A/N: You know, normally I don't write pointless, plot-less, smutty one-shots, but there's a first for everything.

Also, I apologize in advance if I offended anyone with Mello's verbal jabbing of a Wammy's bulimic kid. What he expresses is in no way my ideas or views upon bulimia or eating disorders in general.

Formal Dining

"Mello has something he wishes to discuss with me about the Kira case?" There was just the slightest hint of surprise in Near's tone.

"That's what I said, Near." Mello's voice told he was clearly pissed off, but too exhausted from God knows what to sound properly angry.

"And Mello also wishes me to leave the security of the SPK's headquarters, travel across the country, and meet him in Los Angeles?"

"Alone." The word itself was a threat.

"What is so important to Mello that he cannot trust the SPK in its entirety with?"

"Near, this conversation is most likely being recorded by one of your agents. If I fucking told you over the phone our conversation would hold no damn relevance!"

"Mello has a well phrased point, but his habit of cursing holds no relevance in our conversation."

There was the sound of something smacking a polished wood table and Mello growling in annoyance. "Look Near, I'll send your flight arrangements to Halle. Don't deter from them, there's no need. It can be arranged so that no one will see your face and will never reveal they even did the flight."

"Mello is too kind." It was impossible to tell if that statement had been sarcasm or genuine. "But how is Mello going to go about preparing all of this for me? Your plan does have some variables."

"You don't need to know." The line promptly went dead.

"Sounds illegal." Near mused to no one in particular. Director Mason, who had been holding the phone obediently to Near's ear, stepped back and handed it to Lidner.

"Near do you really mean to do this?" Commander Rester asked. "From what you've told us of Mello, he seems dangerous."

Near paused to twine a lock of his hair around his index finger. "No Rester, I do not think I'll come to harm in this. Mello would find it… inelegant to… as he would put it, eliminate his competition directly. I think he means for me to stay alive until at least the end of this game."

Gevanni turned his desk chair from his monitor to face Near, who was sitting at a small white table in the center of the room. "What information do you think he has that would even be useful to us?"

Near gazed at Gevanni omnisciently. "I would not fall under the habit of underestimating Mello, Gevanni. Working alone or with one other person without the constraints of the legal system may have proved beneficial to him."

"And why would he want to tell you, if he so badly wants to catch Kira before you?" Director Mason added.

"I don't know that, Director. I still want to see Mello though." The group knew Near's words were final. Halle had been ordered to keep her phone on around the clock, and had received an email from Mello later that night.

The following day Near was to leave promptly at one for the airport, where he would be ushered in unseen through a back entrance to a private boarding terminal. The slight took off at two thirty. Accommodating the west coast time difference he would land on schedule at five thirty, where Mello would meet him directly.

All went according to plan. Lidner drove Near to the comfortable silence. Lidner saw Near off with a, "Have a good flight, see you soon."

Near nervously wheeled his small white carry-on suitcase to the boarding terminal. He did not like the idea of traveling alone, but was still thankful he did not have to make the arrangements himself. Once on the plane, of which he was the lone passenger, he took out a plastic blue robot to keep him company. Surprisingly it was the only toy Near had brought, he had not wanted to take the risk of losing something if he had brought more.

The six hour flight was spent in solitary silence. The pilot's voice had not come on over the intercom to tell Near they were at cruising altitude, or that they may experience some minor turbulence. No flight attendants had come down the aisle with a cart stocked with drinks and snacks. In fact, Near suspected he could have taken a gun and shot at the windows and no one would come to the cabin to see what happened.

The theory was entirely possible. If Near had possessed a gun, which he didn't, he could have easily brought it on board because he had not gone through customs. That was most likely another courtesy of Mello's, which Near would have to thank him for.

The mundane flight landed precisely on time. After Near had retrieved his luggage from the overhead compartment he stepped out the door, and directly into the open air. There had been no terminal to Lax.

Not only that, but Near had stepped unknowingly in into the thick haze that was L.A. smog. Before he even got his bearings Near was hacking violently.

