I love RENT.

RENT is my life.

I am a RENThead.

I love RENT and RENT loves me back.

Some do not accept my relationship with RENT.

Idiots.

RENT has left Broadway. I am trying to honor Jonathan by forgetting regret and celebrating it right here, right now--but it's so goddamn hard. I love RENT, and I love Jonathan. and I love the OBC and I love so much it hurts like hell. And it always will, a little.

But if I try...maybe I can celebrate and remember. I hope so.

The mind churns...the heart yearns...the tears dry.

Quote(s) of the Moment: "If Jesse L. Martin goes back to Broadway, what'll his credits say? "Law and Order"? Everyone has Law and Order as a credit! They need to let people know that he was a regular detective instead of just Serial Rapist #5!""--person who I was chatting when I went to see Anthony at Northeastern. I found this quote particularly good value.

"I have to be honest — I barely remember that speech. I wasn't hanging on every word going, ''This guy's gonna die, and the show's gonna become huge.'' You know? He was talking. And I was like, ''Where's the wine?''--Adam Pascal about Jonathan Larson's emotional speech at the Peasant's Feast.

"Jonathan was so excited you couldn't help but be excited about it, even when you didn't really know what's going on. Like, ''Okay, it's gonna be awesome! I don't know what we're doing, but it's gonna be awesome!"--Jesse L. Martin about RENT.

"Jonathan came in and taught me and Fredi ''Take Me or Leave Me'' a couple days before previews, and we performed it for the cast for the first time. That's when Taye said he felt really attracted to me. Like, ''Wow, this girl can really sing.'' Because he used to think, ''What is this girl doing here? She doesn't really have a role, and she just sits there with her big boobies and her crazy curly hair, and what is she doing here?''--Idina Menzel about...you know. GAH, SHE'S SO CUTE.

"We had no idea we were going to be on the cover until it actually came out. And as soon as I saw it, the f--ing vain f--er that I am was not even excited. I was like, ''That is the worst picture.''--Adam Pascal about the Newsweek cover with him and Daphne on it. Oh, Adam.

"When I go to Santa Fe, and I'm singin' on the f--in' rocks? While we were shooting it, I was like, ''This is a bad idea. This is a baaaad idea.'' But I'll tell ya, it was fun to do."--Adam about filming RENT. I agree.

"My friend said 'You type?' to me, and I said, 'I type. Computer age philosophy, but my students would rather watch TV...' to her, and she didn't know what I meant! But that's cool, because I DID!"--my little sister, bless her.

Characters:

Collins (my favorite, because he's everything I love in a person and everything I want to be as a person...plus he was at MIT, and we in Cambridge have DA PRIDE)

Maureen (crazy lesbian with artistic urges, a penchant for farm animals, and raging hormones...except for the hormones, I'm pretty much her in a nutshell)

Mimi (so tiny and fiery--Daphne is the only MIMI for me--and not the strongest person in the world, but being able to fall in love makes her pretty high on my list)

Angel/Mark/Roger/Joanne (I really can't decide between them, so I'm just gonna put them all here)

Benny (because he's there)

Clothing I Wish I Had The Means And The Guts To Steal:

Roger's pants

Mimi's pants

Mark's scarf (der)

Collins' vest

Angel's jacket

Joanne's awesome black/white coat

Maureen's fuzzy green belt

Benny's stripy shirt and his sunglasses

Well, since a lot of people seem to have their RENT experiences on their profiles, I shall Follow the Fold, as it were (Guys and Dolls, STOP TRYING TO CLAW YOUR WAY INTO MY MIND). Anyway, I found out about the show when i saw the movie at one of my best friend's birthday parties. Up until then, all my friends had been very excited about the seeing the movie, which had just come out. Whenever I asked what it was about, they'd say, "Um...AIDS. And gay people. And money." So I was very eager to see it.

I don't think I had a religious experience when I first saw the movie; this was probably due to the fact that I can never understand storylines. Butafterwards, in my friend's room, we started listening to the Broadway soundtrack...and I really began to listen. And that was it: somewhere deep down, I was hooked.

It took a while for me to really get into the show. But by the summer, I was totally and completely a RENThead. I got the movie, the RENT bible, and Anthony's book for my birthday, and I started to read obsessively about the OBC. I couldn't wait to see it onstage. My first time was a tour cast in Lowell, with Declan, Harley, Tracy, and Krystal. I dressed as Roger and had a kick-ass time (although even then, I wasn't so crazy about Declan).

