A Clean Getaway

This little piece of fun was written specifically for ~ShiroKoburi as a prize in a DeathNote contest on Deviant Art. She wanted a story in which the trio try to get out of bath day…which I thought was a fun idea. First I had to decide why there would be a bath day in the first place in a fancy orphanage like Wammy's where I was sure there were showers and the ability to shower on a daily basis. Once I came up with an idea then I had to make it work. Soooo after many rewrites, I think I have it!

Enjoy!

"Matt…Mello…come on guys wake up!" the young albino frantically shook both of his roommates; one and then the other. He had just realized what day it was and it terrified him. Even more than what could happen if he woke up Mello.

"What the fuck Near, do you know what time it is?" the groggy blonde groaned as he opened one eye to look at the clock on the bedside table, "Your ass better be on fire or I'm breaking your neck!" he warned and Near moved away, dropping down to Matt's lower bunk. The red head had begun to stir and he was less likely to swing then Mello was, but they would both understand once he explained.

"Near? It's like 4:00 in the morning, what's wrong?" he asked squinting through sleep filled eyes.

"I know it's early and I'm sorry, but guys when we get up it's going to be B-Day! What are we going to do, I can't stand that!" Matt stared into the 14 year old's fear filled wide eyes and realized that was the only time he'd every seen him scared, but he couldn't blame him.

B-Day was what they had code named the horrific day each year when all students were required to bathe specifically for medical examinations. Of course they showered or bathed on a daily basis anyway, but on this particular day, directly after cleaning they would have to make a chilly walk clad only in towels to present themselves to the infirmary where they had to undergo complete and embarrassing physicals, no part untouched, every possible body part revealed. As if the examination wasn't bad enough, pranks were constant with towels being snatched, cameras snuck in at the most embarrassing times and other indignities.

No one dared prank Mello unless a busted nose was what they were after, and Matt was safe simply because everyone knew they'd still have to answer to Mello as well. But Near knew he had no such immunity and suffered each year.

As Wammy's was an orphanage for gifted children, there wasn't a large amount of students there at any one time, so it was easy to separate the girls from the boys and get this kind of thorough examination done. It had been a horrific experience for Near since the first year it happened, and every year as he got older it became more and more unbearable to be poked, prodded and treated like a prize bull. He had even complained to L about it, but he had told them it was out of his hands, it was a rule that even he had to endure as a child, but he had promised to look into it.

Mello groaned from the top bunk and hung down to look at both of them through eyes that weren't completely awake yet.

"What the hell do you expect us to do about it? We have to parade around bare ass just like you do, what makes your little candy butt so special?" Matt laughed into his pillow as Near's fingers twirled furiously in his hair.

"You don't like it any more than I do, can't we figure out a way of getting out of it?" Mello snorted laughter.

"I don't have a problem being naked; I look good don't I Matt?"

"Yea, just gorgeous," he answered and turned back to Near, "You expect us to think of something this time in the morning? Go back to sleep we've got time. They don't usually start until way after breakfast, like ten or eleven o'clock. We'll think of something later." Matt told him and the young boy sighed and nodded.

"Alright. But we need to have something planned by the time we go to breakfast," Near answered him and Matt nodded falling heavily back into his pillow and pulling the blankets around him. Near climbed back into his own bed but was unable to fall asleep as all he could think about was what prank someone would try to play on him while he was naked except for a towel. Last year he was the victim of wet towel snapping until Matt got him out of the line of fire, he could only imagine what would happen this year. It wasn't just him, but he was definitely a favorite. He sighed and huddled under his blankets until morning.

Several hours later the three were up and heading for breakfast, brainstorming the entire time of how to avoid B-day; or at least how to have Near avoid it.

"I don't know how you're going to do this," Matt told him as they sat down to eat, "Even if you call out sick, they'll get you eventually."

"It's just a medical exam," Mello added and Near huffed.

"You're such a pervert you probably enjoy it anyway," he told the blonde who snorted laughter at him.

