One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Cat Split Luff"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.

Set after the time skip...

"Hmmm..." Franky hummed as he looked through some of the technical blueprints and schematics they'd taken from the Marine derelict. Robin entered the library, looking at the cyborg work with interest.

"What have you found out, Franky?" She asked.

The Duplication device was, in fact, a Devil Fruit," Franky at last said. Robin frowned.

"A Devil Fruit?"

"Yes," Franky said. He put on round spectacles that fit on his steel nose, and pulled out a pointer that he used to point to the schematics. "The glowing part was the Devil Fruit. Somehow, the Marines figured out how to activate the fruit's powers without it being swallowed by something."

"How is that possible though?" Robin asked. Franky hummed as he flipped through the schematics. His engineering mind went to work, weighing the possibilities... And a theory emerged.

"A Devil Fruit's power needs some kind of brain activity to function, even low level brain activity," Franky suggested. "Unless the fruit has passive effects, like Luffy being made of rubber. They might have figured out a way to emulate the electromagnetic signals necessary to "trick" the fruit into thinking it had been eaten, and so its powers became active."

"I don't think the human brain has enough energy to cause things to explode unaided though," Robin pointed out. Franky nodded, humming.

"This is true. Which probably means that it takes a massive amount of power to trick the fruit into activating. That, or to make its powers be effective without a mind and body as a medium."

"But this doesn't make any sense," Robin said, humming as she looked over the blueprints. "Why make a device that can do that? Why not just have someone eat the fruit?"

"Well, the vice-admiral did they were trying to duplicate Devil Fruit powers," Franky said. "Maybe the experiment started with trying to duplicate the powers of this... Twin Twin Fruit, if you will, into volunteers without losing the fruit itself. That was probably a bust, so they tried duplicating Devil Fruit users, but you saw what happened to them."

Robin nodded, impressed with Franky's insight and intelligence. The man was a genius, his outward appearance and personality aside. "And so... Nami and Luffy got duplicated," she hummed.

"It's likely we were also duplicated," Franky pointed out. "The entire derelict might have been duplicated a few times for all we know."

"There were several Marine sloops at the derelict," Robin hummed. "It seemed unusual for so many to be there when losing contact with a science ship would initially only require one vessel to check out."

"Exactly," Franky said. "And if the Twin Twin Fruit can duplicate itself..."

Robin shivered. "It's a horrifying prospect to be sure, Franky." She rubbed her arms. "How many times do you think it takes before... That degradation occurs?"

"Mm, not sure," Franky said. "But! Chopper says we're fit and fine, so we're probably okay. However, getting exposed to it more..."

Robin nodded. "Mm... Thank you Franky." She smiled. "You are quite attractive when you're being so very..." And here she smiled impishly. "Unlike yourself."

"AH! I have been wounded and complimented in the same moment! Ow!" Franky cried, holding a hand over his cyborg heart. Robin chuckled softly.

"It's one of my talents..."

"So, there could be more derelicts like this, duplicating everything?" Blue Luffy asked, amazed, as Franky and Robin finished briefing the rest of the Strawhat pirates on just how screwed they were. Red Luffy was similarly amazed, as was Usopp and Chopper.

"We have to find and destroy them," Hat Nami said. "Make sure they can't spread any further."

"But how do we do that?" Usopp asked. "We're going to have to fight through hundreds of duplicates at every derelict-Maybe even the same guy who started this!"

"Seastone is the one thing that can neutralize a Devil Fruit's powers aside from the ocean, so we can use that," Robin said. "If that fails, we can find a way to sink the ships themselves. That should prevent them from duplicating further."

"Or we can cut the power," Franky said. He gave a wry look to the two Luffys. "Which is what we were going to do..."

"Oi oi! You didn't tell me it would blow up!" Both Luffys growled.

"Your first instinct when around a glowy thing of doom should not be to punch it," Usopp said flatly.

