SUMMARY: Clark decides to keep a journal...

AUTHOR: gem65

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I was inspired by Ana's story on about Lois keeping a diary so I decided to attempt one from Clarks point of view. So this is dedicated to her. Thank you Ana.

Unlike my regular stories, the updates I do for it will be shorter - probably no more than two pages in word if that long. I'll see how it goes. It's ironic that I was just saying to someone a few days ago that I was going to hold off starting another story until I could end several of my current ones. But all of a sudden, I just had to start this one. I wish I could explain why but I can't. Oh well *sigh*

JOURNAL ENTRY # 1

Kent Farm - Loft

7:30 P.M.

Dear...umm...what should I call you? (kicking off shoes) Or should I call you anything? (biting down on the pen) Well, since Lois is the one who gave me you, maybe I should just call you Lanie. Or how about Amber? (smiling to himself). I like that. Okay. Amber it is. If Lois ever found out I named you after her stripper name, she would take a fit. So I better make sure she never finds you. Now I have to think of a good place to hide you (stopping again to think). Maybe the fortress. She'll never find it there, considering that she doesn't know that it even exists yet. But that will change once I finally tell her my secret.

My secret. The mother of all secrets. I know that Lois suspects that I have a secret. But unlike Lana, at least she doesn't put any pressure on me to tell her about it. That's one of the things I love about her.

Love? Did I just write that I love her? (stopping again to read what he just wrote) Hum...that's interesting. But even if I do, it would be too soon to take the huge step of telling her. I thought we were only at the hand-holding stage, but apparently that went out the window when we were leaving work tonight. As soon as the elevator doors closed, she suddenly turns to me and grabs me by my jacket collar. Yep. She did what you think she did. She gave me such a passionate kiss that it literally sucked the oxygen out of me. Wow! (briefly setting down pen to remove tie) Just thinking about how her lips felt on mine is enough to give me a shiver up and down my back

Anyway (pausing for a moment, then resumes writing), where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about how Lois kissed me tonight. I could go on and on about that kiss, but then I would probably be filling up all the pages of this journal.

Well Amber, you're probably wondering what made me decide to finally start writing in you in the first place. To be honest, I had forgotten that Lois gave me you for a birthday present four years ago. But it was not long after my dad died and I wasn't really into expressing my feelings. She thought that since I kept things to myself that maybe it would help. I remember attempting a small smile, but froze when I saw the birthday card with my dad's handwriting on it. So that's why I forgot about you Amber. I was too wrapped up in my grief over his death to even think about you. And I'd apologize, but you're not actually a real person. You're just a book of blank pages; hoping to be filled by thoughts and feelings.

But I digress. I went home right after Lois fled the bullpen that evening when we kissed and came up here to do some thinking. I wondered at first why she left the way she did. Was she scared of what it meant? I know it scared me a little. But yet the kiss felt so right. Just having her in my arms felt so right (sigh). I leaned back in my chair; closing my eyes for a moment. But all I could picture in my head was her sparkling hazel eyes. I opened the desk drawer to look for something and found you. I pulled you out and sat there; staring at you for a while. Then I remembered what she said that night and thought that maybe she was right. But I wouldn't admit it to her. She would get that "I told you so" smirk on her face. And I'm determined to avoid that look whenever possible.

So that's when I decided to start writing in you. That was almost one month ago. But I didn't start until today. Now you're probably wondering why it took so long. Well I did have to deal with the whole 'Lois having flashes of the future' situation. And I wish her memories didn't have to be wiped out, but unfortunately it was necessary in this case.

Her body was suffering trauma every time she had a future flash. And I couldn't bear to watch her suffer any more. But then something happened that caused those memories to be downloaded into me. I'd explain it, but it would take up too many pages. And it's a good thing she doesn't have them anymore. They depicted a horrible future where Zod was in charge and I was powerless. But the only memories about that future that were wonderful were the ones of Lois and I making love. I admit the thought of making love to Lois has occurred to me on more than one occasion. And I've been remembering those memories in my dreams ever since.

Not long after that, we agreed to become a couple. Lois and Clark. Clark and Lois. I love the sound of that. I told her after she said that she's done the whole dating thing that we should do it right. Take our time. That's when she gave me her 'terms' but not before we stepped into the elevator to go out for a 'real cup of coffee' as she put it. Then as the elevator doors closed, she took my hand in hers. Our fingers intertwined in a most delightful way. I know I must have had a big smile on my face. But at that point, I didn't even care if anybody noticed.

Well Amber, maybe I'll stop for now. I haven't had supper yet and I still have some farm chores to take care of. Not to mention giving Shelby his dinner (petting Shelby). I don't know when I'll be writing in you again, but I promise it won't be another month before I do so.

Good night Amber.

PS: I don't think I'll keep you in the fortress after all. I'll hide it somewhere in my bedroom for now.

To Be Continued...