"You know I don't like to be touched that much," Near continued, "And they always have cold hands, and the stethoscope is always freezing and then they…well…some places shouldn't be examined!" Matt and Mello looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"I'm not overly thrilled with it either, it's a lousy way to spend a Saturday, so maybe we can figure a way for all of us to get excused," Matt said afterwards and then had a thought, "I'm going to try to hack into their computers and get our names removed from the roster. By the time they figure it out, we can be outside somewhere and they won't be able to find us." Near looked hopeful.

"You think you can do that?" Matt waved his hand at him.

"Please, who do you think you're talking to? I haven't found the mainframe I can't hack into yet," he said finishing his breakfast. The public address system noisily came to life, Roger's annoying tones reminding the students that this was indeed the day for medical examinations, boys will be first beginning at 10:00 sharp, the girls at 11:00 and that all students were expected to be present.

"I think I'll also do a little messing with their program," Matt said as he dropped his goggles from the top of his head to in front of his eyes, "Have a little excitement if they try to do any searching," he added with an evil smile, "So I'm heading back to the room to get started." He stood up stretching and stifling a yawn.

"How long do you think it will take?" Near asked him and Matt shook his head.

"Shouldn't be too long. Why don't you and Mello go get lost while I work on this, if I do this right no one will be looking for you at all," he said, then reached over and fluffed Near's hair, "No worries Snowball you won't have to show your ass to anyone you don't want to!" he laughed as Near pulled away.

"Okay, thanks Matt," he looked at Mello, "So what shall we do to stay out of sight?" he asked and Mello shook his head.

"What do you mean we? If they do start looking for us it'll be too easy if we're together and who said I wanted to spend any more time with you then I have to? You'd have me playing with fucking robots or something, later Snowball!" he answered and walked away.

"Don't let him bother you," Matt said as Near watched Mello walk away, "He's still pissed coz you got an A plus on the last history quiz and he got an A minus. I've got to get started, you stay out of sight for a while, okay?" Near nodded.

\

"He doesn't bother me Matt, I simply consider the source," he answered making Matt laugh as he headed down the hall towards their room. Near tried to decide where would be a good spot to stay out of sight, and decided to go to the main room, pick out a few toys and head outside to the wooded area by the lake. He'd have a great view of the main doors in case anyone was looking for him and he could take off before they noticed him.

He started walking to the main room, noticing that the many of the boys were beginning to head to the showers to get a head start. He then began to move faster, grabbing a few toys and heading for the doors, which now seemed to be miles away. As he got closer, he heard a door opening and realized he was near Roger's office. His heart began to beat wildly as he tried to move quicker, not wanting to be seen. He began to breathe easier as his hand reached to doorknob…until feeling a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't you think you should be getting ready to shower?" Near turned slowly and looked into the questioning face of Roger.

"I…thought I'd wait a while, everyone else is going now," he answered knowing full well Roger didn't believe it.

"You wouldn't be trying to sneak out and get out of the exam would you?" When Near didn't answer right away he bent down and got right into Near's face, something he knew the youngster didn't like.

"Everyone has to have their yearly exam Near, even you. Not even L can get you out of this. Come with me," he told him and Near sighed heavily and looked at the floor.

"Yes Roger," he answered quietly and followed him into his office. To his surprise the office wasn't empty as he heard a loud snap. Mello looked up as he walked in and nearly choked on his chocolate bar trying not to laugh.

"So, some how you both think you're above the other students here, that you're special," Roger accused and Mello shrugged his shoulders.

"We are special, did L pick you to be his heir?" Near tried not to show his amusement, as it certainly wasn't going to help his situation. Roger was obviously angry with Mello's remark but didn't address it.

"And Matt? Where is he?" he asked.

"I left him in our room getting ready to shower", Near answered, "He didn't think we'd get away with trying to get out of it." Mello snapped another piece of the chocolate bar.

