Disclaimer for the story, this chapter, previous chapters, and future chapters: I do not own Nintendo, nor any of it's franchises, property, characters, ideas, resources, etc. Any content in this story is copyrighted to it's rightful owner(s). This story is a parody, and is protected by Fair Use.

Author's Note: I forgot to mention that even though this story is named after the second game in the series, I'm going to go in chronological order.(I.E., It'll be starting with Paper Mario, the first one in the series, not the sequel.) Also, as I have never played Super Paper Mario, it will not be included. There WILL however, be a couple of extra storylines included.(They will be starring canon characters of course.)

Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door

Now with 20 LESS idiocy.

Actual Prologue: A BAWWWWWWW From The Stars.

Bowser was in his kingdom, ruling being cruel, and generally doing what he does.

"Kammy, I want to be invincible."

"Whatever do you mean, my lord? You already ARE invincible!!"

"YEAH!! Invincible Lord Bowser!!" All of the Koopa Clan called out in unison.

"I know, I know. But I mean LITTERALLY invincible!! I'm tired of Mario always beating me."

A nearby Koopatrol was heard speaking, particularly the word: "crybaby."

"WHAT!? NOBODY CALLS ME A CRYBABY & GETS AWAY WITH IT!! HAVE HIM EXECUTED!!"

"Yes, my lord, Bowser!"

"Wait, I was talking about my little sister! I said "My little sister is such a crybaby.". Not "Bowser is such a crybaby."

"THERE!! He said it!! EXECUTION!!" BESIDES, I'M KOOPA KING!! I can do whatever I want. Furthermore, I never had a little sister anyway. Sniff, sob, sob. Plus, I don't want any rebellion in my Kingdom!

"But, Lord Bowser, there is NO CHANCE of a rebellion."

"Yeah, no chance!! Rabble, rabble, rabble." The Koopa Clan cried out.

"Also, I never knew you had a little sister."

"Yeah, she died when some Japanese guy decided to cancel her programming for a game."

"Anyway, how do you think I can become invincible."

"Well, I heard of some Kirby-game-item-rip-off called the Star Rod that exists in this game. Apparently it can grant wishes."

"REALLY!? Where do I get this rod?!"

"It's in Star Haven, guarded by The Seven Star Spirits!"

"I see, so it's like a genie, except instead of rubbing a lamp, I just have to rub the Star Spirit's Rod."

"Uhh…No. It can grant infinite wishes, instead of just 3. And you don't rub it. You just speak your wish."

" TOTALLY AWESOME!! I'm gonna go grab that Rod right now!!" Bowser immediately ran to the hangar for his Koopa Copter, and got on, whilst Kammy conjured up her flying magical broomstick.

"TO STAR HAVEN!!" While saying this Bowser slammed through Kammy, and his castle wall, knocking her over & causing her to fall off & lose her broomstick.

"Please, Lord Bowser. Please wait!! And now we need to get that wall fixed…Sigh

"Yeah, fix the wall! Rabble, rabble, rabble." The Koopa Clan was heard yelling in agreement.

After a long, long, flight considering Bowser's Castle was underground and Star Haven is high, high up in the sky, Bowser(& Kammy.) finally arrived at their destination.

Now let's shift perspectives…

Game Narrator: Ahem, today I'm going to tell you the Story of The Star Spirits.

Game Narrator: In Star Haven there is an object of legendary power, The Star Rod.

Game Narrator: For ages, it has been protected, carefully, very carefully.

Game Narrator: Huh? Sees Kammy taped to the scene. Huh, WTF is this ugly thing? And for that matter, who put it there?

And suddenly the silhouette of Bowser in his Koopa Copter appeared. "Hahaha!! I did!"

"And now I'm going to steal this magnificent Star's Rod!"

"Lord Bowser, it's Star Rod, not Star's Rod."

"Whatever. Now shut up, Kammy." Subsequently, Bowser unleashed a blast of fire, defying logic and shattering the glass "protecting" the Star Rod.

Game Narrator: "No! You mustn't do that!"

"Grahahaha! Now, Kammy, unnecessarily combine our magic and turn The Star Spirits into trading cards!!"

"What?"

"Just do it!"

"Yes, my lord, your obssessiveness."

"Alright. Eldstar: Baseball card, Mamar: Pokemon card, Skolar: Digimon Card, Muskular: Yugioh Card, Misstar: Magic the Gathering, Klevar: Credit Card, and Kalmar: Poker Card. Preferably a joker."

"Done & done, my Lord Bowser."

"Oh no, now who will grant the Mushroom Kingdom people's wishes? Will they ever come true? All that's left are Star Kids, but what can they do?"

Paper Mario

It all started on a perfectly sunny day, on a perfectly nice day, the birds were singing, the sun was shining, & the Koopa Paratroopa Mailmen were delivering the mail as usual.

Mario was sleeping peacefully in his bed, with dreams of "loving" Princess Peach, starring in more games, eating Italian food, beating the shit out of Bowser. You know, all the stuff that kind, selfless heroes do…

CRASH!!! Suddenly, Mario's bed-board's collapsed under his weight, causing him to fall through, unto Luigi!

Of course, considering, their heads were at opposite ends of their respective beds, you can imagine the "awkward" position this caused the two siblings to be in.

With the sudden weight on him, it was no surprise Luigi woke up screaming in horror.

"AUGGH!!! Bro! Get… your-a but-a… out-a of my face!!!"

"Huh? Oh-a god! What-a in the name of pasta happened??"

"Your fat ass happened!! Now get-a said ass out-a of my face!!"

Immediately, Luigi, sprung up, causing his brother to go flying and subsequently crash into the wall!

"Mama-MIAAGGGHHH!"

After his brother's crash, Luigi began panting

"Wheeze…stupid brother…He got so fat…pant…He broke the friggin' boards!! Pant…

Several minutes later, Luigi was in the kitchen, and Mario was sitting on Luigi's bed, seeing as how his was broken.

