Last Time

A/N: So, my first songfic. I was listening to my iPod during computer apps a bit ago (still in computer apps currently but whatev) and was listening to Keane's "This Is the Last Time" and though, Hey! This is a good post T&C song! And just a plain good song. A bit soft for what I normally would think Tony would listen to, but, who knows this season, right? Spoilers for s7 in general. Lyrics are from a website so sorry if there are mistakes. On with the angst!

Tony let himself drown in the words, turning the music up after he plugged headphones into his computer. No use in disturbing the janitor tonight.

This is the last time
That I will say these words
I remember the first time
The first of many lies
Sweep it into the corner
Or hide it under the bed

Musingly, Tony wondered what his life had come to. Since that mission ended and she was home, he'd been hiding in the office, losing himself in the work so he wouldn't see how much she hurt. He'd tried to hide it… Tried to keep poor innocent Probie out of the know. He knew Ziva could see it, even if she did not want to, but Tim didn't need to know.

Even if Tim did know… After all, the Probie was one smart man. Invaluable, really; who else could have helped Tony so much? Other than the Bossman, of course?

Say these things they go away
But they never do

Then there was what Tony knew- thought he knew. What exactly had gone down? Not on the Damocles; Tony knew and could accept that. She sent herself to die. That much, even without having watched the interrogation tapes earlier in the evening, had been clear enough in Somalia. No, what Tony wanted to know was what had gone down between Ziva and Gibbs. Sure, she was like a daughter to him, sure they had the most unique relationship of anyone on the team, but there was more there. Something big.

Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of

He just wished things could go back to normal. Normal, knife-throwing, office supply-threatening-with, Ziva and normal, movie loving, ladies' man Tony. Normal, flirty, best friend relationship. Normal, two people who relied on each other for everything.

Normal had gone to hell three months ago.

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like

Even with Ziva home, it felt like she was gone, and Tony could not help but feel he could have stopped it. All Tony wanted was for her to use him as her crutch; all he needed was for her trust to be there again, in everyone. In him.

And years make everything alright

… Yeah right. He doubted things would ever be right.

You fall on me for anything you like
And I know I don't mind

All he needed, craved, desired, longed for, wanted, required… was for her trust again. If it could ever come, he would take it without a second's thought or hesitation, and would return the same to her, make her feel warm and protected and welcome again…

Tony glanced around the bullpen, knowing it was about now that Gibbs tended to pop up. Not that he had been, after the first night Tony had found himself at his desk and Gibbs had come in. Maybe Gibbs knew Tony just needed some time, like Ziva.

This is the last time
That I will show my face
One last tender lie
And then I'm out of this place

Tony's mind turned to Israel again, three months ago. He remembered that moment where he thought Ziva would kill him, thought he would be glad if she did… Ha, it seemed almost funny, now. If he had died, he had no doubts life would have gone on. Ziva would have gone onto the Damocles, Tim and Abby would have found her, rescued her. The only different part would be a new agent at this desk.

So tread it into the carpet
Or hide it under the stairs
Say that some things never die
Well I tried and I tried

Both Tony and Ziva had some owning up to do, both to themselves and each other. They had secrets, they had regrets, they had needs. Tony could not speak for Ziva, but Tony's thoughts had been revolving around that one moment he thought he would truly break, under the truth serum Saleem had given him. "I guess I just couldn't live without you." He had been so close to saying the words he really wanted to, the three words Abby and Tim told each other every day in words and touches and glances, the words Tony had tried to tell Ziva every day with his eyes, his smile, his words, the little things, since he could not quite get it out loud, for real, for the world to know.

Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of

Tony glanced around again, making sure Gibbs was not there. A lone janitor was vacuuming at the far end of the squadroom, ignoring Tony, like the cleaning staff had quickly learned. If anyone from Team Gibbs was home, don't go near the bullpen they worked in. It meant almost certain death by coffee, knife, or Mighty Mouse stapler. Certain no one would be coming around, Tony glanced at his computer's clock. 0215 in the morning. Tony propped his feet up, leaning back in his perfectly balanced rolling chair and beginning to let himself drift away into the sleep he knew wouldn't come.

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line

"Tony." The voice made him look up, the surprise evident in his features as he met her equally startled brown eyes.

You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright

It took him some time to answer, sorting out if this was dream or reality. "Ziva."

You fall on me for anything you like
And I know I don't mind

"What are you doing here, this late?" she asked, her voice soft and subdued like it was too much now.

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like

"Guess I couldn't sleep." His eyes followed her to her desk, where she sat and turned on her own computer. Ziva looked up, her lips curving in a gentle smile that did not reach her eyes.

Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like

"I want things to be right between us," he blurted, not really thinking just doing.

She glanced at him, her dark eyes unreadable. She smiled again, paler than before, but Tony could tell this time it was sincere. "Me too, Tony."

And I know I don't mind