A/N: Alright everyone I know I have been iffy on the updates and it takes a while and all but I am really hoping to break that. Oh, and I have gotten an outline for the remainder of the story which will end at chapter 33 or 34. So we are almost done. I know this story has just seemed to drag on and on but hold tight everyone it almost over. On that note I present to you chapter 28, and I will tell you I had a lot of fun writing this one. So I hope you all enjoy and please review if you have a question or want to tell me what you think!

Sorrow Filled Sky

The word confused was not enough sometimes. For Meetra, it was completely not enough. She needed a big enough word to describe her feeling at this exact moment. Going to Nar Shaddaa was a bad idea to begin with. With the entire Exchange hunting her she came to the central base of their operations. Then apparently she has to cause enough problems so that the Exchange would hunt her down so that she could use them to find the Zez-Kai El. Easy right?

Then to top it all off she ran into some of Atton's friends. Well they said that they knew him before and said some serious accusations against him. It didn't quite make sense so that made for her current confusion.

Ever since she got back from Onderon she had made it her goal to avoid Atton. Well she didn't try to avoid him as much as she was trying to hone in on her abilities. The discovery of her ability to basically become instinctively stronger in combat made her very curious to the extent of that power. So during her training with Kreia and the new Jedi Mical, thanks to Meetra training him, she didn't have much time to talk with Atton.

Plus, finding out who Disciple or Mical was made her spend more time with him. Much to Atton's disapproval. She would often see Atton spying on them when they talked. Meetra wasn't quite sure if she liked Atton being jealous or not. She wasn't the self-centered type who liked all the boy attention so when Atton was jealous she actually felt bad. But there was nothing to do about it. It wasn't like she was going to give up her friendship with Mical just so Atton could feel better.

But now she had a reason to talk to him. A reason to find out about the mystery which was Atton Rand. The man apparently had a shady past, and that was before she ran into those men in the Refuge Sector. So now she had to talk to him about his past and he couldn't avoid it anymore. She was determined. And when General Surik was determined she never gave up.

She made her way to the cockpit where Atton spent 90 percent of his time. He was sitting in the pilot's seat staring absently out the window. Meetra hesitated for a moment. All her emotions were being built up into this moment, and she realized that. All the teasing and love hate conversations with the dashing rogue had left her feeling empty, like now. She knew there had to be more to this man but he had shown her nothing but trivial flirtation and jealous lashing outs. Now all her bottled up frustration for all the conflicts they had was coming out. But she knew better than to just dump all these feelings out onto him, she was a Jedi who could control her feelings. For the most part.

With her inner confidence boosting, she reached out and lightly touched his shoulder. "Atton?" She questioned softly. Meetra had been known through the war for her two faced antics. Her kind, compassionate, and innocent normal self when addressing most situations and her lashing, anger fueled, and unsympathetic badass was the bane of the Republic military. For now, she was her kind self. With no real reason to lash out at Atton for the moment she decided to kill him with kindness.

He turned his head and met her eyes. "What's up Angel?" He said in his normal cocky voice. He had taken to calling her Angel from time to time. For whatever reason. Actually, he first used it when she walked into the cell he was in when she walked in only in her underwear. Not one of her favorite memories. She hoped that some stupid kid wouldn't use that line in the future. A/N: ;)

Meetra kept a calm composure and resisted the urge to read his mind. "I have a question for you." She said evenly.

Atton didn't seem surprised. She usually had questions for him so it wasn't something out of the ordinary. "Alright, what did you want to know?" He asked.

Noticing that her hand was still on his shoulder, Meetra removed it slowly so not to alert him of her current inner turmoil of the pure curiosity of him. With great lengths of time in the Jedi she used it to control her outward appearance so as to not give away her true feelings on the matter she was about to speak.

"I met someone on Nar Shaddaa who says he knows you." She said looking at his spot in the pilot's chair.

He laughed a little to himself and stood up. He casually stretched as he spoke to her, his back still to her. "Yeah? That's a surprise. Did he say I owed him credits too?" Meetra could tell that he was dripping with sarcasm in that question. His usual off put to cover up what he was really feeling inside. Again, the urge to search his mind was strong, but she resisted. It's not like she would find anything useful though, other than the ignition timings and other mindless ramblings.

"He says you're not Atton at all. That you showed up on Nar Shaddaa during the Jedi Civil War." She didn't mean to just spill it all out like that but there it was. The frustration with Atton and his past was actually starting to get to her so she had had enough with beating around the bush. Even so she bit on her bottom lip after realizing the direct accusation in her words.

Though before she could say anything more, Atton shot back. "I'm as Atton as Atton will ever be, and whoever your trusted informant is, he's right." Meetra could see the anger flash through him as he spoke. He really didn't like to delve into his past, let alone other people finding out about it. "I did show up on Nar Shaddaa during the Jedi Civil War, along with a lot of other refugees." He said with a scowl on his face.

He was challenging her. Meetra could see that with the dark look on his face and the way he cut himself short after that sentence. He was trying to see if she was going to force him into saying something. Well that's just what she was going to do. The Exile fixed her posture and looked him in the eyes confidently. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

His scowl turned into a frown. "No, because you're asking about it. If I wanted to tell you anything, I would have come and told you." He practically spat out. His frown turned into a glare and he took a step forward. He challenged her again but this time with intimidation. "Anything else?"

Now Meetra wasn't intimidated by anything, physically. But emotionally, Atton was probably one of the few that could really get her on that level. Able to break through her emotional barriers and leave her a wreck of sadness and guilt. That was the power he held over her and that was how he was able to keep her on his level. And that was why… she backed down. Meetra slowly lowered her head. "No, sorry for bringing it up." She mumbled. She didn't even want to hear what smart thing he had to say to her back as she walked out of that room.