Meanwhile, his ever-overshadowed brother, Luigi, was out in the kitchen, cooking. Why the Mario Bros have a kitchen in a parody of a game in which they shouldn't HAVE a kitchen in the first place is beyond me.

"Luigi."

"Yeah, bro?" Luigi called from the kitchen.

"Can I-a ask-a you-a a question?"

"Sure-a bro. What-a is it?"

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BREAKFAST!?"

"Geez, Mario, no-a need to get so-a angry at…BOOM!

"Shut the fuck up & bring me my breakfast unless you want another fireball to the face, bitch."

"Okay, okay. Let me just COOK it then." Subsequently to that statement, Luigi slipped causing the pot of boiling pasta to hit his head, scalding, striking, and covering his face!!"

"AUGGHH!! GET-A THIS THING OFF-A ME!! MY-A POOR FACE!!"

Several painful hours later, Luigi had finally recovered, and the plumbers had had their breakfast pasta.

Meanwhile, outside, the local Paratroopa mailman was on his mail route, coming to the Mario house.

He put the letter in the mailbox, shook it, and then cried out his familiar statement:

"Mail call!"

"YOUUUUUUUUUU!!" Upon hearing this, Luigi ran outside of the house with a rocket launcher and a shotgun and began firing madly! "You're the idiot who's been sneaking onto my property EVERY MORNING!!"

"Wait, wait…No, I'm the-Kaboom! His statement was interrupted by a rocket to the face.

"Okay, that's it, plumber…SHELL SHOT!" He got in his shell, and smashed into Luigi at a high speed.

As the battle went on Mario, recognized Luigi's actions, and quietly waited. By the end of the battle, the mail was delivered, the mailman had left, and the house was wrecked.

"Okay, now that Luigi's done. Time to check the mail!" He headed outside and passed Luigi, then sniffed the mailbox. "Mmmm…SMELLS LIKE PRINCESS-A PEACH'S PERFUME! WOOHOO!"

Mario proceeded to break the mailbox and yank out the pink, princess-perfumed, letter.

"Luigi, read this, since I'm illiterate as seen in the Mario Teaches Typing series. Whatever happened to the magic typewriter I got then anyway?"

"You-a sold it on E-Bay, bro."

"Oh, right."

Somewhere in the real world, a hobo was wreaking havoc with the magical typewriter he got on E-Bay.

"Anyway, just-a read-a the letter."

"Okay." Luigi teared open the letter & proceeded to read it…

"Dear Mario, you are invited to a party at my castle.

There will be tons of guests, games & great food!

Please come to the party as soon as possible.

Sincerely, Princess Peach."

"EXCELLENT!!" Both brothers exclaimed simultaneously with a high five. Immiediately, they both rushed down the Warp Pipe & began rushing through Toad Town.

"I'm-a gonna get there first!"

"No, you're not!"

"And why not?"

"Koopa football players!!" Luigi yelled this and tackled his brother, then jumped across the house with whirling roof. By this time, both were at the castle, and both of them barged in.

"I won!"

"Cool. I'm-a gonna go mingle now."

"Wait, then what-a was-a the point-a of that-a race-a, Luigi, bro?"

"I-a dunno. I just-a wanted to-a race."

"Damn it, I was hoping there-a would-a be a prize-a or something."

Immediately, Mario headed up to the second floor to the door to Princess Peach's room.

"I'm sorry, Mario, sir, but you can't-THWACK! Mario, merely punched the Toad guard & headed into the Princess's room.

"Sniff, sniff, sniffffff…Ahhh the smell of a Princess."

Mario then exited the room, passing the Toad guard he had just knocked out, ignoring all the other guests who had watched him, seeing as how he had inadvertently left the door open.

He then headed up the stairs, to Peach's chambers.

"Oh, hello Mario, it's a nice day isn't it?"

"Yeah-a, yeah-a. Sex-a now, talk-a later."

"It's a really nice day out, how about we go out on the balcony?" Grabs Mario's hand hard and start dragging him.

"Uh, I-a don't-a really want to, but-a you're not-a giving me-a much-a choice. Also, you're-a hurting my-a hand."

And then the castle started shaking like crazy. Causing chaos and questioning.

"AHHHHH!! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?"

"I THINK THE CASTLE'S HAVING AN ORGASM!!"

"CASTLES DON'T HAVE ORGASMS!! THIS IS DEFINITELY A SEIZURE!!"

"WHY WOULD A CASTLE HAVE A SEIZURE EITHER!?"

"I…DON'T…KNOW!!!

Once again with Peach and Mario.

Peach & Mario were running back and forth like idiots as opposed to trying to escape the castle like they should.

A cutscene showed the damage of the "earthquake", which according to the same cutscene isn't an earthquake, but rather Bowser's Castle, which looks like a humanoid Bowser's upper torso with maces in place of arms and no lower torso.

Back in the castle, once again with Mario & Peach…

"OH NO, MARIO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!?"

"QUICK-A, LET'S-A HAVE-A SEX-A IN-A OUR-A LAST-A MOMENTS-A OF-A BEING-A ALIVE!!"

"Hey, wait a second, why is the sky outside so dark? It's not nighttime…Is it?"

CRASH!!! Suddenly, Bowser came crashing through the window Koopa Copter and all.

"GRAHAHAHA!!"

"Bowser, did you do this?!"

"GWAHAHAHA!! Of course I lifted your castle into the sky, you dumb, bimbo, blonde, bitch princess!!"

"No! I mean the window you just smashed through!! Do you realize how valuable it is!?

"OHMIGOSH!! I'm sooooo sorry. Please, please, Bowser."

"Uh…Lord Bowser, your apologeticness…Whisper, whisper."

"Oh, right! Your wise words of "Whisper, whisper" have helped me remember who I really am, my right hand Magikoopa, Kammy Koopa."

