Hello, fellow SP fans!
I'm so sorry for the delay on the next chapter of "The Letter"; I had a family crisis I had to attend to, and school has left me pretty swamped, as well.
Anyway, to compensate, here's a little something that's been simmering on the backburner of my brain for a while. Enjoy! (and review!) :D

I don't know how to breathe.

I can't utter a single word.

I refuse to open my eyes.

I won't listen to another fucking thing.

If I part my lips and allow air to seep in,
it's the same air you breathed—
the same recycled atoms of life you expelled into my lungs
when we kissed.

If I urge my throat to make a noise,
my vocal chords will vibrate to the rhythm of your heartbeat—
the same heartbeat that drummed under the soft fabric of your shirt
when I lay on your chest
after we made love.

If I force my eyelids to fold in,
my pupils will dilate to take in the light—
the same light that shone through the window
as I helped you get dressed.

If I unblock my ears,
my eardrums will sting from the sounds of the street—
the same sounds that burst into the room
when you opened the door to leave.

My mind is cluttered with snapshots of our time together.

The pictures change over time.

Now—

I see you holding your breath,
your cheeks deep red
as I pushed your lips open with my tongue;

I see you white with fear,
your hands clawing the sheets
as I lay my body atop yours
so you couldn't squirm;

I see you frozen,
your eyes fighting back tears
as I fit you into new pants,
ones that weren't stained with blood;

I see your slow and awkward gait,
your legs stiff and numb
as I shoved you outside;

I didn't realize it was wrong.
I didn't realize my definition of love
was different than yours.

I didn't know you wanted to leave.

I didn't know you knew how to leave—
that to leave me, you'd have to leave everything else,
because I would never
let
you
go.

You thought you could escape,
that by escaping from life,
you would escape me.

But

they say I'm going to Hell for what I did
to you.

And
I hope so.

Because if I do,
I'll see you there;

everyone knows

all Jews go to Hell.