Be Brittany S. Pierce.

You are Brittany S. Pierce. You like fondue, crayons, dancing, and pussies, in both senses of the word. Your weapon of choice is… nothing really. You use anything you can get your hands on. Although you prefer using a rubber duck with a stick on its belly. It doubles as a squeaky mallet. You absolutely love it.

Currently, you're in a fellow player's planet (you can recognize some of the statues jutting out from the black marble ground from your history book) and you're looking for the aforementioned player, who is probably a girl.

You lean against the top half of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and put on your glasses.

You have 20-20 vision, but your glasses are sort of like computer monitors, which you almost always use to chat with fellow players.

It's pretty cool.

- celesticGaminesque [CG] began pestering tenebrousAutodidact [TA] -

CG: i think im here now :3

TA: are there a lot of weird-ass statues/breadsticks, or are you near a river of nyquil?

CG: nyquil :? im leaning on the leaning tower of pisa :D

TA: really? i can see it from here. you see the statue of the reclining buddha?

CG: the fat chinese man-god :?

TA: no. buddha was called siddharta gautama, and he was believed to be really skinny, in fact. he came from india. i think you're talking about an actual chinese god, probably the god of fortune or lu

TA: sorry. i'm sort of a history-nazi.

CG: :C its okay im just really stupid about these things

TA: don't say that; a lot of people mix those two up; i don't really know how it started

TA: anyway

TA: here's how it looks like

TA: /wp-content/uploads/2008/04/reclining_

TA: and here

TA:

CG: i see it C:

CG: its pretty nearby. i can finally see you 3

TA: you better get your ass here soon, girly. surrounded by at least three dozen imps.

CG: :O

CG: you got it :D

- celesticGaminesque [CG] ceased pestering tenebrousAutodidact [TA] -

You take off your glasses and place them back in your captcha deck. You take out your ducky mallet. You know, in case you need it.

You run towards the statue; it looks exactly like what TA showed you, except that the lower half of its body is embedded into the ground, and that what's above is covered in a writhing mass of what you assume are imps.

You hope she's okay.

You run towards the partially-buried statue, and, as you approach, you feel slightly less worried. You see imps with varying levels of mutilation flying through the air.

She must be pretty damn good at fighting.

Still, they outnumber her by a lot. Everyone can use a little help.

You practically glide as you ambush a couple of marble imps.

They don't call you the Maid of Breath for nothing.

Your ducky mallet squeaks as you obliterate the opposing imps.

"Nice hammer."

You look for the source of those words.

When you were chatting with TA, you were expecting someone with, you know, freckles, braces, oversized glasses, unfashionable clothes, etc.

You definitely weren't expecting some sort of sex goddess, especially a Latina with beautifully dishevelled hair and a face that could make angels weep out of envy, nor were you expecting the self-confessed history Nazi to be wearing a tank top and shorts that showed off her toned everything.

Curse mainstream media and its stereotypes.

Well, at least you were right about the oversized glasses.

"Look out!"

You might have been staring. Maybe. If it wasn't for TA, your head would have been bitten off by what you assume was a steel imp.

Ouch.

You feel embarrassed.

You turn around and pluck what she just ninja-threw at it—a pair of scissors—out of the underling's eye and throw it back to her.

"You're pretty good at scissoring," you blurt out.

You wish another imp would try to kill you and succeed this time because, jegus, that sounded so wrong.

She has a look of amusement on her face, but you think you see—you hope you see—a tinge of red on her cheeks; maybe she's embarrassed as well. Maybe, right now, she's flushed because she can totally see the two of you scissoring cause, you know, you're hot and she's hot and—

Gog. You just met her. And she's probably straight.

Suddenly, an imp saves you and tries to bite of TA's head this time. You front flip—not because you need to, but because you have to show her that you're actually really badass most of the time—and you knock out three stone imps in one fell swoop.

TA follows your lead, and in no time at all the reclining buddha's imp-free. Your chest heaves up and down, and you focus on returning your breathing rate to normal instead of how the sweat makes TA's tank top cling to her torso.

"You're CG?" she asks, and her voice is breathy and you don't know what to do with yourself anymore.

"Ye-yeah. My real name's Brittany though. Brittany S. Pierce. Not to be confused with Britney Spears. I'm more talented than her, and way hotter."

It seemed so much less conceited in your head.

She laughs, and you mentally breathe a sigh of relief.

"I'm Santana. Lopez. And I have no witty remark to add to this so you win. "