One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Our Mrs. Monkey"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.

Set during episode 45 of the anime, or manga chapter 95 for you purists out there. Don't take this too seriously though.

The relief and joy from Arlong's defeat seemed to spread forever in all directions like an ocean wave. Nami herself was ground zero, and as partying and merriment went on around her in Cocoyashi Village she found she could not keep a smile off her face.

Not that she wanted to. She just feared she might never be able to make any other kind of expression, especially when she saw Luffy dancing with the villagers happily. Ussop was recounting the battle to many wide eyed listeners (as he'd spiced the tale up with more than a few heroic exploits by himself), Zoro was enjoying his drink, Sanji was chatting up her sister, and Yosaku and Johnny were laughing merrily with some of the village's men and women.

Her eyes kept straying to Luffy though, and she felt as though she had a flock of butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. She shook her head rapidly, clearing her mind.

Now now... It's not like he'd know how to reciprocate, she told herself. Still, his open smile, his laugh, the hat he had entrusted to her (and only to her, that romantic little girl inside her heart insisted)... Well it was a very nice fantasy.

So what if he was kind hearted, decent looking, brave, trustworthy, muscular, powerful, made of rubber and able to stretch in so many... Many... Many ways... Not to mention easily led around, charismatic... That romantic little girl that dreamed of a knight in shining armor had dropped the Prince Charming, sure, but Luffy was... Was...

It was a nice fantasy. Very nice. Something she'd hide away, deep inside, never bring up, maybe peek at every now and then-

"Hey Nami, I-" Luffy began, standing over her.

"Marry me," Nami blurted out.

The music screeched to a halt, and Nami felt every eye on her. She heard Sanji's cigarette hit the ground underneath him, Zoro choke on his beer, and Usopp just kind of fell over.

Luffy blinked as Nami's skin seemed to turn bright red. The rubber captain then shrugged.

"Okay!"

"... I didn't mean to... That is to say... I meant...!" Nami sputtered.

"UWAH! WHY NAMI-SWAN, WHY?" Sanji cried, and the conversion returned in greater force. Nami found herself being pulled up and hugged by her sister, while Genzo was congratulating Luffy loudly. Jonny and Yosake were slapping Luffy on the back all the while.

"Yes sir, young man, you'll make the finest husband for Nami..."

"I'm so happy for you sis!"

"No, wait..." Nami tried. Sanji's loud wails ended as he pushed through the crowd and got right in Luffy's face. The rubber man blinked.

"Uh, Sanji-"

"Listen you bouncing bastard! You break Nami's heart or even think about breaking her heart, I'll turn you into my finest delicacy and serve you to the sharks!" The cook growled.

Luffy grinned. "Would I be delicious at least?"

"DON'T YOU MOCK ME!"

Sanji turned to Nami, tears pouring from his eyes.

"Nami-swan, I tried so hard to win your heart!" He sobbed. He then stood up, fist clenched, the very image of a responsible man. "But," he said, "I will let you go, if this is truly your decision!"

"Sanji, I-!" Nami tried again, but now Genzo was hugging her and laughing happily. Nami looked to Zoro hopefully-Maybe the infamous bounty hunter could interject his cold reality into this sudden burst of insanity...

"This is the most wrong thing in the history of the universe," Zoro opined. His eyes widened. "Oh God, I just imagined the kids..." He tried to drown himself in beer.

"AH! Do not worry, Luffy and Nami! I, the great CAPTAIN USOPP, can bind your hearts together!" Usopp sobbed, fist clenched and held high. "I once married the Prince of Earth and the Princess of the Moon in the most beautiful ceremony-!"

"No, hang on," Nami tried again but she was being shuffled off. Frankly she was kind of numb from embarrassment and her usually quick mind was befuddled from making such an egregious error. She got a bouquet shoved into her hands and a veil put over her head. She was shoved up in front of Usopp, soon joined by a confused Luffy (who now sported a bow tie), with Sanji huffing behind the captain with the most melodramatic expression imaginable. The rest of the village crowded around them. Someone started a wedding march.

"Where's the best man?" Shouted one.

"We need a maid of honor!" Shouted another.

"Like there's any other choice!" Nojiko laughed, wrapping her arm in Nami's.

"Hang on a second-!" Nami tried again, as Luffy scratched his head.

"Hey, best man? Do I get to choose that?"

"I will be best man!" Sanji cried. "After all," and here he shot a roguish wink to Nojiko, "the maid of honor can't do the ceremony alone~."

Nojiko was giggling over Sanji. Nojiko. Oh God, this was a dream. Some kind of terrible dream. She was lying in a pool of her own blood right now, at Arlong's feet, and this was all some sort of horrible pre-death delusion.

"No," Zoro said flatly, walking up to Luffy's other side. "An idiot like you couldn't be a best man, when I'm the best... Man," Zoro finished with a smirk. Sanji growled.

"The hell are you saying, Mosshead?"

"Whatever I want, Shitty Cook! Besides, I've known Luffy longer. I might as well get him through this farce without him making an ass of himself..."

"Ha! Rich coming from the king of asses!"

Luffy looked back and forth between the arguing Zoro and Sanji, looking almost as helpless as Nami herself felt.

"You can both be best man!" Genzo said, exasperated. "Come on Captain Usopp! Let's do this!"

Usopp cleared his throat, holding a copy of the bible to his breast. He looked up at the night sky, and raised a hand dramatically.

"Ahem!" Usopp began. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life-!"

"Hang on," Nami said, beginning to get her bearings. Luffy's stupid grin helped her a great deal on that count. That annoying, infuriatingly stupid grin...

"Electric word, life. It means forever and that's a mighty long time..." Usopp droned.