"Thank you my lord."

"Anyway, actually, I don't give a shit about your stupidly expensive window, Princess Peach. 1. I'm a king, I've got tons of money and I can pay for it whenever I need to. In fact, so can you for that matter. 2. I'm an EVIL king, things like broken windows don't matter to me. And 3. I'm here to kidnap and rape you, not replace your windows."

"Now then, allow me to kidnap you."

"Stand-a back-a Koopa crap!"

"Mario, what a surprise." Rolls eyes. "Mario, this time I'm going to beat you."

"You-a mean like-a when I threw you into those bombs in Super Mario 64?"

"Shut up!!"

And so, the not-so-epic RPG style battle started.

"Don't worry Mario, you can't lose! It's against the laws of video games."

"Shut-a up, bitch."

"Anyway, screw toying with you. That's how villains always lose. Check out this awesome rod!" Holds up the Star Rod.

Mario looks down. "It's-a pretty small."

"Punches Mario., No, you Japanese-Italian idiot! I meant the Star Rod that I stole from Star Haven that can grant wishes that I'm going to use to make myself invincible!"

"Oh. That rod. Well, that one's MUCH longer."

"Again, shut up. Now then, I WISH I WAS INVINCIBLE!!"

Bowser then claw-swiped Mario several times, breathed fire on him, and struck him with a lightning bolt, somehow sending him flying out of the castle to float like paper to his NOT-demise.

"PAPER MARIO" Then appeared in big coloured letters despite the title already having been revealed.

Several hours later, Mario is unconscious in a clearing. Suddenly, the area darkened and The Seven Star Spirits appeared.

"OH SHIT, MARIO'S UNCONSCIOUS, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO!?

"Shut up, Muskular, I'm sure if we combine our strength to heal him, he'll still be unconscious and not wake up for several days."

"You mean just like you after you sit down, Eldstar?? Hm?"

"Klevar, I Skolar, tell you to cease insulting Eldstar, since, as his pun of a name implies he is your elder, and as such you are to respect him."

"Who cares about their elders? I just wanna be with my Muskular."

"Oh, Misstar, you're so perverted."

"Really, like you can say that, Mamar."

"Quiet, Kalmar, let's try to heal him anyway."

Immediately, the Star Spirits use their energy to slightly heal Mario. After they disappear, a young female Goomba comes into the clearing.

"Hey, that red cap, those overalls, and even the mustache…This guy has no fashion sense! Goompa, Goompapa, Goombario!! I found a body, I think he's DEAD!!"

After a while Mario is sleeping once again. Then Eldstar appears.

"Mario, I probably should have told you this before, but I'm senile. You MUST come to Shooting Star Summit. That way, we can explain the plot to you. See you there."

Shortly after, Mario wakes up and looks around.

"Huh, where-a the fuck am I?" As if to answer that very question, a Toad came in and started talking to him.

"Hey, Mario, I'm so glad you're awake. Anyway, you're in Goomba Village. A family of friendly, non-evil Goombas live here. So don't kill them. Oh, and I live here too, so don't kill me either."

"How long was I-a asleep? And why-a did I-a have a sleep-hallucination about-a a Star with-a a mustache?"

"To answer your first question, you've only been asleep for 3 days. As for your second question, I think you mean a dream, but otherwise I don't know."

Mario then headed out and talked to people…I mean Goombas.

"OHMIGOD, Mario! HI, I'M GOOMBARIO & I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND-"Thwack.

"Shut-a up, kid."

"OKAY, MARIO!"

"Sigh. Hey, Goomba with the 'stache. What's up?"

"Oh, I was just fixing this gate. The earthquake broke it, but, it's fixed now, and I assume you need to get somewhere beyond this gate."

"Yeah, I do."

"Mwee hee hee hee! I figured you would be here. After all, you always were a hardy person, Mario."

"Hey, daddy, what's that ugly flying thing?"

"UGLY!? I'm a beautiful Magikoopa with a beautiful name: Kammy Koopa."

"Lady, you're really old, and you're not very beautiful either."

"Shut up, kid. Here, Mario. Here's a gift from King Bowser himself. A YELLOW WOODEN BLOCK THAT YOU CAN'T JUMP OVER!" Kammy quickly conjured up said block and dropped it on the gate.

"Wow-a, that's-a stupid and a problem-a at the same-a time."

As Kammy flew away, she delivered the following laughter: "Wee hee hack ha kack haff haff."

"Um. I just finished fixing that thing. Nobody say "gate" to me."

"Don't-a say gaaaaaate?"

"Yes, don't say gate to me."

(AN: It's a good idea if you think of this as an Animaniacs style song with polka music in the background. Also, since it's a musical number, I'm going to say who says what to avoid confusion.)

Mario: Ohhhhhhhhhh…

Goompapa: What are you doing, Mario?

Mario: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! Goombario!"

Goombario: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! So no need to get iraaaaaaate! Goombaria!"

Goompapa: "I'm IRATE."

Goombaria: They come in lots of colours that are really good. You can make 'em out of anything! Rock, plastic, metal wood! Goomama!!"

Goompapa: "NOT MY WIFE TOO!!"

Goomama: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! It keeps the monsters out so your children don't have to pout! Monsters out! Gooma!"

Gooma: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! It can close and open! Close and open! Like it you will, I'm hopin'! Goompa!"

Goompapa: "I don't like it!!"

Goompa: It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! Gates can be your friends! And until they do, this is THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS!! Mario!"

Goompapa: "OH GOD, PLEASE STOP IT!!"

Mario: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! We'll never stop singing until you admit it! Goombario, hit it!"

Goombario: Starts playing accordion

Goompapa: "NO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!"

Everyone except Goombario and Goompapa: "SAY YOU LIKE GATES!!"

Goompapa: "NEVER!! I HATE THEM!!"

