A/N: Hope everyone is continuing to stay well and safe during these uncertain times. Thanks to everyone for their support as I update my works here.
Chapter 15: Homeward Bound
Severus nearly bumped into Slughorn as he left the Slytherin dorms for his detention Monday.
"Mr. Snape, I was just looking for you."
He mentally groaned. "I was on my way."
"Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office first."
He gulped.
Severus found Dumbledore sitting at his desk with a smile. He was unsure if he should trust that smile. The door closed behind him.
"Mr. Snape, take a seat."
He slowly went over and sat down on the other side of the desk facing the Headmaster.
"Fancy a lemon drop?"
"Um, no, thanks."
Dumbledore smile met his eyes and he gave Severus a nod of acknowledgement. "Very well. No need to be worried. I impart some good news. We had a long discussion with the Ministry yesterday as we feel they may have overstepped their bounds a little with Hogwarts matters. The issues related to unauthorized experimentation of potions here have been dismissed. You and Ms Evans will no longer be receiving any punishment from the Ministry on this matter. Your detentions with the school will remain, however."
"So, there's no punishment or trial with the Ministry?"
"No. The Minister was being rather hasty after the use of lust potions and an illegal curse used on students within the school. The issues with general potion use and experimentation have been settled. You will continue your detention with Professor Slughorn, and all school punishments will remain."
Severus nodded. "Yes, sir."
"I trust you will inform Ms. Evans on the matter?"
He smiled, "Absolutely." He started to get up.
"Severus?"
"Yes?"
"Though you achieved your goal, you did so through unauthorized use of veritaserum. I will be taking 20 house points from you and Ms. Evans. Standard punishment, you must understand."
Severus gave a curt nod and frowned. While he expected to see him irate, there was almost a twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes at the last sentence. He didn't seem all that upset about the use of the veritaserum on Pettigrew.
"Enjoy your evening, Severus."
He gave Dumbledore a brief nod before leaving his office.
Severus met Lily in the library after dinner. He flopped into a chair beside her. "Haven't had the chance to speak with you."
"Well, you were in detention." She paused. "What about your night detention?"
"That's why I wanted to talk to you. There isn't any. Professor Dumbledore stopped me before my detention with Slughorn to say that we, you and me, we aren't being punished by the Ministry any longer."
"Really? That's strange. What happened?"
"He didn't say much. Just that they had a conversation with the Ministry and that all current detentions with them have been cancelled."
"I wonder what changed."
Severus shrugged, "I'd guess they're not happy with the idea of us being punished for general stuff that happens here. Probably talked about them interfering and the Ministry
backed off. Who knows with politics."
"Well, whatever happened, I'm glad. Are you up to studying?" She pointed the Magical History book on the table.
"Do I have a choice? If we are going to take our NEWTS here soon, I need to. I'll be okay."
"Ah-hem-hem." Someone loudly cleared their throat behind them.
Severus and Lily jumped in surprise and turned to see the librarian.
"One of you." She pointed to the other side.
"We weren't doing anything, just talking." Lily said.
"Move!" She snapped.
"I'll move." Lily sighed and moved to the other side of the table.
"Hands and lips to yourself!" She went back to her desk, her eyes darting back at them every couple of seconds.
"Okay, so we'll go over some of the Transfiguration stuff here. McGonagall told me to look at this section for the NEWTS."
Severus let out a huff and opened his book. "I was looking through the potions and charms texts earlier. I'll probably look at a couple more texts tomorrow since I am free from classes then as well."
"I studied earlier. I didn't really care about listening to the professors." She looked at him. "Peter got expelled."
"That's been confirmed?"
"Yep. Potter and Black said they made him take all his things and his parents came and picked him up. Potter's pissed at Pettigrew right now. Never knew he could be so mad at a friend. Potter and Black aren't really talking right now either. They apparently got in a big fight and are mad at each other. Lupin wouldn't say what they were mad about though."
A smile started on his lips. "Doubt it had anything to do with what he's said to you, but that'd be nice to hear."
"It would. I don't know if they're going to do anything else about Peter or not. I do know that he's in a lot of trouble. Apparently, he did confess to everything thanks to our help."
Severus grinned.
0o0o0o
Severus had not even sat down at lunch on Thursday when an owl dropped a note, landing in the soup. He dried it off and opened it. After reading it over, he looked over at Lily, who was reading a note. She turned to him for a moment and smiled for a brief second.
Lily and Severus went up to Dumbledore's office during dinner.
"So, we are to understand that the two of you desire to take your NEWTS now?" Dumbledore asked.
"Yes, sir." Lily answered.
Severus nodded. "We think it would be best to get out here."
