Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (and I don't think I'd like to either), Hellsing or Deathnote. I also do not possess the "beauty" of the Cullens', the dry wit of Alucard, the rock hard abs of Jacob. I do however believe that Light Yagami totally stole the crazy superiority complex angle from me. Damn him. Potential- sorry, almost CERTAIN- Twilight mocking, so don't read if you're a fangirl. For the love of all that isn't vampirish, don't read it. I can't stand another Team whatever threatening to shiv me, or worse yet, to make me watch Eclipse.

For my lovely readers, enjoy and know that I write this while eating a potato chip.

DAY ONE

It was like any other day in the town of Forks, Washington. The sky was almost constantly covered by ominous grey clouds; sunlight was a rare occurrence in this dreary town, and when it was permitted to break through the barrier of clouds, it was short lived. This is the town the Cullen family resided in. The populace was small, and the furry woodland creatures abundant. Forks was a serene, quiet town that only had the odd supernatural occurrence.

The Cullen's were no ordinary family however. Their skin was whiter than that of a 23 year old WoW player, their skin colder than the inside of a freezer; they were faster than a teenage girl confronted with a sale, with even better fashion sense. They weren't human in the least; they were vampires.

The real story of this family begins after the events of Eclipse. It begins when God himself passes judgment upon those without souls.

The afternoon was a drizzly one at the Swan residence. Not nice enough to risk the hair, and not bad enough to play some baseball.

Edward sighed as he ran a hand through his tawny locks, thoughtfully staring out the window, a look of deep concentration in his eyes. His one and only, the ever plain and inferior Bella gazed upon his smoldering good looks, his ocher eyes, his rock hard chest, and his enormous p-

Bella's thoughts were cut short as Edward slapped the window and hissed.

"DAMMIT! It doesn't matter if I spend 1 or 3 hours, I can NEVER get the Keanu Reeve hair down pat! What am I doing wrong? I've watched The Matrix at LEAST 13 times now, I bought the same gel, I even crept into his bathroom!"

So maybe he wasn't in deeply concentrating on some complex, thought provoking issue. Gel is serious business too, especially when you're dating an Adonis.

"Edward, I love your hair, you look great even without his hairstyle-" Bella was cut off before she could finish her sentence. Edward had moved from the window onto the bed in front of her in the blink of an eye, a look of anger staining his face.

"How could you say something that horrible?" He snapped, his golden eyes darkening to onyx. Bella bit her lip and played with the ends of her hair, looking down at her lap and back up into his marble face. In an instant Edward's assumed their original topaz colouring, and a half grin spread across his face as he chuckled and lightly pressed his stone lips against Bella's, causing her heart to pound rapidly.

"NO! We mustn't, I can't take your soul!" Edward cried, jumping back from the bed and out the window, leaving an extremely dumbfounded Bella.

He had left her house in a hurry. Using his preternatural speed, he hastened home, arriving within mere minutes. The sight that beheld him when he arrived was unfathomable.

Alice waited upon the front porch, pacing. As Edward approached, she flung herself down the stairs, a crazed look in her eyes.

"Oh Edward, thank God you're here! It's terrible, just terrible, Esme; sh-sh-he-ee, she-e.. she killed herself! Carlisle is distraught, no one can figure out how she tore herself to pieces! The Volturi are on the way..."

Edward fell to his knees in disbelief, horror and numbness consuming his body. Alice's words washed over him, as if she was speaking through a haze. Who could have done such a thing?

"SOMEONE KEYED MY VOLVO!" He screamed, pointing behind Alice. His silver Volvo had a 3 inch, hair thin scratch along the passenger door.

The next few hours were a blur. Alice had called Bella, who had arrived at the Cullen residence to console Edward. The entire family was in deep pain, while the news of Esme's suicide spread throughout the entire vampire world. As the chaos unfolded, three figures watched in delight. The new world was beginning.

A/N: I have this whole fic laid out, and know exactly where I want to go. I also wrote this at...well, it's 4am now. So, basically, I want to know if anyone is interested in seeing how this goes, because I'm uber excited to get this going!

~Nacina~