Before I begin, a bit on what I am doing and why I am doing it.

This is a light-hearted, silly oneshot. It will still have bits of my own reconstructionist, aware of the tropes and the flaws writing, but it is not aiming to be as deep or thoughtful or reality ensuing as I usually write.

It will still be better than most of the betrayal dreck.

I will still use ideas I use in my other Pokemon fics, like adapting some Pocket Monsters the Animations Concepts (legal for most things at age 10, the situation with most boys and men's fates, what Delia thinks and does), having Ash be older, and so on, but a lot sillier than usual, and intended.

I'm sure Shudo's point about most guys being 'useless adults' was not meant for this sort of thing, but it works decently well for this sort of silliness.

I just finished a rough patch in my life, and I want to celebrate it being over with a silly, stupid little thing, which I will be sharing with you all because Pokemon needs more silly, non-serious fics.

Still involving my own little niche, but a lot sillier and more casual than I normally do in Reset Bloodlines or Shudo cross Modern Ash.

With that finished, and with the permission of 'The Boy is Trouble' writer Andrew Joshua Talon, I proudly present.

That Twerp is Trouble.

A mindless and silly fic about the protagonist getting laid every which way, done my way.

Enjoy.

It had been years since Ash had stayed in Pallet Town for a long period of time.

Ever since his Indigo League challenge, his returns to Pallet Town had always been short bursts. Say hello to everyone, see how the Pokemon were doing, visit Pidgeot, then it was off to the next region.

Be it as an errand, his own interest, or the winning of a free vacation that also had an errand to it, he had hardly been back in Pallet Town for even a week.

However, beyond all expectations, he had found himself in Pallet Town for ten days now.

Long enough that he had actually gotten annoyed at the dust covering his achievement shelf, (and he wasn't sure when that had gotten a thing. Did his mom just find a good deal on a shelf and bought it at some point?), as to make the pinned up displays of his badges look just as dustless as his Z-Ring and crystal display.

His mom had looked rather surprised when he asked her the best way to dust various surfaces.

Plagues of Gym Badges, miscellaneous trophies and diplomas from various minor competitions, league trophies from the gold Orange League trophy to the silver Kalos League trophy and the bronze Sinnoh League trophy, and all sorts of other things.

He nodded at them as he felt Pikachu bound up onto his shoulder and chirp about what was before them.

"Yeah, I can't believe I have all this stuff to buddy. We've come a long way haven't we."

"Pika."

Pikachu's nod was followed by a moment of self-reflection.

"You know, I can remember back when I was ten. Is it just me, or would that me look at these and go 'where are all the other gold trophies?'"

Pikachu nodded in agreement, and his opinion on his past self.

"Not that I wouldn't mind a few more of those…"

You grew up, you learned and matured, but that didn't mean there wasn't some truth lingering from your time as a ten year old.

Among them the appreciation of more golden trophies, even if you grew up and realized the value of the other metaled trophies, or that not having one didn't mean you were a failure.

Just that you could do better and had a goal to keep working towards.

…

It was rare having her son around for so long after he left years ago.

She might feel like it was making her old having her seventeen year old son back around, but she had seven years to enjoy a renewed sense of youth.

A thirty-five year old Delia Ketchum was a bit more secure about such things than a twenty-eight year old Delia Ketchum.

It was weird though: in not too long from now they'd be eighteen and thirty-six. Having her little boy be exactly half her age was a weird feeling.

Not that he was exactly little anymore. He had eclipsed her in height some time ago.

"Oh Ash, could you be a dear and do something for me?"

Her son stopped mid step down the stair, his attention her way as she held up a covered dish.

"Helenia had to stay at home. There was a unexpected hiccup in her company's group project and she had to cover for another programmer needing to be away for a funeral the few days. She should be done now, and I'd thought I'd make her a plate of congratulatory brownies. Think you could drop this off for me?"

"Sure mom."

Ash's answer was without hesitation or a 'really, you are making me do this' tone. He took the dish from her hands and walked out the door, Pikachu following right behind him.

As her son left though, a thought crossed her mind.

A thought that hadn't been a thing when she was interested in feeling young. It wasn't something twenty-nine year old Delia would have had, or thirty year old Delia.

Not even thirty-three year old Delia.

"You know Mimey…is Ash ever going to notice anyone? Girls, boys, anything anytime soon?"

"Mime?"

She sighed at her friend's unsure tone.

Now that she was a bit more accepting of her age, Delia really did have to ask.

Would she ever have grandchildren? Or even just a child-in-law?

…

The universe would soon give her the answer to that question.

The only response she could give to it was the old but not untrue saying.

Be careful what you wish for.

…

Helenia was a woman a bit senior to that of her friend Delia. At thirty-eight years old she had been a tech programmer for a small programming company since she first discovered she had a talent for it at age 12.

The company had hired her a year later, and she had been with them ever since. It was a good job, it paid well and she could make her own hours.

The only thing she had to admit was a problem was that it never really meant meeting anyone. Beyond video calls she had no idea what her fellow employees looked or sounded like, and she couldn't really see herself trying to long-distance date any of them.

A pity too: the guys she worked with were seemingly a rarity among men, and if she could find any of them as being better than just remaining co-workers she would jump at it. They didn't become useless lumps who only went through the motions of life, wallowing in depression and failure.

People joked about unappealing computer geeks were in film and media; honestly they were among the only appetizing males in the world.

Not for the first time did Helenia feel a bit of envy towards Bisexuals and Lesbians. Women didn't tend to become nearly as worthless after a certain age over failing at life.

The sound of someone approaching her door made her smile though.

It wasn't every male in the world who became a lummox. Pallet Town had a few that managed to be somewhat pleasing.

The Professor was probably the most famous one of them, but another was her friend's own son.

She had to admit she never thought much of his chances back when he was just a little kid running late in his pajamas, but he had come quite far since then.

Leagues, victories, over six feet in height, and not looking bad at all while doing it.

Not bad at all.

She licked her lips.

She had asked Delia to bring her some brownies for a reason beyond being part of her post-work celebration.

She knew her friend well enough she'd probably have the main attraction of her post-work celebration bring it to her.