Meetra didn't make it out as she stopped. A vision of Revan in their youth with his cocky smirk appeared in her mind.

"Now you give up Surik?"

He would say. It was the only thing that she had that no one else had of Revan. His confidence in her unwavering willpower. She remembered the first time he said it. She was eleven and Revan was twelve, they were investigating the disappearance of a small girl when they were ambushed by Kath Hounds. Six of the bastards. While today, Meetra could kill them all without using her lightsaber but then she had a tough time. As did Revan believe it or not. When they had eliminated all six it turned out that a group of local bandits had taken the girl and used the Kath Hounds as a cover to escape. But that failed and the pair engaged the bandits. While Meetra was tired from her fight with the Kath Hounds Revan was going full. The pair had taken down two bandits when the other three took off. Meetra had gotten her first blaster wound on her left shoulder when she pushed Revan out of the way and went down. Revan came over and stood over her. He didn't offer her a hand or any sort of help except for the words: "Now you give up Surik?"

That had gotten her blood pumping. She never gave up. Throughout their lives, especially in the Mandalorian Wars, he used that line to get her back on her feet in whatever situation she had been down in. Any situation. Including emotional uphill battles.

Meetra's eyes hardened. It was like Revan was saying that line to her now. And no, she never gave up in the face of impossible odds. Even this one. She shot her hand out and used the Force to shut the blast doors towards the cockpit and marched back to Atton. She stopped less than a foot in front of him and spoke with newfound determination. "I think I have a right to know about your past." She spoke in a low dangerous tone.

Atton looked visibly shocked by this change in her demeanor. He covered that up by feigning surprise but she knew he was. "Is this an interrogation? If so you're terrible at it, especially for an ex-Jedi… or whatever you are." He tried to turn this around on her and play on a sensitive topic but it wouldn't work, not this time. "Why don't you just crawl in my head and try to dig out whatever you're looking for rather than asking about it?" He was getting defensive fast, and Meetra took it as a good thing.

"Maybe I will if you won't tell me." She knew she wouldn't but he didn't know that.

"You know what? I helped you get off Peragus. If I hadn't been there you wouldn't have gotten off the administration level." He took a step back and dropped his glare, trying to turn this back around her by seeming innocent of all crimes. "I'm trying to help you. I don't know why I'm bothering."

Meetra looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. Trying to play on his own words. "Actually, if I had been trapped on the administration level on Peragus, the Sith still would have arrived through the airlock and tried to capture me." She said as a small smirk tugged at her lips.

"Yeah well I still helped you. Sort of." She resisted the urge to smile at the fact that he was still keeping up his bravado.

But skipping through all the banter, Meetra went back to her first objective. "I want to know where you were before you arrived on Nar Shaddaa." She spoke boldly.

"You know what? Not once have I asked you about the Mandalorian Wars. Not once. I heard about Dxun. Everyone has. I heard about Serroco, and I sure as hell know about Malachor V." Meetra refused to look away from the shot he took. It was uncalled for and a very sensitive spot for her and he knew it but then again this was also a sensitive spot for him as well. "What makes you think you've got the right to interrogate me on anything? You've got plenty of lives to answer for, all you Jedi do."

Meetra caught the undertones in that sentence. The harbored anger he held for Jedi. Something that was subtle before but now was very clear. "If you've got a question then ask." She goaded him. In reality, she was tricking him into letting out that anger.

And he just went with it. "How did you live with yourself after Malachor? Is that why you went back to the Jedi Council? Hoping they'd kill you?"

Meetra folded her arms over her chest and just stared back at him. "Go on, let's hear it all."

"Maybe you thought they'd forgive you. Sure, you might have thought they'd execute you. But Jedi don't kill do they? At least not their prisoners. Maybe you were counting on it when you went back in chains. So you got off easy. You were exiled, brushed under the cargo ramp, another dirty little Jedi secret." Meetra's eyes softened. It was true, she was just another little secret of the Jedi. But this wasn't about her right now, this was about him. "I'll tell you, all those Jedi at Malachor? They deserved it. Every last one of them."

She had been expecting him to say a few hurtful things but this was over the top. Throughout her life, Meetra had a code. No one deserved anything. The good and just did not deserve to be rewarded and the evil and wicked did not deserve a cruel hand. As well as vice versa. Everything in life happened, that's just the way it is. To say someone, anyone deserved their fate was not fair. To her, a life filled with compassion and mercy was better than resentment and hatred. She could not understand Atton's hatred. Even she didn't hate anything that much to say that.

"They did not deserve it. Why would you even say that?" She asked incredulously. She stared at him in a mixture of confusion and surprise.

She was equally surprised at the hate in his eyes and voice as he spoke. "Because Jedi lie. And they manipulate. And every act of charity or kindness they do, you can drag it out squirming into the light and see it for what it is. The galaxy doesn't need Jedi arrogance or Jedi hypocrisy anymore." Atton spoke with such raw emotion that Meetra was taken aback. Is this what he thought of her too?

"The Jedi are guardians of peace. They are not as you describe." She spoke quickly and frantically.

"The Jedi… the Sith… you don't get it, do you? To the galaxy, they're the same thing. Just men and women with too much power, squabbling over religion while the rest of us burn. At least the Sith are honest about what they're killing for. The Jedi are pacifists, except in times of war. They're teachers, except when it comes to telling their students the truth. And when they save you, it's only so you can suffer more."

Could he really believe that? Did he think that was all she was doing with him? "You are wrong Atton. That is not the way of the Jedi." She said in a soft tone with hints of anger in it.

He scoffed. "Whatever, just leave me alone. I don't know why I'm wasting time with you anyway." He turned and looked away from her. The anger radiating off of him and targeted towards her.