A grin she might have to wake up to for the rest of her life...

"Hold up a second..."

And his eating, his stupid ideas, his annoying laugh...

"Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down, oh, no, let's go-!"

"HOLD IT!" Nami screamed. The music stopped. Nami turned around and glared at the villagers and her crew. "I didn't actually mean I wanted to marry him!"

"Oh thank God!" Sanji cried, throwing his hands up and cheering.

"Women, figures," Zoro muttered.

"Oh, right, of course!" Genzo laughed.

"You don't even have a ring, Big Sis!" Yosake said.

"Yeah! We forgot the ring!" Jonny shouted, smacking his forehead.

"Maybe she stole a ring-"

"Can we look in your loot for one-?"

"NO!" Nami shouted. "I mean I just blurted it out! It-It was a slip of the tongue!"

Luffy blinked. "Ya mean, like when Usopp lies?"

"NO! No!" Nami shouted. "More like... Like... When you say anything not related to food or nakama or being a pirate or-"

"Can I still eat meat when we get married?" Luffy interrupted.

"YES! LIKE THAT! EXACTLY!" Nami shouted.

"That wasn't-"

"LUFFY!" Nami growled. "You can only talk if I call you when you raise your hand!"

"But I-"

"YOU'RE NOT RAISING YOUR HAND, LUFFY!" Nami screamed.

"Wow, she's already got him whipped," muttered Hershey, the village busybody.

"That'll make children easier later," Mr. Frumple, the town carpenter, muttered just as loudly.

"NO! No, look!" Nami shouted, taking deep breaths. She removed the veil and scowled at the entirety of the town. "I didn't mean I really wanted to marry him!"

Luffy blinked. He raised his hand. Nami sighed.

"Yes Luffy?"

"Do I get to still eat meat if we're married?" Luffy asked.

"We're not getting married!" Nami shouted.

"You didn't answer my question," Luffy said.

Nami groaned, holding a hand over her face. "Yes, yes you do..."

"Oh, okay!" Luffy said cheerfully. "I don't have any problems with it then!"

"I DO!" Nami shouted. Luffy frowned.

"Why?"

"Oooh, cold feet," Usopp said. Zoro snorted.

"Figured she'd be the kind..."

"NO! No, look! I didn't mean it!" Nami said. Luffy frowned and raised his hand. "Yes Luffy?"

"So... You don't like me?"

The village stared intently. Usopp held his breath. Sanji was even now trying to decide who needed his "support" more-Nami or Nojiko. Zoro grumbled.

"I... Of course I like you," Nami said earnestly, smiling at Luffy with genuine warmth. "I... How could I not like you?"

"So, we can get married then?" Luffy asked.

"NO! NO WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED!" Nami shouted. "I don't like you that much!"

"Oh," Luffy said, blinking. He raised his hand again. Nami sighed.

"Yes Luffy?"

"Can we still like, have wedding food? Because every wedding I've been to has had great food and I was wondering if we could still have that even if we're not getting married."

Nami sighed and bowed her head. "... Yes."

Luffy smiled. "Okay!"

Very embarrassed, the villagers dispersed back to where they were before the impromptu wedding. Genzo's pinwheel spun as he went to a beer and drank it down quickly. Nojiko was still being chatted up by Sanji. Usopp, looking quite contrite, shot her a look and headed off with the Bible still in his hands. Zoro grumbled and headed back to his table.

This left herself and Luffy standing in the middle of the village square, more than a little awkwardly. Luffy blinked a few times, then looked down at his bowtie. He grinned.

"Well, at least I got this! A bowtie!" Luffy said happily. "Isn't it cool?"

His earnest smile got a chuckle out of Nami. "A bowtie? Cool?"

"Yeah! Bowties are cool. I'm wearing one, I'm cool, therefore bowties are cool," Luffy said, nodding almost sagely. "It's like, mathematics."

Nami sighed, and let out another giggle. "Come on Luffy, let's go eat," she said. Luffy grinned.

"Sounds great to me! I am a little disappointed though..."

"Mm?" Nami looked up at him as they walked back to a nearby table. "Why?"

"Well..." Luffy said, crossing his arms and looking thoughtful. For him, anyway. "I heard that marriage was a kind of adventure, once..." He frowned. "And now I'm not gonna find out what kind of adventure that is... And if I needed anyone for an adventure like that," and here he looked seriously into her eyes, "it'd be a navigator... Right?"

Her cheeks burned bright red, and those butterflies were back again. Nami squelched them, and looked away.

"Ah, um... Well... Heh... I guess you would," Nami said with a bit of bite, "especially given your sense of direction."

Luffy laughed, and so did she. And the happiness of triumph and freedom soon overrode the awkwardness of before.

The future was bright and full of possibilities once more...

Loguetown

"Right, we'd like to apply for a docking permit," Nami said to the man at the office. The man hummed as he looked over their papers, nodded, stamped them and returned them.

"That'll be one hundred berries," the man said. Nami paid the modest fee, and the dock officer nodded. "Very good."

He smiled at her. "Please enjoy your stay in Loguetown, Mrs. Monkey."

Nami felt the blood drain out of her cheeks. "Ex-Excuse me?"

The man continued on, heedless. "I'd also like to congratulate you on your recent marriage." He smiled and winked. "Hope you make the most of it."

"How... Why would you...?"

"Oh don't worry Nami! I, the great Captain Usopp, will easily forge the needed documents for us to dock! I've got it all under control..."

Nami clenched her fists and snarled.

"Longnose, you are dead!"

Just a bit of silliness I've put together due to a lack of new Pony episodes for inspiration. I instead have returned to One Piece, and I hope you enjoy!