She looked herself over again.

Tang top, yoga pants, both just tight enough to be visually interesting…

To a seventeen year old boy, she could certainly manage it. After all, she had a quite simple plan to get over Delia's worries about his obliviousness.

The doorbell rang and she walked over and opened it, smiling as she saw the boy.

"Morning Miss Helenia, my mom said you'd want these?"

"Good, thank you young man," she bent over a bit as she took the tray, before gesturing his way.

"Come in would you? I can't certainly eat of these myself."

Delia's talk about 'all of Ash's female friends and no sign from him at all, not even his male friends', was most likely the result of those girls, or possibly boys, giving really subtle hints about it. Blushing, slight comments, other nervous little things. A young man like Ash would never pick up on those things.

Avoiding subtly should do it; at least that was her thinking.

….

'He's a virgin and it feels this good?! Oh oh, OOHHHHH, I might have hit the jackpot! OHHHH!'

…

Ash stumbled out of Helenia's home an hour and a half later, a strange feeling across his body.

"What just happened?"

Pikachu, who had at some point had gotten out of the home and had been rolling around in some sort of nip in Helenia's garden, snarked at him.

"Okay, I know I just had sex, I am not unaware of what that is, regardless of what Iris jokes about. But, did that really just happened? Did I really just have sex with one of my mom's friends, just randomly, and for longer than I'm pretty sure is physically possible?"

"Pikapi?"

Yeah, he was aware that he tended to do a few odd things from time to time, and that normal was a different from what many thought it was.

But he was not unaware that what had just happened should not have lasted that long.

"Well, it's not the oddest thing that's happened to me. I'd have to think of what the weirdest thing to happen to me was, but it was still weird. Hope mom isn't worried."

Sure, he was aware that he did tend to randomly get sidetracked when he was out with various people problems, from filming movies to mad science and even romantic issues. But that didn't mean he was aware that taking an hour and a half to drop brownies off might worry her a bit.

"Oh, you're still here? I thought you'd be off already by now?"

A girl was walking by Helenia's home: a slender girl about his age with long purple hair (as opposed to the lavender hair Anabel the Frontier Brain has).

Her name was Cattleya, and she had been in school with him and Gary up until they left. He wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, but he knew she wasn't a trainer.

"Well I'm not sure where to go actually. I'm still thinking about it."

"Oh, you're thinking now? You really have grown up, in more ways than one."

He wasn't sure what the last part she whispered to herself was exactly, though he did notice that Pikachu's attention was peaked by what she said.

He must had caught what she said.

She looked at him, a curious look on her face.

"You know, I'd like to catch up with you. I'm sure both of us have changed a lot in the last seven, nearly eight years, and I'd like to see just how much."

"Sure."

Catching up wouldn't be the weirdest thing to do, and it would answer his question about what Cattleya had been doing since they left school at age ten.

It would be nice and normal, not unlike whatever had just happened with Hellenia.

And it was in fact normal, for the first half hour. After that though…

…

"Wait, why are you taking off your…Whooahhh!"

…

Ash again stumbled out of Cattlya's house (which seemed to only have her in it) an hour and a half later, to Pikachu who was once again waiting for him.

This time finishing a conversation with a Diglett, who darted back into the earth as Pikachu turned his way.

"It happened again Pikachu."

And he was still sure he broke some rule of physics while he was doing it. Or at least human limitations.

Pikachu gave him an approving nod and thumb, which was not the response he was expecting.

Nor particularly wanting.

Sure what had just happened, again, was not unpleasant, but it was still strange and unexpected.

"Do you have any idea why that just happened, twice now?"

"Pika."

"I've been going through puberty since at least Mauville City. I don't think that's the answer. Let's go walk over to the Professor's for a bit, see if I could talk to Tracey for a bit. Haven't in a while, you know."

Plus he was more aware of his friends than some would assume, and he could say for certain that Tracey was not going to initiate oddly long sex with him at random.

…

He was correct in Tracey's platonic nature, and after a few laughs and some Pokedex photos from Rotom for inspiration Ash was on his way back home.

"Oh wow, is that you Ash!?"

Ash stopped mid-step as he passed the Pallet Town Bike shop.

They had one of those now?

Standing in front of the small but nice looking building was a girl maybe a year younger than him, with short brown hair and black eyes. Her red and blue clothes sort of reminded him of May's, though the hat that she had on backwards was more something he'd wear than May.

Her name was Cadence, a girl who was about a year younger than him.

"It is, and you work at a bike shop I didn't know we had?"

She grinned.

"I own it. Technically it's a Bike and Mechanics shop, but I make good with it."

"Neat."

Could he get a bike for himself while he was here? He could think of some uses for such a thing, and Pikachu and Gible should hopefully not destroy a bike that belonged to him.

Hopefully.

"I know, wouldn't trade it for the world."

Cadence held a screwdriver pointed at him as she grinned, as if a sudden idea had come to her.

"Say, I need some help with my rack, think you could spare a moment?"

"Sure."

It was perfectly reasonable a request. A bike rack was probably needing to be hung up and he'd hold in place for her while she screwed it in.

Perfectly platonic, though for some reason Pikachu was looking at him oddly.

What did he think was about to happen?

….

"Ride me like an ACRO BIKE! Yeah, yea, YEAHHH!"

…

…

As Ash returned home, far later than he probably should have, his mom waved to him from the kitchen.

"Oh good, I was just starting on dinner. So, how was it, you were gone for a while?"

"Weird."

"Oh, did it involve those creepy ruins again?"

Remembering that incident was a reminder that he had in fact had a lot weirder stuff happen to him when in Pallet Town than random and 'it should be implausible' sex.

"Not that weird."

It said something about his life that his mom didn't press and ask him what was less weird than a giant rampaging abomination.

…

The next day Ash found himself delivering a lasagna for the Oak home.

Apparently their appliances were acting up, so they could only heat up something to eat. Hence a perfectly reheatable Lasanga courtesy of the Pallet House restaurant.

Only at half price.

The door opened up after he knocked at it, revealing the smiling face of Daisy Oak.

