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I'm 'RaN'.

It's been a long time since I last visited. And I am currently laughing at my old, immature self for whatever I wrote here. (Ah the good 'ol days where my only responsibility was to update stories and answer reviews... )

Thank you to all who read, comment, follow or even pass my stories. I am thinking of trying to continue and improve them (in due time that I refresh my memories). :)

I've deleted everything else I've written here before, mostly because they were an embarrassing bunch of stuff that I wouldn't dare say now anyways, except:

I really appreciate constructive comments and flames... coz it helps me improve my writing...

I love Humor. I love those that make me 'roll-on-the-floor-clutching-my-stomach-laugh-my-heart-out' laughing like there's no tomorrow. So you got one of those fics? I wanna read them. NOW.

BTW guys, before you read (or even after) my fic Lost, please watch this video

Little Nitpicks and dialogues that got me roarin' with laughter. Go look for them and you'll share the same sentiments. :)

Birthday Misadventures of Athrun Zala

“Zala, I have a problem.” Yzak always enjoyed being concise. And overly loud.

Athrun held the phone a short distance from his ear. “Yes, Yzak? What is it?” He wondered what sort of problem it could be that Yzak would ask for his help, and could not come up with anything. As far as he knew, Yzak hated him only slightly less than he hated Kira, and avoided speaking to him unless he had a sure chance of ridiculing him or ordering him around.

“Well, Elsman had the brilliant idea of bringing me a demented haro, today,” Yzak explained sarcastically. Something made a tinkling sound near Yzak.

Athrun blinked. “Awhat?”

“You heard me, Zala,” Yzak continued in his angry commander-in-charge-of-your-life voice. “One of your crazy little creations for your ex-finacée happens to be in my hotel room right now.” Yzak paused and Athrun could hear him take a deep, hopefully calming breath through his nose. “It’s insane, Zala. It’s the haro from Hell, and Elsman thinks it’s funny.” Athrun got the sudden impression that Yzak had actually been speaking to Dearka. Sure enough, Athrun heard a loud laugh from somewhere on the other end of the line that sounded suspiciously like the blond. “Go shoot yourself, Dearka!” he heard the commander shout angrily away from the phone.

“Look, Yzak, just put it outside,” Athrun suggested calmly. His brow wrinkled as he considered something. “Wait, Yzak, where are you?”

“I’m visiting Orb with my jackass of a subordinate,” Yzak replied, and Athrun could tell that he was giving Dearka a death glare. There was a small crash from presumably inside the hotel room.

“Oh, right, then just put it outside. It should just go find Lacus,” he explained. He had worked hard to program the haros to do this. Athrun found himself getting strange looks from the people who surrounded him. They were probably wondering what kind of thing would, when put outside, automatically go find Lacus Clyne. Kira gave Athrun a worried look, and Athrun gave him a frown, reassuring the brunette that it was not some kind of hunter missile.

“Oh really?” Yzak asked in a tone that was far too skeptical. “Well, why don’t you first tell me how to catch it?” Yzak smoldered.

“Just pick it up,” Athrun said, by this time getting annoyed. “Look, Yzak, just try to deal with the haro on your own. It’s not going to bite you or anything. It happens to be my birthday and I’m in the middle of a party,” Athrun explained as the Archangel crew began to smirk at the thought of Yzak Joule, almighty Commander of ZAFT, fretting over a loose haro.

“I can’t just pick it up!” Yzak roared into the phone. “It’s bouncing around like it has rabies! And it keeps pulling out those tiny arms and throwing things!” Again, Athrun heard a crash, but this time it was accompanied by cry of pain from Dearka. “Fuck you, little piece of bouncing shit!” Yzak yelled, and then began breathing into the phone, a sure sign that he was moving into position to attack the haro.

“Yzak!” Athrun berated, hoping that Yzak was not just about to deliver a deathblow to Lacus’s beloved Mr. Pink.

