"Boy next door…"

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~Chapter 1 - Tortured Soul

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You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin' for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin' the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinking' to myself
Hey isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin' by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me

(Taylor Swift -You belong with me)

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I woke up today; accepting that the odds of finding my best friend again

were slim to none. It was awkward…

How do you go from spending all your days with someone

from the time you're seven, to not even being able to look them in the eye?

Simple; avoidance was easier than confrontation.

I didn't even know where to begin or what his emotional state was…

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Edward Masen was my next door neighbor. He moved in with his family in the fall, the year I turned seven. We became fast friends in our small town; our friendship grew from convenience. He was there to comfort me greatly when my mother died, when I was ten. Her beautiful life claimed in a car wreck in the mid of winter. He was there for everything…

Edward and I used to periodically sleep over at the others house; that ended when we turned eleven. We were punished; merely because we were of the opposing gender. I managed to convince Charlie into letting me move into my mothers sewing room after months of his protest. My bedroom window faced Edward's. We spent a lot of long nights communicating through the glass, being silly…kids - while our parents slept.

He'd even managed to withstand puberty with me; with my hormones raging and my depression flaring; angry that my mother wasn't there to guide me. Instead my father Charlie delivered pamphlets, and a variety of menstruation pads; with an apology. He couldn't ever fill the void of my mother; but he sure did try… Edward was the shoulder I cried on; the glue that held my life together when everything was coming apart at the seams.

We'd shared many dinners at the Masen home since my mothers passing. Elizabeth; Edward's mother, insisted. Charlie was entirely lost in the kitchen. I'm sure she saw the smoke signals billowing from our kitchen windows. Charlie could ruin a frozen pizza….

Edward lost his father to cancer the summer before our junior year in high school… His parents waited to tell him; when they couldn't hide his illness any longer. We started drifting apart before his father passed. Edward was staying in more often… Making the most of what little time they had left; clinging to the life that remained. I never had the opportunity to really say goodbye to my mother, I understood. I couldn't even recall if I told my mother I loved her that morning…

I wanted to return the favor; be his rock, as he had been mine. I just didn't know what to say. He was so broken; lost. It was devastating, I didn't know how to cope with death; Edward had always been my strength. He did all the coping for me, while I tried not to think about it. Thinking about it only drove me crazy… I had my mothers face memorized from photograph, but I couldn't recall her voice clearly. Everyday I was losing the memories of my mother, little by little…no matter how hard I tried to hold on. It was easier to ignore it, push forward - even if only to pretend everything would be okay.

That was the beginning of the end… Edward stopped coming out, started closing his blinds; crawling deeper into the dark. Eventually he stopped coming down for dinner, not that he said much on the rare occasion he did decide to join us.

I don't even remember who stopped talking to who. It was a comfortable silence that grew awkward; we drifted apart. I stopped going to dinner because Charlie always brought home leftovers…and I didn't have to tell anyone about my day; nor feel like the third wheel.

School was boring. I'd depended on Edward for so long, that I'd only really had him…and Alice. Alice was already best friends with Rosalie. I would always come second. Toward the end of senior year, we were more like acquaintances; Alice and Rosalie were dating boys… While I stayed home and studied; absentmindedly watching Edward's window for any signs of life.

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Edward and I had married several times in my backyard over the years;

before what was once my mothers beautiful rose garden.

As the years passed by they withered away

- just like childhood fantasy…

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I hadn't failed to notice Edward transforming from gawky boy into a handsome man. It kept me perched near my bedroom window… For glimpses of that deliciously teasing shadow behind closed blinds, before Edward would kill the lights each night. He never looked out the window anymore; it was as if I failed to exist any longer. Shifting his gaze away if he'd ever met mine in the halls at school; pretending he hadn't noticed me. Still; I clung to hope, that I'd look out and find my best friend again…

That hope diminished when he started dating Tanya. She was popular for all the wrong reasons. Known for sleeping her way up the social ladder, countless fights; bitchy tramp. I never expected she would be the type of girl he would go for… Nor did I expect Edward to be the type she would prey upon, or that he'd ever allow it. Least the Edward I knew wouldn't… Replace me.

Edward went from well dressed to grungy… He let his hair grow out a little and even with his worn band t-shirts, stained ripped jeans, and greasy looking hair - he was still entirely captivating. He'd taken up smoking; which gave me a tiny view inside his world again. He'd often forget to close the blinds after he'd open his window. If his mother was home, I could sometimes spot him on the side of the house; smoking near the trash bins. As much as I wanted to blame Tanya for all of the changes; I couldn't deny Edward had spiraled downward in his own time.

Like my mothers memory, I was starting to forget Edward. I couldn't remember what his smile looked like without digging out photos. Not even Tanya could make him smile…

I hated myself for letting our friendship slip to the wayside. He always appeared so angry; I couldn't bring myself to confront him. Too much time had passed; it was too late.

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Today I realize; I have nothing…

I was just as reclusive as Edward; who the hell was I kidding?