Goombario: Accordion music continues

Goompapa: "Goombario!! STOP that awful music!!"

Goombario continues playing the accordion!!"

Goombario: Ok. Okay. OKAY! I LIKE GATES!! Starts crying Happy now?

Everyone but Goompapa: Yes. Very. Everyone then stops and heads back to where they were before.

Several minutes later.

"So-a old man… How do I get past this wooden block?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Don't-a make-a me start-a the gate song-a again." At this statement, Goompapa became terrorized.

"OKAYOKAYOKAY!! Just don't make them sing it again, PLEEAASE!!"

"Sooo?"

"My father Goompa has a hammer. It can break this. He's out fixing the veranda. PLEASE don't make them sing it again!!"

"To-a the veranda! Wait-a… What's a veranda?"

Goombaria was promptly heard screaming in response to this. "IT'S ANOTHER WORD FOR BALCONY DUMBASS!"

Mario obviously retaliated in an intelligible manner. "sHUT uP kid, UR StooPId!"

After this exchange, he headed out to the veranda.

"Um, Mario, dear the…"

"Yeah-a, yeah-a, lady. I-a know, the gate's-a crushed. Steps out the door Hey-a. I'm-a standing on air! Wait-a-minute-a…THE-A VERANDA ISN'T-A HERE!! SHIIIIIT!!"

"Yeah… THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU!!" Gooma could be heard yelling to Mario as he yet again, paperishly fell to his NOT-demise.

One excruciating fall later.

"Thank-a god I'm-a made-a out-a of paper-a or-a that-a would-a have-a hurt-a. It-a seems-a like-a all I've-a been-a doing in-a this game is-a falling."

"Huh, who's there?"

"Uh…It's-a-me-Mario!"

"Sorry, I can't see well. Whaddaya look like?"

"Blue overalls, red cap, huge mustache."

"OHH. You're that corpse Goombaria found…ZOMBIE!!"

"Wait-a, wait-a, I'm-a not a zombie!!"

"Prove it."

"I-a don't look like a zombie."

"You could be 1 in disguise."

"I-a don't move like a zombie."

"I've seen some pretty energetic zombies. That slow-walking thing is just a stereotype."

"I-a don't ACT-A like a zombie."

"Zombie personalities are also stereotypes."

"I don't-"SHUT UP AND DIE, ZOMBIE!!" At that moment, Goompa whipped out a Fire Flower and attacked Mario. Once the incident was over, Mario's skin and clothes were burned to a crisp.

"Okay, you survived fire. You're not a zombie."

"I-a hate you."

"What was that? Oh…I like you too Mario."

"Anyway, where's-a the hammer?"

"Oh, well I was fixing the veranda, and when the veranda collapsed I fell and my hammer bounced off somewhere to the west. At least, I think so. I might have just mistaken a bird for the hammer."

"YOUR-A HAMMER-A BOUNCED?? That-a makes no sense-a!"

"We're living paper. Making sense doesn't matter. Now let's go find that hammer." After traveling a short distance west, they found an area with several bushes.

"Mario, you can search bushes using the A button when an "!" appears over your head."

"Lol wut?" Searches a bush without any of the following and finds a coin. "Sweet! I-A FOUND MONEY IN THE BUSHES!"

Searches more bushes and finds more money

"MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!"

After searching several bushes, he finds a wooden hammer in a bush.

"Why-a is-a Wakko's mallet inside a bush?"

"You stupid whippersnapper! That's my hammer! But screw that, it's yours now for no reason. Let's get out of here."

And so, Goompa headed out of the area with Mario in tow and…

PUNCH, SMASH, BEATTHESHITOUTOF!!! Immediately, Goompa was sent rolling back into the area, followed by what looked like a Koopa in a white shell that was cracked in the middle, just enough for him to see out of.

"WHAT THE ING FS FUCK ARE YOU MOTHERFERS DOING IN MYPLAYGROUND, YOU RETARDED BITCHES?!?!?"

"Who-a are you??"

"I'M JR. TROOPA!! DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU SHITTY IDIOT!?!?"

"No. I've-a never-a heard of you."

"THAT'S IT…I'M KILLING YOU!!!"

"Lose-a the bold caps, man."

"Mario. This potty-mouthed punching bag is Jr.Troopa, the neighbourhood bully. He talks trash, but he's not much for you."

"Done."

"YOU BEAT HIM THAT FAST!?"

"Yeah, I-a just-a smashed my-a hammer to his-a face." Meanwhile, Jr. Troopa was standing in a daze seeing stars & had a bloody nose.

"I'M…NOT DEAD YET, YOU…MORON!!"

"You really are stupid aren't you?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRESSPASSED HERE!! THIS IS MY PLAYGROUND AND NO ONE ELSE'S!!"

"You don't own this land, you don't even pay rent!!"

"YES I DO!! I EVEN PAY MORTGAGE!!Shows the deed to the land with his signature. NOT TO MENTION I HAVE A PRIVATE PROPERTY SIGN TOO!!" Points out said sign.

"1. That's-a just-a a piece-a of paper-a with some scribbles-a, &, 2. That-a sign says "No littering, public area."

"SHUT UP!! FULL MOTHERFUCKING POWER!!" Jr. Troopa proceeded to attack Mario in a fast fury of fists, Mario didn't flinch then kicked him where it hurts, THROUGH THE SHELL.

"I'd never get my ass kicked by a koopa who isn't out of his shell yet. (Goddamn, every inch of my body hurts like hell.)"

"I'LL REMEMBER THIS, MARIO!! AND I'LL COME BACK TO KICK YOUR ASS!!" Runs off and runs back. "I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!!"

"What a psychopath-a."

"Anyway, Mario, go and smash that yellow block that's blocking our path." Heads over to the yellow block.

Several minutes later.

"Mario, what are you doing?" Arose the question regarding the plumber "playing" with a Princess Peach Doll.

