Dear Hormones

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. That copyright belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Dear Hormones,

I am writing to you to rectify the fact that we have never been formally introduced. This, of course, is partially my fault, due to my forced repression of you for so many years. I wish to extend my apologies for the oppression I put you through. I felt that you would compromise the success of my ambition if I allowed you to roam free in my system. I realize now that, had I let you be as you would, my ambition would probably still have progressed as it did and I would not be facing the great difficulties growing accustomed to you as I am now.

However, this does bring me to a point of vital importance to me. I simply cannot leave this without being addressed. As I mentioned, I am having some difficulty, shall we say, accommodating your presence.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad for your long-awaited arrival. There were times when I could have just cried when Sak---or, rather, when a hot girl, who is not my team-mate, would hit on me and I would not feel a thing. (Or, rather, I did feel something, due to some escaped friends of yours rushing through my veins,but I always managed to shove them out of the way.) My mind was screaming for you to be unrepressed, but I kept it under wraps.

It is just that, now that you are free, you do not seem to have any notion of control. You just go on, raging full-speed ahead. You need to learn the meaning of "there is a time and a place for everything." Seriously. You start going all wonky at the worst possible times: in the midst of the market; during training; when I am just taking a regular walk (honestly, what is there to get all excited about while walking? And do not say that it is Sakura's fault for walking in front of me; that is just a way to skirt the issue… Skirt… That's right; she was wearing that skirt, and then you---no! No. What am I doing? Just…just ignore that last bit. I do not want to muck up my letter with White-out or scribbles, nor do I wish to begin anew, so, just ignore that last part, yeah?). Anyway, as I was saying; you come around at the worst times. I just cannot have that. It is disturbing and inappropriate on various levels. Levels which I do not wish to surpass. So I am asking you to please tone it down.

When we are alone, it's cool; go with the flow, or whatever. But for the love of avenging, when we are in public, keep it together!

She is never going to want a hormone-high spaz case. Naruto tried that; it did not work. That is why---oh crap… ((sigh) Please disregard the former two statements as well. (And, yes, I write out my 'sighs', and no, Hormones, it is not strange; it is representative of my state of mind at the moment I wrote this. I am just trying to give a little semblance of familiarity here, since we do not know each other well enough to gauge one's true feelings and intent on a matter merely by reading the other's letter. This is done as a courtesy; in the future I expect you to be able to understand me even when I do not explain nor express myself, just as I will strive to understand you and your workings, namely the various effects you have on me whilst in the company of a certain team-mate of mine. (And I am referring to the female one, just so you don't go getting any nasty ideas.)))

Reading this over, I think you could probably just ignore that entire last paragraph. I do not know what has come over me. I am just not used to writing one-sided conversations to chemicals in my body, I guess.

Moving on. I believe I have made myself sufficiently clear: I do not want you running rampant in my system like an unchained yard dog. You need to learn discipline and how to obey me when I tell you to get out of the street and back into your house---metaphorically speaking, of course. When I say to stop roving around in my blood stream and to get where you are not going to cause me trouble, you had better do it. I do not want you lingering, either. You get up and you go. No questions, no protests. You are a guest in my body, and if it comes to it, I can force you back into the glands from whence you came. I will do it. You know I will, so do not push me, and I will not push you.

Is everything copasetic? I certainly hope so. This arrangement simply cannot survive without our mutual agreement to not disturb each other from our usual activities. I thrive on order, and right now, you are the epitome of chaos. I hope that after you receive this message, you will make an effort to alter your activities to accommodate my preference for stability.

And I suppose I should assure you that I will also be putting in an effort to make this new situation easier on you as well. I will not suppress you as harshly as I have done in the past. I will try to allow you the freedom you apparently need, which I denied you in my earlier days.

However, if you overstep your boundaries and cause inappropriate and/or embarrassing circumstances to transpire, I will, and I mean I will lock you back up for another seventeen years. Are we clear?

These are the terms of our future cohabitation, so I hope everything comes out looking satisfactory to you. I am certain that if we cooperate and do not try to undermine or overtake the other, we should get along quite well. I mean, if the dobe can handle an arrangement like this, I am certain that we can too.

Until we meet again (which I have a feeling will be shortly, since Sakura is heading this way), I wish you well.

Sincerely,

Uchiha Sasuke

P.S. Did you see the skirt Sakura was wearing the other day? Oh. Sweet. Avenging. Part of me wanted to suggest to her that she put shorts on underneath it. But the other part was hoping she never wore shorts again and stuck with skirts. The latter part won out, thanks to you, Hormones. But the former part put of a good fight. I mean, it's not like I'm a pervert, or anything. You wouldn't do that to me anyway, right, Hormones? You wouldn't turn me into a pervert, would you?

Oh! Got to go. Sakura's two steps away and… Oh, yeah! She's wearing that skirt!

U.S.

Guttersnipe's Word: Yeah… I don't know either. Please review.