"Christ, your lungs must be fucking weak."

And there was Mello, hastily Crossing himself the Orthodox way, (right shoulder, then left) as his Russian father taught him. Wasn't it a little contradictory if he still wore his beaded rosary, even if it was just a reminiscent of his mother?

Near had thought all of that before Mello's appearance had really started to sink in. Gone were the constantly grass-stained black jeans and shirt. Standing before Near was a slightly taller Mello, who was swathed in black leather. The tightness of his leather vest, pants, and boots only added even more to his previously feminine appearance, and Near wondered how just how easy it was to take off those form-fitting pants. That was why Near wore pajamas- because they were simple and comfortable.

"Are you just going to stand there like a retard or are you going to come with me?" Mello sneered in such a way that would remind the average Harry Potter fan much of Draco Malfoy.

Mello gestured for Near to follow, and Near did so, and almost had to trot to keep up with Mello's confident gait.

"I must thank Mello for the preferable travel arrangements."

Mello shrugged, taking out a chocolate bar and opening in carefully, for fear that it had melted in the heat. "Consider it a belated birthday present."

Near was slightly confused. "Mello has… given me a birthday present?" Birthdays for Near in the past had been days of pure horror and many sleepless nights due to developing anxiety. Those days Mello had beaten and tormented Near worse then ever, and he had simply smiled and thanked Roger for giving him a punishment and rationing his chocolate intake.

"Don't get used to it." Mello said gruffly, snapping off the corner of his chocolate bar.

The unlikely pair walked to the edge of the area sectioned off for take off and landing lanes. They came to something that really shouldn't have been there. A sleek black Bentley limousine with darkly tinted windows. Mello got in and took a leather cushioned seat where a bowl of Lindt truffles awaited him. Near also took a leather seat, but his was by a window and a safe distance away from Mello.

One of the first things Near noted was that there was a thick panel of black glass separating the rest of the limo from the driver and passenger's seats. Therefore, they had not seen the driver and the driver had not seen them.

"Mello is careful to protect my face."

Mello glared viciously. "It's not just your face I'm protecting you selfish prat!"

Near internally winced, watching Mello unwrap a truffle. He appeared to examine it for a moment, then popped it in his mouth. The truffle still whole in his mouth, Mello noticed Near had been eyeing him. He chewed and swallowed saying, "What are you staring at, little dip-shit?"

Near frowned slightly at the immaturity of the question. "Mello flatters himself." He replied sourly.

Mello gave Near his signature death-glare, but instead of coming over and punching him in the face for having such nerve, he simply crossed his legs and determinedly looked in the other direction. Mello may have ignored near for the rest of the time, but it was better then some cracked teeth and a possible dislocated jaw.

Some time later they pulled into a parking garage. There was no one going to-and-fro their cars except Mello and Near. Near only noticed the presence of some burly looking men in black suits who were stationed at each exit.

Mello led Near across the expanse of concrete and through an open doorway where they happened upon the elevator. Mello pressed the up button, and with a prompt 'ding' the door opened. Needless to say there was another intimidating black suited man who nodded to Mello, but did not look at Near, as they entered the lift. Mello pressed the button labeled 26, the highest numbered button. Near was momentarily confused, not remembering having seen twenty six floors from the outside. Then again he had not been looking very hard.

The ride to the top floor was also silent and the black suited man did not follow them as they left. They walked down a hallway with plush velvet carpeting and detailed wall paper. Mello and Near soon came to a door, marked with the number one. Mello fished a key from his pocket and opened the door.

At the doorstep Mello unlaced his boots, putting them on a carpet so as to spare the marble floor of dirt. Near did also, placing his pristine white sneakers next to Mello's boots.

"Guest room's down the left hallway." Mello muttered as he headed down the right corridor.

Near's room was immaculate and slightly lavish for a guest room. It had polished word flooring, a cream colored bed with drapes, a mahogany wardrobe, a desk, and a wall length mirror. Near also found there to be an adjoining bathroom, in which the walls were painted blue and the facilities white.