Meetra felt the blow hard. He was trying to close off to her once and for all. And saying that he didn't know why he was wasting his time with her, well that one hit home. It would have been easier if she knew that he didn't mean it but she was pretty sure he meant it. His incredible hate for the Jedi was now being directed toward her, and she couldn't take that. So she pressed on.

Tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear, Meetra spoke softly. "I'd like to know about your past, especially if we're traveling together." Her voice came across like a small teenage girl asking for a date. It was because of the softness and compassion in her voice that Atton turned back to her.

His eyes were softer now, along with his voice. He looked down, sad even, and Meetra guessed she was going to find out why. "Well don't get too attached to me, I don't like it." He said in a more calm and patient tone.

Meetra's features softened. He wasn't planning on leaving now, was he? "Why not?" She asked.

"It's because I'm a deserter. It's what I do." He said quickly.

She tilted her head to the side and frowned slightly. "You served in the war?"

He gave a small smile but his voice was anything but happy. "Served in both of them. Against the Mandalorians, before and after Revan, and again… when Revan declared war on the Jedi.

Meetra's eyes widened just a bit. That meant… he was aligned with the Sith before all this. "But why?" She asked quietly in a hushed whisper.

His small smile was gone. "Because I followed orders." He said looking at her solemnly. "But it was more than that, you were there. You knew how easy it was to hate the Jedi who sat back in the Republic evaluating the threat and watching us die against the Mandalorians."

Meetra knew that pain all too well. While she did not hate them, Meetra did not hate anyone, she was angered at times by their decision. But only now did she understand why they stayed away. The war had been a trap engineered through the darkside to turn all those Jedi consumed by it. Save for her. "Why did you desert?"

"Because you can't believe in the Republic anymore after the Mandalorian Wars. After Revan, nothing was the same. Right after that final battle at Malachor, I was right there with the rest of the defectors, because it was the right thing to do." Meetra could see in his eyes the determination in his words. He truly believed in what he did, even now.

She kept a soft look as she spoke. "That was wrong, you answered war with war." She said slowly.

"No it wasn't. We needed the Jedi during the Mandalorian Wars, more than anything. The Mandalorians were slaughtering us by the millions. The millions." Meetra knew this all too well. Sitting on the side line waiting for Revan and Malak to try and convince the council to join the fight. Seeing all the worlds burn and all the people die. It was painful. "You were at Serroco, when they turned the Stereb cities into glass craters." She was. Meetra was with Revan's pre-war fleet in orbit of the planet when the Mandalorians burned the entire planet. She watched from the bridge of her ship while millions on the planet died. She felt the pain of all the people hit her in full force, then nothing. It was the beginning of her own downfall. "At Duro, when basilisk droids rained like meteors onto the orbiting cities." She had been the only commanding Jedi general on the planet surface at the time with no reinforcements. "And when the Mandalorians set fire to the Xoxin plains on Eres III, the fires that still burn"

Then his features became a bit more relaxed. "Without the Jedi who turned on the council, without you, the Republic would have lost the war and we would all be Mandalorian slaves or corpses."

"That is no reason to start another war against the Republic and end more lives." She said.

"We were loyal to Revan. That was enough. He saved us." Atton seemed to lighten up a bit after getting that off his chest but Meetra knew there was more. A lot more.

Meetra took a small step forward and looked up into his eyes. "What happened then?"

He sighed quietly and dipped his head a bit but kept her gaze. "After Malachor, after the Mandalorian Wars, that's when the Sith teachings started spreading through the ranks. We knew where our loyalties lay, to the Jedi who came to help us, not the ones who sat back on Dantooine and Corascant watching us die. So when those same Jedi who watched us die decided to start fighting us during the Jedi Civil War, we fought back. I fought back."

And here was the bomb Meetra knew was coming. The truth behind his reluctance in sharing his past and the harbored hate for the Jedi. "How?"

He paused for a moment. Looking deep into her silver eyes. Even if he wanted to stop there was no going back now. He had to tell her. "I started killing Jedi." He said in a low tone. He watched her reaction to see that she didn't even flinch. "A lot of them." He added for effect. But still Meetra continued to stare into his eyes the same way. "People say killing Jedi is hard. It's not, you just have to be smart about it." He talked like an expert. "No blasters, no getting close to them, no attacking them directly when you can gun down their allies instead. There's ways of gassing them, drugging them, making them lose control, torturing them. I was really good at it." Meetra didn't fail to note that he kept saying "them" for Jedi. He didn't include her with all the ones he had killed. Some part of her was glad for that.

"What's worse is that killing them wasn't the best thing. Making them fall… making them see our side of it, that was the best." He finished.

Meetra slowly lowered her head and closed her eyes. "You make it sound easy." She said sadly.

"I taught myself techniques. It's hard for Jedi to sense what you're really thinking if you throw up walls of strong emotions and feelings." He explained. "Lust, impatience, cowardice, most Jedi awareness doesn't cruise beyond the surface feelings to see what's deeper." He said. Meetra looked back up into his eyes. 'That's not true,' she thought. 'I have always delved deeper to feel your true thoughts Atton. You just never realized it.'

"And I was good at that, throwing up walls, and my superiors knew it. Sometimes the Jedi on our side wouldn't even realize I was there." He was proud of this as well. She could tell in his tone of voice.

"Is that why you act the way you do?"

He shrugged slightly. "Part of it. Maybe it was always me. It's hard to tell sometimes. I haven't known who I am for years." He laughed a bit at the end. "I wasn't the only one." He said as an afterthought. He then softened his look and stared into her eyes meaningfully. Meetra's eyes widened when she got the hint. "I know you left at the Mandalorian Wars, so you don't know much about what went on behind the scenes in the Jedi Civil War. But Revan understood one thing, the real battle was going to be fought between Jedi on both sides. That was the only battle that mattered."

"What do you mean?" Meetra asked after a moment.

