AN: Better late than never is the saying, right? This is a Christmas story that was meant to be posted before Christmas not in the new year except that Beauty and the Beast story took me a little longer than I figured because I was so busy at the holiday season.

A thing about the story this takes place post series with a few differences like John Reese and Joss Carter survive! Also I wasn't sure on timeline from the show in season 5 since they never actually said much in the way of how long things took so it might be a little messed up. Plus, there are small differences from what the show did (besides killing Reese and Carter) that I tweaked because I wanted too ;D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Holiday cheer abounded for everyone except Joss Carter. Mistletoe was hung everywhere that you could see while bright flashing lights glittered and glowed beautifully. Wreaths adorned doors as trees filled corners, and Christmas music blared at nauseam. Still nothing put her in the holiday spirit and nothing would until John fully recovered.

It wasn't really John's fault why she was in such a pitiful state of being. If there were anyone to lay blame on it would be that bad super computer, Samaritan, and Decima's fault. And then the little blame left was on John for deciding he was to be the one to upload the virus into Samaritan, risking life and limb in the process. The only reason he was even alive was sheer willpower because anyone else surely would have been done in by a missile. But then Samaritan should have done its homework to realize John was a stubborn bastard and was now two for two at surviving missile attacks. Although everyone agreed John wasn't allowed to ever attempt another try at surviving one again.

Physically he was as good as expected, after being shot a few times and the building collapses around you as it is hit by a missile. He had been the only one to survive of those on the rooftop and to this day no first responder knew how. Neither did she nor cared because it didn't really matter how he was the only one to survive all she cared about was that he had. John had saved the machine while destroying Samaritan, and made it himself in the process. Over a week she had been at his bedside waiting for him to pull out of the coma he slid into because of the traumatic brain injury he sustained in the attack, and he pulled through for her to only learn he couldn't remember anything. John's memories were wiped clean from him. And with the Captain knowing about the attack—due to the machine trying to make it appear as though Detective John Riley was there working a case but got caught in the terrorist attack, as the world believed the missile attack to be—Moreno gave John the wrong identity. They couldn't oust the fact that he wasn't really John Riley and was only a cop to hide from an all-seeing evil super computer hell bent on killing him or he'd be even more confused and frustrated than he was already. His doctors were optimistic that, with time, his memories would come back but keep him stress free. And telling him about several identities he had and who he really truly was, was past simple stress.

So Harold, Shaw, and Root introduced themselves as friends while she and Fusco introduced themselves as friends and co-workers. And they've been waiting for him to remember ever since. Nothing worked and as weeks turned into months Joss was starting to lose hope because they weren't just friends, not by a long shot. As time went by it grew increasingly difficult at keeping their real relationship to herself but not wanting to make things worse by adding pressure on John to remember a love he didn't know he had, she kept quiet. Iris Campbell, police shrink, and Fusco's girlfriend, was working hard at helping John regain his memories. John had to speak to Dr. Campbell when the Captain put him on desk duty for firing his service weapon far too many times and forced a full psych evaluation to be done on him. And while Joss will eternally be grateful to Iris as she helped John work through some issues he had and realize he deserved love, which gave him the courage to come to her to begin a romantic relationship nearly a year ago; she wasn't pleased that Iris now knew John's true identity. But Lionel vouched for her and she trusted his opinion, besides the machine had done a comprehensive background check on the timid therapist to make sure she was on the up and up.

Joss rolled onto her back, still in bed on her day off when she had loads of stuff to do, and was feeling gloomy as ever. Tonight was Harold's inaugural Christmas party with every number they ever helped, and the allies they met and trusted along the way, invited and many RSVP'd which meant they were armed with numerous people to help jog John's memory. It was a formal event and meant she needed a dress. Part of her wanted to wear her sexy red dress that she wore on her date with John but couldn't bear the thought of him not remembering peeling it off her body as they made love for the first time. And what a first time it was too.

A knock sounded at her closed bedroom door drawing her from her lecherous thoughts and before she could even muster a pathetic "What is it" the door opened and Taylor poked his handsome head in. "Morning mom," he said, eyeing her with thinly veiled glee.

"Morning baby," she said as a real smile found its way on her face. Her son always managed to brighten up her day or, in this case, her morning. "I'll be up in a few minutes. I was busy wallowing in my self-pity that John doesn't remember me or our love."

"Yea, about that…he's downstairs, wanting to talk to you," Taylor said before smiling. "I think it might be good news which would be a hell of a Christmas present!"

Joss sat up so quickly in bed that she gave herself a head rush but it didn't stop her from scrambling to her feet. "Stall him so I can brush my teeth and get dressed." she ordered and Taylor nodded as he disappeared without another second spared. Joss raced into the bathroom peeling her jammies off as she went, quickly relieving her bladder before washing her hands then brushed her teeth, then tugging her hair into a quick up-do, and applied tiny bit of makeup just enough to make herself presentable, and quickly made a beeline for her dresser. What did one wear for the occasion of your lover maybe remembering you and your love? Did jeans and a sweater make the right impression? Joss ignored her inane thoughts as she grabbed skinny jeans and a red long sleeve shirt that had a cowl neck, and had a triangle cutout over her chest.

