Welcome to the first chapter of my very first story! Welcome to all of you, and I do hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own, but I like to prance around in the universe and pretend I belong there.

The Monster Dilemma

Izaya Orihara prided himself on what he knew. Of course, being an unbelievably good informant, and trolling expert extraordinaire, he had a right to be a little cocky. He loved to sit back and observe his fellow man. Well, he loved to sit back and adore his little humans. He himself was a god among men.

It was amazing to him that no matter how much he knew about society, his precious projects could still surprise him. Thus, he toyed with them. Pushed them past their limits and made them see what qualities they had that others may have previously missed. It was all in good spirit, and to him, it was as natural as breathing.

In all honesty, he loved all humans to the point of obsession. He had his few favorites, and he kept a special watch on them. He was well aware that they probably didn't love him back, but they would soon enough. Everyone would realize what a genius he was. After all, everything he did had a purpose, and messing with people was just too much fun!

Then there was a blond "man" sent to him to try his patience. The bodyguard confounded Izaya. Nothing he did was set in stone. Surely one who possessed that much strength couldn't be human. Thus, Izaya had no love for him. Shizuo was simply a toy. And a very fun toy he was. Anyone in their right mind would sooner play with a bull than purposely annoy the brute, but who ever said Izaya was in his right mind? He started small of course. Pushing the blond's buttons ever so slightly. Eventually it escalated to the point of Shizuo getting arrested. Now THAT had been hilarious.

Now, it was a daily game of tag in which the pissed off blond would run after the informant trying to snap him in half. Sometimes they destroyed half the city. Other times Izaya would simply slip out of sight before the brute could cause too much damage. Messing with little Shizu-chan was just too exciting. The blond had made the mistake of being interesting, so like it or not he was going to entertain Izaya forever.

Today had been great for Izaya so far. He had successfully completed a job and located a man who owed a lot of money to a lot of people. Shiki had promised him a pay raise for the short job, and Izaya was going to indulge a little. He had no plans in sharing his extra money with Namie. After all, she only filed the work he had done himself. Well…maybe he would give her a day off. Without pay, of course.

He skipped happily down the streets of Ikebukuro. He loved this bustling hotbed of humans. So many possibilities! He was meeting Celty here later to give her a small share of his pay. She, after all, had transported the doomed man to his fate.

He sat on a bench beside the fountain and stretched his arms releasing a small "mmm" of enjoyment. Even gods could get stiff muscles from working too hard. He grinned as he checked his phone. He had a message from Celty.

[On the way now. Shinra almost had a meltdown so I was delayed.]

Ahh, Shinra. One of Izaya's most favorite humans. He looked up to the clouds and sighed in pure bliss. Everything was going so great today! Not to mention he had a few minutes of relaxation before Celty got there. He had just closed his eyes for a minute when…

"IZAAAAAYYYYAAAAAA!" and a vending machine landed at his feet. Really, how rude. He had just begun to relax!

"Shizu-chan, you have no class. The proper thing to do would have been to wait for me to notice you before attacking! That way you wouldn't have had to over exert yourself by throwing a huge machine just to get my attention."

Said "Shizu-chan" stomped forward until he was directly in front of the informant.

"Shut the fuck up. If I wanted your attention, I would've gotten it before now. The flea's shutting his eyes and letting his guard down? You're getting sloppy!" he said with an animalistic grin. Really, such a monster.

"Ah, but I wasn't expecting a huge brute to throw something at me in broad daylight. But then again, it doesn't surprise me too much. A protozoan like you couldn't possibly think about his actions. Shizu-chan." Izaya put an extra emphasis on the nickname just to piss off the brute even more.

"Izayaaaaaaa….." Shizuo had already instinctively reached for the nearest garbage can, lifting it like it was nothing, and held it over his head in warning.

"I told you to stop calling me that! You're so fucking DEAD!" and he threw it for all he was worth.

Unfortunately, the informant did an agile one handed cartwheel off the bench that would've made the greatest gymnast green with envy, and dodged the oncoming missile. He stood slightly to the side of the bench, facing the fountain and a very angry protozoan. Grinning, he reached in his pocket and pulled out his flick blade.

"Shizu-chan is so angry. Really, can't you learn to let things go? Get a new start? Maybe learn to read? Surely you've at least heard of reading." He tossed the blade at the bodyguard's face. Shizuo caught the oncoming blade in his mouth and spit it to the side. His face said quite clearly that he wasn't amused by such witty sarcasm. Ah, well. He usually never appreciated Izaya's genius.

"Catch me if you can, ne?" The informant was running for all he was worth with the monster at his heels. This was Izaya's third favorite thing to do.

Number one was observing his humans. Number two was eating ootoro. Honestly, who could hate eating ootoro? He loved feeling the wind around him, flipping his jacket as he ran. He loved looking back and seeing the angry face of the blond. This was part of why he existed, just to play with this toy. It was so fun, so fun, so FUN!

He rounded a corner, and managed to get his footing just right to climb onto the side of a building as he ran. Scaling the building, he looked down to see Shizuo mimicking his movements, though not as gracefully. The ex-bartender managed to learn enough about parkour from chasing the flea for years.