"I'm-a playing with-a Princess Peach! I found her in a tree! Hah hah ha!!"

"Mario, you ever been to the funny farm?"

"Yeah, it was-a great, I got-a a healthy breakfast every-a day and they-a played games with me! Although-a the games were-a a little weird. They paid "special" attention to me."

"Yeah, Mario, that place was great. Anyway, we should get going now. Also, I think that's Goombaria's doll that she said she lost."

And so, Mario & Goompa headed off smashed a Yellow Block, & found more stuff in trees.

They soon entered an area filled with Goombas.

"Mario, this area is filled with evil Goombas who work for Bowser. If you see one, give it a whack with your hammer or jump on it!" SMACK! STOMP!

"DIE EVIL-A, GOOMBA!"

"Mario! I'm not one of the evil Goombas!"

"DON'T-A TRY-A TO FOOL ME!"

This continued for several minutes until Mario finally understood the situation…And Goompa was beaten to a pulp.

"That-a was pay-back-a for when-a you thought I-a was a zombie."

"Um…Sorry?"

"Hey, look! A GOOMBA!! Die, evil Goomba!"

"Yipe!" Upon realizing that this time Mario was NOT attacking him, Goompa proceed to warn Mario as the plumber flew through the air to land on the Goomba.

"Wait, Mario! This is an RPG!"

"What?" Upon his uttering of this a message saying "You made the first strike!" appeared and a curtain came down then went back up to show Mario landing on the Goomba.

"OW! Man, who goes jumping on people's he…Oh, shit. It's Mario."

"That's-a right it's-a me, Mario!" This statement was followed by another jump attack, getting rid of the Goomba's 2nd half of his HP.

2 Paragoomba's attacked Mario to avenge their comrade.

"Mario, just some advice, you can't hit flying enemies with your hammer."

"1. That-a should be obvious to anyone-a with common sense, 2. This hammer is no-a more useful than-a jumping, & 3…" This was followed by Mario whacking the crap out of the Paragoomba's with his hammer when they tried to swoop down and attack him.

"Okay. Forget I said that." Mario was then ambushed by a Spiked Goomba who had been hiding behind a mushroom.

"Boo! Now to kill you, Mario!"

"1. That's-a not scary, 2. You can't-a beat me, & 3. I could-a see you for a while."

"Um. Damnit!" Mario was then seen jumping towards his head.

"MARIOWAITIFYOUJUMPONASPIKYENEMYYOU'LLTAKEDAMAGE!! Pant…wheeze…pant."

And Goompa's prophecy was right, Mario landed on him, and the spike pierced the leather of his boots and his skin causing Mario to yell out in pain, land on the ground, and then starting trying to suck the wound whilst curled up in a fetal position.

However…

"TAKE THIS, PLUMBER-PUNK!" Mario's head then felt the brunt of the spike.

"Waaahhh! Mommy!! HE-A HURT ME!!"

Goompa then noticed something. "Hey! You attacked out of order! Mario is supposed to go first! Therefore, he gets to attack twice!"

"Oh…no." The Spiked Goomba was then pummeled with Mario's hammer. Shortly after, he was dead and still being whacked.

"Mario, I think that's enough. He's probably dead by now."

"Okey-dokey!"

Soon, Goompa and Mario headed off to the gate and once again entered the village. Goombario and Goombaria then came running tears in their eyes, and began alternating between speaking in unison and ordered.

"We thought you were dead!!" They declared in unison.

"But now you're alive!" Goombaria called out.

"Aw, don't worry grandkids, I'm still here."

"But that's bad!" Goombario then explained to his grandpa/Goompa.

"Huh?"

"We were happy when we thought you were dead!" Goompa's face then fell into a state of depression.

"Anyway, I have to get something from the house, stay there and talk with the kids."

Goombario now out of tears noticed the doll, Mario was holding. "Hey, that's Goombaria's doll, I think you should give it back to her."

"Okay. I-a liked it though."

"OMG!!OMG!!MYDOlLyThAnKYoUsOMUcH!!111LIEKHEREHAvETHIsSHiNySTarPiEceTHINGYiT'SaLlSHInYAnDSTuFF!!" Kisses Mario

"OH-A GOD!! I-A GOT KISSED BY A GOOMBA!!" Mario then ran around frantically, ultimately getting knocked over when Goompa opened the door right onto his face.

"Hey, Mario. Here it is, it's a Power Jump Badge. Also, let me teach you how to equip badges." Noticeably, whilst he said this, Goompa was unknowingly standing on Mario, preventing him from getting up.

"Oh-a god."

"Okay then, thanks for agreeing. Let's begin…"

One how-to-use-badges tutorial later.

"Okay, Mario. It's time to get on with your adventure."

"Finally. I-a hurt like hell. NOW-A HURRY UP AND-A GET-A OFF-A MY BACK!!"

The children, not noticing Goompa on Mario's back, begin commenting on this.

"Aww, Mario's so lucky, getting to go on adventures and save Princesses, right big bro?"

"YEAH, MARIO'S AWESOME!!111"

"Yeah, you're getting overexcited again, you friggin' nerd."

"A nerd that can headbonk you to death, bitch!"

"Hm…That's it!! Goombario, since nobody here likes you,(Goomama: "I DO!!".) you're bound to kill us with your headbonks and incredible knowledge soon, & you're old enough but too lazy to pay rent…GO WITH MARIO!!"

"WHAT!? But, I don't want my dear grandson to leave!! Take Goombaria instead!"

"WHAT!? And, hey, Gooma!!"

"Don't we, AS HIS PARENTS, get a say in this!?"

"I'm the father of 1 of you,(I just can't remember which.) whichever of you it is, take your date home and go to your room!"

"We're married you idiot!! And we have kids for that matter!!"

"Quiet, whippersnappers. Goombario's going."