"Just think of all those poor Nami and Robin duplicates, aching for my help!" Sanji sighed. He stood up and held up his fists. "WE MUST GO OUT AND SAVE THEM!"

"There's another problem nobody's said," Zoro spoke, looking around the table. "What do we do with them when we find them?"

"What do you mean, what do we do with them?" Both Namis asked, looking offended.

"We can't fit them all into our ship... And we can't let them run around the world," Zoro said flatly. He eyed Red Luffy and Hat Nami. "So what do we do with them..." Here he turned to Blue Luffy. "Captain?"

Blue Luffy looked thoughtful for a moment, before grinning. "I'll decide when we meet them! Besides, think about it! You'll get to fight yourselves! That'll be great training!"

"And if they decide they want to live my life?" Zoro asked flatly. "If they decide they want to be the Greatest Swordsman?" He looked at Red Luffy. "Or if they want to be Pirate King?"

Both Luffys looked at each other. They grinned and narrow their eyes at each other.

"I guess we'll just have to find out," both Luffys said.

Red Luffy then yawned, stretched, and wrapped his arms around his Nami. "Well! I'm tired. I'm going to bed. C'mon Nami!"

Hat Nami blushed. "L-Luffy! Hang on a second!"

"Oh, if you hear loud noises, that's just us having sex." Red Luffy grinned. "We have sex a lot!"

"... You two are doing what?" Nami asked in disbelief. Even Blue Luffy was wide eyed.

"LUFFY!" Hat Nami yelled, bright red. "DON'T TELL THEM THAT!"

Stunned silence followed. Then:

"Luffy... Knows what sex is," Usopp said slowly.

"You... Bastard... HOW COULD YOU DO NAMI-SWAN?" Sanji roared, spinning up his Diablo Flambe. Red Luffy grinned devilishly, and activated his Second Gear.

"So, you wanna fight me for her, huh?" Red Luffy growled.

"Nobody violates Nami-swan on my watch, unless they're prepared to die," Sanji said. His eye narrowed. "You ready to die, Captain?"

"I dunno Sanji, you ready?" Red Luffy asked.

"I'm ready."

"I'm more ready!"

"I'M SO READY TO DIE IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY!" Sanji bellowed.

"I AM AND IT IS SO I'M EVEN MORE-!"

"LUFFY!" Hat Nami yelled, her patience finally exhausted with both Luffy and Sanji. "If you don't stop this right now we will not be having sex ever again!"

Red Luffy froze. His eyes widened in horror as he looked up at Hat Nami. "N-Never?" He whispered.

"NEVER!" Hat Nami affirmed.

"But that... That's so..." Red Luffy began, but a tearful Sanji finished.

"MEAN!" The blonde cook cried. "Nami-swan, please! Reconsider! Don't be so cruel!" He turned to Red Luffy. "I'm so sorry Luffy! I never meant to cockblock you!" He sobbed manfully. "You have the greatest fruit of womankind before you... Don't waste the opportunity on pointless bloodshed!"

"This from the guy who started the fight," Zoro muttered.

"SHUT UP MOSSHEAD!" Sanji snarled.

"Sanji," Luffy said, also crying manly tears, "you're a true nakama! Let's never fight again!"

"Truly better men like these never existed before!" Brook sniffed. "I'd wipe tears from my eyes... But they are gone! Yohoho SKULL JOKE!"

"Oh brother," both Namis sighed as the two men hugged. Red Luffy wiped his eyes and smiled.

"Thanks everyone! We're off to have sex!" He picked Hat Nami up in his arms again. Hat Nami scowled at him.

"What makes you think I'm even in the mood now?"

Red Luffy whispered something in Hat Nami's ear. The girl blushed brightly, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Take me, Pirate King~," she purred. Red Luffy laughed and ran off with the giggling Nami. The Strawhats stared after them... And slowly looked over at their Luffy and Nami. The former looked thoughtful. The latter was bright red.

