical name made me cringe internally. Seriously, what was with it? Either that woman had strange parents or that was some kind of pseudonym. I was inclined to go with the latter theory simply because I wanted to believe no parents would name their child a string of gibberish.

And wait, it's not like just her given name was the problem, anyway. I'd never heard the family name Kinante, and I had a striking suspicion that if I turned to Google, such a search term would yield no results.

It was embarrassing to have been approached by such a person, to say the least. It was as if her weirdness would bring down my social reputation just by association.

I fumbled around in my jacket pocket for the business card she had left me and sighed. Kinante had said: "Everything that I do is stated on the card". Judging by the material present, she seemed to fancy herself some sort of modern-day Ghostbuster. At least, that's what my conjecture leads me to believe, but I really had no idea.

And I didn't like it.

I could sense danger off of that woman. Call it my martial artists intuition, but between Nabiki's scheming and Kinante's sudden and abrupt appearance, I had a feeling I would be back to some crazy escapade soon enough.

At least I could shed the 'Ranko' persona when Nabiki inevitably got bored soon enough.

The Epilogue

or

How I Screwed Up

The next morning I awoke to an empty room. Wherever Pops had run off to, it looked like he wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.

Fine by me.

I grouchily stomped toward the furrow (I'm not a morning person, and never will be) to do all the hygienic things expected of a normal teenager, feeling especially pressured by Akane's prodding the day before. As I slid the door open, I noticed none other than Nabiki Tendo, a towel wrapped around her otherwise naked body as she brushed her teeth.

Just as I was about to frantically apologize and close the door, Nabiki's glinting eyes met mine.

"Come now, Ranko. We're both girls, after all."

"..."

...This girl.

And I was the one constantly accused of a lack of feminine modesty.

I begrudgingly pushed the door closed inside the bathroom, hoping this move would somehow throw her off-kilter, but to no avail. She just happily hummed to herself, clearly in a better mood than normal.

Instead of looking at her, I stared at my feet on the way to the furrow itself as to not embarrass myself further. Somehow, I managed to slip on a piece of soap and fall on my butt, a move most unbecoming of a practitioner of the art.

And Nabiki, well…

Akane and Kasumi have a giggle. It's a nice, pleasant tone that you'd expect a girl to have.

Shampoo laughs like a princess- calm, sweet and demure.

Ukyo's laughter is much louder and more unrefined, but there's still a certain amount of cuteness to it.

On the other hand, Nabiki straight-up cackles. Not quite like Cologne, but it's still... How do I put this…

It sounds like a witch that just ate a child and is celebrating the humor of it.

...So, horrifying was the word after all.

What a terrible thing to hear while your vision spirals and small stars appear above your head.

I quickly came to though, leaping to my feet to mouth off some sort of comeback, but Nabiki wasn't giving me the chance.

"You're such a clown! Please, give us another!"

"Like hell I'm going to purposely slip and fall again! That was the second time since I faked it two days ago…"

"Careful there, Ranko," Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "Speaking to me about that stuff is a breach of contract. Remember?"

Right, she had written that thing in a way that excused herself from talking about this stuff out of fear of being caught bullying me.

"Though," she continued. "I guess there are no problems right now. Kasumi is cooking breakfast and she sent out Akane to grab some things for her. As for daddy, he won't step a foot near this place as long as he knows I'm here. So you're safe, but just this once."

"...You take this way too seriously, you know that?"

"Please. This is a casual contract, not the nitty-gritty stuff I'm used to. I could be way harder on you, but I'm not. Wouldn't want to ruin morale and poorly affect your performance…"

"You can't be serious. It's barely a performance when it's every single day, every single second! I mean I know this is only going to last a few days, but-"

"Excuse me?" Nabiki's eyebrows raised, a smug grin forming. "What did you just say?"

"...I hate the look. What's it for? What did I say?"

"Oh, Saotome," she tsked. "You never fail to amuse."

Apparently done with her morning primping, Nabiki sauntered over towards me, dressed in nothing but a towel. If it were any other woman, I would probably be red-faced and trying to hide my arousal.

But this girl had zero effect.

"Wherever did you get the impression that this prank would only last a few days?"

"..."

"Oh no, sweetie. No no no, not at all. You owe me- how much was that again? Ah yes, 3,200,000 yen. Not to mention, my sweet lil' self has gone out of her way to freeze the interest climb for you while the contract is in effect. It's downright generous, really! But, ah, really, Ranko. You should know me better than that by now.

"This will last multiple months at least, if not longer."

Nabiki smirked in a downright cold way at my stunned face. She waved, turning on her heel and strutting out the door.

"Ciao!"

"...Months…"

I barely squeaked out that single word after minutes of silence.

I stared up at the ceiling, wondering just what my completely mortified face looked like on the outside.

My voice cracked:

"...You've gotta be kidding me…"

Part 1: Ranma's Trick - End

A/N: Whew. Three months of writer's block on this chapter alone. To be honest, I'm still not entirely happy with how it turned out, but this is what I got and the show must go on.

One of the things preventing me from finishing here was the lack of a satisfying conclusion. This is more of an introduction than a story on its own anyway, but it still felt wrong to leave it without having accomplished anything except set-up for later stories. Eventually, I gave in and accepted that this was how it had to happen. Oh well.

I'm already hard at work at the second part, which will be more of a proper narrative arc, promise. And hey, Maybe I won't get writer's block during this one!

-TTR