"AWESOME!!!111 I GET TO GO AN ADVENTURE WITH MARIO!!!"

"WHAT!? I-a can't have-a that fanboy-a following me-a around everywhere-a! Wait, incredible knowledge?"

"YEAH!! I'm totally awesome! My head is hard like a ROCK from all the training I've done since childhood and by brain is packed from all the studying!!1"

"So-a, you're strong AND-a a genius?"

"Yep!"

You're-a coming with-a me, now."

"ALRIGHT!!1"

& so Mario, headed off with SUPER-FANBOI…I mean, Goombario, and so Mario smashed the yellow block and headed off with his new fanboy…er…ally.

Goomba Road…

Mario noticed a sign with a picture of a mushroom on it, and proceeded to read it…

"To-a regain your-a health, eat-a a mushroom." The mushroom then came off of the sign and landed on the ground.

"Holy-a shit! Free mushroom!"

After a short walk featuring beating the crap out of random Goombas… Which included Goombario.

"DIE-A, DIE-A, YOU-A STUPID, EVIL, GOOMBA!"

"Mario, I'm your friend! Stop attacking me!"

"Oh, right."

"HEY!! Plumber and Goomba with the bad relationship!!"

"Plumber!? I don't wanna get stomped on!"

"Goomba!? I gotta-a stomp it!" Sees Goombario "MARIO…STOMP…GOOMBA!!!"

"Look up here morons." It was revealed that the two voices were coming from an fat oversized, red Goomba, and an equally fat oversized, blue, Goomba!

"HEY! We object to that, you stupid, invisible, voice!"

"HEY-A, there's-a the morons who-a called US morons!! ATTACK!!"

"Right-eyOH, huh? Mario, what are you doing?"

"GOOMBA CHUCK!!" Goombario was sent crashing into the Red and Blue Goombas.

"Wait, we didn't even get to introduce ourselves!" As the Red Goomba said this, Goombario straggled back over to Mario.

"Mario, what was tha-"GOOMBA CHUCK!!" This time, all 3 crashed into the rock behind them, and were now beaten.

"WAAHHH!! You guys beat us up! Run awaaaay!"

"I'm-a the winner!" Mario and Goombario now resumed their journey, getting assaulted by Goombas hiding in signs, much to Mario's annoyance. Eventually they arrived at what looked like a small fortress on a cliff.

"Hey, Mario. I see a Star Piece in that tree."

"Hey! You're-a right! Guess you ARE useful after all. Oooh, shiny. DO WANT."

While Mario was mesmerized by the Star Piece and Goombario was feeling frustrated, the Goomba Bros jumped out onto the top of the fortress.

"Haha!! We are the Goomba Bros, and now we will introduce ourselves!! I'm-"GOOMBA CHUCK!!" The red Goomba was promptly pelted with Goombario once again.

The other one, decided just to skip the intro and get on with the battle after seeing this.

"GOOMBA KING!! Get up here, we need your help from these two meanies who beat us up!! WAAHHH!!"

"Well, everything will be fine now that The Goomba King is here!" The Goomba king appeared. Unfortunately there was nothing royal-looking about a red-and-white-stripe-shorts-wearing guy.

Furthermore, his large pupils constantly shifted between being at the top and the bottom of his eyes, with neither in the same position at any time, making him look hopelessly cross-eyed.

"Good, Goomba King, sir! You look kind of cool!" The blue Goomba could be heard exclaiming.

"Now, let's fight!" The Goomba King jumped down and prepared for battle.

"Um…Mario."

"Shut-a up, I'm-a trying to figure out how to get that Star Piece."

"Just whack the tree with your hammer, you moron!"

"Oh-a right." Mario then whacked the tree, and what else would fall out but…

"A damned Goomnut!" Oblivious to this, the goomnut fell out and landed on the Goomba King and his minions, knocking the two out a second time.

"How dare you knock out my henchmen! Goomba King spinning foot attack! Whoah, getting dizzy." At this, the Goomba King fell over. Goombario then pushed his dizzy body over the cliff and found a switch whilst Mario finally got the Star Piece out of the tree.

"YAY! I DID IT!" Both exclaimed, but for different reasons. Mario then climbed up to the top of the fortress's tower.

"Hey-a Goombario! Look-a at me!" "Cool, Mario! I'm just gonna hit this switch." Goombario then headbonked the switch, somehow causing the windows to fall off leaving just the wall.

"Hey-a, Goombario! What's-a going on!?"

"I don't know!! Somehow the fortress's tower's window's fell off!"

"How-a is-a that possi-SPROING

The fortress's tower then sprung out like a catapult sending Mario through the air and forming a bridge!

"YEEEEEEEAAAA-Hi-a, Kammy!-AAAAAHH!"

"You damned whippersnapper, don't scare me like that! Now, I've gotta go get some medication or something, instead of spying on you!"

"MARIO!? ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?11"

"Yes, you stupid fanboy. I'm the great Mario! Of course I'm alright!"

"GREAT!! Let's go! Where are we going anyway?"

"Toad Town."

"Cool! That sounds so cool, your adventures are so cool…Blah, blah, blah…"

"I-a cannot wait to-a kill this damned kid."

And so, at last. The two finally arrived at Toad Town. But first, a change of view!

Bowser's Castle

"Pant…wheeze…pant. Lord Bowser! Mario defeated The Goomba King. Also, he almost gave me a heart attack."

"Oh no! I have to call my local hospital!"

"Thank you…your caringness."

"The hospital bills will be sky high if I keep life support on him! CURSE YOU, AMERICAN MEDICAL SYSTEM!!"

At this, Kammy face faulted.

"Hello…Yes? WHAT?! I can't cancel my agreement to pay his medical bills! But, I ONLY DID THAT BECAUSE I WAS SURE HE WOULD WIN!! Sobs"

"There, there your greediness…"

"Hangs up Stupid medical people. I only made him like that because he begged me and said he could beat Mario. Now what am I gonna do?"

