Red Clown Seven

She had been worried when Cho left her with Jane at the hospital. Worried that Jane would either annoy her so much that she'd kick him out or that he'd annoy the everybody else until he gets himself kicked out.

But he didn't

The whole day they watched TV, or play some sort of card game (she always lost) and Jane even went as far as too entertain her with tricks. They had bantered and talked about anything and everything under the sun.

In fact it was a very pleasant day.

She didn't know it was the medication or what but she noticed Jane was being a little bit too sweet, he had a wistful look in his eyes when they were talking about weddings and wedding traditions; he even played with his wedding ring a few times throughout the day, just like he did almost a year ago when he lost his memory. She couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking.

She figured it was the pills that were messing with her.

That's why she wasn't surprised when she woke up late at night to a brooding Jane. He was wide awake sitting in the chair next to her bed, looking out the window but no actually looking at anything.

She did have to admit that Jane looked kinda funny brooding over a Styrofoam cup of tea instead of his usual blue tea cup.

She wondered what his was thinking about.

Was he thinking about Lorelei? How to find her, how to break her and make her talk about Red John? Maybe he was thinking of Red John himself and what he'd do once he got him. There was also the possibility that Jane was thinking of his family, of his wife and daughter; he had been playing with his ring a lot.

If he was thinking of the wedding ring, was he then thinking of that night with Lorelei? That was a very painful memory and she really didn't want to think about that… Jane really would do anything to get Red John… it was sad that the man she loved was sitting there, lost in his thoughts of revenge, and painful memories of his past.

-Red Clown-

Jane found himself thinking of Mr. Millen when Lisbon dozed off for the night. That man stole women who were sick and tortured them made them play in his sick fantasies before killing them. That man had hurt Lisbon; nearly killed her.

He had tortured and killed him for that.

And yet he didn't feel any guilt, didn't feel any remorse for what he had done to Mr. Millen. The only thing he felt was disappointment.

He didn't get to use the secret bunker to torture and kill Red John first. He had always planned to use that place for Red John. Fantasised doing the things he did to Mr. Millen he'd do to Red John, and thus why he disappointed.

He wasn't worried that Lisbon would find out about what he did. Yeah sure she'd try to find him when she got back to work, but he knew she'd give up after a few days, thinking that the man was in Mexico or something.

Oh he wanted to put her mind at ease, but it would have been too risky. Way to risky planting a part of Mr. Miller's body somewhere or telling her that he thought he was dead. Lisbon was too smart sometimes and he can only manipulate evidence so much before she found out.

He knew she wouldn't find out what he'd done, but that didn't mean he didn't have a 'what if'plan.

It wasn't a great one, but Jane was a master manipulator, he'd take Lisbon to the bunker, and either use his abilities to wipe her memories, to distort them or he'd break her…

He'd keep her there for days, months maybe a year until she gave up and purely trusted him. He'd be the one to feed her, bath her. He'd bring her gifts and pictures of her family and friends. He'd make sure to talk to her in a way that would make it seem like he's saving her, and when she finally believed him he'd let her go back to her life with a ring on her finger, and possibly a baby in her womb.

Of course he didn't like that plan very much. Erasing her memories…perfectly fine. Breaking her, he feared would kill the fire in her.

But it was a risk he was willing to take if shit hit the fan, which it wouldn't.

But this whole 'what if' wasn't the major issue. No it was the fact that he felt lighter after he killed Mr. Millen.

Felt as if he let go of something.

He didn't feel that way when he killed Hardy, nor when he killed Carter. Maybe it was because he wasn't in the right of mind when he killed them.

Hardy was killed to save Lisbon. He didn't even know what he was doing there, his body just reacted.

And with Carter he was much too emotional to think clearly, to realize it was a trap.

With Millen, he knew what he was doing and thought about it over and over again until he actually went through with it… Maybe it was because he used a gun the first two times.

But what's done is done, can't turn back time.

His actions were justified. That man deserved to die the way he did. No one hurts his Lisbon.

That didn't make him a monster…right?

-Red Clown-

Again, if there is any spelling and/or grammar mistakes please let me know.

Yeah no, I just can't write it. Sorry for those who wanted smut, Its not gonna happen. I have stared at it for months now and I can't get it done. Sorry.