"Whoever had the most, the strongest Jedi were going to win the Civil War. If Revan couldn't convert Jedi, then Revan would kill them." He said. Meetra inwardly cringed. 'Revan, how could you do that?' She thought. "So Revan trained elite Sith units into assassination squads whose duty was to go out and capture enemy Jedi. I was in one of the special units trained to do this."

Meetra furrowed her brows. "Capture Jedi? Not kill them?" She asked.

"Yeah, Revan had plans for all Jedi. I think it was important that the Jedi see her side of things, the Sith teachings. Revan wanted to break them. And then have them join him." Atton then looked away. The weight of all this confessing was starting to weigh on his shoulders as well as her own. But Meetra still had one final question.

"So how did you break away?"

"One day I decided not to do it anymore, so I left. Ended up on Nar Shaddaa, became someone else." He said. His head stayed turned to the side but his eyes looked over to her.

"Why are you telling me this? You're telling a Jedi you killed Jedi." She said slowly as not to show any anger, because she did not hold anger towards him. Nothing but sympathy and forgiveness were in her heart right now.

"Because you've killed Jedi too. Different circumstances, but you have a bigger body count than I ever did." Meetra bit her lip and looked away. The deaths of hundreds of Jedi still haunted her every day. "And I've been with you only a short time, enough to know that as soon as someone signs on with you, they haven't got long to live." The spite in his words made her head looked down. It was true, she had lost more soldiers and Jedi in the Mandalorian Wars than Malak and Revan combined. "You got history, and anyone who travels with you doesn't. And maybe I want to know who I was in case a story needs to be set straight. Maybe you understand." His eyes grew softer.

Meetra let out a breath and looked up at him again. "But why did you leave the Sith?" She asked.

Atton shuffled a bit, looking uncomfortable. He looked down as he started to explain. "Well, there was a woman. A Jedi. She… she gave her life for mine."

Meetra started to understand a little bit now. It was always a woman with Atton. "Who?" She asked.

"I never knew her name. She sought me out. She said she had come to save me. She was lying of course, or I think she was. It doesn't matter. She told enough truth to get my attention."

"Like what?"

"She said that Revan was doing something terrible to Jedi within the Unknown Regions. That when we captured Jedi they were sent to a place designed to… break them. And that anyone in his service who showed any ability with the Force was sent there too, to turn them, to break them into Dark Jedi… or assassins trained to kill Jedi. She said that's what would happen to me, that I had the Force inside me, that's why I was so good at killing Jedi. And that when the Sith learned of it there would be no escape, no turning back. I would become an instrument of the dark side, forever. I had heard talk in the ranks, troops vanishing. I knew what she meant but I didn't believe her, or want to believe her."

"So what did you do?" She asked quietly.

He looked back into her eyes and narrowed his eyes. "I did what I did with all Jedi. I hurt her. I hurt her a lot." Then his features softened and he looked saddened. "And then, right when I thought she couldn't take anymore, she showed me the Force. In my head." He said pointing to his head. He lowered his hand and continued slowly. "And I felt everything she felt, and I heard just an echo of what the Force was. And how what I was doing… I think I loved her, but it wasn't that kind of love. It was the kind of love where you're willing to give up everything for someone you don't even know."

Meetra smiled a little. "That is what it means to be a Jedi." She said with happiness evident in her voice.

Atton stopped anything else she was going to say with another glare. Meetra's smile left as he went on. "I killed her for crawling in my head, for showing me that. But before she opened her mind to mine, my only thought was that I would love to kill her. And at the end, I killed her because I loved her." He let go of his dark glare and looked away from her.

Meetra looked at him for a while. It was quite a bit he revealed to her, and a lot of trust he put in her. So now she had to choose her words carefully. "That is a lot to bear, and a lot for me to forgive." She said honestly.

He continued on as if he didn't hear her. "In the end she sacrificed herself to keep my secret, to prevent the Sith from knowing about that touch of the Force inside me. She was her life to save me. Me. And I felt her die, when she opened her mind. I've killed Jedi like I said, but I was never there to feel it, to be on the receiving end. And after that, I couldn't stop feeling things before; guilt, lust, impatience, it had been orchestrated to get close. Now, it all just kept tumbling out and I couldn't keep doing what I was doing." He looked back at her now. "So I left. I fled with the displaced war veterans to Nar Shaddaa and I lost myself there, until the war came to an end. I wanted no more of Jedi, or Dark Jedi, or the Force. I just wanted to be left alone." He finally let his anger go and offered her kind eyes and an almost smile. "And then I met you on Peragus. And I thought maybe, maybe she had saved me so that I could help you. And if I can't then I have to try." He said with force and determination.

Meetra took a step back at realizing how close he was. She cleared her throat and held his gaze. "Then I welcome your help."

As he spoke, Meetra could feel the anguish and hatred gone from him. Peace and hope were now filling his mind. She smiled inwardly at seeing the change in him. "I didn't want to tell you any of this. But… I had to. Because if something happens, I can't let you think I was doing it for something other than the past."

"That is all I ask." She said giving him a smile.

Then he started shifting uncomfortably. He rubbed the back of his head and looked away. "Atton?" She asked, trying to press him. He looked like he had something else to say, or ask.

"Once a Jedi showed me the Force, I heard it, I felt it." He looked back to her. "At the time, there was too much pain to confront it, because if I did it meant I would be changed into something else. Now, I'm not afraid of it anymore. And I think that by learning how to use it, I can help protect you. Or at least buy you some time when disaster comes screaming in." He added with a slight smile. Meetra smiled at his usual way of joking in tense situations. It was one of the reasons she admired him so. But he dropped his smile and was serious once more. "I want to learn how to use the Force. I want to learn how to use the Force to help you." He said.