"Lord Bowser, you needn't worry."

"Huh?"

"Here come the Koopa Bros!"

"We'll defeat Mario with the power of teamwork!! Show 'em boys!" The other 3 Koopa Bros then whipped out various objects that they probably shouldn't have anyway.

"OH GOD, NO! NOT THOSE!! Totally, not cool, boys."

"Ohh. You meant that."

The Koopa Bros then piled on top of each other, forming some sort of Koopa-tower.

"Well, so far this looks just as gay as what you ALMOST did." They then shined their rings and started spinning.

"Awesome! Wait, that's too bright. AHHH!! I'm blind!"

"As am I, your blindness!"

"Still, it's awesome! I'm blind, but it's AWESOME!! You're hired. Anyway, who's guarding the Star Spirit that I assigned to you before hiring?"

"No one, sir. We're here, and no one's at the fortress yet. Come to think of it, how did we get up to your castle anyway?? Hmmm."

"YOU RETARDS!! Stop using logic and guard the Star Spirit!!"

"Yes sir!" The Koopa Bros then ran off, 1 minute later, they could be heard screaming as they fell to their demise.

"Morons."

Now, back to Mario.

Strangely enough, despite their Mario's defeat and subsequent dissapearance, no one seemed to care about his return.

"So, Mario? This is Toad Town, right? Is this where you grew up and stuff? Huh? HUH?? huh?!"

"Firstly, shut up, and secondly, sort of."

"Ah, finally, a town that's NOT primarily inhabited by Goombas."

"Hey! That's speciesism!"

"So? Why-a should I care?"

"BECAUSE IT'S RUDE!!"

"Anyway, come-a on, we-a have to get to-a Shooting Star Summit."

"We do?"

"Did I-a even tell you anything?" Mario asked as they walked past Merlon's house.

"No, you didn't." Goombario responded as they walked down the street.

"Well, I guess I-SMACK" While the two were busy conversing, they walked straight into the gate.

"Damn-a, I-a guess I forgot this gate was here."

"Idiot." Mario then retaliated by picking up Goombario and slamming him into the gate.

"Shut up, Goombario." Mario said whilst opening the gate.

"Whoa. What's that crater?"

"Don't-a you pay-a any attention-a to-a anything in the world?"

"Unless it's related to you, no."

"Well-a then, Princess Peach's Castle was-a recently stolen along with-a the princess herself."

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah. Anyway, to Shooting Star Summit."

Soon the sky got darker and stars started falling and hitting the ground more frequently as they headed through the area. Several times, one or both of them was hit in the head by a shooting star.

"AUGH!! GETITOUTGETITOUT!!"

"Errrgh, I'm-a trying! It's-a stuck! Wait-a, never-a mind, got it! YAH!! It's-a hot!"

"Well of course it's a star, dumbass."

"Seriously, why-a did they-a make this place-a a tourist-a attraction?"

"THIS place is a tourist attraction!? It's frigging dangerous here!"

"I-a know!! HEY, look! We're at-a the top-a of the summit-a already!

"What's that fuzzy thing? It looks like a star with a mustache, except it's as clear as my TV reception."

"You-a don't have-a a TV, remember-a? In-a fact, I can-a barely think-a of ANYONE in the-a Mushroom Kingdom who-a has a TV! Still, he looks like something I saw in a hallucination once."

"You idiot, Mario! I'm the thing you saw in your dream! I'm Eldstar, one of the Seven Star Spirits, and I've been wasting my energy waiting for you here! Hell, just talking is wasting my energy!!"

"Oh-a yeah! You! That's-a why I-a came here!"

Then the other 6 Star Spirits appeared and each one went to a different part, kind of forming a circle around Mario and Goombario.

"OMG, OMG, OMG IT'S THE LEGENDARY SEVEN STAR SPIRITS!!"

"Mario, and whoever your partner is-"Hey!"-we had you come here so we can explain the game's plot."

"Shut up, you old codger. Anyway, there exists an item ripped-off from the Kirby series: The Star Rod."

"Quiet, Mamar, I as the scholar, Skolar, will explain it to them. Basically, we use it to grant the wishes of good citizens of The Mushroom Kingdom."

"Anyway, Bowser being evil, always wished things like: "I want to have sex with Princess Peach." "I want to rule The Mushroom Kingdom." or "I want to kill Mario." Of course, us Star Spirits ignored those wishes since Bowser was evil.

"Ooh, Muskular, you have such a sexy voice. Anyway, one day, that hunk Bowser came(Hee hee.) and grabbed the Star Rod.(Again, hee hee.)

"Shut up, Misstar, you whore. Allow me Klevar to continue the story. Anyway, Bowser used the Star Rod and imprisoned us.

"And now, I Kalmar shall finish the story. He then sent various henchmen to guard us as we remained trapped in our various locations. Eldstar, your turn to speak.

"Right. TL;DR: Halp. You must save us, together we can beat Bowser and restore peace to the land."

"Okay. So-a that was all?"

"Yep."

"Don't-a I get-a something for listening through all of that?"

"No. Although you will get a power of some sort each time you save one of us. Now go save the Mushroom Kingdom, AGAIN."

"Fine. Superpowers, here I come." The Star Spirits then dissapeared.

"Well, that was cool, and it sort of helps. I wonder what the Princess is up to."

Time for a change of perspective!

"Damnit, Goombario!"

With Princess Peach…

"BAWWWWWWWW! Bowser stole my castle, everyone's in prison, I can't escape, I've got no magazines, & Bowser sucks in bed! The Mushroom Kingdom-And more importantly, my life-will be destroyed at this rate! Oh, I wish someone would help me."

Tap, tap.

"Huh?"

Tap, tap.

"What the hell!? There's a flying star with a face tapping my balcony door! Ah well, may as well open it."

