Summary: AU, post Resurrection. Lauren did not die at the hand of Vaughn, and while she lies in a coma something is revealed that brings the walls of his life crashing down.
A/N: I have excercised great creative freedom with this story. Firstly, Lauren did not reveal anything to Sydney (ie. the saftey deposit box etc), so the whole Jack killing Irina storyline is not part of this fic. This is an alternative universe, so APO does not exist. In regards to Sloane and Nadia, they returned from their search, where he started as a consultant for the CIA again. And as I really wanted Nadia to be a part of this fic, she joined the CIA. These points are not really all that important to the fic, but I just wanted to clear them up so there was no confusion. I hope that you all enjoy this, because it was certainly interesting to write :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Alias. I do not own the song 'These Days' by Powderfinger, which is featured in this chapter, and from where the title comes from.
Chapter One:
The Worst Is Yet To Come
Its coming round again, the slowly creeping hand
Of time and its command, soon enough it comes
And settles in its place, its shadow in my face
Soon enough it comes, and settles in its place
This life well its slipping right through my hands
Vaughn's eyes flew open, the loud crying screams ringing in his ears. It was the same sound that had been haunting him night after night for the past months. The sound that he wanted desperately to escape.
As his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, all he could do was stare at the blank wall before him. Everything about this place was blank and that was the way that Vaughn wanted it. No physical reminders in his home of his old house and of…her.
Vaughn stomach still churned at the thought of Lauren. At the fact that he had been so blind, gullible, foolish, easily manipulated- he had been through every adjective in the book and not one of them effectively summed up just how low he was feeling.
When he had first discovered the truth about Lauren and her allegiances, the only thing that had kept him going was the thought that one day he would have purged his life of Lauren forever.
It only it had been that easy. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to put his Lauren ghosts behind him now.
Groaning, Vaughn dragged himself out of bed. Sleep was out of the question. He couldn't risk another dream full of the sounds of…dreams that had been disturbing him every night. He was finding it a great struggle to adapt to the few hours of sleep he was getting each night. Throwing on a t-shirt, he padded barefoot into the kitchen and switched on his coffeemaker. The thought of a stiff drink did cross his mind, but there was not a chance in hell that he was going to regress back to the person he was when Sydney had 'died.'
He was not going to give Lauren the satisfaction.
These days turned out nothing like I had planned
Its coming round again, the slowly creeping hand
Of time and its demands, it settles in its place
Its shadow in my face, puts pressure in my day
Soon enough it comes, here it is again
Drawing in a deep breath, Vaughn stepped into the busy Operations centre. The place had never felt the same to him since the news had leaked out. The sidelong glances, whispered comments, and then the worst of them all, the sympathetic 'How are you?'. Though, he had to admit, that since he had started to respond to those questions by blantantly ignoring who was posing them, such statements had been asked less and less.
Spotting Sydney across the room, Vaughn gave her a short nod. He thought it best to leave actually speaking to her until later. Their conversation from the day before was still playing on his mind.
"Vaughn, could you please just—"
"Sydney, not now."
"Ok then. When?" she pressed.
Exhaling loudly, Vaughn brought his hands up, rubbing his eyes. "I don't know. I just can't talk about it now. I don't know if I ever will be able to."
"Vaughn, this is not something that you can ignore. Whether you like it or not, it is going to happen."
"Don't you think I know that!" Vaughn snapped, immediately regretting it. Sydney did not deserve the brunt of his anger. "Sorry."
Sydney gave a short nod. "I know that what you are going through is…insane. But could you please let me offer you a little advice?" She paused, drawing in a deep breath. "You don't want to alienate the people who care about you, and the way you are going about things is doing just that. Just remember that they are the people who, in a short while, you are going to need to lean on more than ever."
Vaughn's expression hardened. "Maybe I won't have to lean on them at all."
Sydney's brow furrowed. "And just how did you come to that conclusion, Vaughn? You can't run away from this."
"Maybe I can't," he said. "But for now, it helps to think that I can."
"Hey Vaughn," Weiss said breaking into Vaughn's thoughts as he approached his desk.
"Yeah?"
"Marshall and I were talking about hitting Davey's tonight, for a few drinks and some pool. You up for it?"
Vaughn shook his head. "I'll give it a miss tonight."
"Are you sure?" Weiss started. "Because you haven't—"
Vaughn silenced him with a look. "Not tonight. I've got some other stuff I need to do."
"Ok," Weiss backed off. He'd pushed Vaughn too far several times before and wasn't eager to do it again. "Next time, then."
"Yeah," Vaughn said, non-committal. "Next time."