After unpacking Near shuffled from his room to the living room, his feet making no sound on the floor. He came see Mello sprawled out on a black velvet couch, flipping through channels boredly on his plasma screen TV. Near observed the room, taking in the crimson walls and black coffee table. There were two leather armchairs facing each other across the coffee table, the couch Mello was on taking up the long side.

"Mello has a luxurious penthouse apartment. How is he able to afford all this?" Near padded slowly around the living room.

"Work." Mello replied.

"And what is it Mello does…?"

Mello pressed a button on his remote sharply. The TV actually went into the wall, where a panel of wall slid horizontally t cover it. After that a slightly smaller panel slid down, revealing a detailed crucifix. "That's none of your business." Mello rose, a scowl on his face. "We should eat dinner now." It seemed as if Mello was procrastinating something.

"Would it be appropriate to discuss the Kira case before dinner?" Near asked, not really feeling the need to eat at the moment.

"No. My house, my rules." Mello slid a handgun in the drawer of a sidetable which Near had not noticed before.

"Why does Mello need a gun? He lives in a respectable part of LA."

"You don't need to know that, Near." Mello walked off to the right hallways, and Near followed. Near found Mello standing in a doorway, his hand poised at the light switch. "Fuck, Matt."

"What did Matt do?" Near asked curiously, standing behind Mello. Mello turned to face Near, still blocking the view of the dining room. "Well I told Matt to order pizza for us, since I don't what food you like, and I've never come across someone who doesn't like pizza, except for that bulimic girl at Wammy's, Pandora. I mean really, why waste such a good name on a bulimic kid. They knew she was bulimic when she entered."

"I take it there is no pizza in there." Near cut off.

"Far from it." Mello moved to let Near in.

The lights were off except for three candles which were set upon the table in silver candlesticks. The table was glass, with a dark gray marble frame, which was normal. The chairs, also as they usually were, were of plush red velvet. Instead of pizza there were two plates of broiled chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans dipped in butter with slices of almonds mixed in. There was also a large bottle of chilled white wine set on the table.

Mello took the seat at the head of table, muttering under his breath, "I don't know how he gets these fucked-up ideas…" Near took the seat at Mello's right, where the other plate sat. Before Near could say anything or even touched his fork, Mello Crossed himself and began to pray silently, his head bowed. Near, not quite knowing what to do, sat there in silence.

When Mello Crossed himself one more, signaling the end of the prayer, and looked up, Near asked, "Does Mello really believe in God. Science proves everything against Theology, you know. It's impossible for Him to exist."

"Near, just shut up and let me believe what I want to believe." Mello said in a quiet, almost remorseful tone. Near said nothing, and unfolded his thick cloth napkin to put in on his lap.

Mello uncorked the wine bottle, and poured himself a glass. Near watched in slight disbelief as Mello also poured him a glass. "Mello knows we are both underage and yet Mello pours it as if to drink it."

Mello snorted. "Near, if we were still in England we would both be legal to drink."

Near gave his wine a look of disgust. "Still, we are in America and I cannot accept this."

Mello sighed dramatically and put his fork down. "Fine the. What the hell do you want, milk or something?"

Near nodded. "Milk would be fine, thank you."

Mello got up and walked through a door at the end of the room, where Near assumed the kitchen to be. He came back soon, although Near expected quicker, with a glass of milk in his hand. He set it on the table next to Near's plate, and Near nodded appreciatively. Near picked up his glass and took a few sips before beginning to nibble on his green beans. After a moment he looked back up at Mello, who had been staring at him in the dim lighting.

"Mello should take his elbows off the table."

Mello's knife, which had been about to sever a piece of chicken was now lazily pointed at Near's face. "You're pissing me off." He stated, returning to his food. Near did also, but as he was about to start on his mashed potatoes on odd yet almost pleasurable warmth spread through out his body.

"Mello… Is it warm in here?"