"Well, I've got training to do," Zoro began.

"I've got to see a man about a horse-" Usopp excused himself.

"I'm going to go read," Robin said.

"I'll join you! Ow!" Franky cried.

"Yohohoho! I will go practice for... A thing!" Brook said quickly.

"I had an excuse but I forgot it!" Chopper cried.

"Well, I certainly don't have any need to go, Nami-swan~," Sanji said. "I would be happy to-OWOWOWOW!"

"Come now Cook-san," Robin said, using her Devil Fruit power to tug Sanji by his ear.

"OWOWOW SUCH GOOD PAIN OW OW OW!"

"Hopeless," Zoro muttered as he closed the hatch behind him.

The two sat there in silence. Luffy hummed.

"Kind of weird, huh? The two of them being all lovey dovey."

"Y-Yeah, weird," Nami said with a little nervous smile.

"Having sex and all that," Luffy further commented.

"Do you have to put it so crassly?" Nami demanded. Luffy held up his hands.

"Sorry! Just... Thinking," Luffy said, rubbing his chin.

"You. Thinking," Nami said flatly. Luffy smiled.

"Yep."

"About what?" Nami asked.

"You," Luffy said. Nami blushed again. Damn him for being so good at that!

"Well... What about me?" She asked flatly. "What, that the two of us should... Should have sex and be in a relationship and maybe even have children because we fell in love just because our two duplicates did it? Is that it?"

"Well I-"

"Because I'm not thinking that!" Nami said angrily, shaking him by his rubbery neck. "Not at all! Never once has it crossed my mind!"

"O-O-Oh kay-ay-ay!" Luffy cried as he flopped around violently. Nami nodded and let Luffy go.

"Good! And I'm... I'm not going to go watch them!" She said.

"... I didn't say you would," Luffy said slowly. Nami blushed.

"GOOD! CAUSE I WON'T!" She shouted, running off. Luffy watched her go and shook his head.

"Well that sucks," he said, "cause I was thinking some of that." He sighed. "Oh well..." He headed for the kitchen. Maybe he could steal some food before Sanji got back...

It was night, and Nami had tried to focus on her work, tried to get things done...

"Ohhh yesss...!"

But her other self made it impossible because apparently she and her Luffy had managed to find the one room near to the charting room with a bulkhead thin enough for her to hear everything.

Who knew she'd be so... Vocal?

"I am NOT going to imagine Luffy making love to me," she muttered to herself.

"God, yes. HARDER."

"... that is not helping."

"MORE! SO DEEP!"

"... not helping at all," Nami groaned.

"FASTER!" Her other self shrieked. Nami got up and pounded on the bulkhead furiously.

"IF YOU HAVE TO KEEP GIVING HIM DIRECTIONS, WRITE THEM DOWN FIRST!" She shouted.

"Hey Nami!" Greeted her Luffy. She jumped, then swung around to bop him on the head.

"GAH! Don't do that!" She cried.

"Ow, shishishi," Luffy said with a wince, rubbing his head. The sounds just kept coming, and Nami groaned as she walked over to the charting table and sat down. She covered her head as she pressed her face miserably into the table. Luffy's hand soon rested on her shoulder.

At this point she was frustrated, her libido running hot, imagination going on overdrive... and the other her JUST WOULDN'T SHUT UP, she allowed it without protest.

"Keeping you up?" Luffy asked.

"Yes," Nami groaned. "You?"

"Nope! Can't hear a thing from the men's dorm," Luffy said cheerfully. Nami glared at him.

"Lucky you," she sneered. She returned to her map, scribbling furiously on the paper...

"We should drown them out."

The pen snapped in Nami's hand, and she looked over at her captain. "What?"

Rather than a leer, Luffy was grinning as though he'd come up with the most brilliant idea ever. "Bet you could be louder than her!"