Meetra kept her sweet smile and took a step forward. She tilted her head fondly and then looked down at his hands at his sides. She slowly reached out and took his hand in hers. She looked up and saw in his face how uncomfortable he was. "Then I will train you Atton." She said kindly.

"What must I do? Is there some… some sort of ritual, or…?" He started.

Meetra giggled and shook her head. She reached out with her other hand and took his left one as well. "Just close your eyes. And open your mind." She spoke softly. Atton quietly nodded and closed his eyes. Meetra looked at him thoughtfully. Now was the time. "You must learn to feel it around you, feel its currents, its eddies. Listen to the echo of your thoughts, your heart, separated from war, separated from hate." His face started to twist in focus. She could feel his thoughts spin and the Force was calling to him, he needed a bigger push. She took a deep breath and continued. "Think of what you felt when you felt the need to help me, to protect me." She said. Her voice was like a sweet song to his ears. Like the coolest water running down his face and healing his mind. He took a deep breath and his face relaxed as well as his mind. The Force began to flow through him, into him, around him. She smiled once more. "And at last Atton… awaken." She said.

Atton opened his eyes and looked at her. The glow from the lightside of the Force that emanated from her was now coming from him as well. He was taking his first steps in the Force. To become a Jedi. "Wow that was… wow." He said finally. He smiled a bit. "I have never felt this good before. I, thank you." He said.

"Thank you for trusting me and for telling me your past." She said.

"Oh yeah, well it was hard to ignore. When you want to know something you never leave it alone. Has anyone ever told you how stubborn you are?" He said.

She rolled her eyes. "Takes one to know one." She mumbled looking down. She saw that she was still holding his hands. She blushed and let go of them quickly. "Sorry." She looked back up to his eyes. "Well, know you are a Jedi. We will work on your training more later but I have to get back to finding Zez-Kai El." She said walking backwards.

"So does that mean we will be doing that uh… meditation thingy you do with pretty boy?" He asked. Meetra didn't have to be a mind reader to know that he was only interested in spending time with her and little interest in doing the actual meditation.

"Yes we will work on making you into a powerful Jedi. Even as good as Mical." She added, throwing him a smirk.

"Better I hope." He mumbled. "Well I'll be on the ship whenever you, you know, want to carry on with the whole Jedi stuff."

She gave him a nod and turned to leave. She stopped and looked back at him one last time. "And unless you didn't get it, you are forgiven Atton." She said sweetly before leaving.

As she opened the door and walked out she stopped a little bit down the corridor. She realized something then. Her restrictions towards Atton were gone now. She had been keeping herself from anywhere near the feelings she had felt for him because of the secrets he held. She would not let him have things his way if she didn't have things her way as well. And now… she did. Was she now going to let her feelings flow towards him? She could no longer deny she had feelings for him, even if they were fleeting and barely there… they were there. She had never felt this way to someone. This… attraction. Yes, she was attracted to him in some small way. But she knew those feelings were growing. And now with this situation, they were now to grow rapidly. She knew it was only inevitable.

But she was a Jedi. There was still that. She could not give herself into emotional connections like this. She saw what it did to Revan during the Mandalorian Wars. He had that pain in his heart throughout the whole war. The pain of leaving her, Bastila, behind. The anxiousness of getting back to her. And that anger it brought out in him, the anger he used to fuel his hate driven campaign against the Mandalorians. But she never knew how their story ended. Maybe it ended well for them. They were certainly cute when Meetra was still at the academy. Meetra heard that Revan had saved Bastila through their connection and… and love. Maybe there was hope for emotional connections and love within the Jedi.

Meetra looked back one last time then walked on. Whichever way this new path would take her she knew that this was one battle she would not be ready for. No amount of training would be able to prepare her for a battle in the fields of emotion and love. Keeping on her guard was the best chance she had.

But she knew she couldn't resist these growing feelings for long.

He was going to go crazy. He knew it. She was gone and he could do nothing but wait for her to get back. He should have known that this was a bad idea from the start. In fact he did know it was a bad idea, that's why he was waiting in the cantina for her. But still, she went in head first and created this mess.

They had been on Nar Shaddaa for a few days now and Meetra had been helping Atton with his Jedi training for those short days. He had grown quite quickly in the Force and developed his lightsaber skills at a quick rate. But then Meetra had to meet with the Exchange, which of course was a trap. What she, and anyone else, knew was that it was a double trap. Meetra ended up getting captured by the head of the Exchange and was trapped in orbit over Nar Shaddaa. And all Atton could do is sit in the cockpit and wait for Visas and Brianna, the Handmaiden, to return with their hero. Until then he sat in the pilot's seat impatiently.

Atton had to admit, he held a lot more than admiration towards her. That was what made him stand out compared to all the others on the ship. Well, save for Mical. They two both sought out the Exile in a romantic way. At least that's what he got from watching how Mical acted around her. Thankfully, their little meditation sessions were no more thanks to Atton becoming a Jedi and needing her training. For the past week he had taken up most of her time when she was on the ship.

But none of that mattered now if they didn't get her back. If Atton lost her… he'd go crazy. He already lost someone he loved once- wait love? He knew he was attracted to her, maybe cared for her emotionally as well, but love? That was not how Atton was. Was, that was the key word. Ever since he had been opened to the Force he had changed. Actually, ever since Meetra picked him up on Peragus he had changed. Feeling things he would never had dreamt of feeling. Going on an adventure he never thought he would be going on. And having feelings for the type of woman he swore himself to stay away from. But all these things happened because of her.

Then it occurred to him the nature of their relationship- er, partnership. He was not oblivious like most thought he was. He knew that Meetra had some feelings towards him but he wasn't sure what those feelings were. She was intrigued by him, that much was for sure. But if she was attracted to him… he wasn't so sure. Their little moment on Dxun was evidence enough that there was something she held. But she was a Jedi, what would she want with a scoundrel mess up like him?