Daisy was the older sister of Gary, and in hair color and eye they looked a lot like. However she was a lot less prone to arrogance or put downs than her brother had been at his worst, and he had to admit once upon a time he had found her attractive.

But that was years ago, and despite yesterday he didn't see that changing.

"Oh, thank you. Grandpa always forgets to feed himself, though this is a bit much for just me and him."

"Mom said that it was better to have too much than too little. Replacement delivery always takes forever."

She nodded at his parroted words, before having a thoughtful look come over her.

"You know, you're always going from place to place, never really slowing down. Must be rough being here for nearly two weeks."

"Alola helped. If I couldn't stay in one place, I'd have swum between islands daily."

He had nearly tried that too, at least until the Sharpedo school passed by the dock.

"Still, you must have a lot of stored up energy and stress. You know, I learned how to give massages to to help my grandfather and his older Pokemon, perhaps you'd like one."

"Sure."

There was no way this could end like with Helenia, Cattleya, and Cadence. If it was good for her grandfather, it was perfectly normal for him.

…

"I hope you don't mind, but I'm trying a new technique that I'm sure will be really relaxing for you when it's all over."

"Sure, but why is your hand going so low…"

…

An hour and a half later Ash found himself naked.

In Daisy Oak's bed.

Next to a naked Daisy Oak, who was currently spooning him. At least he was pretty sure that was the word.

For once though, he wasn't immediately wondering why that had just happened, and about how he was pretty sure things could not last that long.

No, the thoughts that came to mind were quite different.

"Your grandfather is going to kill me."

He'd say Gary, but he was aware that Gary was not here right now. The Professor would get him first.

Daisy chuckled as she rubbed his chest soothingly. Even without massage oils that did feel relaxing.

"Oh don't you worry, he knows I'm an adult and that I have my own needs. He doesn't have a dream of me dying a virgin in his mind at all. Plus, there are worst people for me to do it with than Pallet Town's pride and joy."

He still was not going to mention this around the man, just in case she was wrong.

"Why though?"

His question caused Daisy to raise her head and tilt it his way inquisitively.

"Why what?"

"Why did you want to have sex with me?"

She smiled.

"Why not?"

"I'm not the only guy in town, and I'm your brother's best friend…"

"The statue of 'bro code' expires after some time, if that is what you are worried about. As to the point about the other guys in town…"

At this point she seemed to pause, as if he she was stuck on the word to use.

"You know, maybe you should ask someone else. I don't think I can think of the right words. Of course, you can do that after we have a bit more fun."

Daisy couldn't be serious, right? Even Brock had admitted out loud that there were limits of what the human body could…

Ash stopped thinking for another forty-five minutes shortly after.

…

Ash wasn't sure if asking someone else was something he should be doing. He did have duties after all.

But Pikachu had reminded him that it was a rest day for his Pokemon at the ranch training wise, and his mom wasn't expecting him.

Pikacuh had then darted forward and, after Ash had chased him down, had found him in the arms of Helenia, who had smiled and asked him to come and 'help her with something'.

Even Ash had a suspicion what that was going to be, even as he noted that Pikachu apparently did not mind waiting the surprisingly long period of time that promptly followed.

And so an hour and so later found him also naked, also laying in a woman's bed with a woman spooning him.

And it was only at this point he could ask the question that Daisy had said he should ask.

Helenia shook her head sadly before going on.

"It's how things are. Most of the men in the world are basically dead inside. They tried to reach their dreams, failed, and basically live in motions. They just seem to lose all life in them, like that Pokemon. You know better than I do, what's that Pokemon that goes from lazy to not lazy to really lazy but strong?"

"Slakoth, Vigoroth, and Slaking?"

Helenia nodded as she poked his chest.

"Pretty much every guy in this town who isn't named Oak, or you, is pretty much a Slaking that doesn't even have the ability to throw a shed at someone. Sadly all of the Oaks here are old, while you are most certainly not old and tired at all. Far from it in fact."

What about Tracey? Tracey was a guy, and he certainly wasn't lying around like a Slakoth.

Also that had to be an exaggeration.

He mentioned Tracey, which caused Helenia to chuckle.

"Oh him. He's dating some Cerulean girl named Daisy, and while a woman has needs we also have standards. You meanwhile, aren't dating anyone, and are free to help the women of Pallet Town live a little while you are here."

He was? Good for Tracey. Still, she had to be exaggerating, right? Sure, he had had sex with four women in less than forty-eight hours, but that was just four women in an entire town.

All of the women in Pallet couldn't possible want to sleep with him, right?

Also, what would happen if he did start dating someone?

He offered the question to her, which left her chuckling.

"Then we hope she can share. I mean, I'd hope she can with how good you there. They always did say that great trainers are great lovers after all."

Him, great? Maybe really good, but he'd call himself great after the second gold trophy.

"Now, let me demonstrate why it's said that a single girl can't handle a great trainer, and especially not an excellent one. See that clock that says 10:00? Well, I expect you won't be stopping until high noon, and I will prove it."

Good luck. That flew in the face of science and reality. He had already bent reality enough recently; there was no way that could happen.

…

"Do The Impossible
See The Invisible
Row! Row!
Fight The Power!"

Pikachu smiled as he watched the show playing through the open window a few buildings down.

It was a nice show, with good music, and he had the suspicion it was becoming quite relevant to his best friend and trainer right now.

He was proven right as his trainer walked on by and he returned to his place on his shoulder, and it was only because of their years together that Pikachu could recognize the tiredness Ash was projecting.

"Pikachu, am I normal?"

Not since the Clefairy abductions, and that was why you were such a wonderful fellow.

"Oh, I had heard from Cattleya that you were still in town. How are you doing?"

Running over to them was another human woman, this one between the age of Daisy and Ash. She had long blue hair a different shade from the Jenny family or Dawn and slender legs.

Pikachu wondered how long it would take for his trainer to score again?

"Oh….your Azul, right? I think you tutored me in math, right?"

She nodded.

"Only because you knew how to write Kalosian. I could never figure out the grammar, yet you took to it like nothing. We helped each other."

"My Kalosian's not that good, so what have you been up to?"