She rushed down the stairs barefoot, a little breathless, and saw John standing in the living room talking quietly to her son. Her gaze wandered over him, his long wool coat wrapped snugly around his lean form, and she felt blessed that he was even standing here with them today. She'd take the heartache of hoping to help him remember her and his friends because he was alive. Joss cleared her throat and John turned to look at her, and her hopes were instantly crushed. His eyes were windows to the soul, at least, to her, and he didn't remember.

She swallowed the urge to cry. "Hey John, what's up?" she asked as she watched her son give her a nod, before practically running for the door to leave them alone.

"I think I remembered something," he admitted, sounding troubled.

Joss, however, felt elation. A possible memory meant more could be on the way. "Oh, why does it sound like you're upset by that?—I'm sure you want your memories back."

John moved to her couch and sat down as she watched him like a hawk. To anyone else they'd not see anything off with him now after months of rehab but she still saw the exhaustion in his eyes, and the stiffness to his body. He ached and hurt still but wouldn't tell anyone. She knew about the migraines he now dealt with when she noted he had sensitivity to light or repeatedly rubbed his forehead. Her mother suffered from debilitating migraines and she recognized the signs. All she wanted to do was run her hands over his body and gave him a nice soothing massage to ease any aches or pangs he had.

"I do, Carter, but this…memory or whatever it is, doesn't make any sense to me," he acknowledged as he looked up and stared into her eyes, and she saw confusion enter his expression as it so often did. Joss knew John didn't feel like a cop but couldn't quite understand why.

She came to sit down beside him. "Tell me about it and maybe I can help make sense of it for you." she offered as his gaze lingered on hers. "We were…close." she nearly choked on the word 'close'. If only John had any idea how close they were. Like she knew how every ridge of his scarred body felt and tasted like because she ran her tongue over every single inch of his skin. Or how she knew his innermost thoughts on life, on himself, and how he viewed the world because he trusted her with a part of himself that he never trusted anyone with before. If only he could remember.

"Must be why I needed to talk to you about it," he murmured. His words drew her out of her musings. Joss was glad he felt the need to talk to her about it; whatever 'it' was. "I can't tell when it is or where I am but I'm on this subway surrounded by four young men, they try to take something from me, and…I kick the shit out of them," he stated in clear confusion.

Joss felt her breath clog in her throat. He remembered the first night they met. John had been picked up after that ass kicking he doled out and that was how she met him. She tempered the strong desire to reach out and kiss him right on the lips in happiness. "That's a memory John; you did do that." she said softly. He frowned. "John, you're former military. You were in Special Forces for years."

He shook his head. "No, that isn't right Carter. I read up on myself thanks to the file the Captain gave me and there isn't anything about a military career."

Frustration infiltrated her and grabbed a hold. John was close but not. She chose her words carefully; "You're file is incomplete."

"Incomplete?"

"Yes, but don't worry mine is too; you're Army just like I was." she explained and he furrowed his brows hard in concentration. "If you'd like I could give you my file to peruse to see that your military career missing isn't so strange." she offered hoping he didn't call her on her bluff. The reason his decorated military career wasn't a part of his John Riley persona was because the machine was frightened Samaritan would figure out who he truly was, and eliminate him.

He shook his head making her breathe out a sigh of relief. "No, I believe you, Carter. It's just I feel like I'm living a lie." he managed as he ran a hand through his longish hair, clearly frustrated. She shared in it.

"It's probably because everything you know about yourself was told to you by people who are virtually strangers to you," Joss supplied as she reached out to touch his hand, taking advantage of the situation, and wasn't going to apologize for it. "If you'd like I could tell you about your career in the Army. We talked about our mutual pasts in the military all the time."

He looked up and she thought she saw a flash of awareness before it disappeared and was replaced by a quizzical look. "Maybe some other time..and you don't feel like a stranger to me, Carter," he murmured softly. She smiled in response because she was half-afraid if she spoke aloud she'd blurt out his life story to him and it was the last thing she should do. Stress would worsen things and he was beginning to get a few memories back. It was a start, finally. John moved to stand and she reluctantly removed her hand from on top of his. She stood too and shoved her hands in her back pockets to do something with them. He stared down at her. "So, uh, are you going to do this Christmas party Harold is throwing? I guess a lot of people I know will be there so I can't pull a no-show."

"But you'll be a wallflower thinking you can blend in with the scenery when you stick out like a sore thumb,"she teased.

John ducked his head and smiled at her almost shyly. "You do know me so well, better than I know myself," he muttered.

"Just try to be patient, John. You just had your first memory which is a start. Your memories will come back but by stressing out about it will make things worse and probably lengthen the timeframe, and no one here wants that," she instructed, practically ordering him.

A wider grin broke out on his face and Joss felt walloped by it. "Yes ma'am," he joked and then turned to head back to the door before pausing to look back at her. "You want to hear something odd, Carter?"

"What?"

"When I was on your front stoop about to knock I had this overwhelming urge to just pick your lock. Weird or what?" he murmured before waving at her, and turned to leave.

When the door closed behind him Joss whispered "not so strange, John, not strange at all," to herself.

AN: I remembered back when I posted my little 'amnesia' story from Careese Themes that you guys wanted me to do one for John as well. Well, it took me a while but I finally found the right story. I know I took medical liberties since amnesia doesn't really work this way other than in film and books but I couldn't help it. This is 6 chapters in length when it was supposed to be only 4 but, eh, my muse never can stick to the plan.

Thank you for reading!