Well it didn't matter. Even if he had no shot, he owed it to her to make his feelings known. That is, if she ever gets back…

"Get us out of here!" Meetra yelled as she jumped into the Ebon Hawk. She and the other two girls had successfully gotten off of the ship and left it as a sitting duck. No more Exchange, thank the Force. She was getting really tired of fighting all the bounty hunters.

"Right." Mira, their newest member, rushed towards the cockpit to tell Atton it was time to get the hell out of there. Meetra respected the bounty hunter. She had a moral code that could compare with her own code. That and the fact that she risked her own life to save Meetra, she had the Jedi Exile's respect for that alone.

Meetra put her hands on her knees and focused on calming herself. Brianna, the last Handmaiden who was now also a Jedi, sat down on the ground and Visas fell to her hands and knees so that she could get a respite. They all had been fighting bounty hunters by the dozen while sprinting back to the ship. Least to say, they were all exhausted.

Mical, the Disciple, came walking over to her and held out a glass of water. "You shouldn't push yourself too hard." He said with a smile. "Even if you are a strong Jedi you still get fatigued."

Meetra reached out and gulped the water down. She was tired, she hadn't slept for several days. With teaching Atton, Brianna, and Mical the ways of the Jedi while searching Nar Shaddaa for Zez Kai-El, she was border lined exhausted. Running on fumes if you will. But there was still so much to get done.

She picked herself back up and handed him back the glass. "Thanks, so how did you guys get me? I know it wasn't easy." She said.

"You are right about that. The bounty hunter, Mira, she came to us telling what happened to you. We decided to disguise the ship to get captured by Goto. That took… quite a bit of effort to accomplish. In the end we managed to rescue you, and that is all that matters." He said with a smile.

Meetra returned the smile. "Yeah, I owe all of you one." Meetra's vision started to blur and she stumbled a bit. Mical reached out and placed a supporting arm around her waist.

"Whoa, slow down. Are you alright?" He asked with obvious concern.

Meetra fought to keep her eyes open. "I'm fine, just… had a long day." She steadied herself and gently took his arm off her. "Between getting drugged, almost dying from poison gas, fighting through an entire cantina of criminals, fighting an entire army of Jedi hating super soldiers, getting hit with over ten thousand volts of electricity, fighting an army of robots throughout the ship, and finally fighting through the same ship except against top level bounty hunters, I have had quite a day. Or has it been two?" She rubbed her left temple soothingly once pain coursed its way through her body.

Mical looked like he was in complete and utter shock. "Oh, I had no idea you went through so much." He said apologetically.

She waved her hand. "It's nothing that I can't handle." She began to walk forward but stumbled. "I think…" She took a few more steps then her left hand shot out against the hull of the ship to keep herself steady. "We need to get back to Nar Shaddaa, I need to see Zez Kai-El." She said. Her vision began to blur again as a figure came towards her.

"You look like you've had a rough day." Mira said.

"Tell me about it." She said forcing out a laugh.

"You ready to meet your Jedi friend now? I can take you to him now. If you can walk." She said raising an eyebrow seeing the Exile's state.

Meetra's robes were filled with blaster holes and slash marks. The bottom of it was singed from the trap she fell into back on Nar Shaddaa. Her body was sure to have minor cuts and burns that she didn't have time to heal at the moment. Meetra let go of the wall and pushed her long hair out of her face and looked back at her. "Yeah, I can do it."

"I may have an objection to that." A robotic voice said coming out of the shadows. Meetra frowned seeing it was another GO-TO droid. She was getting really tired of those things.

"How did you get on the ship?" Mira asked as her hand went towards her pistol.

"It was a relative easy matter. You see I-" Meetra shot her hand out and used Force Lightning to destroy the droid without a moment's notice.

"Shut up." She muttered through clenched teeth. Everyone in the room turned to stare at her. "What?" She said looking at all of them. "I hate those droids."

Mira looked back at her. "Yeah… so anyway, let's get back to Nar Shaddaa, before you pass out." She finished.

"Alright, I'll go tell Atton." She said looking towards the cockpit. She began her slow walk to the place where Atton always was.

Once she got there she saw that he was still trying to get the Ebon Hawk out of the sticky situation that they were in. She watched as he guided the ship out of the battle between many fighters and the ship they were just on. She waited until Atton had gotten them back in route to Nar Shaddaa's surface. She then cleared her throat. "Hey there ace pilot." She said. He visibly jumped and she giggled a bit. The first bit of humor she had gotten in what seemed like days. "Nice flying." She said.

He glanced back at her then went back to landing on the platform. "Thanks, nothing I couldn't handle." A small silence passed. "So your meeting went well I take it." He said with obvious sarcasm.

She frowned slightly but kept a positive look. "Oh yeah, it was a blast. Being lured into a trap like three times was a joy." She laughed sourly then looked at his back seriously. "You were right you know." She said honestly.

He actually turned around and looked at her. "Come again?"

She smiled playfully. "I'm not going to say it again. But yes, it was a trap. And I walked right into. Well in truth I knew it was a trap too but I had to do it. It was the only way…" She said.

"You say that like you are trying to convince yourself it was the only way." He said looking ahead again. "You always walk into things without thinking of the end."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed and finally landed on the platform. He shut down the ship then stood up and faced her. "You walk into things without caring if you'll die or not. But I… we care. We care if you die. Do you ever think of that? I thought Jedi are supposed to be selfless?" He said. Meetra could feel the small hints of anger in his voice.

She hesitated a bit. "I… never thought of it like that. And no, I don't try to get myself killed. I just see it as better me than anyone else." She said honestly. Her eyes began to get heavy again and she could feel her body becoming more and more fatigued.

"Why?" He asked softly.

