this is really short and weird. i don't care. ho-ha. and i just finished watching "The Best of the Rest" American Idol. It was...interesting.

"Daddy, I'm scared! Make it stop!" Roger whimpered, crawling across the floor and wrapping himself around Collins' calf. Collins shook him off in disgust. Everyone else was too busy freaking out to notice.

"Dang it all, show yourself!" Angel barked. Maureen actually did bark, yipping and growling at the incessant giggling that was filling the room now. Mark pressed a hand to his mouth and gasped daintily. Joanne stamped her foot angrily.

"What the hell is going on? Who are you?" The giggling stopped.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, that's not the way a young lady should talk," admonished the high-pitched voice. All of a sudden, Joanne found herself sweeping into a curtsy. She struggled against the force that moved her limbs, but it was no use. Mimi hacked up a little phlegm and squinted through her glasses at the ceiling.

"Now listen here; I'm 19 years old and my back is killing me, I'm nearly blind, and I have a strong desire for some prune juice. Either you tell me what's going on or doggone it, I'll get my husband to whup you good." The laugh track sounded, blasting out from nowhere.

"Mimi? Not married here," Angel said crossly. Mimi shook herself.

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." Roger slowly got to his feet, thumb stuck in his mouth. Maureen bounded around his feet, endlessly barking. His eyes grew wide, and his lip began to tremble.

"I…I don't like it…" he sniffled, and before anyone could stop him Roger was wailing like an opera singer on speed. Mark hurried forward to shush him.

"Now, now, dearest, it's all right…" he soothed, ruffling Roger's hair. The voice whined in sympathy.

"Oh, the poor little boy! Here, this'll cheer him up!" There was a sound like a wind chime and a small red tricycle appeared in the middle of the floor. Roger, forgetting his tears, shrieked in delight and ran to the tricycle, mounting it and happily tooting the rubber horn as he pedaled around the room. Joanne stared in horror. She checked the others' faces; they were watching Roger fondly, eyes clouded and blank. She felt panicked and decided to get desperate. Taking a deep breath, Joanne marched over to Collins and slapped him across the face.

"OW! Shit, Joanne, what was that for?" he shouted, his eyes losing the glazed look. Joanne grabbed his shoulders and shook him. The others ignored them. Above Roger's horn, they could hear the voice singing a happy little tune that sounded like Mary Had a Little Lamb.

"Collins, listen to me. You need to focus on staying normal. The others are all too far gone to be much help, so I need you to really resist any urges to—"

"Read the newspaper and go bowling?" Collins suggested, his eyes beginning to cloud over. Joanne shook him again and he snapped out of it. "Ok, ok…but what do we do?"

"Find out who that voice belongs to," Joanne declared, glaring at the wall as though it was the source of all this. "Find who it is and kick their asses until they get us back to normal."

"I like that. Simple, to the point, and really, really satisfying." Joanne nodded firmly and put her hand on his shoulder like a soldier. But then she frowned.

"Wait…we need something to keep you from getting all weird and brain-washy. Let's see…here, try this. Close your eyes." Collins obeyed. "Now empty your brain. Just let it go dark and completely blank. Something should get thrown in there soon enough." Collins clenched his fists and frowned with the effort of wiping his mind clean. Joanne waited a few anxious seconds. The laugh track burbled as Roger tipped over and started to sob. Mark hurried to comfort him.

"Joanne, I think I need to try this again," Collins said, opening his eyes.

"Why?"

"Um…I tried emptying my brain and I started hearing…well…"

"What did you hear?!"

"La Cucaracha." Joanne grinned and grabbed his hands.

"That's perfect! Okay, now whenever you think you're about to go all weird, play La Cucaracha as loud as you possibly can in your head. Hum it if you need to…but just focus on that." Collins raised his eyebrows and pulled his hat a little to one side.

"Whatever you say…"

"That's what I say. Now come on. I've had the itchiest lace in the world rubbing a certain, tender place for a while and I am done with it!" Joanne exclaimed vehemently. Collins gave her a weird look.

"Like I said, whatever you say…"

hee hee. the whole humming thing, i got it from a hilarious book. in the book, it was the Friends theme song. for me, it's "Boho Days" from Tick, Tick...Boom! That song gets stuck in my head so much it's not even FUNNY.