“Shut up, Zala!” Yzak snarled viciously, causing Athrun to draw back from the phone. There was a loud crash and a shriek of rage from Yzak that caused Kira to jump back.

“What’s going on?” Athrun said loudly in the direction of the phone, his expression turning to one of worry.

Yzak’s voice came out rough and staticky, but still loud enough to hear at arm’s length. “The little bastard is hiding under the bed, but I think it dragged Dearka’s laptop under there with it….”

“Yzak! It’s a haro!” Athrun pleaded. “It’s not capable of doing harm!” By this time Lacus had joined their little circle and was looking around with an expression of confusion.

Yzak snorted loudly. “Get the chair, Dearka!” There was a sudden absence of breathing, and then the sound of the phone hitting the hotel’s carpet. They heard a loud noise rather like splintering wood, and then the shrill voice of what clearly was a demented haro.

“I’m fiiiiiiine! Good niiiiiiiight-t-t-t!” There was a funny clicking noise when the haro spoke. Then there was an odd crunching noise, a shout from Yzak, and the dialtone hummed out across the empty air, reminiscent of a heart monitor when the patient dies.

“Oh my,” said Lacus softly, putting a hand to her mouth. Kira took her into his arms. La Flaga’s mouth hung slightly open in disbelief.

Athrun hoped they had not just held some kind of witness to Mr. Pink becoming Mr. Little Pieces of Metal.

Yun Cyn's Kissing in a tree

Evil Chairman and Everyone’s Favorite Cloned Clone

Gilbert and Rey,

Sitting in a tree!

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Rey: (screams bloody murder) THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS STUPID GAME! I COULD TOLERATE BEING PAIRED WITH SHINN OR BEING CALLED A GIRL, BUT BEING PAIRED WITH GIL? THAT IS JUST SICK! HE’S PRACTICALLY MY FATHER! (goes Rau-like and goes on a killing rampage)

Gilbert: I never knew he felt that strongly about it.

Rau: (sneer) I told him to cut his hair… but did he listen to me? NOOOOOOoooo… Teenagers these days.

Evil Chairman and Everyone’s Favorite Clone

Gilbert and Rau,

Sitting in a tree!

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Gilbert: (amused smile) Why, Rau! You never told me you felt that way!

Rau: (sarcastic) Oh, you know. I was too busy plotting to kill everyone that I didn’t have time for love.

Playing Dress up

The silver head youth let out a little scream, tearing his hair as if he'd suddenly gone mad. "Do you have any idea what I will do to you, Elsman, if word of this ever leaves your lips- whether you're talking to me or to anyone else?"

"Make me dress up like a princess too?"

"Relax Yzak. Did you think I'd run around telling stories about Yzak The Drag Queen in my spare time or something? Give me more credit."

The opposite Coordinator looked ashamed.

"Just think, at least you beat Zala at something. You make a better female than he would."

Salute!

“Hey, you bastard!”

Did that uncouth statement even count as a greeting? Well, apparently for one Yzak Jule, it did.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Athrun ‘I-let-my-daddy-do-the-talking’ Zala!” Yzak smirked. Trust Yzak to break the ice. Athrun knew him because they went to the same school and his father and Yzak’s mother were allies in the Council. So…did that make Yzak his ally?

“And if it isn’t Yzak ‘Where’s-my-mommy’ Jule,” Athrun replied politely. “Where’s your mom by the way?”

Apparently not.

Well, how -did- Yzak and Dearka manage to drown out the droning sound anyway? By doing what they did best.

Sneer. Aim. Throw. Duck.

“What the hell was that?”

Snicker. Snicker. Snicker. Snort.

Aim. Throw. Duck.

“Ow! The hell?”

Snicker. Snort. Sneer. Smirk.

Aim. Throw. Duck.

“We’re under attack…!”

Yzak and Dearka, being the little juveniles that they were, apparently ‘drowned out’ the old coot’s opening speech by throwing every little thing that they could get their hands into to unsuspecting, spaced-out, ‘brain-on-vacation-be-back-in-an-hour’ individuals.