Meetra slumped against the wall she was next to and her eyes slowly began to close. "I'm a walking hole Atton." She said softly. "You know Malachor. I was the product of all those deaths. It tore me apart. I… I was nothing after it. All I felt from the Force was pain and death after that." From her extreme fatigue her emotions broke loose. A single tear fell down her cheek. "Even now, I can feel the pain coming through me. Masked behind all this light is the darkness that I truly am." She looked into his eyes sadly. "I'm an ugly thing in the Force and I know it. All I can do is try to help others with what little good I have left." She said.

Whether it be her blurry vision or her exhaustion, she didn't see that Atton had come up next to her. He slowly reached out and gently grabbed her chin. "That's not what you are." He said. She blinked and looked into his eyes again. "You're not ugly either. You're, well, you know." He laughed a bit. "Come on, I saw you in your underwear and you rendered me speechless for the most part." She laughed as well. Leave it to Atton. "Seriously though, don't think that no one would miss you. We, all of us, would miss you." He looked away from her for a moment. Meetra could see the thought he was putting into his next words. "I would miss you." He said confidently.

Meetra's heart suddenly picked up pace. She knew there was no avoiding it. She was emotionally attached to Atton, for whatever reason. He was the only one who had that power over her. It hurt to know that she wanted something but pushed it back and out of her reach. But it wouldn't, couldn't, last long. She would succumb eventually. Maybe it was now. "Atton," no, not yet. "Can we save this for later?" She asked, her lips trembling ever so slightly. Her voice soft and filled with unknown feelings. "I have to see a master Jedi and on top of that I am completely exhausted. It… wouldn't be fair to say something now if I didn't put full thought into it." She said honestly.

He looked hurt for a moment but covered that up and looked away. He dropped his hand from her chin and nodded. "Sure, whenever you feel, uh, comfortable." He said. She silently thanked him and smiled. She took a step forward and planted a small kiss on his cheek. He turned back to look at her confused and her cheeks burned red. However, she kept her sweet smile and looked at him bashfully. She took a moment to read his thoughts and inwardly laughed. She turned and left the cockpit.

"And Atton, I am not some teenage schoolgirl with her first teenage crush." She said as she left. But both of them knew that she really was acting like that on the inside. Much to his humor and her embarrassment.

Tython,

"What?" Revan asked looking at Bastila. He was standing next to their bed dressed only in pants as his wife was sitting on the bed in her robe. He stared at her without blinking.

"I… I'm pregnant." She said again. She looked at him with bright blue eyes. "You couldn't tell?" She asked with a faint smirk. "I thought you were some sort of supernatural being in the Force." She joked.

"Hey, I'm only human. Or Mandalorian. Whatever. I am not a supernatural being either. And my senses have been focused on other things for now." He said giving her a playful glare. He walked over to her and gently put his hand on her abdomen. He closed his eyes and felt through the Force. Sure enough, there was two different sources of Force energy within Bastila. He opened his eyes and Bastila put her hand over his.

"See?" She said softly.

"Well your right and I am wrong." Bastila opened her mouth to say something smart and Revan held up his other hand to stop her. "For once." He said.

She laughed and reached up, pulling him into a sweet kiss. They separated and she looked at him thoughtfully. "So, will it be a girl this time or a boy?" She asked.

Revan took a step back and shrugged. "Either way let's not name it after me this time. As much as I like myself too I don't find my name that intriguing." He said.

She rolled her eyes. "Vaner is not named after you Mr. Conceded. And I hope it's a girl." She said looking back down at her belly. "She would have her mother's looks and her father's strength." She said smiling.

"Let's hope that's all she or he would get from me." He mumbled. He thought for a moment then glared. "I hope it isn't a girl. Then I would have to kill every male in the galaxy." He concluded.

She giggled. "And she would have an overprotective father to watch over her. Honestly, you would spoil her if we had a daughter." She said.

"Maybe. We don't even know if it's a girl yet. All we know is that you are pregnant." Then, it dawned on him. "Oh Force, you're pregnant again." He turned around and began playing this over in his head.

Bastila dropped her smile and looked at him with concern. "Revan, what's wrong?" She asked. She stood up and walked next to him.

"We can't have another child. We already have one and that's bad enough." He said. His eyes were wild and unfocused.

"What?" She asked.

He looked at her and his look scared her. "You don't know what's coming. There will be no place for our kids to grow up. And Force forbid that they get caught up in it." He shook his head. "This isn't what I wanted to happen."

Bastila grabbed his shoulders and made him face her fully. "What is coming Revan? You need to tell me." She said in a commanding tone.

He sighed and put his hands on hers. "Bastila, I… may have done something terrible." He started. "When I said that this was only the beginning, I meant it. The war we fought with Malak will be nothing compared to what is coming." He said.

"What is coming?" She asked more forcibly.

He slowly looked into her eyes with a dark tint behind them. "The Sith Emperor." He said. Bastila's eyes widened. He told her all about what he experienced after the Mandalorian Wars and she knew what kind of a monster the Sith Emperor was. "He is coming to destroy the galaxy. I am baiting him into a war in which I plan to win. But it, like all wars, will come with a cost. And I do not want our kids to be caught up in it."

"Revan…" She said softly. "Why didn't you tell me?" She said.

He slowly reached up and cupped her cheek in his hand. His mind flashed back when he first did this upon the bridge of his ship shortly before Malak fired upon it. When Bastila brought him back from the brink. The moment that started all of this. "I didn't want to worry you. I wanted to keep you from anymore pain until it was necessary. But I see that I was wrong. I am sorry my love." He said rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "But we can do this. Together, only with you can I be all that I am. With you I can save the galaxy and keep our kids safe. Only with you can we keep our kids safe." He smiled at her.

"Revan I, I believe you. But do you really think you can defeat him next time?" She asked.