After that, I couldn't wait to see it on Broadway. Sadly, I live in Cambridge, MA, so New York wasn't the easiest trek in the world. However, I was in luck. The weekend that Gwen Stewart-the fabulous and incredibly talented OBC Soloist #1/Bag Lady/etc.-was leaving the Broadway show after revisiting her original part was the weekend my mother agreed to let me go. I ended up seeing all three weekend shows-including Gwen's last. That might be one of the most emotional times of my life. On Saturday, I met Gwen at stagedoor and spent about 20 minutes talking to her. I was crying like an idiot, which got HER crying. She hugged me several times and I told her that the listening to her voice every night (which I do) is what keeps me wanting to be a singer (which it does). She also remembered me the next night, which was her final show. That really touched me: among all the regular RENTheads who were very close to her and knew her very well, she remembered me (even my NAME). She was a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, kind, remarkable person, and I will remember her forever.

I have seen RENT two other times on Broadway, both during the Adam/Anthony reign. The last time was also their last show, which was a cathartic experience. They were so amazing that I have no words to describe what I felt that night (I CAN say that getting multiple signatures made me feel very happy within myself). Anyways, that's my story. I've had my share of RENThead miracles; in fact, for someone who's seen the show six times in total, lives in Cambridge, and has never been very witty when it comes to the actual chit-chat with my idols...well, I've done all right. And for all of you RENTheads out there who've had your own little miracles...we're all happy for you. RENTheads unite!

--More explicit account on my fic, "Your First Time", a compilation of first-time-RENT-encounters from authors all through fanfiction.

RENT As A Religion: Esther's Guide To Worhshipping The Musical In A Proper Manner-Ten Commandments can be found in Esther's fics

The Roles In The RENT Faith:

Jonathan Larson = God (duh)

Nederlander = the Temple of Jerusalem a.k.a. Holiest Place of Worship

New York City = Holy Land

RENTheads = worshippers and/or The Enlightened

Actors (past and present) in RENT = priests/rabbis/etc.

OBC and all involved with the original broadway production = Angels

Big black RENT book = Bible

OBC CDs = little mini Bibles (like the kinds that people say saved their lives
by stopping bullets or some such nonsense)

Holy Grail(s) = original Marky Scarfy, original cowbell, original blue hologram
pants, original pickle tub and drumsticks, original really tight plaid pants,
etc.

RENT shirts and other memorabilia = crosses on necklaces, "God" tattoos and so
forth

Theaters where RENT is being performed = churches

Tickets and/or ticket stubs to RENT = little passages of the Bible

RENT libretto = Holy Text, Ten Commandments

Heaven = RENT performers of choice at disposal (includes kinky usage, for those
who care)

Hell = an everlasting performance of OKLAHOMA

Prayers = songs from RENT

Hymns/psalms = Jonathan Larson quotes

Blasphemers = those who dislike RENT or are just annoying to all members of the
RENT Faith

And last but not least, instructions...

Treat all items described above as though they are their assigned counterparts. Please be intensly religious if possible. Those who subscribe to more than one Faith (Phantom of the Opera, CATS, Wicked, Avenue Q, Spamalot, etc) must submit application of their specific secondary church to the Holy Preserver of the RENT Faith in locality (reference: see PandaFire McMango). Those who view the Holy Preserver as crazy and/or insane, mentally deranged, depraved, phsycotic, weird, or just plain freaky must make their beliefs public and be severely spanked for their blasphemy. The Faith has arrived. Do not attempt to resist.

May You All Be Blessed By The Holy Larson,

Esther, Holy Preserver of the RENT Faith for Massachusetts

p.s.The Holy Preserver wishes it known that all Enlightened Members of the Faith who are able and well-equipped must travel to New York City and purchase tickets to view Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp, Holy and Most Gracious Angels of RENT Worship, as they perform in the Most Sacred RENT on Broadway. Those who cannot go to view this sacred event must hitchhike/stowaway/squish themselves into duffel bags to attend. If they still cannot accomplish this, the Holy Larson shall appease them for their sacrifice with a Blessing of Holy Larsonic Love. May we all pray for the joy and celebration of the Most Holy Adam and Anthony's Work in the Name of Larson. That is all from your Local Holy Preserver. LARSON BLESS YOU ALL.

p.p.s. The Holy Preserver wishes it known that she traveled to see the Most Sacred RENT in the Holy Land of Broadway and did in fact witness Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp, Holy and Most Gracious Angels of RENT Worship, perform in the Blessed Masterpiece. Let it be known, far and wide, that The Holy Angels were beyond incredible and the Holy Preserver wept throughout BOTH Blessed Acts. Let it be known that Adam (Larson Bless Him) messed up the La Vie Boheme choreography in a suitably adorable manner and both Holy Angels wept throughout Goodbye Love. Let it also be known that the Holy Preserver procurred Sacred and Most Precious Autographs and SQUEEed until the dawn of the folloiwng day. The Holy Preserver wishes to spread her joy and blessing far and wide by encouraging all of the Enlightened to increase their Worship now and after Adam and Anthony (Bless Them) leave.That is all. LARSON BLESS ALL.