Mello shrugged, then swallowed and said, "No, it's just you."

"Just me…" Near muttered under his breath. He put his fork down on his plate and reached for his milk. He gulped half the glass down, thinking it would cool him at least slightly. Dabbing his mouth with his napkin Near felt a light blush creep across his face. He felt blood flow to his, well, Near tried not to think about it.

To his left, Mello was refilling his glass of wine, the slightest smirk on his face. "What's the matter, Near? Your face is all red."

"I don't- I-" Near fell silent, simply staring at Mello, who all of a sudden was very attractive to Near. Mello winked slyly, and then went back to his eating. Near's gaze was focused on his plate, and Near tried to ignore the small sounds Mello made as he ate. Moments later, Mello leaned across the table and licked a small bit of mashed potato off the side of Near's mouth. "Sorry," he whispered. "It was annoying me."

Near nodded and gulped shakily. He felt an uncomfortable tightening in his pajama pants. Near was starting to get worried, he knew spontaneous erections were possible, but had never gotten one before, spontaneous or not, and was anxious about it. A couple minutes later the bulge in Near's pants was starting to get painful.

"Mello, I need to use the bathroom." He declared, clumsily standing up.

When Near had left the room Mello smiled a devious smile. "Exactly according to plan."

Near locked himself in his bathroom, panting slightly. He knew what he had to do to get rid of his problem, but Near felt nervous and lost for some reason. He groaned at the mere thought of Mello, and his right hand began to rub the inside of his thigh. This continued until his hand slipped inside of his pants…

Near moaned as a wave of pleasure swept over him. He had never masturbated before, and decided he didn't know what he had been missing. He began to rub his erection harder, enjoying each stroke.

"Mello…" He moaned, an image of Mello's head bobbing up and down came to his mind. "Ngh… Mello!" He moaned louder, feeling the climax build inside him. Near then froze mid-pump, there had been a quiet knock at his bathroom door.

"You ok in there Near, I thought I heard you call my name."

Near pulled his boxers and pants back on. Mello had heard him! Near

couldn't have been more embarrassed. "I, er, have a slight problem."

"Do you need medicine? Was there something in the food you were allergic to?" Mello sounded genuinely concerned.

"No, Mello." Near said with a slight sigh.

"Well, ok. If there's anything I can do I'm in my room."

Near heard Mello's footsteps leave his room. He groaned and leaned back against the door. There was something Mello could do, a lot of somethings, actually. But would Mello laugh? Or worse yet, be disgusted? Near thought he might as well give it a shot, Mello couldn't hate him more then he already did,, right?

As Near stepped out of the bathroom he was surprised to see a note lying on his bed. Near picked it up, recognizing Mello's messy scrawl. It read: Remember, as a guest, you may ask me of anything.

Near was confused. Somehow Mello's words sound … inviting to Near. He then put the not back down, leaving his room.

Near walked down the short hallway, through the living room, down the next hallway, until he came to the door that could only be Mello's room. He knocked, and heard Mello call out, "Enter."

Mello's room was something that could only be created by a visionary like himself. The walls were painted black; there was a small round burgundy shag rug towards the center. Mello's was black, circular, with six black pillows and black silk sheets. The bed was actually rotating slowly. There were spot lights focused on the bed at the moment, and Near supposed Mello had a remote that could move them to wherever he desired.

Mello himself was lying on top of his bed, the novel Thirteen Steps to Death in one hand, a chocolate bar held lazily in the other. A glass of the chilled white wine and another remote was sitting atop a small black nightstand.

"Um, Mello."

"Yes, Near?" Mello put his book down without bothering to mark the page.

Near was hesitant to ask his question. He had never sexual intercourse before, therefore de didn't know the proper way of going about asking Mello..

"Will Mello… have me tonight?"

Mello looked slightly confused at first, then he chuckled lowly. "Near you naughty boy." He said teasingly, wagging his finger. "Although we live separately for secrecy, I am still with Matt after all these years."