"Hi, I'm Twink. I'm a Star Kid who just got called up to the sky recently, so I suck at granting wishes. I heard you say "I wish", and rushed over here!

"WHAT THE!? You heard me all the way from Star Haven!? What, do you have video surveillance cameras everywhere?!"

"Of course. How else would we spy on everyone so we can know to rush towards them?"

Peach facefaults

"Right then. Well, can you steal back the Star Rod from Bowser?"

"No, that's too hard for me."

"Can you rescue the prisoners?"

"Nope."

"Can you get at least ME out of here?"

"Nope."

"So, are you completely useless?"

"Pretty much."

"OH WAIT!! I just figured a way to make you useful and get rid of you for a while!!"

"What?! What!? WHAT!? (I can't wait to get out of here.)"

"Here, take this pendant called the Lucky Star to Mario and tell him I'm fine and he shouldn't worry."

"Got it! Bolts out the window, which is then closed by Princess Peach I'M FREE!! For now."

Back to Mario…

By this time Mario and Goombario were almost back at the crater where Princess Peach's Castle was.

CLUNK

"Ah, mamafucker!!"

"Oh, sorry, sorry I'm-SMASH, SMASH, SMASH.

"That's-a for-a crashing into-a my head-a you stupid star…thingy!"

"Owww…Sorry, I'm in a rush. I have to deliver a gift from Princess Peach to Mario."

"I'm-a Mario! See-a the red-a "M" on my red-a cap and the blue-a and red overalls?!"

"Ohhh, sorry. Here, it's a Lucky Star, it allows you to use the Action Command. The Action Command can help a lot in battle, and…

"If I-a need to do-a a practice battle, I-a can just-a beat up Goombario."

"WHAT!? But, Mario!"

"Shut up."

"Fine."

"Anyway, the Princess says she's fine and you shouldn't worry about her." Twink then flew off…Right into the Magikoopa who was following him.

"Why you, how dare you crash into me after I was following you. I'll kill you Mario!"

"GOOMBA CHUCK!!"

"GAH!! What the!?"

"Surprise headbonk!!"

"Yowch." By this time, the Magikoopa had fallen to the ground.

"Bye, bye." Following this statement, Mario then rapidly pummeled the Magikoopa with his hammer, till he was beaten and dissapeared in some sort of weird explosion like most enemies in this game do.

"Wow, you're strong. Bye now!"

"Stupid star thingy."

5 minutes later…

Mario was back in Toad Town. A local Toad then approached him.

"Hey, Mario. Merlon, the fortune teller in the house with the whirling roof is waiting for you."

Mario and Goombario then looked at Merlon's house.

"…"

"…"

"Hahahaha!! Everyone KNOWS fortune telling is bullshit!! Right, Mario?"

"Of-a course, and look-a at that stupid whirling roof. Wehoohoohoo!!"

"Yeah. I can't BELIEVE these morons! They believe in fortune-telling!?

BLAM!! In a flash of lightning, which scorched the ground, scared the locals, and defied logic, Merlon appeared.

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY FAMILY PROFESSION!?"

"Geez louise. Way to-a be butthurt, man."

"Quiet! Let me prove my fortune-telling is real!"

"Okay. What am I thinking right now?"

Merlon then made Goombario's thoughts into sound which were revealed to be:

"Mario is awesome, Mario is awesome, Mario is awesome…"

"Okay-a, then we-a believe you. So why do we need to see you?"

"I will tell you how to get the first Star Spirit. But first, my life story."

Several hours later…

"And that's all. Wait-a-minute…you're all sleeping. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!"

"Huh? I-a had a dream about pasta. I-a was the pasta. And I-a was having sex with Princess Peach."

"Mario, that was weird and unnecessary."

"Anyway, you need to go to Koopa Bros Fortress and retrieve the first Star Spirit. To do this, you will need the help of a blue-shelled koopa. Mind you, blue-shelled koopas haven't been around for years and are very rare."

"DAMNIT!! Well-a, I guess we should get going."

So Mario and Goombario headed to the entrance of Pleasant Path, only to be blocked by 4 Toads, all of whom's mushroom caps were blackish gray with red, green yellow, or light gray/black spots.

"Yo, you shouldn't go to Koopa Bros Fortress."

"Yeah, Red is right. It's dangerous."

"Agreed, Green there knows what's good for you. Oh, and you DEFINITELY shouldn't ask old man Merlon for help."

"Yeah, like Yellow said, -which I, Black, agree with- you shouldn't. That would be really bad for us, I mean you."

"…"

"…"

"You-a guys are idiots."

"Yeah, it couldn't be any more obvious that you're the Koopa Bros. We should just kick your ass right now."

"Yeah, you-a have BLACK mushroom caps, a normal-a Toad has a white one."

"HEY, that's racist. I'm Black! As are my homies, here."

"Actually, if I'm reading your pathetic disguises right, only one of you is actually black."

"Erm. Damnit."

"Anyway, you're also acting completely rude and evil, which is the opposite of a Toad."

"HEY-A MERLON, THERE ARE "STRANGE TOADS" BLOCKING THE WAY!!"

BLAM!!

"Jeez, do you HAVE to appear like that!?"

"Yes. Now then, these Toads are obviously The Koopa Bros! Reveal your true selves!!"

With this spell, The Koopa Bros were struck by magical lightning and turned back into Koopa Bros

"GAAHHH!! That hurt man. Also, crap we're back in our normal forms!! Boys, flee!!"

"Stupid-a cowards."

"Anyway, I, Merlon probably won't be useful for another 6 or so chapters. My work here is done, adieu."

"Come-a on, Goombario. To Pleasant Path!"

"Alright!!"

And so, they FINALLY walked on to Pleasant Path.

END OF PROLOGUE!!!

Next time: Chapter 1, Pwning the Koopa Bros Fortress.