"I have to. If I don't I will lose everything I hold dear. The galaxy, the Republic, the Jedi, our friends, our kids." He leaned in closer to her. "You." He kissed her softly on the lips. No matter how many times they did kiss they could still feel the electricity and passion they both felt for each other. He pulled back from her seconds later. "I will never let anything happen to you ever again. I promise." He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. "I love you Bastila. And without you, I have nothing. I am nothing." He said, his voice filled with passion and love.

"I love you too Revan." She whispered back. "But without you, I am nothing too." She opened his eyes and he did as well. She reached up and touched his face, running her thumb carefully over the scar on his right eye. "Remember that. I need you as much as you me. I trust you and believe that you can win, but to win you have to live." She ran her thumb back over the scar before lowering her hand and placing it on his chest. "Fight to live Revan. Not to win." She said.

Revan knew what she was saying. She was pouring her heart out to him and this time he was listening. She wanted him to live. She didn't care if he won only that he would survive. He smiled slightly and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I will Bastila. For you my love."

Deleted Scene:

Meetra had just finished her meditation when Mira walked in. She looked up at the bounty hunter with her silver eyes.

"Oh, hey. Uh… can I ask you something?" She said hesitantly.

Meetra smiled and stood up. "Is something wrong?" She asked.

"Your face… you well, you have this glow. I mean, not a real glow but…" She shook her head and started over. "It's like you're calm, at peace? But it's more than that. You haven't been chewing on spice have you?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"When one is in touch with the Force, others can feel it." She explained evenly.

Oh. Well it shows. It's like you're hooked up to a power coupling, it's weird. I mean, not bad weird, just weird." She smiled and let out a small laugh. "Heh, for a minute there I thought you and Atton… but it's just the Force."

Meetra tilted her head in confusion. "Me and Atton what?" She had no idea what the red head was talking about.

She rolled her eyes. "You know. Hooked up a power coupling, you know?"

Meetra raised an eyebrow. Mira sure did talk funny. "What are you talking about?" She asked in a calm tone.

Mira shook her head and looked uncomfortable as she spoke. "Did you get out much as a Jedi? I was asking if you two had been… you know, intimate." She finally said.

Meetra concluded that she was talking about if the two of them were in a relationship. Truth be told she didn't even have the simplest understanding of what Mira was really talking about. "I no, I don't think so." She said looking away. She thought for a moment before turning back to Mira. "I mean… we don't really talk about it but…"

"Wait, wait." Mira interrupted holding her hands in the air. "Do you even know what intimate means?" She asked.

Meetra looked unsure of herself before she replied. "I… think so. Does it mean to be in a relationship?"

Mira slapped her hand to her face. "I can't believe this." She shook her head then looked back at Meetra. "So you're a virgin?" She asked starting over.

"And that means…?" Meetra asked.

"Oh my -!" She grabbed onto Meetra's shoulder and pulled her close. "Listen, being a virgin means…" She proceeded to whisper into the Exile's ear. "And being intimate is…" More hushed whispering so that no one could overhear their conversation. Finally she stopped and let Meetra go.

Meetra just stood there for a moment with her eyes wide open. Nothing usually surprised her but this… "What?" She asked in a low tone. "What!?" She screamed.

"Shh," Mira yelled grabbing her shoulders. "Geez, I never thought I would be telling another woman what sex was." She concluded letting go of Meetra. "By the way how old are you?"

Meetra shook herself to break herself out of her daze. "Twenty six. But seriously, why does-"

"So you went your whole life without knowing that? Have you even kissed a man?"

Meetra looked away and rubbed her arm bashfully. "Once, when I was eighteen."

"And that's it?"

"Yes…"

"Wow, good for you, I guess. Even though you were out of the Jedi for years you still didn't go fooling around?"

Meetra crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously. "No, I didn't go 'fooling around!'" She replied.

"Oh, I can tell now." Mira replied.

"So, that's what everyone does?" Meetra asked after a moment of silence.

"Yes," Mira replied.

"And guys think about that…?"

"All the time."

"Even…?"

"Including Atton." Mira concluded for her with a smirk on her lips.

Meetra stared wide eyed at the ground. This was… something she was sure she didn't want to know while considering her feelings towards Atton. With inexplicable timing, Atton came walking by and saw the two standing there. "Hey ladies." He said casually.

Meetra flashed her eyes to him and looked at him in complete horror. She let out a small scream and took off down the hall. Atton watched her go and looked back at Mira, glaring at her. "What was that about?"

Mira kept her smirk. "Just letting her know how life works. And ruining your chances with her is an extra plus." She said walking past the new Jedi Sentinel.

Atton watched her go as well. When she was out of sight he looked around. What could have Mira said to Meetra to get her to act like that around him. I mean, it wasn't like she just found out how sex works-

His eyes widened and he looked straight ahead. "Oh Force me."

Fin.

A/N: So first of all sorry for taking three months. Second I hope the length and quality of this chapter makes up for it. And as for that last scene, I really wanted to put it into the story but it didn't fit anywhere, so you guys get a little bonus scene. Hope it was enjoyable.

Thirdly, Bastila is having another kid. Yay. And Revan reveals his plan to his wife. And she believes in him and shows that she truly only cares for him as he only cares for her. Awwww, so cute. And Lastly, wouldn't you think Meetra would be tired after enduring the whole Nar Shaddaa Exchange episode? I know I would be.

Oh and the whole thing about Meetra and… intimacy, it's my opinion. After all she is a completely devoted Jedi so even in her exile I don't think she would want to delve into relationships or quickies during that time. Don't agree with me? Too bad. She is just as innocent as I view most of the other Jedi. Again, my opinion. And I hope to get a chapter out sometime in the next two to three weeks but no promises. I have been busy as of late but I am still committed to this story and hope to have your continued support.

And as a final note please review telling me what you think of my interpretation of Meetra's story line and the overall story in general.