Touhou Bad End Theatre Presents:

Unidentified Fantastic Object ~ Unfair Flare Overdrive

High above the dark hills and plains of Hokkai flew a shrine maiden. Her green hair and the paper decorations of her gohei rustled as she blazed through the air, firing at the alien fairies of the realm whenever they crossed her path, her eyes fixed on her goal: the distant glow in the horizon that uncannily resembled the sun. How long had it been since she had last seen the real sun? She couldn't tell. Time in Makai seemed to flow differently from what she was used to.

Sanae dodged to the left, avoiding the barrage of bullets a group of fairies had aimed at her more out of reflex than anything else, her mind puzzling over what was lying ahead.

Just what would the ancient being she was trying to find really be like? All the youkai she had met on her way had spoken of their leader in an almost reverent tone: they certainly were devoted, holding her in high esteem after a thousand years. However, a friend of youkai could very well be the enemy of mankind. Exactly why she had been sealed away all those years ago if she truly was as wonderful a person as the tiger youkai had said?

Hardly paying any attention to the orb of light that had appeared before her, Sanae let her imagination get the better of her. What if the sealed youkai was a serious threat to Gensokyo? A veritable monster hellbent on destroying all humans? If that was the case, she, Sanae, would be there to save the day. Lady Kanako and Lady Suwako would be ever so pleased.

She reached the spot where the youkai was supposed to be, and saw bronze shackles lying on the ground, broken and abandoned. Her heart beat loudly inside her chest.

Then, she saw a blinding light in the corner of her eye and turned her head, shielding her eyes with the hand holding her gohei.

At first, all she could see was a humanoid figure floating in the middle of harsh, blinding light; in fact, it looked like the light was actually coming from the figure. Sanae winced and squinted her eyes. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the glare and she got a better look at the figure.

It was a tall, elegant woman, smiling serenely with her eyes closed, as if not quite in this world. She looked both young and old at the same, as was typical of older youkai; she was dressed in an exquisite silk gown with black and white cross patterns, framed by a long red cape and two-toned hair. In her hands, she held a strange scroll, no doubt magical, sporting all the colours of the rainbow the Slowly, she began to show signs of stirring; her eyelids slid open, and she gazed upwards with her amber-coloured eyes.

"Ah, the world of dharma is filled with light." Her rich and melodious voice resonated all around Sanae: inadvertently, she shivered.

Just then, the youkai's eye fell upon Sanae. "Ah, are you here to celebrate my resurrection?" Her eyes narrowed. "Or are you a human here to stop me?"

Words died in Sanae's throat and she blinked rapidly. During her short life, she had met many creatures far greater than herself, but the youkai's presence still had her in awe. However, she quickly gathered herself. This wasn't the time to show nervousness: she couldn't allow the youkai to see her as a weakling, especially not after that veiled threat.

"Stop you from doing what?" she asked coolly, pointing the tip of her gohei at the youkai. She hoped she didn't see her hand shaking. When the youkai didn't answer, she continued: "I thought as much. I'm warning you: should you threaten the people of Gensokyo station in any way, I'll exterminate you once and for all."

"Ah." The youkai didn't seem too miffed. Maybe she knew that 'extermination' in modern Gensokyo meant 'a light beat-up, followed by tea and rice cakes' "May I at least introduce myself first?"

"Are you simply trying to buy time, or are you actually going to explain to me who you are?"

"Does it matter? The battle won't start until my theme song starts playing, and that won't start until we have exchanged a certain amount of dialogue."

Sanae shrugged. "Fine." The youkai sure seemed knowledgeable of modern customs for some sealed away for a thousand years. "So, tell me: who are you?"

"I am Byakuren Hijiri." The youkai said with a courteous nod. "Once, I was a Buddhist nun. Now, I'm the messiah of Youkai."

"Is that so?" Sanae cocked an eyebrow. These final bosses were getting stupider by the day, if Reimu and Marisa were to be believed. They had told her incredible tales of demons and fallen angels from magical dimensions; of seraph-winged creatures with dead eyes and enough power to set the world alight by mistake. She had been dying to face against a final boss of her very own, and what did she get? A crazed old nun with ridiculous hair and a penchant for breaking the fourth wall. Oh joy. This sure wasn't the player character début she had expected. What was going to be next, a DJ with dog ears? Or better yet, an angry salmon?

Still, she was a professional, and would finish the task given to her as swiftly and gracefully as possible. "Two more lines until your theme kicks off?"

"Actually, just one," said Byakuren and shot a yellow beam of light through Sanae's torso. "Your inner thoughts counted as two dialogue boxes," she said helpfully as Sanae started coughing up blood.

"But but but...I thought you were up to speed with modern customs! You're not supposed to use real magic anymore!" Sanae sputtered, desperately trying to stay upright and conscious. The beam that had pierced her hadn't leaved any visble signs, but her innards were burning up in inexpressible pain.

"Oh, really now?" Byakuren smiled angelically and shot another beam at her, this time straight through her head. "I must have missed the memo."

All life was knocked out of Sanae, and her lifeless form fell down to the oddly patterned ground of Hokkai with a thud.

"Lady Hijiri!" a voice cried. Byakuren turned around to see her faithful follower, Shou Toramaru, flying towards her.

"Ah, Shou," she said, smiling. "Excellent timing."

Shou stopped in the air next to her and bowed deeply. "My lady, to be able to see you again - I'm at a loss for words!"

"That is quite alright, Shou," Byakuren said, placing her hand on the tiger youkai's head. "You have been a good follower. Pray tell me, how are the others?"

Shou looked up, pure joy still in her eyes. "The others are alive and well, my lady. We've done our best to spread your wisdom, but alas, we haven't been all that successful. The forces of our kind have been dwindling, with but a few bastions left in this realm. But now, Lady Byakuren," she beamed up at her, "now that you are here, I'm sure the youkai will prosper again."

"I see." Byakuren still looked calm, but a slight frown had appeared on her forehead. "Do you know who she was?" she asked, nudging her head towards the corpse.

"Her, my lady?" Shou looked down and shrugged. "A shrine maiden from Gensokyo, our greatest stronghold. Even there, the followers of the Shinto religion and the admissibility of youkai extermination are widespread. However, the leader of the shrine maidens is an uncharismatic lout. She's powerful, but unpopular, and I'm sure we can take over Gensokyo without bloodshed. Or, well," she cast another glance at the corpse. "without more bloodshed, at least."

Byakuren nodded. "Very well. Shou, I ask you to forget about this unpleasant incident. It'd be better for both of us to forget all about this miserable human, bless her soul."

Shou nodded deeply and crossed her arms across her chest. "Very well: so it shall be. Please follow me, my lady. We should leave Makai as soon as possible. Murasa and the others are already waiting."

"Pray, Shou, show me the way."

And so, not a single soul remained in Hokkai.

...well, except for all the fairies.

...and perhaps Nue.

Uhh...

THE END