Disappointment washed over Near. He began to shuffle out of Mello's room when Mello said, "However," Near quickly turned around to face Mello, who bore an almost longing expression. "Matty's been… rather stressed lately do to some difficult hacking jobs I set up for him." Mello began to trace abstract shapes with his finger on his bed. "He just isn't up to fulfilling my pleasure needs at the time."

Near's blush deepened.

Mello stood up from his bed, putting his book and chocolate down. He stretched, exposing more midriff then his leather vest already did. "Well then Near, are you ready?"

Near nodded, stepping forward timidly. Mello walked the few steps it took to meet Near, then brought him into a passionate kiss. At first Near tensed, but then he relaxed as Mello wrapped his arms around Near, pulling their bodies together. Near closed his eyes as Mello ravaged his mouth with his tongue. Mello tasted of the perfect combination of the subtleties of the wine and the sweetness of the chocolate. Near moaned as Mello began to rub Near's nipple through his shirt. At this Near kissed harder, begging Mello to continue.

Mello smirked as he kissed Near, beginning to undo the buttons of the albino's shirt. Near ran his ringers through Mello's gold hair as he felt his shirt fall to the floor. Near mewled as Mello bit and nipped at his jaw line.

"Near… Oh God, Near." Mello breathed huskily, leaning their two bodies so that they fell on his bed. Now on top of Near, Mello to that opportunity to kiss Near's neck softly, working hi way downwards. Mello kissed Near's chest, the moved to suck on Near's taught nipple. Near moaned loudly, his back arched, hips bucking into Mello's. Their erections brushed all too lightly for Mello's taste, the sensation demurred by their pants.

Mello tore his vest off, the other hand beginning to deftly remove Near's pants. Lying their in only his white boxers, chest heaving, Mello thought Near looked very helpless… and sexy, with his reddened face and hair matted with sweat. Near was staring up at Mello with child-like awe, his eyes wide and dilated.

"You know Near…" Mello purred, teasingly rubbing Near's ever evident erection. "I've really been spoiling you this whole little trip, haven't I?"

"Yes Mello!" Near cried out, his breathing erratic and uneven. There were tears brimming in his lust filled eyes, Mello teasing him like this was tortuous beyond insanity.

Mello hummed a low pitched tune and kissed Near's ear, biting at a sensitive spot. Near gasped in response.

In an intimate manner Mello began to remove Near's boxers. Near fumbled with the laces of Mello's pants, his lust getting in the way of his small motor skills. When Near was completely unclothed Mello's laces were only half undone. Mello kissed Near on the lips, and then rolled over in the bed to remove his pants himself.

Mello turned to attack Near with his mouth, sucking at his face and neck. Near thrust his hips into Mello, causing him to moan quietly. Suddenly Mello stopped his kissing to hold up his hand to Near's mouth. Near stared, rather confused by this gesture.

"Suck." Mello commanded.

"W-why?" Near stammered, still confused. Mello growled slightly, nipping at Near's jaw line.

"You idiot, do you want me to have to get up and go to the bathroom to get the lubricant."

"N-no, Mello." Said Near, understanding. Slowly he took Mello's digits in his mouth, coating them thickly with saliva. Mello sighed in anticipation. For a completely inexperienced person, Near had been so good to Mello.

Mello took his hand out of Near's mouth, moving down to stroke the younger boy's length. A gasp of pleasure came from Near, Mello cupped him saying, "Oh you like that Near, don't you…"

"Yes, Mello! Please!" Near cried, trying not to squirm.

Mello began to scissor Near, slowly opening his entrance. As expected of someone who had never had sex before, was pretty tight, he winced at the slight pain.

"Shh… Relax." Mello whispered as he slipped one finger slowly further into Near. Near moaned, trying to override the pain with immense pleasure sweeping over him.

After Mello had succeeded in getting his third finger in, kissing Near's face and neck all the while he was going to burst with euphoria. In fact, he might actually be nearing the climax…

"Ngh, Mello, I think I'm going to-"

Mello suddenly pulled out of Near entirely, surprising Near. "Near, honestly! You don't come just yet; this isn't even the best part."

