Chapter 4:

Two days passed without Hermione talking to him. He had learnt to give her some space when she was like that. She sometimes got so hooked up on a project or some research that she would talk about it for hours, forget he was there, continue the soliloquy all the way to the library and camp out there for the night. He preferred his soft plush bed to the library chair thank you very much.

But after that, he was getting a little worried.

Deciding he would confront her at lunch time, he made his way to the library. He still felt the ghost of her lips on his and wondered when he'd be able to taste them again.

Suddenly, someone grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into the closest closet. How do they do that? Know exactly where you are in the whole castle? Do they wait for you until you happen to cross them or do they predict it that well?

Anyway, the instant this happened, Draco was ready to flee. Adrenalin pumped through his bloodstream.

"Hush!" Hermione hissed, thrusting something hard into his hand.

"What is this?"

"My baby," she whispered, looking at it with awe.

"Pardon me? What?" the look the blond sent her must have made her realize how she really sounded.

Clearing her throat she said, "umm, it's my…er invention"

Then she proceeded to once again look at it with awe.

"This is…," she paused for effect, "the MBA"

"Masters in Business Administration?"

"No you nut. This is the Millicent Bulstrode Alarm. Every time she comes close to you with intent to …you know…it beeps and flashes. I put it together really fast. I am hoping it will work but I didn't have a chance to test it. Hopefully it will work as a warning system so you don't have to stress out as much. Well, I have class so…bye"

Before she could leave though, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back.

"I really appreciate you doing this for me Granger. You can most certainly name my child after this is all said and done," She looked at him oddly until the joke hit her and playfully hit his arm.

"Amanda it is!"

"Wait what? NO! Nothing so philistine!"

"Excuse me? Are you calling my sister a philistine?"

"I thought you were an only child!"

"And I thought you were a gentleman!"

"There's absolutely nothing gentlemanly about me Granger."

"No I don't have a sister in fact."

"If you're going to name my child, at least make it unique."

"I'll think about it," she said coyly before scampering off.

That woman was going to kill him before the end of this. Draco curled up in this quiet curb, hoping the disillusionment charm worked and Milicent didn't find him for a few hours.

While the potion had worn off of Hermione, it had made Milicent more rabid than ever.

000

"I am hoping it will work but I didn't have a chance to test it."

He should have heeded that warning. As nana Malfoy used to say, Untested is unknown and unknown is known to be dangerous. The woman had a great many snippets of wisdom she had imparted to Draco over the years but did her grandson listen to any of them? Of course not.

And that's what landed him in trouble every time.

At the Slytherin table

Draco was enjoying his time at the Slytherin table. When suddenly the MBA began to buzz.

Beep…beep

Beep… Beep… Beeeeeeeeeep

And suddenly more frantically

Beep…beepBeep…beepBeep…beepBeep…beepBeep…beepBeep…beepBeep…beep...

Everyone in the great hall froze to stare at Draco's flamboyantly musical MBA that was now screeching out the notes to Beethoven's 'fur elise'. Having run out of new tunes to play, it switched over to Mass in B minor by Bach.

Fur elise had caused a pause in the activities…but apparently, Bach's music was a sensation…the great hall burst into applause and several people started whacking him on the back (one of them being Crabbe, who nearly knocked him into the soup).

Draco, now the color of crimson, tried to shut it up by a number of spells. Then he resorted to banging it and trying to stuff it into a glass of pumpkin juice. His final recourse was trying to avada it but to no avail. The blood thing was near indestructible.

He looked around the room, pleadingly at Hermione, who until now had been in a frozen state of horror back at the Gryffindor table.

As she rose and made her way towards him, a hush fell around his immediate circle.

Hermione never made it to the table.

Having a strange feeling of impending doom, Draco's body automatically stiffened.

"Well…now what do we have here?" came the lustful voice of a very potion-strewn half veela.

000

Snape's greasy office (yes greasy)

Impending doom alright. Draco was ready to rip his preciously groomed hair out of its socket. Snape's not his own of course. He was much too Narcissistic for that.

Although he had told Snape everything…he had avoided the one question Snape really wanted to know about.

Who was the alarm attuned to?

He contemplating killing snape now, a murderous thought many Slytherins pondered on the daily.

Just as Draco had made his decision (to tell Snape not to kill him), the door burst open and Bulstrode strode in (no pun intended) in that dramatic fashion she'd taken a liking to.

The alarm went off, screaming desperately for attention like a yapping pomeranian.

Snape got it.

Bulstrode stood grinning. Somewhere between Snape's mad laughter and Millicent moving in for the kill, Draco and his little beeping badge managed to escape. He threw himself through the window of Snape's office, calculating that the fall wouldn't kill him considering the window just led into the castle. He managed to evade capture and hid for the remainder of the afternoon in the third floor, permanently out-of-order girl's bathroom, strangely comforted by the haunting of Moaning Myrtle.