If you have ever created mental dramas in which Ed Green arrests Tom Collins and you feel no shame, copy this into your profile.

Amazing plus Amazing is...Amazing Squared. Or Doubled, whatever.

If you have ever gone to sleep listening to "Without You" and woken up to find that your iPod has begun repeating your playlist and you are now listening to "Voice Mail #2", copy this into your profile.

Or whichever songs, you know what I mean.

If you have ever prayed to Jonathan Larson or had one-sided conversations about your life with his spirit, copy this into your profile.

My darkest secret.

If you feel conflicted inside because you love Taye Diggs but Benny really pisses you off, copy this into your profile.

My Taye...and yet Benny is the devil.

If it pisses you off to no end when people write about Collins moving on after Angel's death despite the clear rationality of the whole thing, copy this into your profile.

THEY ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! MOVING ON IS FOR COUPLES THAT AREN'T STAGGERINGLY ADORABLE! BEING HEALTHY IS FOR THE WEAK!

If YOUR body provides a comfortable home for the Aquired Immune RENThead Syndrome, copy this into your profile.

As does mine, so we'll get along fine...

If you have ever fantasized about Mark pulling you up onto the stage during La Vie Boheme, copy this into your profile.

I have practically made a hobby out of this. And it makes me sad, because I know that no matter how many times I picture it, it probably won't ever happen.

If you live for that one moment when Angel sings, "Kiss me, it's beginning to snow..." because it is just too ridiculously adorable, copy this into your profile.

The Declaration of Independence was meant to read, "...are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and Angel's 'kiss me" line in RENT." Sadly, the Fouding Fathers vetoed it, probably because the majority of them were Andrew Lloyd Webber fans.

If you'd give anything for Collins to be your best friend and for Roger to be your teddy bear, copy this into your profile.

One, I want to talk to and have fun with. The other, I just want to hug forever.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

I am against animal cruelty. And come on, those kids are just brats. I bet they could torture kittents and laugh. And they step on baby sea turtles. FOR FUN.

If you think Angel has the best legs this side of the Northern Hemisphere and only Collins deserves her, copy this into your profile.

Nothing to say. The world's most absolute truth.

If you are confuzzled by the fact that Mark is Jewish and yet his mother calls him to wish him a Merry Christmas, copy this into your profile.

True, my father's family does this. But they kvetch like pros, so I'm still secure.

If you have ever wished with all your heart that you could give Roger a really BIG hug so he would stop angsting, copy this into your profile.

Even if you think you haven't, YOU HAVE.

If you have ever felt disgustingly guilty about not crying at Angel's funeral one out of the thousand times you've watched it, copy this into your profile.

My day was going really well! Itwasn't my fault! I WAS TOO HAPPY!

If you didn't know what "trisexuals" were before seeing RENT and you still don't know now, yet all you want to do is be one, copy this into your profile.

Some people want to climb Everest or become President: I want to do this.

If you desperately search every scarf sale you see for one blessed Marky Scarfy, copy this into your profile.

It's been years since I first laid eyes on that scarf, and to this day I am on the lookout.

If you liked to listen to "Santa Fe" on the subway BEFORE the movie came out, copy this into your profile.

This sounds snooty, I know, but come on.

If you have ever supressed the urge to shout, "Anarchy! Revolution, justice screaming for solution..." at political debates, copy this into your profile.

I've done this...and the alternative.

RENT is a part of my life in so many ways. I've fallen in love with the show and I don't think that I'll ever fall out either (though I might tone down the obsession after a while). Jonathan Larson wrote a masterpiece of musical theatre. He truly was the future of Broadway, just as he predicted. His memory will be honored as long as someone, somewhere loves this beautiful show. The characters and the music of RENT are personal and they touch people's souls in ways that nothing else can. I really can't describe any farther what this show means to me. Let's just say that it has saved me from many things, including myself, and I will forever have a place in my heart for it.

Check this out: an article on the OBC Mimi herself! Daphne Rubin-Vega

Small Law and Order Section:

If you're only still watching Law and Order reruns to watch Jesse L. Martin kick people's asses, copy this into your profile.

luvvies!