They woke up the next morning to the sound of reveille.

“Fucking shit!”

“…Breakfast already?”

“We’re under attack!”

“Good morning, everyone!”

Yzak, Dearka, Rusty and Athrun (yes, even him) glared at Nicol. The kid was too perky in the morning for their tastes. Nicol cleared his throat uneasily. “Er… who’s up for some breakfast?”

Athrun didn’t know what disturbed him more, Miguel having a twin or the image of Miguel and his twin, as fetuses, kicking each other in a cramped space that was a woman’s womb. He fought the urge to wrinkle his nose and forced his face to remain as neutral as possible. ‘Ugh. I did -not- just imagine that.’

“Permission to speak, sir.”

“Permission granted.” Miguel rolled his eyes.

Athrun stepped forward. “One more word, sir, and I’ll personally go to your brother and do everything that I can to sabotage you.” He sounded like he was reporting about something as trivial as the weather, but they all noted the very obvious threat in his words.

“And what about me?” Dearka asked smugly. “You can’t blackmail me.”

Athrun turned his head slowly to look at Dearka. “No…blackmail wouldn’t work for you. But if you want to continue dating with your face intact, I suggest you shut up and stop making fun of me.”

“What do you say to torture, Dearka?” Yzak growled at him.

Dearka sulked. “You two can’t take a joke.”

Athrun wasn’t finished. He seemed really upset about it proven by the fact that he had been talking more than usual. “That goes for the rest of you…yes, even you Nicol.”

Nicol gave a little nervous laugh.

“That is all.” Then he stepped back into their line formation.

“And I guess I might have told him about how you guys got along so well… about how you were like brothers and stuff… Then he challenged me to –”

“Wait… back up a little,” Rusty interrupted with a dubious look on his face. “We…get along?”

“I know I was fudging the truth a little…”

He was met with five incredulous looks.

Yzak snorted. “Like brothers!”

“What a dysfunctional family this must be,” Athrun muttered dryly.

“Okay, I fudged it -a lot-,” he amended.

“That bastard is going down.”

“I still cannot believe he managed to make me do this!”

“I swear I’m going to kill him someday.”

“Using my mother against me… I never knew he’d stoop so low.”

“Bastard.”

Athrun sighed. No, he wasn’t conversing with Yzak. Actually, Yzak was conversing with -himself-, grumbling quite coherently and kicking whatever was in his path. Yzak was a loudmouth – that was for certain. Athrun wanted to tell Yzak to shut up, but without anyone to restrain them, they might end up killing each other. It wouldn’t look very good on his record if he was charged with murder on his first month in the academy.

Athrun’s eyebrow twitched.

Dearka flashed him a mischievous grin. “Athrun and Yzak sitting in a tree…” he warbled.

Rusty gave him the same look. “K-I-S-…”

Athrun grabbed Rusty’s collar and pressed his fountain pen to Rusty’s neck. Rusty paused in his singing and laughed nervously. “Come on, buddy! Can’t you take a joke?”

Athrun’s eyes had a murderous glint in them. “No… And if you don’t cease and desist, you will walk around for the rest of your life with a pen stuck in your jugular vein.”

Rusty raised his hands in surrender. “Yes, yes. I’ll ‘cease and desist’. Sheesh.”

Athrun turned to Dearka with the same homicidal look. Dearka felt some beads of sweat pop in his temple. “Ditto, Athrun. Ditto.”

The messenger

At the mention of Cagalli, Athrun sat up.

“I knew it!” Dearka exclaimed, “you’re just lonely.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. When I think about it, I never went on a real date with her. I wish I could go out with her, no politics or any of that junk.”

“That can be arranged.”

“No, it can’t. She’s the princess of Orb. She’s literally the busiest person on the face of the Earth.”

“No, the busiest person on the face of the Earth is the FedEx guy. You try going to Russia, California and Iran all on the same day. And you see those little shorts they wear? Now, they’ve got it bad. Trust me, Cagalli’s probably having her hair done right now.”