"... you... are you asking... JUST SO YOU CAN MAKE ME BE LOUDER THAN SHE IS?" Nami shrieked.

"See? You're off to a good start already!" Luffy said cheerfully.

Luffy got his face pounded into the deck, but he was used to it by now. And Nami was kind of cute when she was red faced. It was very... Nice. Maybe he should ask Red Luffy what that meant...?

As with all Devil Fruits, the powers of the Twin Twin Fruit were limited only by a user's imagination. However, since said fruit had not been guided by imagination but rather mad science, its effects manifested entirely at random and sometimes produced truly strange side effects. Not only were physical objects duplicated, but sometimes distances were doubled and doubled again which carried duplicates far and wide... All over the entire world.

And given the emotional instability and degradation that occurred in these duplicates, it led to special brands of chaos across the globe...

Sanji came to on a deserted island. In the surf nearby had been a beautiful blonde woman, face down in the surf. So like any gentleman, Sanji had saved her, pulled her into the shade, and then turned her over. The woman blinked a few times as she came to... And her jaw dropped as Sanji's did too.

"The hell?" Both Sanji... And a female Sanji gasped.

"... my hard on is so confused right now," the male Sanji muttered.

"Stop fantasizing about my body!" His female self growled.

"I'm not-"

"I know you! I know how you think! I know what I'd be thinking and I KNOW YOU'RE IMAGINING ME NAKED!"

"But... you'll get to see yourself naked all the time!"

"That's me! I have no choice!"

"... that's not fair!"

"Tell you what! When YOU get turned into a girl, YOU can undress sensuously in front of the mirror all you like. All day. For hours in fact if you really try hard enough."

"..."

"AAAHHHH!" Screamed an innocent villager on an island far into the New World, as hundreds of other people fled through the streets of their once prosperous town. "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"CHOPPER WANT COTTON CANDY," roared a huge man reindeer monster as it stomped through numerous houses.

"So," the recording exec said as he looked up from the resume to the group of... Men standing in his office. "Your band name is... What again?"

"Brook and the Nobodies," said the lead skeleton. "For you see, we all have... No bodies."

"Yohohohoho! SKULL JOKE!" They chorused.

Princess Vivi awoke with a start, and stared at the two men standing on her bed. She licked her lips.

"... two Luffy's. Magically appearing in my bed out of thin air. My birthday wish DID get granted after all!" She grinned and threw her hands up. It was probably a dream, but what the heck, she was going to enjoy it. "Captain Luffy! And Captain Luffy! Please! Don't have your wicked way with me!" She cried.

The two Luffys blinked and looked at each other, before looking back at Vivi.

"We can't?"

"Darn. We were kinda hoping for a little wicked waying."

"How are you for a ravishing?"

"... I could maybe take a small ravishing," Vivi admitted quietly.

"Do we take turns?"

"No, no. You're wicked, impatient pirates. I'll have to insist you take the ravishing together."

"Okay!"

"Uh, Vice-Admiral Smoker?" Said one of his subordinates. "We've got... Some problems."

"What sorts of problems?" Smoker asked, taking a drag off his cigars.

"Well, forty people have turned in the bounties on members of the Strawhat crew," he said.

Smoker frowned. "There are only about ten Strawhats."

"I know sir... That's not the weirdest part though," he said.

"What is?"

"EEEEP!" Tashigi screamed, running for her life past Smoker and the subordinate. After her came not one, but two Pirate Hunter Zoros. And two black leg Sanjis for good measure.

"Come on, let us join the Marines!" The Zoros cried. "We'll be your obedient subordinates and you can spank us when we're bad!"

"SCREW YOU MOSSHEADS!" The Sanjis shouted. "She's going to reserve her naughty punishments for US!"

Smoker watched the strange spectacle in silence.

"Well... Looks like after two years, the Strawhats are giving us..." And here he put on sunglasses, "double the trouble."

Aw what the hell. YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!