It was amazing that his trainer seemed to be talking like this wasn't going to end with mating. Still, props on the local girls for breaking through that shell of his a bit.

He was worried he'd never have Ashlings to eventually pet him.

"Oh, I got a job at Xanadu Nursery. I handle the numbers for Mrs. Showers."

"Mrs? She and Potter got married?"

The conversation continued like that for a few more minutes before Pikachu really cared to pay attention again.

"Do you think you could come over for a bit? I take some extra plants back with me from Xanadu when the inventory is too high, and I'd like some help with my garden."

Ash was going to mate again. Hopefully he'd start picking up signs of interest going forward.

He'd love any Ashling Ash begot upon the world, but he'd much rather have them be from a girl he knew more than the ones in Pallet.

Misty, May, Dawn, Iris, Serena, Lillie, Mallow, Lana…

Him picking up of those things and not being surprised could only end in good things.

...

"Plow me! Oh, oh, ohhh! Fertilize me!"

…

That last line had inspired Ash to go visit the local pharmacy and see if they sold birth control pills in town.

Thankfully they did, and apparently they were often purchased. Even more surprisingly the excursion did not lead him into another act of sex.

As if the universe had decided to remedy that, on the way home he had passed the bike and mechanic shop and had been drawn in by a loud clanging.

Once inside he had helped refit the stand of hammers, and then had promptly hammered Cadence in the back room.

In his bed he face palmed. Why was he making puns even Team Rocket would groan at in his head?

That did raise a good question. Where was Team Rocket? He was honestly amazed they hadn't tried and grabbed Pikachu in the last few days.

…

Whatever was keeping the trio from bothering him didn't matter, for today was a training day and he was getting a lot of work done with his team.

He got to see what they learned while he was away, practice them with new techniques he learned in Alola, and otherwise have a good time with them all.

Talonflame was faster than he remembered, and the Tauros's love tackles were even more powerful!

The amount of work he was doing was so much he had to remove his jacket and let it air out.

He had just finished complementing the perfectly destroyed targets he had been training his Pokemon with when a voice rang out.

"Oh, someone else is here? I didn't think that trainers came here a lot."

The voice came from a young woman in a lab coat, who was running his way with clipboard in hand. She had messy green hair, a pair of round and large glasses, and was panting heavily by the time she got to him, her body bent over and her head seemingly level with the barrier between his stomach and chest.

"I'm not like most trainers, and I try to see them from time to time. My name's Ash."

She panted again, and he was sure she said something in those pants about him 'not being like most trainers', but he must have misheard them as she rose her head up.

Her face was really red from exhaustion still.

"I…I'm Mendel….intern…Oak…"

"Oh, that's cool. I don't really get to talk to too many interns here. Most of them are too busy. So, what are you working on here right now?"

She whispered something under her breath before flinching.

"I didn't get that."

She repeated it, but he still wasn't sure what she was talking about. It did make Pikachu look at him with a knowing look though.

She couldn't be…

She repeated it a few times, as if revving herself up, before declaring loudly.

"I'm working on studying you!"

And she promptly jumped him.

…

"Confirm my…my…hypothesis!"

…

This time it didn't last over an hour. She was unconscious in about forty-five minutes.

Now that it was over his attention was back to his Pokemon.

Where Gible's mouth was wide open, Torkoal was crying tears of 'they grow up so fast' variety (he knew his Pokemon well), Snivy was nodding in approval, Totodile was clapping in approval, Lycanroc had just given him an approving wink, Talonflame was crowing in approval, and Charizard was giving him a thumbs up.

Most likely also in approval.

"…This keeps happening to me for some reason. I don't know why, but it does. You guys have any ideas? Best I've been given is that I'm apparently the only guy in this town who isn't worthless, old, or seeing someone like Tracey apparently is, but that can't be right…

All Pokemon nodded in agreement, though to the idea that it was only Professor Oak's age that kept him from having sex with every unrelated woman around him.

"I still think that can't be right."

…

After getting dressed and taking Mendel, still out cold, to her cabin to wake up in privacy, Ash finished the training day and resolved, tomorrow, to get to the bottom of it.

He'd hunt down Cattleya, Cadence, Azul, and Mendel, and ask them if they shared Helenia and Daisy's opinion on the other Pallet Town men.

It took all day, as he also ran into Helenia and Daisy, but he had gotten the same story, after some pre-talk behavior.

…

"To think I only just took your…OHH!"

"More, more, moooorr!"

"You're like a Mach, and a..A..ACRO!"

"This is better than a massage!"

"I need your seed!"

"You're such an amazing…ah…ahh!"

…

Mostly because there seemed to be no way to not have that happen, and he had to admit he wasn't really doing anything to stop having it happen.

Still, he had gotten pretty much the same story. That he was apparently the only male in Pallet Town who was both old enough to be attractive, not old enough to be an old man, and was not a dream broken, useless male.

And being here longer than usual, now fourteen days in total, allowed for things to happen.

…

Two weeks became a month, and because the Professor had a specific research project come up that needed a trainer, he wasn't really able to leave without being rude.

That was something a sizeable amount of Pallet Town's population didn't mind in the slightest, an ever growing number of them it seemed.

…

"Where was all this skill back in school?"

Ash wasn't entirely sure how Cattleya had rounded up two other students of his class to join in the ongoing madness, or why for that matter, but three hours later found them lying on the bed, with a redhead named Tulip on his left.

On his right was a somewhat thicker girl named Gibosh with dark hair.

Cattleya wasn't done yet, hence the shaking bed.

"You didn't take,ah, Kalosian with me; I'm not just, ah, my math grade."

It was one of the few skills he had he didn't learn or develop while on his journey, and he would remain proud of it.

…

One might think that would make it hard for him to keep up with his originally planned training schedule, or ensure he and his mom had some family time together. However among his skills he possessed few would suspect, along with his good language learning ability and drawing skills, was good time management ability.

One he had to learn as he went along, but was currently holding up. Even with the strain of his…unusual behaviors.

And he had checked: birth control was in play. He had slept quite well that night, and despite some requests that remained his room.