The picture of Cagalli having her hair done made them laugh. The picture of Cagalli punching their lights out if she heard them laughing made them stop almost immediately.

Dearka turned and saw Athrun running toward him with a bouquet of flowers in hand. If you put it in slow-motion, you could almost imagine a cornfield and a sun setting in the distant horizon. It would be funny if it weren’t so gay, Dearka thought.

He chuckled anyway.

“Athrun, I’m so touched,” he said, putting a hand over his heart, “but you and me, it can never work.”

Athrun looked at his blonde friend with a sort of WTF face.

“These are for Cagalli, you retard. And this too,” he said while pulling out a little white envelope from his jacket pocket.

Dearka took the envelope, sniffed it then screamed.

“OMG! A BOMB!!”

Several bystanders turned to stare. Athrun blushed profusely and Dearka chuckled even more. Miriallia, who was a very intelligent woman, was already 10 meters away, in a magazine stand, pretending not to know who that screaming retard was.

“What’s up, girlfriend?”

“Oh my goodness, Dearka, what are you doing here? Get out, NOW.”

“Cagalli, honey, is that any way to treat a long lost friend?”

“No, but its how I deal with you.”

“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat, “here it goes. Dear, no, scratch that, Cagalli, it’s been quite, or is that quit? Gosh, Cagalli, your boyfriend has terrible handwriting; you should sign him up for, like, calligraphy lessons or something.”

“What’s an eight-letter phrase for someone in trouble?” Dearka asked the waitress who was bringing him his coffee.

“Lemme see…”she said while chewing her gum which had long lost it’s flavor. “Dead meat?”

“Dead meat, huh? Thanks.”

“Dearka. Elsman,” Cagalli said.

“Cagalli. Yula. Attha. How. Is. It. Going?” Dearka replied, chuckling. He obviously thought he was being funny.

“This is how it’s going.”

Then she punched him square in the nose.

He tripped backwards because of the force of the blow and his unawareness. He stepped back and regained his balance.

All of a sudden, when there were stars in his face, and blood rushing to his nose, life didn’t seem so unreal anymore.

You could say he was blown out of the fairy tale world real quick.

Dearka blinked.

“That sounded wrong. You need to stop womanizing, Athrun,” he said.

“That’s not the point!”

“Oh yeah? Not the point? You’re telling me that’s not the point and the point is that you have sucky handwriting, your girlfriend is cross-eyed, and I’m just the middle guy here, you’re missing the point that you could have E-MAILED her in Times New Roman font, size 274, double-spaced, instead of making me have to deal with this kind of crap from incompetent subordinates!!”

Athrun and Cagalli just stood there, totally wowed at Dearka’s sudden outburst of eloquent speech and common sense.

At that time, they must’ve thought that hell was freezing over because Dearka was making sense.

Bad Timing for Love!

“What's with her?” Shiho asked.

“Oh, Suki! She didn't want to wake up, so I had to carry her,” Kira answered.

“Have you tried throwing water on her face,” Milly suggested. Kira shock his head. “How about throwing her on the bathtub and turning on the cold water?” Kira again shook his head. “See that's your problem,”

“No, that's my funeral,” Kira corrected her.

As Luck would have it

“Cagalli…” This time, Kira’s voice sounded just like the gentle one that she was accustomed to.

She felt tears form at her eyes and she wiped them off quickly. “Don’t ‘Cagalli’ me! Just because you found your princess charming through an arranged marriage doesn’t mean that I will, too!”

Kira chuckled. “Of course not. I’ll be mortified if it’s a ‘princess charming’ you’ll end up with.”

Bye bye Rentboy

Bill. Bill. Bill. Fanmail. Bill. Fan mail. Fanmail. Fanmail. Bill. Bill. Bill. Fanmail. Fanmail. Fanmail. Roses. Chocolates. Bill. Death threat. Bill. Bill. Fanmail. Fanmail. Fanmail.