"Guess he was right," he stated and Roger smiled.

"I believe a call to L is in order right now. He should know that his heirs are using their positions with him to get out of a necessary activity. Even he did not get out of it, why you thought you could is beyond me," Both boys rolled their eyes as Roger picked up the phone.

Watari reached for his cell phone on the second ring, immediately recognizing the number on the screen.

"It's Roger," he told his ward sitting in front of his computer. L's face expressed the distate he had for the man and he stood up bringing his coffee with him.

"Obviously it must be something about the boys," he said with a sigh and sipped as he watched Watari answer. Watari listened for a few moments before he spoke.

"I see, Roger. Perhaps this speaks of the necessity of changing how this is done if they are willing to risk getting into trouble to avoid it," he answered and then listened again, his expression causing L to smile.

"I will relay the message immediately Roger, thank you." He finally said and closed the phone.

"I take it that the boys tried to avoid B-day," L stated and Watari nodded. L sighed and finished his coffee, "Barbaric ritual I never enjoyed." He added and Watari nodded.

"Which is why you had a private doctor after you became L," he said and L smiled.

"Perhaps we should begin doing that with the boys, but I also believe it is time to change how this is done here. I think it's time to discuss this with Roger." Watari nodded and stood up.

"When would you like to do this?" he asked as the raven-haired detective reached into a nearby candy bowl for the jellybeans that were inside.

"Immediately after I close the files on this case," he answered and walked back to his desk.

Matt looked up in surprise when the door opened and Near and Mello shuffled in, the door slamming shut behind them.

"What the hell?" he asked and Mello sat on the desk.

"We got caught, now Roger's waiting outside the door to escort us to the showers," he grinned, "You too." Matt sighed and his fingers flew across his keyboard.

"Then you should be glad I'm good at what I do, this should be all set in the time it takes you to get ready," he said pointing at the towels that had been provided, "Well don't worry about it, in a few minutes they're not gonna know what happened. Get ready and head down there, but I promise you there'll be no shower or exam." Matt said grinning and Near looked up hopefully.

"Really?" Matt nodded, his fingers flying furiously across the keyboard.

"Now go get ready and pretend like everything's fine," he told him and Near nodded and did just that.

A few minutes later they opened the door, a towel wrapped around them, and found Roger standing in the hallway. They walked past the administrator and headed towards the shower area, all hoping Matt would be able to work his magic quickly.

Once they were there Roger moved away, warning them he would be checking the roster to make sure they didn't run away again, and if they did the consequences would be severe. The three stared at each other and Matt shook his head and pointed towards the front of the room.

There were two male doctors and one female nurse, and a large white screen outside the shower. Apparenty they decided the walk to the infirmary was no longer a good idea for which the boys were grateful. The nurse sat at the desk, checking on the computer when the student gave her his name, then weighing them and taking their temperatures and blood pressure. When she was done with them they would go behind the screen, and have the full examination. Near shuddered involuntarily as he hung behind, trying not to be seen.

Suddenly he noticed the nurse frown at the computer. She hit a couple more keys and frowned again. She motioned to one of the doctors who came to her side. The boys walked along the wall to get closer to see what was happening, pretending they were headed for the showers.

From where they was standing he could see the computer screen, it was doing a countdown in large numbers and nothing they did would stop it. When it finally reached zero the screen turned black, and a laughing skeleton flashed on the screen making the nurse screech in alarm.

"Time to die!" the skeleton told them and there was a loud explosion and the sound of gunfire, making everyone scream and dive for cover. From behind the screen a naked student came running heading down the hall. The trio burst into laughter as they watched the chaos and also fell to the ground as if they were afraid, the sound from the computer echoing through the halls.

"Told you not to worry," Matt whispered, "And I wiped every trace of what I did from my laptop, no proof."

"But if they try to trace it from their computer?" Near asked and Matt only smiled.