By some miracle his mom had no idea that he couldn't seem to walk down a street without being drawn into a sexual encounter, and he'd like to keep it that way.

He had already dodged a bullet with whatever was going on, he didn't think he'd be lucky twice.

…

"Alright, that's good for today."

After training his Pokemon for the day he had been brought into the Professor's experiment for the day.

It was honestly something that Ash could not really explain what was going on. Today he had been put on a treadmill with a bunch of suckers and wires attached to his body as he ran in tandem with Sceptile, Infernape, Hawlucha, and several other Pokemon for an hour.

Which was odd, as last time it involved him having to do some sort of dance game with Boldore, Corphish, and Kingler.

Whenever he asked he only got multi-syllable words he didn't have the Rotomdex to translate into an actual language.

Removing the wires from Sceptile's back, he turned to the old man, who nodded his way in appreciation.

"Thanks for the help. My research is going quite well thanks to your data."

"No problem professor. I only wish I knew what your data even is."

The old man laughed at the admission of his continued obliviousness.

"If it helps I wouldn't have known what it is I am currently figuring out when I was twice your age. But with age comes wisdom, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm sure you have plenty of other things to do."

"I'm not that busy."

"Good, then I am sure my granddaughter would love to see you."

Ash felt a shroud of unease come over him as the Professor mentioned Daisy.

"Well we are friends…"

Ash's attempt at deflection was met with an raised eyebrow from the professor.

"You two are more than that at this point. Oh, close your mouth and stop looking like I'm going to flay you alive. Not only am I not oblivious to what my best trainer and my granddaughter get up to when they are alone, I am well aware that my granddaughter has the right to make her own decisions. If you were someone I didn't know I would probably have something to say to you that would be mildly terrifying, but I know who you are and such threats are unnecessary."

Ash did close his mouth, as the professor continued.

"Now, I am professional enough that, should your relationship not work out I will not hold it against you. Of course if you do something really horrible I reserve the right to go against that statement, but as you aren't a serial killer I feel that clause will not be at play. Do be aware that I cannot predict how Gary will react though, he may in fact fly into a blind rage and try and rip your eyes out. Now, any questions?"

…

Good to know the Professor trusts he isn't a crazy chainsaw guy, even if he did confirm that Gary may try to kill him the next time they met.

Still he wasn't entirely sure if the Professor only thought he and Daisy were having sex, or if he knew that it wasn't just her. It was hard to tell what the old man did or did not know sometimes.

He wasn't willing to push his luck trying to figure that out.

…

"If you are still wondering why you are so attractive to everyone, I actually was doing some research on it."

Speaking of Daisy, Ash found himself lying in her bed, the Princess of Pallet as she was once jokingly called back when the three Oak siblings were the town's mayor, postmaster, and famous scientist.

It was now just the famous scientist as his two older brothers had since retired.

"I don't think seeing if I tire at some point counts."

He joked about it, but there were attempts to figure that out. Cadence had a few other friends interested in 'Ash-senpai', and had currently clocked it at about four and a half hours before they had to stop.

He hadn't had to.

That incident had renewed his question of how he was doing that. He actually checked, he should not be able to have sex for hours straight with multiple releases.

Nor should any other known life form.

Daisy chuckled at that.

"That isn't what I meant. No, I was actually doing a bit of research, and it turns out that small town wonders like yourself tend to have this happen."

His attention had, even as the distant sound of Pikachu trying to get at the Oak ketchup stash, she continued.

"It's a combination of two things really. First most of the men who are allowed to choose what they want to do at age 10 try to become Pokemon trainers fail and just settle wherever they crash, and they tend to be lummoxes afterwards. The men who don't try to be trainers, or stop before they crash, tend to end up in large cities with big I.T firms, specialist shops, medical facilities, and other specialized skills little towns like Pallet don't' have. Then the trainers that succeed and come back have an intoxicating mixture of strength, success, appeal, and fame that just drive all the girls wild. Cities don't have that problem despite having many more human lummoxes, I must thank Helenia for telling me that word, because there are more guys of an non-lummox nature than just the odd ace trainer who comes home. It's not talked about a lot, but it is a recorded phenomenon outside of porn."

He'd take Daisy's word on it existing as a porn scenario. Between Iris, Bonnie, and the Rotomdex he couldn't imagine trying to get access to porn when he really had the inclination to.

It was a three sided coin flip who'd have had the most horrifying reaction to him doing that.

Though he did like the confirmation that Paul didn't get constantly jumped by women whenever he returned to Veilstone City.

"For example, ever wonder why Floccesy Town has so many redheads?"

It was faint, but Ash could sort of remember seeing a few there. He wasn't entirely sure what she meant by that: was there some famous redhead from the town?

"It has a higher percentage of redheads than anywhere in Unova, and that is especially interesting because red hair is not a dominant trait, even if it is not quite an entirely recessive one either. It's all because Alder comes from the town, and he apparently was just like you back when he was young."

Him just like Alder? Ash wasn't sure he could see that…

He could see Alder having sex with everything that moved, he was certainly trying to do so back when he met the guy. But himself being like Alder?

Was he going to turn into some old lech that wandered around all the time? If it wasn't for Alola proving he could, somewhat, stay in one place he'd be worried he might be halfway there.

Now he was like, thirty percent there or something?

He voiced his concern to Daisy, who chuckled.

"You need to get old first, and maybe try not to have so many kids that there needs to be a rule about dating outside of town like Floccesy. Of course birth control is more of a thing now a days then back when he was your age, so if it happens it's a deliberate choice by someone, not because of bad luck."

He was aware of that, in the last week he actually had some condoms on hand so he had some role to play in the lack of pregnancy chances.

However that wasn't something that always happened. He couldn't really buy condoms himself because his mom had long banned him from shopping for himself, as had Brock, Cilan, Clemont, and Professor Kukui.

In his defense milk was confusingly labeled.

"What happens if someone does decide they really want my kid?"

Before he could really start to think about the moral implications of choice, the implication of choosing to have sex versus choosing to have children, and his own issues with his father Daisy all but rolled on top of him with a mischievous grin.