"You still must attend classes in the meantime."
"I know." Lily responded. "We are and will."
Dumbledore looked between them. "We have granted your request, Miss Evans, to take your NEWTS. You will begin them in two weeks, and you don't need to worry about your regular classes during that time."
Lily frowned. "What about Severus? If he's not going to get to take them, then I don't want to leave. I can't leave him here alone."
"Upon much consideration, we have decided to grant Mr. Snape the chance to take his NEWTS in two weeks as well."
Lily let out a sigh of relief. "Really? You're letting us take it-both of us?"
"Yes. The Monday after next, you will begin your NEWTS and take them into Tuesday. On Wednesday and Thursday, you will have your practical. I've arranged for Professor Flitwick to come and oversee your work. Friday you will have a down day. Saturday I've arranged for a carriage and train to take you home."
Lily turned to Severus, trying to hide her excitement. She saw him start to grin a little. "Thank you. We really appreciate this-doing this for us."
"Yeah, thanks." Severus said, half feeling his appreciation.
"You two may go."
They left the room and started down the hall. "Sev, are you okay? You're happy about this, aren't you?"
"Happy to get out, sure."
She stopped and frowned. "I figured you'd be more excited."
"I'm happy to leave, but you heard them. They didn't want to let me do it, but then decided they would. They want me out of here. That's why. Shouldn't surprise me."
She huffed, blowing a strand of hair that fallen in front of her face. "That's not what they said."
He glared at her. "It's what they meant whether they said it or not."
Lily huffed again, albeit slightly. "Well, look at the bright side. Just two more weeks and we can leave."
"That's the only thing good about any of this."
"I'm going to look for a job when I get back. I once thought about an auror or a healer, but I think I'll find something else. Maybe with the Ministry temporarily. After graduation, we
can make decisions. About what to do next."
Severus nodded. "Same. Looking for work. Well, I need to go to my detention. I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed her forehead. "Night."
"Night, Sev. See you tomorrow."
The Following Sunday afternoon
Severus saw Lily looking out the window in the library.
"Lily? Lily!"
She turned and shook her head. "What?"
"You're not studying much. We have three exams tomorrow."
"I'll be fine." She sighed. "Sev?"
He looked up from his book. "What?"
"You ever think about it?"
"Think about what?"
"I'd be about 13 weeks now."
Severus stopped reading over his charms text. "We can't bring it back."
"I know we can't. I just-I can't help but think-what if? What if it wasn't taken from me? I'd probably still be pregnant if he hadn't done it. I can't help but wonder about it. If it would've been a boy or a girl or what he or she would've looked like. I know I'll never know, but I think it would've been easier if I had aborted it or miscarried. Then it would've been my decision or something happened-something was wrong with the baby-I could accept it easier."
"It doesn't do to dwell on the what-ifs." He said matter-of-factly.
Lily nodded. "I know. I just think about it. What would've happened if we'd had a baby this September? Then I think about it and think maybe it's best we aren't having one, yet I still feel like I was cheated."
"You were cheated."
"I do want a child or two. I've always wanted that. I didn't expect to have one so soon, but yes, I do feel we were cheated."
Severus shrugged slightly. "I don't feel that cheated. Me as a father doesn't sound right."
"I'm sure if we'd had one, you'd have been fine." Lily sighed.
"Not sure how studying for exams made you return to your grief. You've been doing okay."
Tears glistened her eyes and he cursed to himself.
"Did something happen? Someone say something?"
She shook her head. "No. Nothing like that." She glanced down at the crest on her robes. "I just-it's been a rough day."
"Random grieving?"
She coughed, pushing the lump in her throat back down, "It came back this morning." Her voice was almost a whisper.
"What came back?"
"It hardly even hurts this time." Her voice was still in a whisper as if she was terrified someone else would hear.
"What doesn't hurt?" He grumbled almost out loud. He hated when she was being abstruse.
She frowned. "Are you daft?"
He set his quill down and frowned back at her. "No. I can't just read your mind. Unless you wish for me to invade it. Don't be so cryptic and just tell me."
She let out a long sigh and glanced around the moderately filled library. "I started again this morning."
He swallowed hard. Fuck. "See, now was it that hard to just tell me that? Explains your mood."
She scoffed. A little too loudly as a student at a nearby table turned from his book to stare at her a moment. She blushed a little and leaned into Severus. "What's that supposed to mean?" Her words ready to lash him with her tongue.
"You know what I mean. You always get in a mood then, but-"
She scoffed again, albeit more quietly this time. "I do not."
He shrugged, "Eh, well, you kinda do, but I get why you'd be so moody this time in particular."