Near stared at Mello incredulously, not believing him. He had just felt so incredibly amazing in a way he never though possible before, what could be better?

Mello laughed slightly in the darkness then pulled Near close to him. Slowly and carefully Mello pressed the head of his member into Near, just slightly though.

"Oh God Mello! Move!"

"You know I really don't like that tone of voice." Mello slapped Near rather sadistically, causing Near to whimper.

"Mello, just go in, please! I can't take this any further!"

Mello frowned, certainly not moving as Near had asked. "Near before I start you have to tell me something."

"Yes! Anything!" Near panted.

"Who else would give this to you Near, who else other then me would have you, hm? Lidner? Gevanni? Who Near?"

"Only Mello would ever have me…" Near whimpered pitifully.

"What was that? I didn't quite hear you?"

"Only Mello! No one else will even want to have me!!" Near screamed.

"That's what I want to hear." Mello said before thrusting himself into Near. Near groaned, not expecting Mello to go so far on the first thrust.

In turn, Mello eased himself in Near, building up a slow and steady rhythm of thrusts. Near mewled incoherently, prompting Mello to pick up the pace a little. Thrusting harder, savoring each little moan from Near, Mello searched for Near's prostate. After one particularly hard thrust Near yelled, "Oh dear God Mello! There, please, I beg of Mello!"

Mello let out a loud moan, smiling to himself. Before Near could scream again Mello pounded into him, taking Near's breath away in the bliss.

"That's fucking nice…" Mello moaned almost to himself as he pounded Near again and again. After a while of doing so, Mello kissed the side of Near's neck and said, "Oh Near, you've managed to satisfy me so much…" Near only moaned in response, then let out a long sigh as Mello rode out his orgasm, planting his seed deep within Near.

Mello crawled over Near, lying so that he faced him. "How was that, did you like it?"

"Yes Mello…" Near murmured as his hand took Mello's his eyes were slowly drooping shut. Mello frowned at Near's lack of energy. "That not enough though! You've still go that problem you asked me about."

Near's eyes snapped open, he glanced down at his erection.

Mello smiled deviously and winked. He moved down in the bed, which through out all this had still been spinning slowly. Playfully he licked the pre-come off Near's member, causing Near to shudder. Mello took Near in his mouth, slowly suck sucking at him. This was an altogether new sensation for Near, making him gasp and moan and pull at the sheets. Near was sensitive enough so that by that time Mello had full-throated him, Near had come. Mello swallowed it all very neatly, and then laid his head on, snuggling Near close to his chest. In Mello's arms, Near had soon fallen asleep.

The next morning Mello and Near met Rester at the airport, who was waiting to bring Near back to New York.

"I may contact you again if there's any thing I want to discuss with you." Mello said.

"And I will certainly do the same if need be." Near replied. Oh poor Rester, who didn't understand what the two orphans were implying, and merely thought that Mello and Near had simply been getting on better then before.

All was well after Near had left. Mello had moved to a new apartment so Near didn't know where he was located, and Matt never figured out that his boyfriend had slept with their supposed enemy.

From then on Mello and Near's relationship changed. No longer were they simply rivals. No, they were rivals with benefits.

One month later Halle Lidner had called Mello.

"Mello, I'm concerned about Near."

"What's wrong?" Mello asked with a casual tone.

"Well it's just that he's so impartial all the time. So rigid, so-"

"Indifferent? Robotic? Inhuman?" Mello supplied.

"Well… yes. It's just that he was the happiest I had ever seen him after he returned from your place. Do you think there's anything we could be doing differently?"

Mello chuckled. "You and the rest of the SPK? No, I doubt it. All I did differently was slip aphrodisiac in his milk and them made love to him."

Halle dropped her phone in shock, but then she had to run to her bathroom because she got a ferocious nose bleed from the mere thought of the two boys-not-quite-men lying together on a bed, naked and moaning loudly.