"You hardly have to worry about that. Everyone's too scared of your mom's wrath to trick you like that. Of course there are probably a few of us who would be fine if you just say the word…not me of course though. I'm more for having fun right now."

And they promptly had fun for an hour.

…

Another week, another sample of strange tasks for Professor Oak.

What scientific value getting into a karaoke contest with Bulbasaur served Ash wasn't sure, but it happened.

Another week of helping his mom out. Another week of training with his Pokemon, and even finding himself a goal to go off and do soon.

As it turned out, Indigo would be starting up shortly after the Professor was done with whatever it was he was studying, and he could enter it with the badges he had earned all those years ago.

And because it was him, another week of constant sex with a growing amount of Pallet Town's female population.

…

"Spying on you was the best I ev…ahhhh!"

…

It was probably only because the nosier members of Pallet Town's population got sucked into the madness that his mom wasn't aware of it.

Of course just because his mom was unaware did not mean that people weren't noticing something, and it wasn't just Professor Oak giving him his blessing with his granddaughter.

"You!"

It said something about his life that he had walked off a several hour long reunion with even more female students of his class that Ash wasn't even visibly tired when he turned around to look at the one who shouted at him.

Said one, was actually just one face in a large mob of young men within spitting distance of his age.

Sixteen, seventeen, nineteen, that sort of thing. All legally able to work, pay taxes, and get married since they were ten.

The latter one was something a lot of people were trying to legislate about, but as Ash didn't understand politics he couldn't even begin to figure out what was holding up the process.

"Yeah?"

"Ever since you came back, none of us have had any luck!"

"No one will take us out on dates, or have sex with us!"

Oh.

Well, that would explain why he didn't see many virgins. Or at least what he understood what was and was not virginity.

Like he did remind himself from time to time, he was not unaware of such things. He just didn't wear them on his sleeve like Brock did.

Or Lana, who was basically Brock squared. Or whatever was more than squared. He did mention his math sucked.

"I know that you are some weird sex sucking black hole, but just stop! Don't ruin it for those of us who don't have much else to live for."

"That's…not it at all?"

What, because he wasn't Brock, people assumed he didn't have any feeling at all, or was some sort of lust and crush sucking black hole?

He took offense to that: if he was such a thing than Brock would have stopped long ago.

He was a bit surprised he wasn't being accused on hogging everyone, but perhaps they understand that he should not be able to have sex for hours straight.

"Look, I'm not doing anything to make people stop wanting to be a bit PG with one another. I couldn't tell you what is going on with your guy's luck."

Nothing he said was technically an untruth, but for some reason they all lunged at him like an angry mob.

"Pika-Chu!"

However before they got too close Pikachu had jumped and zapped them with a thunderbolt, sending the entire mob flying into the sky.

A distant twinkle and a faint bonk did answer that question Ash had about Team Rocket.

The mob must have smacked them mid-blast off, though where Team Rocket had blasted off from was a question to be answered later.

…

As the completion was blasted away, Pikachu nodded.

Good job himself. At this point his best friend was almost at a point he could be expected to recognize romantic or sexual interest without requiring being yanked into a dark room first, and he didn't need someone getting in the way of it.

He wanted Ashlings petting him in his old age!

A whistle was blown behind them, and both he and Ash turned to see an Officer Jenny, hands on her hips.

"They charged first."

The officer nodded in agreement.

"I am not unaware of that. I was contacted by a concerned citizen about the mob and I can clearly see it was in self-defense. However, police procedure does dictate that I do follow up on any and all disturbances, especially when I'm still new to an area."

He had thought he hadn't seen that police station here the last few times they were here, or the Pokemon center.

"I'm going to need you to come back to the station, fill out some reports, confirm some things I've heard…"

Pikachu's ear pricked up at that last one.

Would Ash pick up the fairly likely chance that was suggesting…

"I guess I can. I don't have anywhere I need to be for a few hours."

"Good, especially because getting all the information I need could take a while."

And he didn't pick up that was the intent.

Pikachu shook his head as they followed the Jenny, though he did see his trainer was noticing Jenny was walking with a bit more sway in her hips than normal.

He was learning at least.

…

"Alright, now for the strip search."

"The what!?"

…

Two hours of Jenny's investigation later Ash still made it back in time to help his mother with the gutters.

If anyone else in this town who was female asked him for help with that, he was pretty sure it was them propositioning him. But his mother was his mother, and the day he starts thinking that would happen was the day he should probably seek professional help.

Preferably from a male shrink, and probably a male shrink who was married to a woman. He was still surprised that no guys had tried to flirt with him yet.

The again, all the guys in his year who he had gotten a feeling from that they were into guys had all moved to the larger cities. Perhaps it was part of that drain thing Daisy had mentioned that somehow factored into what was going on.

Regardless of that question, life continued as normal.

…

"Oh Mister Ketchum. You should get a check-up too."

"This isn't how checkups go…"

…

Or at least what had somehow became normal for him.

It was anything but normal.

…

"Take me against the tree! Oh the data….ohhhh!"

"I told you all that he'd make game night more pleasurable. Now stop hogging him, I won this round."

"That's it, that's it, let's really pop a wheelie this time!"

…

It was probably best he remember that, because if he got into the habit of assuming that every time he was near a girl they wanted to have sex with him, it would probably get kind of creepy.

And it would probably get him thrown in prison.

And it would have made that lunch Daisy, him, and his mom had together very awkward.

It would also make any reunion with his friends very awkward, like Misty.

Said girl his age had arrived at his door with a grin on her face. He wasn't entirely sure why, and for some reason it made him think of doom.

"Pikachu-Pi!"

A doom that Pikachu didn't seem to sense, given his cheery greeting of his first companion and no reservations in doing so.

"You aren't imagining the bike I'd for some reason be paying for, are you?"

His joke response was not entirely without actual fear. For one thing that was not entirely out of the realm of possibility.

While he was pretty sure he could get a discount from Cadence, it was also possible that she might come onto him and cause Misty to fly into a rage for some reason.

Was it jealousy?

"No silly, the bike I have is still fine. No, I'm here to tell you the good news."