They ran on the rooftops of buildings until Izaya grew bored. He had to meet with Celty soon, and as much as he loved torturing this man, all good things must come to an end eventually. He looked back with a final grin at the brute, and jumped off the rooftop onto a busy street, blending in with the people of Ikebukuro. He knew he had won this little round when he heard a final "IZZZAAAAYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" from the defeated man. Really, Shizu-chan was so loud.

Celty was already at the designated meeting place. The fading sun was gleaming off her helmet as she looked up to see Izaya walking toward her.

"Ah, just the woman I wanted to see! Do tell me why Shinra was having a meltdown, I'm so curious~," he said giving her his best look. He watched as she typed her response on her PDA, showing him when she was done.

[He thought I was supposed to be off today. He was right you know.]

Izaya put on his mask of sympathy. "Yes, yes of course you were. But I had to get this job done today. It was such good money, and really you have quite a good bit of pay from this too," he said smoothly.

The Dullahan wasn't fooled by his mask. She never was. She pecked at her keypad in record speed and shoved her response in his face.

[Don't give me that! You know this could've waited until tomorrow and you still would've gotten your pay raise! This was about messing with Shinra and me!]

Izaya chuckled lightly as held out his hand, giving the Black Rider her share of the money.

"As much as I love messing with the two of you, this really couldn't wait. You'll have a day off soon enough dear Celty. Oh, give my regards to Shinra. Tell him to relax and eat some good sushi!" He turned on his heel, leaving Celty to mount her bike. He heard the screech of the wheels, and the cry of a horse, and he knew she was gone. What a temper! He should remember to do something nice for Shinra later for having to deal with her so much.

He walked through his front door, and skipped merrily to his computer. Skimming his files he barely noticed the "ahem" that came from Namie's work space. He looked up at her.

"Yes?" he smiled at her.

"Orihara-san I have finished my part of the assignment for today. I can leave now right?" she said in her usual monotone voice. He went back to his files.

"Really, Namie, you act like you do so much. Leave if it makes you happy." He didn't look up as he heard her stand from her chair and stomp out of the room. He loved pushing her buttons as well. Logging on to the Dollars chat room he could easily get the gist of the conversation.

Setton- I'm telling you, I saw them! Orihara and Heiwajima were at it again today!

Hikaru- Aren't they at it everyday? Honestly those two can't go 5 seconds without trying to kill each other.

Izaya chuckled to himself. He loved being famous. He typed a response himself, joining the conversation.

Kanra- They're both so horrible! I wouldn't want them against me!

Setton- I know right? I'd rather them fight each other than turn and fight me. That would be so scary!

Hikaru- Oh, hey Kanra. Yeah you have a point they are scary. I don't even want them to know of my existence! But I will say Shizuo scares me the most.

Izaya's eyes grew wide. He forgot people were actually scared of Shizuo because of his strength. He himself was never frightened of that aspect. He thought of it more as a tool for his amusement. He quickly recovered and typed his response.

Kanra-He is such a brute! Haha, but I don't find him scary. He actually seems quite harmless aside from his strength. Orihara scares me the most.

Setton- Well said, Kanra! That Orihara creep is much more dangerous! I heard if he gets information on you, your life is over!

Hikaru- All the better reason not to get involved with either of them. Ikebukuro is dangerous enough with the Slasher still loose.

Ah, now the conversation would get boring. Izaya didn't care about the Slasher at the moment. If he couldn't associate a face with a name, he had no interest in the conversation. He let his mind wander and thought about the next day.

Izaya woke up with his usual attitude. He wanted the day to be fun, but waking up was the hardest part of the day for him. He had to analyze exactly which jobs he had to do first, and he loathed the process. But, it must be done. After he finally got up, he had a quick piece of non-buttered toast, and left Namie with a lot of things to file. Most of it was useless things he spent the night finding just to annoy her. Really, he took such care of his secretary.

He left Shinjuku and headed for Ikebukuro. He hoped he could get a few things done before he encountered the brute. Once their chase started, he would have to waste time getting away. As he crossed a busy street, swinging his arms out like a child, he noticed the familiar mop of blond hair walking on the sidewalk. Ah, well. Better get the chase on early today.

"Shizu-chaaaaaaan! Hey, Shizu-chan!" he yelled, waving frantically to the bodyguard. He was making a scene, but didn't care. He was above all of them anyway. The blond didn't stop. He didn't even look back! Was he ignoring Izaya?

"Shizu-chan's going deaf! Shizu-chaaaaan!" He ran after the blond, hoping to get into the taller man's direct line of sight. To his surprise, he was able to get right beside him and fall in step with him. Shizuo nodded to him, and…kept walking. What the actual hell?

"Ne, Shizu-chan wants to take a day off? Is that it? Did you tire yourself out yesterday? I could rub your shoulders for you~," he leaned over and tried to block the blond's path. Finally, the brute faced him.

"I appreciate the offer. But no, I'm fine. Excuse me please, I'm in a hurry." He walked away, leaving a very confused informant in his wake.