The Sin of Pride
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- Robbie/Laura
Rating:- K+
Achieve:- http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/
Summary:- She's the woman I thought I'd never find, she's the patch my heart needed after Val was stolen away and I wasted my chance now I'll learn to live with it with nothing but my pride to see me through and warm me on the dark and lonely journey ahead.
Author's Note:- In answer to Sarah's challenge to write a fic using the quote "My heart desires so many things that my pride just won't allow." Enjoy and reviews would be lovely.
Her eyes shine with the promises of a thousand desires and hopes for the future but I turn from them refusing to accept the truths they hold.
Her smile is like the most dazzling of diamonds in its beauty and the hottest of fires in its warmth. Yet I don't return it, I don't deserve the searing contentment that smile elicits in me.
Her gentle way of excusing herself from the company she's in her eyes never leaving mine makes my heart flutter a feeling I crush like someone standing heartlessly on a butterfly. I long ago gave up the right to feel that way. Time wasted is as bad as time lost and I have wasted too much.
His eyes refuse to meet mine and it causes yet another hairline crack in my heart and again I wonder how many more of these moments it can stand. Years of cracks, weeks and months of tiny chips have left my heart useless to all others and abandoned by him.
As I get closer I see him tense his reluctance so evident in his stance even though he smiles at me. It is not the warm genuine smiles he used to give me when once I thought we had a future and the warmth from that smile used to shine as bright and fierce as the largest bonfire. Oh how quickly it became a bonfire of the vanities, of my vanities, my belief that I actually meant something to him. Oh how that had been ripped from me, that belief that hope. He'll never say it. Never hammer in the stake and finish it off completely shattering it along with my heart through each of the cracks he's created.
His barely notable step backward as I finally reach his side makes even the pleasantries of checking he's ok and enjoying the party impossible and I can't do it. I can't watch him pull further away from me while appearing to stay right there. To love someone so utterly and have them reject you is a pain that no one should have to bare and to have them reject you in a way that leaves a flicker of hope like he had done is torture.
He's never said, never put the final flame out but every time we get close he pulls away and that rejection is harder than simply being told there's never a chance. That sort of slow rejection eats away at your heart and soul until you're left with nothing but dreams of what might have been and a heart so branded by him that it is useless to anyone else.
Her smile fades and she changes course moving away from me and it's no more than I deserve. You see all those things I've told you are true of her and many more amazing things too. She is the most awe inspiring beautiful woman I've had the privilege of knowing and she loves me but I've hurt her too often to be worthy of that love. With all my heart I wish I could say I'm sorry I was wrong I've wasted too much of our previous time together but the stubborn voice of pride, the downfall of so many men, refuses to let me.
Her look thrown back at me tell me that my time is almost passed. She won't wait for me much longer. My heart desires so many things that my pride just won't allowand they are all ties up in her. If I could set aside my pride I might well have a future that would be full of love and light as it is I see the darkness of regret and the absence her and I only have myself to blame. She's the woman I thought I'd never find, she's the patch my heart needed after Val was stolen away and I wasted my chance now I'll learn to live with it with nothing but my pride to see me through and warm me on the dark and lonely journey ahead.