Instead of the retort he was expecting, she sunk into her seat with her arms folded across her chest.
"I shouldn't be." She swallowed so hard her throat ached a little. "If I had still been pregnant," her voice was so quiet he barely heard her, "I wouldn't have started today."
He wished he knew what to say to her. Sorry was an over said word. "I can't fix this. If I could-" he stopped. "Let's just focus on getting out of here. Right now, we need to focus on studying." His gazed met hers and her eyes softened. With a slight nod, she uncrossed her arms and sat up straighter. "Want to quiz me a little?" Her eyes brightened at that and she gave a swift nod before taking the book he had pushed to her.
0o0o0o
It was a long week of exams. On Friday, Lily packed up all her belongings to go home from school for the last time.
"Lily, what're you doing?" Mary asked her.
"Why aren't you telling us anything?" Melody asked. "You miss classes all week and have been studying like crazy and now you're packing all your stuff. Are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow what?" Melody raised an eyebrow.
"I'm leaving. I'm going home."
"What?" Mary asked, her jaw dropping.
"I'm going home. I'm done."
"What about your exams?"
"Took them this week."
"They let you?" Elizabeth asked in shock.
"They did. We want to leave and they let us."
"We?"
"Severus and I. We're both leaving."
"Both of you took the exams? That's so not fair." Niamh stated.
"It took some convincing, but yes, they let us." Lily huffed. " She looked around her bed one last time. "I think that's everything." She closed her trunk and put a lock spell on it.
"Come on, Lily. You can't fix what happened." Beth stated. "You can't assume the Snape kid will get out of this."
Lily turned to her with a deep glare. "He didn't do anything wrong. He did not do it. You know Peter confessed."
"Are you really sure he didn't do it, Lily? Maybe he forced Peter to lie-" Melody started.
"Why? Because he's a Slytherin so he must be evil?" She scoffed.
"No, but-you know the type-who he hangs around. What makes you so sure the guy won't up and leave you once you two leave here?"
Lily looked daggers at Melody. "I know because I know him. You don't know him."
"Oh, we know you know him." Elizabeth spoke. "You learned all about him under the potion." She quoted the word potion with her fingers.
Lily huffed to herself and took her trunk off her bed and put it on the floor. "Some friends you all have been." She undid her bed. "I'm leaving in the morning. I'll be back for the end of year ceremony."
She crawled into bed, ignoring the whispers of her roommates the best she could. It was another restless night. Every night had been restless since she and Severus had done what they did. Her mind had not eased since.
Lily ate a light breakfast and then went up to the tower. She lightened her trunk and looked around her dorm with sigh. She went down the stairs to the common room and looked around one last time, knowing she would never see it again.
"Lily?"
She turned to see Potter looking at her. "What?"
"What are you doing?"
Lily looked at her trunk. "I'm leaving. I'm going home."
James said nothing for a moment. "What about NEWTS and you being the head?"
"Anna's taking the position from me. I took my NEWTS."
"Oh." He cleared his throat. "Lily, I'm sorry I didn't-I should've believed you."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"I should've believed you-that it was the potion. What Peter did to you. I didn't listen to you-I'm sorry. I-I hope that-I hope things work out for you."
Lily sighed. "I hope things work out for you as well."
"I know things didn't work out between us, but I want you to know that I'm glad you did give me the chance-to date you."
Lily nodded. "Yeah. I'll see you at graduation. I'll be back then. Good luck to you-in life."
"Same to you." He held out his hand and she took it. "Bye, Evans."
Lily sighed again. "Thanks. Bye, Potter."
She climbed through the portrait and left the tower. She stood by the doors, bundling up in her cloak, tightening her scarf and fixing her hat over her ears to keep them warm. The doors creaked with heaviness as she left the school for good.
Severus packed most of his trunk while his roommates were out of the room on Friday. Saturday morning was when he broke the news.
"Where're you going?" Travers asked him.
"I'm leaving. Did my NEWTS. I'm done."
"What?" Avery's jaw dropped.
"I'm leaving in a couple hours. Going home."
"Why?"
Severus glared at Avery. "You know why."
"No, I don't."
"This whole mess. It's best I go."
"But you didn't do it, did ya?"
"No." Severus huffed in aggravation. "It's just best I leave."
"But what about after school ends?"
"What about it?"
"You were gonna join us. We were all gonna join the cause."
Severus locked his trunk. "I changed my mind."
"What do ya mean you changed your mind?" Mulciber asked.
"I changed my mind. I'm not joining the Dark Lord."
"What're you gonna do instead?" Travers asked.
"What do ya mean you're not joining?" Avery looked shocked.