"Brock finally has a girlfriend?"

Misty shook her head at that one.

"He finally grew that mullet he was talking about trying out?"

Misty's eye roll suggested she did, but that she was not a fan of the decision.

"Mullets aren't worth celebrating. What is however, is this!"

And with that Misty presented a Pokegear to his face, which had numbers on it.

1: Cynthia: Celestic Town, Sinnoh

2: Steven Stone: Rustboro City, Hoenn

3: Alder: Floccesy Town, Unova

What made it clearer was the title of the data.

"They finally updated the trainer rankings? I heard they were running a year behind on it."

The thing hadn't been updated since just before he and Gary went to Indigo. It was the list of the world's thousand best trainers, ranked by a panel of experts.

What exactly qualified them as experts wasn't something Ash was entirely familiar with, and he was sure he heard someone mutter somewhere that it didn't list coordinators and that they should probably make their own list if they had some spare capital.

It was either Drew or Zoey, one of the two.

But it was a respected and envied position to be ranked in the top thousand. It was good to see the list back in action after that hiccup it had with the Kalos data being wrecked by Team Flare's plans.

"Did you make it?"

Misty shook her head.

"No, as a Gym Leader I get my own list…"

She scrolled down a few times, entering the triple digits before stopping with her finger on one particular name.

"You however, are on this list! The only one from Pallet Town, and you're right here."

Ash stared at the ranking in amazement.

Sure, it wasn't the top. It wasn't even above a hundred, and he did see a few names he knew above his.

Tobias and Tyson for two examples.

Yet, he still made it. He still was ranked as one of the world's best trainers. He was hundreds, and several hundreds at that, higher than the last trainer from Pallet to make the list.

And it was because Pallet Oak had been on the list at all that the town was named after him, and his grandsons were three of the most respected citizens.

He honestly was at a loss for words as Misty grinned.

"Wow, Ash Ketchum is silent. I think we should celebrate such a historic and rare event, and I have just the way."

Now, if any women in Pallet Town had said that, Ash had picked up that it probably was referring to sex at this point.

It had taken him weeks, but he was capable of learning such things. Eventually.

However Misty instead produced a cake, as she was not affected by the gobbledygook that the rest of the town was.

"It's a bit too sudden to get everyone else together, but since I heard from your mom that you are going to go to Indigo again I called up everyone for a party afterwards. Even if you don't win, it would still be a party for making it on the list."

Yeah, it was. He always loved a good party, he hadn't had any in a good while. Not since after Indigo for some reason.

Somehow getting second in Kalos didn't warrant one, but top sixteen did. It was an odd world sometimes, even before this break period.

Still, it was going to be a nice, perfectly platonic cake eating. Sure his mom was out of town for the day for some medical appointments, but that wasn't any cause for weirdness to happen whatsoever.

…

He was right about the cake. The consumption of the cake was completely, one-hundred percent platonic.

Nine hours after said platonic cake however…

He and Misty were currently lying in his bed together.

Utterly naked, and probably needing a shower and extensive use of the washing machine before his mom and Mimey got home.

"…I wasn't expecting this."

Misty's admittance was honest.

"Me too, but it just keeps happening."

At Misty's confused look, he promptly explained to her everything that had been happening since he got home ten days in, and it was only after he finished explaining that Ash thought this might spark Misty into a furious rage about him being a pervert or something.

However she just shook his head at him at the end of it.

"Only you could fuck an entire town and be wondering about you somehow defying the limits of the human body."

"It's true, I have no idea how either of us are only just really sweaty after nine hours."

Misty had beaten the solo record for a girl with him by quite a handy margin.

She shook her head in amusement before laying her head on his chest.

"And here I thought you were completely oblivious. Guess all it took was half a town jumping you to actually notice girls."

True, though Serena kissing him did sort of help. It really was just a manner of being really, really upfront about it and not dancing around it.

Still, he did need to point out he was not completely oblivious.

"Hey, I did notice some things. I knew you were attracted to girls long before you shouted that out three hours ago."

"It was three hours ago…."

Misty stopped mid-sentence to stare at him in surprise.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"You knew I was Bi before this?"

"Since around that time I thought I could pass a test about Jigglypuff angles."

Misty gaped at him for his honest statement.

"So, let me get this straight. You couldn't tell that I was attracted to you, or that any girl did unless they kissed you. Yet you somehow knew I was Bi years before I knew I was Bi?"

Ash nodded.

"You….are a strange, strange person, you know that?"

Before he could answer she rolled off the bed, mooning him briefly before gesturing at his sheets.

"Come on, we are probably going to need a few hours to air this place out, and get these washed if you don't want your mom freaking out."

"Shower's big enough for two."

Misty stared at him for a moment, before grinning.

"I'm still not sure how to handle the entire town wanting you, but I like the way you're thinking. We should be good for a wash cycle if we seemingly can't tire out."

…

"Ohh, you've certainly just earned your Cascade Badge today Mr. Ketchum."

"I've 'earned' it at least three times now, give it a rest would ya?"

"Yeah, now you are going to earn it a fourth time!"

…

His mom returned home none the wiser of the amount of strain he had put on his new mattress and frame, and she took to the idea of a 'my son is ranked' party enthusiastically.

The fact Misty admitted that Brock, Cilan, Tracey, Clemont, Bonnie, Kiawe, and Sophocles would not be able to make it but May, Dawn, Iris, Serena, Lana, Mallow, and Lillie could did make him somewhat worried about his ability to remained clothed through it, but maybe him leaving for Viridian for a while would put things back to normal.

Though speaking of normal, having Misty around did not lead to what he was a bit worried of.

Territorial catfights. Apparently television was wrong about that.

Or did it require Misty to say she was his girlfriend for them to flare up. Ash wasn't entirely sure if that was something Misty was going to be interested in doing.

Conversations had gone in other directions.

…

"You walked in on Tracey doing what?"

"I didn't even know my sisters were into that."

…

Ash was an accepting guy and that information would not change his opinion on Tracey for the negative. Or Misty's sisters.

Though he'd have never pegged them for being into that sort of thing. Tracey, or Misty's sisters.

