AN: So ffn hates oneshot writers, and I am getting incredibly lazy and don't wanna have to reconfirm the rules every time I have something new to yeet out, so here's a Perryshmirtz oneshot collection. Gonna start with the oldest ones I haven't yet crossposted from ao3 and upload in chronological order.

All chapters will be standalone fics about Perry the Platypus and Heinz Doofenshmirtz and their relationship, platonic or romantic or something else entirely. Rating will vary by chapter, up to a T rating. Do not expect continuity between chapters because you won't find it. Do expect a lot of second person pov, canon characters only, because I'm still very much a Homestuck at heart. Primarily canonverse; AUs will be marked as such on the rare occasion they show up. Time is fake so don't expect much of a schedule. The feels are real so expect a lot of hurt/comfort.

If you want to read these separately, with a better idea of what you're getting into with each one (and tbh newer fics since I post there first), go to my ao3 instead, username revenblue, everything's already there (plus everything too short or too dark or too formatting-heavy to go here) as individual fics.

Without further ado, here we go, "Hold On Tight, I'm There With You", titled after Home by Blacklistt.

Heinz was working on a new inator to help his teammates (his! team! he still couldn't believe it sometimes) when he heard the knock.

"Come in, it's not locked," he called, not looking up from the mess of wires in front of him.

He wasn't sure who would be showing up. Vanessa was out of the country for the next month. No one from OWCA ever visited him at home. Other than the obvious, but Perry the Platypus had better things to do, had responsibilities now, couldn't just show up every day any more. Besides it was still Monday...

A quiet whine made him look up. Perry the Platypus stood in the doorway, looking absolutely devastated.

The screwdriver in his hand fell to the ground with a dull clatter. "Perry the Platypus?" he asked quietly, moving closer. "Is everything alright?"

Perry the Platypus looked down, but otherwise didn't move. As Heinz got closer he could see the way Perry's hands were shaking, he'd known Perry the Platypus long enough to recognise it.

"You want some tea? I got some more of the chamomile yesterday, I know you like that..." He reached out a hand, and Perry the Platypus slumped into it. He swallowed, trying to ignore the way his heart pounded at the contact, and scooped Perry into his arms. Once Perry's small body was tucked securely against him, he started towards the stairs to his apartment, and the kitchen there. "Come on, Perry the Platypus, the chair will be more comfortable." He felt a tug on his turtleneck, and glanced down to see Perry clinging to the thin fabric, face buried into his chest. "No chair then?"

The way Perry the Platypus's grip tightened was answer enough.

"Can't say I blame you, they're not much of an improvement." He leaned back to open a door with his foot, not willing to let go of his closest friend and longtime nemesis, then ran his hand down Perry the Platypus's back with soothing motions familiar from when Vanessa had been smaller and more vulnerable.

It took three times as long to brew some tea as it usually did, but usually he had both hands available and right now one and a half were taken up by Perry the Platypus. Eventually he managed to set down two cups on the table (his coffee, and Perry's tea), and sit down in the chair beside them, Perry perched on his knee.

Perry looked up at the smell, and grabbed the nearest cup.

"No, Perry the Platypus, that's-" Perry the Platypus spat out a mouthful of coffee onto the floor. "...Mine," Heinz finished, with a sigh. He took the coffee, replacing it with the tea. "You always make such a mess, Perry the Platypus," he added, without the hint of bitterness that would accompany an actual complaint.

Despite that, Perry the Platypus flinched, tea splashing out of the mug. Heinz took a brief moment to be thankful he'd decided against boiling water, and dabbed at the spill with his lab coat.

"You're lucky it wasn't hot," he said, mouth running on autopilot as usual. "Because then you would have been hurt, and not by me, and I can't have that."

Perry the Platypus looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time since he'd knocked on the door, and Heinz couldn't breathe. He lifted a hand and used his thumb to brush away the tears forming in Perry's eyes.

"Did something happen?" he asked in a small voice.

Perry the Platypus closed his eyes and shook his head no.

"A-are you worried something will?"

Time stretched out without a response for what felt like minutes (but could have been seconds), before Perry the Platypus gave a small nod.

Heinz took the tea from him and set it back on the table, then pulled Perry into a hug. He couldn't tell if it was his arms shaking, or Perry, or both. "I worry about that sometimes too," he admitted, burying his face in Perry's shoulder. "If Vanessa gets hurt, or-" He swallowed nervously. "Or you. I-" The rest of what he wanted to say got stuck in his throat, like it always did. He took a deep breath and sighed. "I can't let that happen, Perry the Platypus."

Perry the Platypus shuddered in his arms with a quiet whimper, clinging tighter.

"I know you can take care of yourself, you're... you're the best there is, but I still... you're my nemesis. I can't let anyone else hurt you, that's my job." He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, carefully not acknowledging the dampness spreading over his turtleneck, or the tears in his own eyes.

He stayed like that until Perry stopped shivering against him, then leaned forwards with a sigh. He picked up Perry's cup, nudging his shoulder with it. "Your tea's getting cold, Perry the Platypus."

After a short pause, Perry the Platypus looked up and took it. He leaned into Heinz, sipping the tea slowly.

"I've been building an inator," Heinz said, when the silence had stretched out too long. "I don't know what it does yet but I was wondering if you wanted to help me test it later? It'll be like old times! Not that I'm expecting you to, I mean I didn't know you were going to be here until you showed up... but since you're here?"

Perry the Platypus glanced at him with a small smile and shrugged.

Heinz couldn't help but grin back. "Yeah, you're right, it's been too long. Come on!" He grabbed Perry's hand and pulled him along, running for the door. They were going to be alright, he was sure of it.

AN: Reviews are appreciated!