"Abby, I can't make this a long goodbye. If my dad..." I grasped Kate's hands tightly between my own and tried to hold back the tears

"It's okay Katie Kat. I understand." And I did. I knew what her family were like and her Father especially.

"I just wanted to give you this." I raised an eyebrow then gasped in shock as Kate pulled her special Dog Tag over her head and handed it to me. I read the familiar inscription Property of Caitlyn Leanne Todd

"But Kate..." She silenced me with a kiss, not letting me finish my complaint.

"Mary-Anne, go and get the girl. We're leaving!" Kate span round at her Father's voice.

"I have to go. I love you Abby." Then she was gone. I wasn't sure if she heard me when I said

"I love you too."

"See you tomorrow Abby!" I waved to Tony as Gibbs, Timmy and I began to walk home. I rubbed the sleeve of my jumper nervously, trying not to wince in pain as the cotton rubbed against my cuts that were just beginning to scab over. I shouldn't have come to school today, it was too soon, Kate had only gone yesterday, the wounds, both mental and physical, were still too raw, too fresh.

"Abs, are you sure you're alright?" Gibbs asked as Timmy walked ahead, swinging his bag and almost skipping. My younger brother was weird. I shook myself out of my thoughts.

"No, Gibbs, no I'm not alright. My best friend and girlfriend left town yesterday and all we got as a goodbye was a quick half a minute conversation and I'm probably never going to see her again. How can I be alright? How can I ever be alright?" I nearly started crying again, but gulped it down, not wanting to worry Timmy, who was slowing down, so that he was nearly level with Gibbs and I.

Gibbs dropped Timmy and I outside our house and I rushed in without looking at the house next door. Timmy followed, a little bit behind, he probably was saying goodbye to Gibbs and informing him that I was probably on my period or whatever. Seriously, he's a strange kid, sometimes I swear he was switched at birth. That or he was a changeling. One or the other.

Without thinking I went straight to the back door, after dumping my hoodie in the hall, ready to let Kate in, after she had snuck through the back gate without her Father noticing. When I didn't see her, I momentarily panicked, and then I remembered. Kate was gone. Kate was never coming back. Kate was... Kate was... I fell to the floor, tears rolling down my face as I tried to curl into myself, tried and squash the pain that was blossoming within my chest. It was like there was a hand there trying to rip the beating organ out of my chest. It hurt, it hurt so bad and I wanted it to stop, why wouldn't the pain stop? Why wouldn't Kate come back?

Instinctively, I reached up to the drawer nearby and took out the knife. While pressing it into my forearm and pulling it back again and again and again on different areas, watching the blood pool up out of my arm and dripping down onto my lap. I dropped my knife after a moment and gripped the dog tag round my neck, tears and blood mixing on my lap as I tried to re-gain some form of control over myself.

"Abby! Abby!" I felt something wet hit my face, and again, cold and wet and... it was water, what the hell? Then I realised, I must have passed out from the lack of blood or from hunger, since I hadn't eaten since I had heard the news, which had been nearly a week.

Timmy was hovering above me, holding a cup in one hand and bandages in the other. He smiled and dropped the bandages next to me before leaving the kitchen. Timmy knew that if he tried to help I would yell at him or threaten him or worse. One time I broke his arm because he tried to help me, I can't help it, the only person who I have ever let near me when I'm in that state was Kate, and with her gone, I'm left to deal with it all by myself and it hurts, and its hard. But I have to.

I need to hold myself together.

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