Tales of the Star and Hoodie

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!

SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!

The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.

...responses...

...III...

To say Moon wasn't having a good week was an understatement; her mom dead, the Mewman army ambushed and nearly wiped out, Glossaryck and the book of spells gone missing, and now an all out war threatened her kingdom!

Moon takes a deep breath and braced herself as she entered the warroom

"I swear it wasn't my orders!" Shouts Archduke Batwin. Mina whips Batwin with her pigtails. "You shut up during your confession!" Shouts Mina. Moon approaches a meeting room table where Mildrew, the royal guard babysitter, Lekmet, Rhombulus, Omnitraxus Prime, and Hekapoo are sitting. "Mina, What is going on?" Asks Moon.

Mildrew pulls a chair out for Moon, but Moon pushes the chair back and then pulls it out herself before sitting down. "What is going on?" She asks again with emphasis.

Mina snarled, "According to this dingus here, one of his mooks lammed off with half his army, and they're the ones who put your mama in a wooden nightgown!" Suddenly looks uncomfortable. "Uh...You know, they, uh... T-They put her on ice. Uh, drapes down in funtown- Moon

"Thank you, Mina." Cut off Moon annoyed. Mina looks more uncomfortable, "Uh, sorry about your mama."

Batwin continued, "The queen and I were about to sign a peace treaty when one of my generals went rogue." "Rogue wha-who? Asked Mina.

Batwin sighed, "He's known as... th-the "Lizard".

Rhombulus right snake hand stifled a laugh. "Sorry. I mean... the "Lizard"." Left snake hand glared, "Dude, don't laugh. Rhombulus whacked BOTH of them on the table, "Shut it, both of you!" He whispered harshly. He looks at Batwin, "What about the army that popped up and wiped out the Mewman army? You going to blame that on the Lizard too!?"

Batwin just looked baffled, "I don't know anything about that! One moment the queen is dead, the next everything is anarchy! I have no idea where that other army came from! I didn't even get a good look at them with the dust flying around!

Mina gave a dismissive snort, "I've heard enough of this guys baloney! I say Put this guy in the caboose, and let's croak those toads!"

Rhombulus stood up, "I think we should go to war." Mildrew stood and protested, "With what!? We barely have enough soldiers left to protect our people!" Omnitraxus Prime sighed, "And her magic isn't strong enough for war yet." Hekapoo nodded, "Especially against the lizards. They're indestructible." Mina snarled, "We need to go to war!" Hekapoo snarled back, "We need to sign the peace treaty!" Rhombulus jumps onto the table, "Yelling feels really good right now!"

Everyone in the room starts yelling over each other while Moon looks exhausted...

And that's when HE entered the room...

Batwin gave a sigh of relief, "Ah, Plaugeis the Wise! My most trusted advisor! Please tell me you have good news!"

The elderly Muun simply gave him a sad smile. "I'm afraid the situation is more of a 'small glimmer of hope in a dark abyss' then anything old friend."

"Quit your lollygagging!" Shouted Mina, "Spill how the lizard built that army up without anyone noticing and-

"That army did NOT belong to the lizard." Interrupted Plaugeis.

This surprised everyone, "Say what now?" Asked a confused Mina.

"Yes, it would seem that we are a victim of two separate plots. One to kill the Queen the other to kill the Queen AND crash your military capabilities."

"Wait, who was responsible for what?" Asked Rhombulus. Everyone looked at him like he was an idiot before motioning for the monster advisor to continue.

The army was controlled by a foe I think we all hoped we'd seen the last of long ago...

"HA! I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS! BRING THEM ON! BRING THEM ALL ON!" Shouted Mina excited. "TELL ME WHO IT IS AND I'LL PERSONALLY BASH THEIR HEAD IN, SKIP ROPE WITH THEIR SPINE, DRINK THEIR-

"It was General Grevious..."

And like that...Mina's bravado died...as did the composure of everyone else in the room...