Odd conversations aside, the news of the list had spread around town and the resulting celebrations occurred as he could probably expect at this point.

Though it had reached somewhere he wasn't expecting a day before he was to go to Indigo.

"The initiative passed by the town of Pallet, by nearly entirely gender-based lines at that, will now be going to committee. As such, we will soon be dedicating a new town name in your honor Mr. Ketchum. Do you have any preferences: Ashville, Ashburg, Ash Hills…"

The new mayor's words just made Ash stare.

The town was going to be renamed after him?

He thought Daisy was just doing an after-sex talk when she mentioned it and that she was conflicted about her family legacy. They were actually serious about it?

"I…have no preference either way."

The mayor nodded, before raising an eyebrow.

"You know, I haven't really had a chance to talk to the Pride of Pallet Town. Neither my predecessor nor his own predecessor Mayor Oak really did get a chance to know you that well at all. Really, it's an oversight for a mayor such as myself, and one I plan to rectify before your departure."

With that brisk statement, the mayor promptly began to unbutton her blouse.

"Now, fuck me on the mayor desk."

The mayor was a woman, something he hadn't actually known before entering the office.

He was quickly made well aware of how female the mayor was for the next hour.

…

Delia whistled to herself as she walked back into town, a spring in her step.

It had really been a good few months, hadn't it.

Her boy was finally home for a while, and she didn't feel unnecessarily old at all while he was there.

He even managed to win at Indigo a few months ago, and everyone was so happy for him.

Though oddly enough most of the party guests had been female, as had customers recently. She hadn't really seen a lot of the other men around in a while.

Regardless of that little mystery Ash was the happiest of all of course, and for good reason, and the newly named town of Ash Hills had thrown a party that was filled with more overflowing joy and pride that Delia had ever seen.

It had been three months since then, a famous cook having offered her a three month seminar to improve her skills.

For free no less, just for being the mother of a league winner.

She had been embarrassed at first, but everyone in town had been encouraging of her to go and do it, and she really felt it was worth it.

She had been meaning on doing something new for the Pallet House after all.

So smiling Delia swung her door open, only for her smile to vanish in seconds at the sight she bore witness too.

And it wasn't what she had somewhat feared in a messy home.

"Congratulations Mom, I did some thinking after you left, and we all agreed on it. You're going to be a grandmother!"

Her son waved to her as he informed her of this, completely naked as her friend Helenia was riding her son equally naked, with a slightly extended belly. It was not because she was eating poorly.

A sight she could also say about Daisy, Misty, Cadence, his other female friends and classmates both upper and under, and more…

Pikachu was grinning, as if he could imagine ten thousand belly rubs in his future.

Delia screamed, a scream that continued as she bolted out of her bed in a house that only had two occupants.

Her and Mimey.

She panted a few times, reminding herself that the entire thing was just a dream, and not actually something that actually happened.

Unless that sci-fi show she watched while her ankle healed the other month was right and dreams were just glimpses of alternate realities, but she really did not feel like getting meta about it.

As her breathing calmed down and she stopped feeling the need to run through the night and break any doors down in fury, Delia remembered that her son was actually going to come home soon.

And that she had recently been wondering about if she'd ever see her son find anyone to love.

Or give her grandchildren.

It would seem that her dreams remembered, and they had a message for her about it.

Be careful what you wish for.

Yes, that was complete and utter nonsense I just wrote. And it was fun nonsense.

And yet it was less nonsensical than the original. For one thing Snape isn't an Evangelion fan, and Vermin Supreme didn't get elected Minister For Magic.

Lampshade hanging is fun, as I am well aware that sex for as long as mentioned in fic is both impossible and lethal. You won't see me suggesting that the Reset Ash Ketchum and Misty's first time lasts for nine hours, then going into the shower in any case. Anyway, a slight cast list of the characters in play, even if that play was entirely offscreen.

Ash Ketchum: The protagonist we all love, especially after Origins Red reminded us that Red is not a god. 17 years old. Probably less hunky looking than SM Red, but imagine a lot of wiry muscle and being somewhere between Hunk Red and Bishie Blue from Gen 7. This Ash probably has less muscle than the Reset Ash, mostly because Iris isn't chasing him up trees with a stick.

Helenia : Auburn Hair (Darker than early season Delia), mid to late thirties. Based on the unnamed woman seen watching the Pokemon League with Delia and the Professor in Episode 75, among other cameo appearances in the early seasons.

Cattleya : Long purple hair, 17 border 18: Based on the unnamed woman seen at the post league party in episode 81, among other cameo appearances in the early seasons.

Cadence: short brown hair, 16 years old. Completely original. No relation to a corporate mandated character from Hasbro's most popular show of the 21st century. I like her bike quips too much.

Daisy Oak: older sister of Gary Oak. Looks like her Electric Tale of Pikachu self, uncensored.

Azul: Long blue hair, 18 border 19: Based on the unnamed woman seen watching the league with Professor Oak and Delia in episode 75, among other cameo appearances in the early seasons.

Mendel: Unkempt green hair, skinny, could use more exercise and stamina.

Tulip: Long red hair, 17 border 18. Completely original.

Giboshi: Thicker build, black hair. Completely original. Giboshi is a name for Hostas.

Officer Jenny: A Gen 1-4 Officer Jenny. Pallet Town is not known to have one canonically.

Nurse Joy: A Gen 1-4 Nurse Joy. Pallet Town is not known to have one canonically.

Misty: 17 years old, though like Ash she still did everything in the show stuck in the time loop. Probably looks a lot like the Reset Bloodlines Misty.

Mayor of Pallet town: I wanted to do the 'rename Pallet Town per Shudo rules' joke, but I didn't have the time or energy to describe the mayor at that point. Completely original. She followed Gilbert's father in the position.

Other: Many unnamed young to middle-aged woman ranging from about fifteen (Shudo age of consent is ten) to their mid fourties. Among the list are May, Dawn, Serena, Iris, Lana, Lillie, and Mallow.

I will most likely not follow up on this oneshot. If you want to adopt the idea, I'd ask the original author about it, not me.

Anyway, have a good night everybody.