It was rather nice to have someone telling him what nice cheekbones and pecks he had. A bit creepy considering Myrtle was as old as He-who-must-not-be-named but stuck in time as a teen. He quite liked the attention.

He stayed there for as long as he could before trekking back down for class.

On his way down, Draco tried to scare a third year out of his cash only to be laughed at. What was his name worth if his currency didn't scare anyone anymore? Life was over for him as he knew it.

000

Later that day

Salvation comes in many forms. For Draco, salvation came in the form of a cat. A very odd looking striped cat.

Draco had skipped too many classes due to the Milicent debacle that he'd been forced to go to his care of magical creatures class.

It had become his favorite class actually owing to the fact that it was the only class that featured neither Dumb and Dumber (Potter and Wesel) or Milicent who was asked never to attend another one of Hagrid's classes after several incidents of her accidentally squashing some of the more delicate inhabitants of Hagrid's animal retinue.

"So a final animal we're gon' learn to care for today is this lil' fellar'," Hagrid was bringing the final animal to the show. "He's a bit skittish so be careful 'round 'hm.

Hagrid placed the cage precariously on the ground. Placing his hand on the latch he opened it, warning them to be careful.

"Now, you've gotta be real careful with this lil' guy o'er here. He ain't gonna bite or sting…but if he attacks…well, you don wanna be the one to get attackeds' all I'm tellin ya."

The black and white stripped cat stepped out tentatively.

"He's three quarter's muggle and a quarter kneazle and has some special properties owing to that."

Those who were familiar with muggle animals automatically began to withdraw backward, cautious of the skittish creature before them. Their pureblood counterparts saw their hesitation and began to retreat as well. Draco of course, did not. What no one knew about Draco was that he was a great lover of animals and he especially loved cats.

"What's that?" Ron inquired.

"A cat you moron." Draco snapped and kneeled down to approach it cautiously.

The skunk looked up at them. Harry didn't know much about skunks but he wasn't sure he wanted to be so close to one. This was one hell of a brave skunk.

The skunk regarded Draco casually as he leaned in to pet it cautiously.

"I want to pet it too!" Someone yelled and then another but the sudden onrush of people scared the skunk which turned in its panic.

Harry screamed and closed his nose. Ron lunged out of the way. Hermione squealed and hid behind Harry.

"Good kitty." He continued to pet it. It turned and he rubbed its back just as it sprayed.

Needless to say, no one came near him after that. Not even Millicent Bulstrode could stand the smell.

After being rushed into the infirmary, Mme Pomfrey tried to cure him of the smell but in vain. For the safety of those in the hospital wing, Mme Pomfrey called St. Mungos and had Draco shipped off.

000

St. Mungos had hundreds of rooms but none of them to cater for the smell. Since no one could (or really wanted to) come near him, they put him in solitary confinement in the ward of mental health for the criminally insane. His 'cell' was a cube with transparent walls and soft cushioning instead of a floor and a toilet which was actually a small hole. This ward was made for people with mental health issues that led to homicidal tendencies and was designed to prevent them from hurting themselves or others. It was the only location in that allowed him to interact with people without them having to smell him.

Skunks, he was later intimated, were pretty stinky. But that little bit of kneazle in his little buddy had created a stink that no one else could withstand although it didn't seem to bother Draco too much.

Draco though being the dashing vain as he was, embraced his predicament. Removing his shirt to reveal perfectly balanced abs, he tried to flirt with the attractive woman in the cell next to his who he was later told had homicidal tendencies.

Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy came to visit the boy. Narcissa, insisted (against her husband's better judgment), that she should go into the cell to comfort her son.

It happened so fast. One moment Narcissa was walking into Draco's cell and the next, she was running out screaming something that sounded awfully like, "Just like youre father!" Lucius couldn't be sure though - his wife's incessant nagging had rendered him prematurely deaf.

According to Lucius, even that momentary contact with The Smell (as they'd taken to calling it) that emanated from Draco, made her stink unbearably. In the end, Lucius refused to sit with her in the carriage going so far as to suggest he'd rather walk than deal with the stench.

"Take the cab home!" you crabby woman! He added in his head.

But Narcissa, being a Black, upon further instigation (when he told her she stunk like a troll), rode away in the carriage, leaving her husband to take the cab home.

Much to the Lucius's embarrassment, he only had a few knuts of change, enough to get a dusty old broom (like the cleaning kind) that he enchanted to take him home.

Darn that woman!

Think before you anger your wife. His mother always said. Lucius never listened to his mother's old-age wisdom. It's why he got in with the wrong crowd each time.

000

After a few uneventful days where absolutely no soul visited him…the whole of Hogwarts decided to turn up.

Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, Pansy and a few other close cronies showed up. There wasn't much to do but being evil Slytherin arses they joked around about his housing accommodations…and his pit toilet.

After an eternity of humiliation that he bore in silence for his retribution would be sweet, the warden kicked them all out. They left with the promise (or threat) to visit again.

Hermione didn't come to see him initially and he felt embarrassed to even wish she'd come.

After almost a week, she arrived without much fanfare

"Hermione!" Draco tried to look less enthusiastic than how he felt. She was still blushing, no doubt remembering some of their more intimate encounters.

He was trying to claw his way out.

"For heaven's sake Draco, you're going to break a nail!"

Draco stopped immediately.

"We can't have that, now can we? It's bad enough one of us has terrible nails in this relationship"

"I bite them when I am nervous" she said cross, and then "what relationship?"

"Relationship? What relationship?"

"That's what I said."

"That's what I...oh god. Listen Malfoy...Here's something that will help you."

"Nothing can help me now Granger. I'm a doomed man. Even my own mother can't stand me."

"That's not a new development." She smirked. And he laughed. Her humor was razor sharp. He wished he could grab a hold of her then and there. He'd eat that smirk. With his face.

"Who knew that I Draco Armellius Malfoy, would die at the hands of a smelly muggle cat in the insanity ward at ?"

Hermione giggled until she realized he was quite serious. "What are you talking about?"

"The smell…it's never going to go, is it? I'm going to spend the rest of my precious life in a cell with a pit for a toilet."

Hermione laughed. "The smell will dissipate. But I think it's not going away without some help considering the nature of the animal."

"Here," she said, slipping a box into the one way letter box, "it's a soap that I made to help speed up the process. That's why it took so long to come and see you. It should reduce the scent and maybe within a few days, you won't be a danger to the general public"

000

After a week of thoroughly scrubbing himself with the soap, Draco was released. He vowed never to go near a muggle cat again.

He was back at Hogwarts. There was no fanfare. It was the weekend and the first person he saw was an innocent second year on his way somewhere. Draco lunged.

He enveloped the second year in a bear hug. Dropping him to the ground, he looked at him sternly.

"You tell anyone that…"

The second year scrambled for the sanctuary of the Great Hall. There's power in numbers.

"Ah it feels good to be back."

000

Draco found her in their little nook.

She was napping and it took everything in him not to wrap his arms around her.

She snapped up, her unfocused eyes focusing resolutely on him.

"You're back," she yawned.

"Indeed."

"I resolved it."

"Resolved what?"

"Your Milicent situation."

"You did? How?"

"Well I finally brewed the potion. It turns out Greg is a very good potions master when he's motivated. She's finally off of her obsession for you, poor thing."

"Actually… " she cleared her throat uncomfortably, "It looks like there was a bit more to the story than we knew. Remember the Astronomy Tower where Mili fell?" Of course he did. How could he forget such an integral turning point in the river of his life?

"It seems Milicent didn't fall in love with you because of her Veela passions. She was...induced,"

"Induced?"

"Blaise thought it would be a hilarious prank if he laced her potion with a little bit of an obsession potion."

Draco gaped at her. "THAT SICK BASTARD! I'm GOING TO KILL HIM."

"Actually," she grinned, "I have a better idea."

000

Blaise twitched at every sound he heard.

"She has a new fixation you know. You are yesterday's trash," Pansy pronounced loudly for all to hear but it was meant exclusively for Draco.

"Shut up Pans" Blaise hissed in a tight voice.

"Oh…Blazing bunny where are you?" Millicent Bulstrode appeared like a goddess-ahem-demon in the waking.

Blaise frantically gathered his things and bolted just as Mili came into view. The group laughed uproariously as she came and sat with them, Goyl wrapping his arm around his wonderful girlfriend who shared his love of poems and food though she wasn't partial to classical music like he was.

000

"So Granger, you never asked me that favor I owe you."

"At a future date Malfoy. At a future date."

"Speaking of date, do you want to go out on a date with me?" He surprised himself by being so blunt about it.

Her blush spoke volumes.

"Yeah...I'd umm...I'd love to. Uh...you...you..umm." He laughed at her sudden inability to speak. He pushed the strands covering her face to reveal those petulant lips.

Leaning in, he brushed his lips against hers and she responded by kissing him, hard.

"Saturday at 6pm? Wait by the gates?"

"Mhmm," Hermione smiled.

"And wear your muggle jeans." He grinned as she smacked him on the arm.

**Fin**

A/N: What started off as a short revamp turned into an allnighter...I don't know what I did but it's 5am and I need sleep. I felt like Mili should have a happy ending. And Goyle, as it turns out, is an eloquent young man who loves poems, has a healthy appetite and finds Milicent Bulstrode irresistible.

I like love, sue me!