The slowly creeping hand, of time and its demands
Soon enough it comes, and settles in its place
Puts pressure in my day, undignified and lame
This life well its slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned
"I'm concerned about Vaughn," Dixon said to Jack as the two men sat down in his office.
"How so?"
"He is getting more distracted by the day. More depressed."
Jack shifted in his seat. "And I am sure that everybody in this division understands why. We cannot expect for Agent Vaughn to be able to go about life as if everything were normal."
"I know that," Dixon replied. "I am jus starting to question whether I can continue to put him out in the field."
"What?"
"Face it, Jack. If he continues this way, he'll only become a risk."
Jack paused for a few seconds. "Agent Vaughn has been nothing but professional on all ops. I urge you to consider that decision carefully."
Dixon leaned back in his chair. 'I never realized that you were so concerned for Vaughn."
"I'm not. I just have some understanding of what he might be going through. Not entirely, just some. His life will be hanging on by a thread at the moment, and my guess is that work will be imperative for him at the moment."
"Fine," Dixon sighed. "I'll keep him in the field- for now. But if he continues to spiral downwards, I'll have no other choice to pull him out. And, unfortunately, I don't see him making a change for the better any time soon. Not when…"
Jack was nodding slightly. "Has there been any news?"
"No. But the days seem to be flying by. It won't be all that long."
"So," Jack said, rising from his seat. I guess that it's safe to say that the worst is yet to come."
Control well its slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned
Soon enough it comes
Soon enough it comes
To tie us down
Dinner consisted of left over Chinese from the night before, eaten on the couch, in front of the TV that Vaughn had on but was not watching. How long could he continue this way? Sydney had been right- he was alienating everyone, but it was almost easier that way. Having nobody around meant less reminding of what was going on…
"Stop!" Vaughn yelled.
"Put the gun down!" Lauren demanded, her hold on Sydney tightening. "If you love her, you'll put the gun down."
Vaughn paused, but knowing that he had no other choice, he slowly started to lower his gun.
Lauren's upper lip curled. "You really are a boyscout—"
Bang! Bang! BANG!
Vaughn shook his head the memory of the smell of the gunpowder so string that it felt as if it were filling his nostrils. Who was he trying to kid? Alone, or surrounded by friend, there was not a chance of forgetting. If only those bullets had ended it all.
As Lauren collapsed to the ground, Sydney ran forward, wrapping her arms around Vaughn. "Vaughn! What are you doing? How did you get here?"
"I came for you," he said quietly, and then gently pressed his lips into hers, savouring the moment that he had been longing for.
As they pulled apart, Sydney looked over her shoulder. "Do you think that she's…"
Vaughn shrugged and stepped towards Lauren's body. Pressing his fingers to her throat, his stomach rolled as he felt a faint pulse.
"She's still alive," he said dully as Sydney stepped up behind him. It took all of half a second for Vaughn to make a decision, and another second for him to pull out his gun and aim it at Lauren.
"Don't," Sydney said, placing a hand on his.
"Let me do this, Sydney."
"I can't," she replied. "I don't want for you to have to live with cold-blooded murder on your conscience."
"She deserves it."
"I know she does. But who's to say that she's even going to survive the trip home?" Sydney said. "And if she does, then she will be a prisoner. Incarcerated for life. Think how that will be for her. Don't give her the luxury of death."
Limply, Vaughn dropped his arm to his side. "Then I suggest you call for extraction before the temptation gets too great."
xxxxx
Back in Los Angeles, Vaughn was re-admitted to hospital as his wounds, courtesy of Katya Derevko, had worsened during his little unauthorized trip.
Dozing lightly, he started slightly when there was a knock on his room's door.
"Agent Vaughn?" An unfamiliar female doctor was standing in the doorway. "May I have a word?"
"What about?"
"I'm Dr Emery. I am currently attending to your wife—"
"Ex-wife," Vaughn cut in.
"Oh yes, my apologies," she stammered. She had been given a background on the woman she was treating and could have kicked herself for that slip of the tongue. "ell, I just thought that you would like to be informed on her condition."
"Is she dead?" Vaughn asked, his voice completely void of emotion.
Dr Emery blinked. "No," she replied. "She is in a coma though. And the chances of her coming out of it are difficult to determine."
"Well, good to know that there's a spot of sun on the horizon," Vaughn muttered. "Is that all?"
"Uh," the doctor cleared her throat. "No. There was one more matter that we need to discuss."
"What?"
"Agent Vaughn, were you aware that your wi- were you aware that Ms Reed is pregnant?"