A/N: Inspired by this post: post/24531077769/forevermyunicorn-au-in-which-santana-is-a

Brittany doesn't know why she ever listens to Puck.

It's the day after her birthday. Yesterday, Puck sort of knocked into her at her surprise birthday party, and after the usual greetings, Brittany jokingly demanded her gift. Instead of a smug look and some sexual innuendo, he replied by wiggling his eyebrows, and telling her that he'll show her something tomorrow.

So yeah, today she's in a stripper's joint which Puck pushed her into, blindfolded, and now she can't get out because Puck's buddies with the bouncers and he told them not to let her out until he comes back.

When he does, Brittany's going to kill him.

She's sitting in the front, about two rows from the stage. There's a shot of alcohol in her hand, almost untouched. She doesn't want to be drunk when someone hits on her. That leads to accidents. She has experience.

She's been sitting there for about an hour, fidgeting in her chair, as lady after naked lady passes through the curtained door to show off their pole-dancing prowess. Frankly, Brittany's bored. Incredibly bored. She bets she could do what they're doing in her sleep. Actually, she bets she can do that with her arms and legs tied together, blindfolded. All they're doing is humping the pole, maybe a bit of grinding. And the girls aren't attractive in the least.

She's about to text Puck to get her the hell out of there, when the DJ calls out to the audience to give it up for Santana 'Snix' Lopez. She's not sure why, but she puts down the phone and waits for 'Snix'.

Snix comes out from behind the curtain, and Brittany's jaw drops. Snix is wearing a white shirt made to just cover the chest and a sinfully short skirt which stops midway a perfectly round ass, which is covered by black underwear. She's wearing nothing else, leaving bare arms, legs, and stomach which 98% of body-conscious girls around the world would kill for.

In her arms are a couple of books and in one hand an apple, and Brittany's pretty sure she's going for the sexy schoolgirl look. She's also pretty sure that that would be illegal in all fifty states.

Snix skips to the front of the stage like the fantasy of every perverted school teacher out there, somehow making that tiny, tiny skirt sway, and Brittany's hypnotized. Her eyes travel downwards, across lean, long legs, and back up again.

Snix reaches the pole and she drops the books, right in front of where Brittany's sitting, and she sees wonderful cleavage. Brittany's mouth goes dry.

Snix straightens herself up and wraps an arm around the pole. The apple is in her hand, and she proceed to bite a piece off, so impossibly seductive that Brittany can't help wanting to be an apple right now. Brittany takes her eyes off luscious lips, only to be taken in by eyes black with lust. Snix sees her staring and a grin graces her gorgeous features. Brittany feels herself shrink in the seat.

Snix stops directly torturing her and instead places her attention on the rest of the audience. She throws the apple to a couple of catcallers on Brittany's left, and then proceeds to work magic on the pole. Her caramel skin glistens with sweat, highlighting every muscle, and Brittany clenches her legs, attempting to ease the throbbing in between. It's no use.

Snix continues to dance, incredibly toned abs rippling beneath the skin. She turns around and begins to slide her ass down the pole, and Brittany feels like she's swallowing her tongue. She blushes as she thinks of what she'd do to get in the pole's position.

Snix stops and turns back to face the pole. She grips it with firm arms, and then wraps her legs around it. She proceeds to climb it, and Brittany can just imagine the back muscled she's using on her way up.

Snix stops near the top, and then inverts herself, core muscles tensing and neck extending to expose a delicate throat. She slides back down and then flips to land on her feet.

The show's over and Brittany sees multitudes of men and women waving money in the air and calling out Snix's name. She's incredibly jealous of the lucky douche who gets the goddess.

However, instead of picking out a winner, Snix jumps off stage, skirt fluttering at her hips, and saunters over to where Brittany's sitting. She sits on her lap, and Brittany feels like passing out. Snix grabs Brittany's right arm and draws circles on her hand with a finger. She leans her head on Brittany's shoulder, Snix's mouth near her ear, and Brittany's pretty sure she will pass out.

"So," she breathes, hot air warming Brittany's ears. "How about you and I take this somewhere private blondie?"

"I'll be sure to leave my dressing room unlocked."

Snix nips Brittany's ear, and Brittany's free arm grips on to her chair for her life. Snix goes to leave, and Brittany watches her. She gulps down her entire glass and follows.

She's going to thank Puck later.

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