"Just that. I'm not joining and I'm not sure yet what I'll do. I can find work."
"Why? Why would you not join? Don't tell me she's the reason." Mulciber rolled his eyes.
"She?"
"That mudblood you're always with. The one you were with a lot and then she got all hot and bothered over you calling her what she is. The one you had a roll with for one night and then you're all mates again."
Severus said nothing.
"You're leaving us and something as great as the Dark Lord for a mudblood?"
Severus turned to glare daggers at Mulciber. "Don't!-Don't call her that!" He snapped, clenching his teeth.
"What? She's different-special? Why's she different from any other mudblood, huh?"
"She just is. She's not less worthy because she was not born of a witch and wizard. She could out duel both of you in a second. What? That bother you? A muggleborn outranks you purebloods?"
"Think what stupid ideas you want, but she'll never be better. She doesn't have the knowledge we do and is worthless in her abilities. It's all fake." Avery spoke.
"Fake? That's your defence? She's faking it when she gets better marks?"
"Forget arguing. I want to eat. He's a lost cause. He's chosen the mudblood over the Dark Lord. He's just as worthless." Rosier stated. "Blood traitor."
Severus did not bother eating any breakfast. Instead, he stayed in his dorm reading over ads for jobs in the Daily Prophet. When it was nearing time to meet Lily outside of the school, he left the Slytherin dorms. He had no sentimental attachment to the dorms, ignored those sitting in the common room and left the area without another word.
He hurried up the stairs for the last time and went to the doors to leave the school. It was early and Lily wasn't due to arrive yet. They were leaving at ten to take the carriage to the train. It was 9:45. Their train to go home was going to be leaving at eleven that morning and they wouldn't be arriving in London until dark.
Severus waited for five minutes before going out the doors. He could see the carriage sitting there with its door open. The wind felt like it was biting his face, stinging it. He wrapped his cloak tighter around him. It was barely a minute later when Lily opened the door and hurried down the steps with her trunk. She smiled at him.
"We only have to come back one more time.."
"I'm glad. I'd rather they just send it to me instead." Severus pointed in the carriage. "Ladies first."
Lily rolled her eyes at his smirk. "Why do I need to get in first?"
"The right side is comfier. I'll make it easier on you."
Lily sighed. She was not in a mood to argue, just ready to leave.
She got in the carriage. Severus handed Lily her trunk. Lily took his trunk next and Severus hopped in the carriage. The door shut and they started to move. Lily looked back with a heavy sigh and slipped her fingers into Severus's, entwining them with her own. Severus looked at her with a smile and clutched her hand back.
"Weird we had to take our own trunks out, but I won't complain." She turned to him. "I think I did okay on the exams." Lily said.
"Me too. I hope so. I did my best. I knew most of the answers."
"So did I."
"Am sure you did fine. You're very intelligent."
Lily looked at her hand in his. "You say that like you aren't. You're brilliant. You don't give yourself enough credit. You'll do many great things for our world."
"So will you. How could you not?"
The carriage finally came to a stop. Severus looked out. "There's the train up ahead." The door opened and he got out. He took his trunk and Lily's and Lily got out of the carriage. The castle was seen from a distance. Lily looked back at it as she started onto the train. She smiled at Severus. "We're going home for good. Weird in a way. That it's all over."
Severus grinned. "Yeah,"
Lily took one last lingering look at the castle before she entered the train. She put her trunk in a cabin and Severus tossed his beside hers. They went to an empty cabin across the hall. The train started to roll away before they could sit down. Lily grabbed the door to keep her balance.
"You can sit by the window."
"No, I'm fine." Severus insisted.
"I want you to sit by the window."
Severus huffed. "Fine, Lily." He sat down.
Lily sat beside him and took off her shoes. She put her feet up and tucked them under her before she fixed her robes to make them more comfortable and not tight against her knees. A lady walked by, startling both. It was the trolley lady.
"Guess we aren't alone on this trip, huh?" Severus let out a huff. "I was hoping we would be."
Lily looked at him. "You were, were you?" She sighed. "Me too, actually." She laid her head on his shoulder. "At least we're together for the whole day. I'm glad I'm taking this trip home with you."
"Couldn't imagine it with anyone else." He put his arm around her and took her hand in his. Severus laid his head against the window, the landscape whirling by with its low rolling hills. He shut his eyes.
Lily closed her eyes. The hum of the train rolling along, and the sound of Severus's heart beating lulled her into sleep.
Lily opened her eyes and lifted her head off Severus's shoulder. She saw Severus's hand still on her hip. With a stretch of her neck, she looked over at Severus. His head was on the windowsill and he was breathing heavy in his sleep.
