Well everyone, here is my first Kuroshitsuji fic that I will have posted. I accept criticism with open arms. They help me improve my writing. I do not own Kuro but if I did, rest assured, It would be for adults only but also for the kids that just can't live without it. Also, the whole story will be in Ciel's point of view except a few short first few chaps will be sort of an introduction by the way. I also would like to thank Undertakerwillsemeyou, without her, I probably wouldn't have posted this. Enjoy!
0o0
It's not fair.
Alois had it all. Everything I wanted and everything I couldn't have.
He had Sebastian's love and affection even if I had known and loved him first.
He had Lizzy's friendship, even though she promised to be my friend and to never leave me.
And he had Claude's protection, even i he had, so long ago, promised to protect me.
Alois had taken everything from me and it wasn't fair.
Some said that because he had lost his parents at a young age, that it was okay for him to take what isn't rightfully his.(Sebastian)
I had lost mine before I was born. My father, Vincent, was an alcoholic who did unspeakable things to me and my Mother, Rachel hated me because I wasn't the "Perfect little girl" she wanted. To top it all off, they started to abuse me when they found out I preferred men over women.
I didn't bother trying to make new friends, he'd take them away too.
One of the worst parts about this is, he'd flaunt what he had taken in front of me everyday at school because we had all classes and lunch together.
He did it on purpose.
He knew what he was doing.
He only did it because I had it first.
He wanted a reaction out of me and he got one, only he was never around to see it.
In the confines of my bland room on my broken mattress, I'd cry to myself and would only mutter three words.
"It's not fair."
CHAPTER 1: CLAUDE
I zipped up my black and red hoodie Claude had given me three years ago, today. December 14th, my birthday. I grabbed my book bag and walked down the stairs. Vincent was passed out on the couch. I smelt something delicious coming from the kitchen and went to see what it was. Rachel looked at me and motioned for me to sit down. I put my bag by the front door and walked into the kitchen and sat at the table that was in the middle of said kitchen. Rachel at a plate full o pancakes in front of me and handed me a butter knife, a fork and the syrup.
There had to be something up. She was acting way too nice. I cut a piece of the pancake and put syrup on it before sticking it in my mouth. As soon as I started to chew, a sharp pain circulated around my mouth. I spit out the pancakes and was disgusted when I saw tiny shards of glass in it. I looked up at Rachel and saw her smiling at me, as if she had accomplished the best thing in the world. I pushed everything on the floor and ran out the door, leaving it open but not forgetting my bag.
I put my hood on an spit on the ground, ignoring the amount of blood that came out and the metallic taste still remaining in my mouth, I continued on to school. As I neared the second Hell known as my school, "Black Mountain High", I looked across the street and saw Claude. Instead of thinking about what'd I say when I reached him, I ran across the street. I saw him him look at me but he continued walking. I adjusted my eye-patch and followed after him, soon coming to his side.
"H-hi Claude." I said with a slight stutter. "Ciel." He acknowledged but didn't look at me. I coughed into my sleeve and pulled at the hem of my jacket. "I was wondering if we could hang out after school today?" I suggested. Claude stopped and looked at me. "You know I hang out with Alois everyday after school to make sure he doesn't get hurt." He said. I flare my nostrils in anger. "But what about me? What happened to you protecting me?" I yelled. Claude was a little taken aback by my outburst but stood his ground. "That was a long time ago, and even if you needed protection, I'm sure Alois needs it more." He said calmly and walked away.
I wiped away my eyes to get rid of the tears that were about to leak from them. I continued to follow Claude to school, but at a much slower rate. Alois needed more protection than me, eh? I wonder if he remembers its my birthday. Vincent and Rachel didn't but I didn't expect any less from them.
0o0
The late bell had already rung, but I was taking my time to get to class. I wasn't too keen on facing Claude, let alone Sebastian, Lizzy and Alois. When I reached the door, I took my hood off of my head and walked into class. My teacher, , looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Nice for you to join us, . If you will, take a seat. We were just going over the assignment I'm sure you didn't do. He said. I scoffed at him. "You mean that poem? Even I have enough sense to write one of those for class. You doubt me, Tanaka." frowned at the use of his name.
"Then would you care to read it in front of the class?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "Whatever." I took out my folder from my book bag and got out my poem. I was a little apprehensive about reading it, afterall, it was about me and my father...no, Vincent. As I said, he started to abuse me, but in a different way than Rachel.
" I hear the floor creek
Closer and closer toward my bedroom door
I try to stay quiet hiding under the covers
Though I know he will find me
I hope he doesn't hear my heartbeat
Or hear me praying God will protect me tonight
But as I do I start to cry because I know
TONIGHT'S ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS
WHEN GOD JUST DOESN'T HEAR ME
I let out one more sob
And the door swings open
The hallway light shines in
But darkness radiates off him
So strong
He has a smile on his face
Nothing will stop him
I cant even defend myself
He gets on top of me holding me down
As I try to turn away
He pulls me back covering my mouth
I am too scared to breathe
A few weeks pass by
I hear him moaning my name
While stumbling around the house
Closer and closer he is walking toward me
Now he is on my bed
And before he even touches me
I begin to cry as I wonder
Where is God tonight?
This time I fight back
I yell
I cry
But he has ways to shut me up.
I do everything I can to loosen his grip
He's hurting me so bad but will not let me go
NO
He will not let me go
Not until he is finished
He leaves me lying there
To think of what I have lost
"I'm sorry" is not enough
He doesn't even realize what it has cost
Another few weeks pass by
The shame keeps getting worse
Too afraid to tell
Though its so hard to hide this pain
Day after day
I must have been bad that night
I hear him coming closer as I'm lying on the floor
Lord I would do anything
If you would keep him from walking through that door
But he does
I finally realize I am all alone
No one to protect me
No one who can save me...
So I lie back down to take it
But he throws me on the bed
And makes me relive my worst fears
When I just want to be dead
I don't want to kill myself
I just want to die
God, why have you abandoned me?
Can you not see the tears I cry?
I will hurt myself later
After you have hurt me
This blood that stains the sheets
Tangled up on my bed
Reminds me of the words
The images you have put inside my head
I can still feel you touching me, grabbing me
Forcing my body closer to yours
The feeling of your cold fingers all over me
I constantly try to wash away
From my scarred skin
Since that first night
I live my life in fear
You are the reason I love too easily
Why I cannot love at all.
Because I trusted you
I can no longer trust
The pain I hold inside
You will never know
They will never understand
That my scars don't even begin to show..."
I stopped reading and looked at everyone's shocked faces, especially those who I used to cherish at friends, even Tanaka. I felt bad that I enjoyed their looks. Alois, however, looked as though he didn't give a fuck, and I suppose he didn't.
I gave my paper to Tanaka and went to my seat. the class went on, but I made sure to ignore the worried glances that were threw at me. Somewhere along the class, I coughed loudly and Tanaka sent me a disapproving glance. I stuck my tongue out at him and looked out the window after looking at my hand and clutching it shut.
My hand was covered in blood, but the wounds from the glass had long since closed.
A/N: Well, Please tell me what you think! Also, the poem did not belong to me, but don't think I can't make a good poem, I was being lazy. Please Review!
Until Next Time...
SEE YA!