Who hadn't heard the tale of General Grevious? The maker of widows, the scourge of Mewmans, the slayer of invincible armies, the vanquisher of Solaria, the cautionary monster tale that parents used to scare their children into line, the rabid Mad Dog warlord of the Kaleesh.

Long ago, during the waning days of Solaria's rule; A distant, distant cousin-clan of the Butterfly monarchy- named the Yam'rii clan- decided to take an expedition to a far flung corner of their dimension to investigate rumors of a bountiful land filled with riches...

They found this and more...however it was currently being occupied by the warrior Kaleesh. Seeing them as primitive, savage monsters; the Yam'rii didn't even bother to attempt diplomacy before calling on their mercenary hordes to forcibly evict them from 'their' land...

...after a VERY one-sided massacre, the few surviving Yam'rii retreated home...

Thirsty for revenge, they weaved a narrative of the Kaleesh being a ruthless monster army with plans to slaughter all Mewmans and THEY- the Yam'rii -being helpless victims whose only crimes were accidentally stumbling upon their wicked plot...

Between Being rich, Mewmans with a (distant)blood connection to their beloved monarchy, and the Kaleesh being an almost unknown 'filthy' monster clan...no one thought twice about believing their story.

Having been told by her (distant) cousins that the Kaleesh were nothing but 'treacherous, cowardly primitives'. Solaria didn't bother to go herself and just sent several dozen legions of the normal Mewman army to handle what she assumed would be quick victory...

Months later...an enraged Grevious would come to Mewni with his army, and the heads of all Mewman soldiers she'd sent now on pikes they brandished proudly...

What happened next was one of the most devastating losses the Mewni kingdom had EVER experienced...

True, they eventually won and the Kaleesh were all wiped out...but not before Queen Solaria, her entire elite Solarian warrior forces(Mina was the only survivor), Magic High Commission council members Lekmet and Reynaldo, and half of every Mewman man, woman and child in in the kingdom were slaughtered.

For although their numbers were smaller, each individual Kaleesh was worth a hundred normal Mewmans soldiers in both strength, skill, bloodlust, senses and cunning.

They're species also had the unique ability of being completely immune to magic in almost all forms. True, this meant that they could never use magic for themselves or have beneficial magic cast on them...but such a trade-off was well worth it in their eyes.

They also had in their arsenal two important weapons: Zillo blades and venom of the Murakami orchid.

Zillo metal: forged from the bones and plates of the mighty zillo beasts, these swords could cut through anything, even MAGIC.

Murakami orchid venom: tipping this venom on their blades and arrows, anyone who survives being cut with it will turn into a zombie. The Kaleesh are required to eat the petals of the orchid(which contain a much weaker strain of the poison then the actual venom) as a rite of passage to adulthood. This not only gives them immune to the venom's effect but zombies will actually IGNORE the immune Kaleesh and focus on their enemies.

It was only through superior numbers, better logistics and Lekmet's sacrifice were they able to 'win' in the end.

Although the Kaleesh leaders body was never found...everyone assumed/hoped that Lekmet's curse had eventually killed him even if he had survived the final battle...

But it would seem that hope was in vain...

Screams of 'Impossible!', 'Your lying!' and 'How can this be?!' Were all thrown across the war room. But Plaugeis simply weathered all this unperturbed...he silently brought forth his evidence...and little by little the yelling ended...and everyone felt like the end was truly nigh...

Moon could fell her breaths becoming more labored...why was this happening to her? She was no ruler! She wasn't ready for this! She couldn't even summon the courage to ask out the boy she liked for crying out loud!

Desperately trying to keep her composure, she turned to Mina to ask what they should do...only to find her gone! And in her place...a note:

I QUIT

Your all screwed!

Good bye and good luck!

Rhombulus gulped... "Did...did Mina just...RUN away from a fight?" He asked in horrified disbelief.

"Yes", whispered a now deathly pale Moon...

There was a long pause...

"WERE ALL GONNA DIE!"

All facades of order vanished as the room fell to chaos...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!

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