All of the screaming alerted Roger who came running back down the hall to see what was happening. He stood and looked around at the sight before him, half naked children either lying on the floor or fleeing down the halls, the doctors and nurse down on the floor by the computer.

"What the hell is going on here?" he yelled making the boys laugh even harder.

"That's a question I would also like to have answered," a quiet voice said from behind him. Roger turned around to be face to face with an obviously annoyed L, and Watari directly behind him.

"Well obviously it has something to do with that computer which is probably something one of the trio did! Roger stammered and L frowned at him for a moment and then turned and walked over to the desk. With a few clicks of keys the noise stopped, the laughing skeleton finally quieted as well.

"Children you should all return to your rooms and get dressed, there will be no more exams today," he told the room, receiving happy noises from the students who were on the floor as they jumped up and ran from the room. The trio stood up as well smiling at their success.

"Ryuzaki I don't believe we should cancel the exams, it has to be done…" Roger began and L shook his head.

"Wammy and I have always believed this was an archaic and embarrassing way to achieve what must be done; parading children as if they were cattle half-naked. You will think of a better way of scheduling yearly medical exams Roger and once you have done that they can be rescheduled. We have tried to not interfere in the day to day operations of the orphanage, but on this we must. As Wammy created and runs this orphanage and as it is my income from my work, which keeps it running, I believe we have the right to do so. Please let me know as soon as possible when you have a better plan." He stared directly into Roger's eyes, making it quite clear that he had no other choice than to comply. Roger sighed, unable to keep eye contact for very long.

"As soon as possible, Ryuzaki," he said and turned and walked away back to his office.

"Perhaps I can help you, Roger," Watari suggested and followed him

L turned and walked towards the trio who were barely concealing their mirth as they rose from the floor.

"I hope you managed to cover your tracks," he said to the red head who stared up at him in surprise and then sighed, knowing he could never lie to those eyes.

"Yes, there's no way they will be able to find where the virus came from," he answered.

"What about if they work backwards from that laptop?" L asked and before Matt could answer the laptop on the desk began to smoke and fizzle, the doctors and nurse moving quickly away from it, and finally a small popping noise completely darkened the screen.

"That's also not a problem," Matt said happily. L stared at him for a moment, then sighed and stuck both hands into his pockets.

"Although I find your way of handling this situation amusing and brilliant, do not make a habit out of disrupting the entire school to show your dislike of something."

"Okay Ryuzaki, I won't," Matt answered sheepishly and then smiled, "You really think it was brilliant?"

"Yes, but do not repeat it," L answered and then smiled, "I have always wanted a way to stop this ridiculous ritual, but had little time to waste on it. I am pleased it was one of you that came up with it. Now go get dressed and come up early, the longer you stay out of Roger's eyesight the better." He added and turned to walk down the hall, the three following until they got to their room.

Just as Near opened the door, Mello elbowed Matt, reached forward and snatched the boy's towel, leaving him stark naked. He screeched, causing L to stop and turn around in time to see the boy's rear end flying into the room, locking the door behind him and Matt and Mello nearly falling to the floor with laughter. He smiled and walked back towards the laughing boys.

"Oh man that was hysterical," Mello gasped in between giggles.

"Yes, and now it shall be twice as funny," L said reaching forward quickly and grabbing both of their towels. The laughter immediately stopped as they tried to cover themselves and open the door at the same time, completely forgetting that Near had locked it as he ran in.

L continued to smile as he turned and walked away, taking the towels with him, and listening to their shouts to Near to unlock the door. From behind him he could hear squeals as the boys were being found by other students. Suddenly the two naked genii were flying past him, running into the bathroom, slamming the door behind them. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled his cell phone, hitting the speed dial number for Watari.

"Watari, Matt and Mello are in the nearest bathroom to Roger's office. They seem to have lost their towels, so would you be kind enough to pick up two towels in about five minutes and bring them to them?" he closed the call and continued his walk back to his apartment, allowing a rather evil sounding chuckle to escape as he did.