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I cried; tears of sorrow; worthless expression. I never found peace, relief, or comfort in the countless tears I cried. I begged, pleaded, and prayed…until I grew tired of crying or simply couldn't cry anymore.

I wiped away the useless tears; replacing my mothers photo back on the table beside the chair in my room, taking care as I settled the frame. When I'd caught the light from Edward's window screaming at me from the corner of my eye; my gaze drifted over to settle on his window…

Edward…Staring out the window with tears in his eyes. When our gaze met, I watched him snuff out his tears on his sleeve before standing to quickly lower the blinds on his window. I didn't know if he was watching me; or for how long. I only knew that his pain mirrored my own…

I taped a note to my window…something I hadn't done since our sophomore year. That read; call me.

Either Edward never looked out his window again; or simply decided not to call. I left the note up for three days…

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Waiting; on a call that wouldn't come.

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Final semester started today. I couldn't even remember what classes I picked; there was a line a block long at the office as most waited for copies of their new schedules. Why the fuck did I bother getting out of bed today? To think; I thought going to school would be easier then feigning illness and dealing with Charlie.

The line moved at a snails pace, the bell rang; my first tardy for the day… Lovely.

By the time I made it to the front of the line to receive my schedule…I wanted the day to end. Biology first period; with Kudla. He was a prick and I wasn't too fond of biology. He'd failed me last year…

"Miss. Swan, the next time you're tardy you'll be spending the hour in the dean's office." Kudla made an example of me, aloud before the class - before directing me with a pointed finger to toward an empty lab table. I dropped in the vacant seat, tossing my pile of books in front of me on the table.

"Masen, you're late. Next time you'll be spending the hour with the dean. Have a seat there next to your partner in crime..." Kudla's finger came darting out toward me. Oh dear fucking god; Edward was going to be my biology partner. I popped a few Lexapro from the pocket of my hooded sweatshirt; chewing before swallowing the bitter pills dry. It was a far cry from the amount of medication I would need to cope with this class, Edward…

Edward took the seat beside me, piling his books before him; he rest his head on the table in preparation for what appeared to be a nap. Kudla handed out a few worksheets and described to us in detail what the semester would entail. Mostly we discussed the rules of his classroom. Kudla was more of a corrections officer than a teacher; with a list of offenses three pages long…

The bell rang; I glanced at my schedule - realizing I had a study hall period next. I decided to head down to the office. To try to weasel my way out of taking biology and see if any other classes were available. I needed this credit, if Kudla failed me again; I wouldn't graduate. I needed a back up plan to guarantee I'd walk with my class…

Edward was gone by the time I looked up from my schedule. Apparently he had the same ideals I had. He was already arguing in the office; apparently he needed a science and all of the other classes were full. I waited behind him - sinking my teeth so hard into my bottom lip, I'd almost drawn blood. So much for getting out of biology… Edward glared at me on his way out of the office. In that moment, I hated him. I tried to fill my vacant period, all that was left was art; which I sucked at. I took it; it was better than nothing…

When I walked into my new second period art class; Miss. Davis looked over my edited schedule and signed me into her attendance book before assigning me a seat toward the front. Just my luck that Edward and Tanya were taking the same class, huddled up in the back of the class. At least I didn't have to fucking look at him… I listened to Miss. Davis explain the color wheel and blending colors. When she handed out construction paper, I had no idea what the hell we were doing…. I sat there in silence for ten minutes before she'd noticed I'd failed to start the project. She was too nice, coming over and basically doing the cutting for me as she explained that we were making charts for our own reference.

"Does she not know how to use scissors…" I heard Tanya stifling her laughter from the back of the class. Edward remained silent. I didn't give a fuck…I waited, counting down the minutes until the bell finally rang.

Biology, Art, English…

Then lunch….with Edward again. I took off my hooded sweatshirt and rolled it into a ball and slept through that period. Ignoring the banter of the lunch room that echoed.

Geometry, Home Economics, History, and then Gym.

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My schedule sucked ass; mornings were hell…

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I spent the next few weeks sitting in the back of the class in Biology; at the naughty table as Kudla liked to call it. If you broke any of his one-hundred and fifty-four golden rules, you'd be sent to sit at the back of the class for the period. What made it more amusing was that he sent all of the misbehaving students to sit back there together. Really…Kudla wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

My lab partners varied from day to day; some days I worked solo - being the only unruly student that period. Edward started sleeping less and actually participated in class when he wasn't forced to sit beside me. I didn't even have to work hard to get removed, usually Kudla was sending me to the back of the class before I could even open my mouth. He'd pegged me as a trouble maker, I'm sure he remembered me from last year; it seemed to make Edward comfortable… I was still trying to make sense of Edward's complete rejection of me.

My plan failed the day Edward was sent to the naughty table. He was quiet every other goddamn day, what was so fucking different about today? I wanted the floor to swallow me whole…. I slid my books over so Edward would have room to sit and resumed ignoring him, just as he'd always ignored me. Today we were watching a slide show on cells. The lights went out and Kudla began talking as images lit up over the white screen that was pulled down over the blackboard.