Tamaki loved getting mail.

‘Chika…-chan?’

He gibbered for a few moments. As his back knocked the wall of the music room, his head darted about in panic before screaming for all and sundry to hear:

‘AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNN!’

‘Eh?’

‘AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN!!’

‘Speak up we can’t hear you,’ Hikaru said sarcastically.

‘He said “Alien”’ Mori explained from the rear of the group.

‘What’s the matter?’ Tamaki said soothingly, ignoring what would be considered sage wisdom, ‘We don’t bite.’

But Yasuchika obviously did. It took Tamaki a whole ten seconds to flick the middle school student from her right hand. At last the boy was removed from her arm and she was free to scream that she wanted a rabies cure right now, harmonised by Yasuchika’s resumed screeches of ‘Alien.’ The twins stuffed their fists in their ears but it did no good.

‘Don’t you see?’ he asked, voice quavering as he pointed at the Host Club. ‘Look at them. Their all freaks! Cross-dressers! That’s why Mitsukuni has been hiding himself from his family! Because he really is an alien!’

‘No. It’s because he has an anal-retentive little brother’ the twins said in a monotone.

Clearly, Ranka had had known that the Host club would be coming to dinner, because within seconds of the final knock, the door was flung open and Tamaki was yanked into the house by the collar. The door was quickly slammed shut again. The remainder of the club (minus Renge) stood immediately outside the flat for a full five minutes, wincing involuntarily at the sounds of crashing, snapping and high pitched screams coming from inside.

But just as Kyouya was suggesting getting takeaways, Ranka, looking much happier, opened the door to admit the group, asking them to be sure to wipe their feet on the much bruised Queen Idiot on the floor. Hikaru and Kaoru felt it would be rude not to do so. Haruhi however, angrily reprimanded his father.

‘What did you do to Tamaki?!’ he asked in an exasperated voice, trying to lift Tamaki off the ground.

‘Just straightening her out.’

‘Father! Can you not injure my friends please?!’

‘Who said I hurt her? What kind of gentleman/lady would I be if I would raise a fist at a young girl? I only yelled, threatened and threw things at the walls. She just imploded on her own accord.’

Broken 10 wishes

“YOUICHI! WHY ARE YOU DRINKING COFFEE?”

“I manage stress better this way. Now I just kick people that annoy me.” He said.

“Let me suggest that we play a little game. Whoever gets the lousiest score in the upcoming test will be the other one’s slave for a week.”

“I don’t wanna play your stupid games, Hyuuga. Go break your neck.”

Hotaru stood in front of me, pointing at Permy with one hell of a gun!!

“Invention 132 – Baka Gun. Used against annoying idiots.” She said emotionlessly.

G.O.T.H.S.

Tsubasa huffed before saying that he was ready to do it again. Narumi glared at him, a silent way of telling him to ‘screw it, you die’. Tsubasa ignored his death threat and continued,

“Are you, Natsume Hyuuga, really pissed with the sadistic gay bastard standing beside me, and will therefore aid me in making his life a living nightmare, through .45 calibers and grenades, through pranks and seriousness, in failing the English Subject do we part?”

Natsume smirked, “I do.”

“Tsubasa, do this right or bloody hell will run after you.”

The priest-for-the-play cowered at Jinno. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Who ever thought Tsubasa had frog-phobia…?

….Because right now, he was not cowering at the teacher, but at the amphibian which was perched innocently at his shoulder.

“DON’T TOUCH ME YOU AMPHIBIAN FREAK!”

Guess he couldn’t take the pressure.

The Miss Seed Destiny Beauty Pageant

"That girl, the goddess of peace, the songstress of the world, wants you, her knight in shining blue-white-red Phase Shift Armor, back in her arms…”

and more to come...

Disclaimer: They all belong to their respective authors/authoress... They're not mine. I'm not that good to make myself laugh (not to mention I'm still sane enough not to do that.) at my own jokes.