She removed his hand from her side and got off the seat. The cabin was a little chilly, but the hall was rather stuffy feeling as she walked to the bathroom. When she got back Severus was up. "Sorry, I had to use the bathroom." She sat beside him.
"I think we've still got a few hours to go."
"Probably." Lily sighed and put her hand on his leg.
Severus put his hand on her back and stroked along her spine. He kissed her lips and found himself being pulled down onto the seat.
Lily saw his hair curtaining his face as he looked down at her. She took her hand and tucked his hair behind his ear and out of his face. Her stomach gave a flip, the feeling of butterflies coming back as he looked at her with a smile. "What are you looking at?"
"Nothing really. Just something beautiful."
Lily smiled. "Same."
"I'm not much of a sight."
She sighed through her nose. "What are we going to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"After it ends."
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
Lily looked up at him. "Anything you want. Anywhere you want."
"Somewhere different. Away from here."
"Somewhere warm and tropical?"
"Sure. With palm trees and an ocean view."
"Sounds lovely. For now, we can just work and stick around here." Lily circled her fingers around Severus's shoulder.
He rubbed his hand up and down her leg, taking her robes with him as he did. "As long as I'm with you, I'll be happy anywhere."
Lily kissed his lips. "Me too."
He began to kiss her neck and stuck his hand up her robes. He swallowed as his body began to pulsate and slowly inched his fingers up to her thigh with gently strokes. He could feel her shiver as he did. Damn, how he desired to pleasure her again.
She gripped his robes above his knee and caused them to ride up. Her body began to pulsate as he inched his fingertips like a spider up her to her thigh with stops to stroke her bare skin. She shivered at his touch and hoped he wouldn't stop. They heard something bang and a weird squeaking sound on the carpet in the hall.
"What's that?" Lily asked.
Severus shrugged. "The trolley." He got off her. "Your knickers are showing."
Lily sat up and cleared her throat as she pulled her robes down. She flattened her messed up hair and brushing it down with her hand quickly.
"Would you two like anything from the trolley?"
Lily shook her head. "No, thank you." She turned to Severus.
"No, thanks." Severus grinned at Lily. "Maybe later."
"I'll be back in a short bit. Supposed to keep an eye on the two of you." She walked on past.
Lily sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to tell mum. I hate having to tell her, but she'll want to know what happened."
"I don't know if I'll tell my parents. I think I won't bother."
"Mum knew I was dating Potter. I never told her we stopped or what happened. You can't write that in a letter. It's better to tell her in person. I'm-I'm really nervous though. I don't know if-I don't know how-She doesn't really understand it. How can she? She's not a witch. She's probably going to kill me."
"It's not your fault."
"Does it matter? She'll be mad. She'll want to throttle me for being so stupid. For sleeping with someone and for not using any protection if I did."
"I'm sure she'll understand when you explain it. Explain exactly what happened."
Lily shook her head. "Would yours be understanding?"
Severus did not say anything for a moment. "No, but your parents aren't mine."
Lily pulled her knees to her chest. "I just never wanted to have to tell her this. I never thought I'd have to-to tell her that I was pregnant. Not like this. Not any time soon."
Severus put his arm over her shoulder. "It'll be fine."
"I'm glad to be away from school. It's a relief, but it's not a relief. Now I have to go from one problem to another. I have to tell her about the potion and being drugged with it, both of us and that we did it and I got pregnant, then I lost it because somehow forced me too. And-and I didn't even-I didn't tell her that-I didn't tell her I was coming home."
Severus blinked rapidly as his eyes grew wide. "You didn't tell her?"
Lily shook her head. "I started to, but then I thought about it. She'd want to know why and I couldn't explain in a letter and it would just make her worried and I thought that-I thought telling her in person would be better. But now-I'm not-I'm not sure that was a good idea. I don't know if I can tell her."
"You can tell her. You're brave, Lily. Don't lose that now. It's why you're a Gryffindor."
"Will you come with me?"
"Where?"
"Home. When we go home. So I don't have to do it alone."
Severus nodded. "I will, but I think your mother will want to kill me, not you when you tell her I was the one who got you pregnant."
"Stop, Sev. It's not your fault. If Pettigrew hadn't meddled in things that were none of his business it wouldn't have made one difference. It's all his fault. His, not yours." Lily sighed. "Forget about it. Let's play chess or something. I don't want to think about explaining to my mum what all has happened."
He nodded. "Fine by me. I'll go get the chess board."
"On the right side of my trunk on top."
Severus nodded and got up from the seat. Lily let go of her knees with a light huff and watched him leave. Just a couple of hours of peace left.