"….the process of mitosis that divides the duplicated genetic material creating two identical daughter cells.." I propped my head up on my palm, watching the various colors of cells flicker over the screen. Kudla would pause the slides to move up to the board and point out the various cell components..

"What the fuck is your problem?" Edward hissed under his breath beside me…

"He speaks…" Rolled off my tongue; hardly amused.

"You treat me like I have the plague for nearly a year…and that's all you can say." He scowled under his breath.

"It's not like you've had much to say either…" I retorted.

"You know that's not what happened."

"Then what happened Edward…"

"This…this right here." He seethed; angry.

"Since when did you become so mature?" I asked, bitchy. I don't know how I expected the silence to break. Never had either of us been so bitter toward each other…

"Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?" Kudla rose his voice. All heads shifted, following his attention to rest on Edward and I.

"No.." Edward stated boldly.

"…and you?" Kudla called me out with a pointed finger.

"Are you wearing your wife's sweater again? …I think we had this discussion last week…" I mused aloud… The class burst into a fit of quiet muffled chuckles.

"Swan; take it out in the hall…" Kudla quipped.

"My pleasure…" I grabbed my stack of books from the desk, forcing a smile; I left class to sit near the lockers on the stained carpeted floor. Kudla had a three strike rule, now I just needed to shut the fuck up and sit quietly. As long as I didn't end up in the dean's office, Charlie would never know…

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I've had my chances and I've taken them all…

Just to end up right back here on the floor…

To end up right back here on the floor…

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The bell rang; I collected my things before pulling myself up from the floor. Idly wandering down the hall through the weave of traffic spilling forth from classrooms…my thoughts consumed with everything Edward. Trying to replay the silence…to find the exact point where it all went wrong. Edward blamed me…

I had barely registered the hand gripping my arm, before I was swung through the door of the brown painted exit. The black lettering had faded poorly, but figuratively it made more sense. If you went out this door before school let out; you'd be in some shit, because it locked. Security would catch up with you before you made it back to the other side of the building. I'd only tried to ditch four times unsuccessfully. These days I typically feigned illness to get a pass from the nurse… I watched the door slam closed behind…

"Fuck; Edward…just great, now they're going to call Charlie…"

"I used to be that exception. You didn't care much about consequence then."

"Back then I called you friend…" I clutched tight to my books as if they could possibly shield me.

"Now?" He hissed, throwing his hand back; releasing my arm. He propped himself against the locked door. My doom, I didn't like talking to Charlie much anymore. If anything I wanted more privacy.

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To dwell on everything that's wrong with life…

Imperfect fucking everything…

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"Tanya's boy-toy, elusive ass, silent prick, mostly…tortured soul."

"What the hell do you know?" He clenched his fists at his sides, so angry he was almost trembling.

"You stopped coming to dinner before I did." I retorted calmly.

"You never came to dinner. You were never really there…" His tone was bitter.

"I was there when you needed me…and when I was of no use to you; …you just fucking walked away." He hissed.

I didn't know what to say; just as speechless as the day Edward's father died.

"You're popping pills all the fucking time, crying; you never leave your damn room anymore." He shook his head at me as he counted out my flaws…

"You smoke, you cry, and I wouldn't consider going out for a few hours now and then to fuck Tanya anything special…" I retorted.

"I'm not fucking Tanya." He spoke, raking a hand through his messy hair as if it could tame it.

"Why are you with Tanya?" He laughed at my question.

"With Tanya I can be anyone but me…"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He sounded so fucking stupid…

"I have a couple of truants at the south west gate, exit eight." Security called over the static of their PA. "Hold it right there…" The burly man ordered. I surrendered eagerly, waiting for him to unlock the door so I could take a trip to the dean's office.

"Meet me after school, come over?" Edward carried on…

"I'll be grounded, thanks." I entered the building, heading toward the office.

"Bella.." Edward followed behind, with security on his heels. I went into the office, taking a seat in one of the chairs neatly aligned just outside the dean's office. I'd seen him enough - that I should know him by name. However, all I could focus on was the clanking of bottles in his desk drawer anytime he looked for paperwork. It was quite amusing; receiving judgment from someone who fell off the wagon everyday.

"Edward…I have enough problems, as you've so kindly noted." I scowled.

"Isabella Swan.." The dean called my name…

"And Edward Masen…" Then it dawned on me; we were going in there together… Edward wore a smirk, practically skipping his ass into the office. I followed behind, consumed with dread. I took a seat in the chair beside Edward, lazily glancing at the dean. I wanted this day to be over…

"What brings you both to my office?" I always hated this part, it wasn't as if he didn't know - it was more of a creativity test.

"Bella thought if she could get me alone…" Edward shrugged. "I think she thought I'd make out with her…" That fucking lying prick..

"He is so full of shit…You pulled me through the door!" I hissed, angry. Edward was definitely creative…

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~End Chapter 1 - Tortured Soul

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