Name: Not gonna tell ya. You could be a weirdo stalker or serial killer.

Gender: Female

Home town: St.Louis

i'm a big fan of naruto, im going through a phase. My favorite characters are naruto( of course) sasuke, and gaara. Gaara is AWESOME. MY favorite mangas are naruto, inuysaha, her majesty's dog, yu yu hokisho, black bird, beast master, fruits basket, angel diary, rosario+vampire, dn angel, and i think thats it. I have only done naruto stories so far, but im new, its been a couple of weeks, so my stories will get better and i will have more material. Now, onto my favorite books. Ok, before I start, I should tell u im a book worm. Yes i now, im a geek, but at the same time im not. Im able to understand alot more than people think. Now, my books are, Bram Stokers Dracula, the Crank series, the thirst series, the Night world series, theWicked Lovely series, P.C Cast series, the harry potter series, the percy jackson and the olympians series, and several other books i dont remember.

My favorite matches for naruto are;

Naru/sas

Ita/sas

Gaa/hin

Gaa/neji

sak/hin

Gaa/naru

Kak/Iru

Ita/sasu/naru

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

Stop the Pairing Wars!

By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.
You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.
You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings. You shalt avoid them if you hate them.
You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.
You shalt paste this in your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes funny if you leave it out for too long. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is where you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favourite song plays. Crazy is where you do or say a totally random thing, like 'do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?' or start having a thumb war with yourself (I find I am a tough opponent). So if your crazy copy this onto your profile.

I've got a little thing to say to all my friends.
If you cry, I cry...
If you laugh, I laugh...
If you fight, I fight...
If you jump off a cliff...I'm gonna miss your retarded ass...

If your a slash fan, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are actually crazy enough to read right to the bottom of the page to get to this point and are reading this right now, then copy and paste this into your profile.

I got these from the page of Nagaku Tsuzuku Yami. Love her work!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I am NOT a homophobe. I just think its stupid. All people are equal.

(..)'(..)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Put him on your profile to help him achieve World
(")_(") Domination and come join the Dark Side! We have YAOI!(and cookies)

You are a Chibi Seme

You are the seme in disguise. Able to fit in and get along with uke and seme alike, you are able to get close to the uke on their level before exerting your dominance. This makes you at times manipulative and able to fool others about your true seme nature. Because of your harmless appearance, it takes the flamboyant Flaming Uke to match wits and really bring out your aggressive side to expose you for the seme that you are.

Most compatible with: Flaming Uke, Badass Uke
Least compatible with: Dramatic Uke

Go too to see whether your a uke or seme1

The Frog

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course the Madam said no.

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

Meaning of color and your birthday!!

Don't cheat, if you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good.

Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating! The answers are at the bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?

2. Your first initial?

3. Your month of birth?

4. Wich color do you like more, black or white?

5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

6. Your favorite number?

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)

Answers:

1. If you choose:

Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black - You are conservative and aggressive.

Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue - You are spontaneous and love, kissed and affection from the one you love.

Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

2. if your initial is:

A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.

S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

3. If you were born in:

Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose:

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5.This person is your best friend.

6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

7. If you chose:

Flying: You like adventure.

Driving: You are a laid back person.

8. If you chose:

Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

9. This wish will come true only if you re-post this in one hour as "Meaning of color and your birthday!" and it will come true before your next birthday

Favorite Quotes:

"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God, you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed it's war dept creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"
- Batman: The Killing Joke

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too."
- Emperor Joker

"A bit of advice...don't ever apologize to no one for the way you look"
- Joker Graphic Novel

"Why So Serious"
-Joker Batman The Dark Knight

Wolverine: "I know what you're thinkin', punk. Question is: 'Can I get Wolverine before he turns me into shih kabob with those claws?' Now bub, seein' that those claws are adamantium, the strongest metal known, and can slice through vanadium steel like a hot knife through butter, buddy, you gotta ask yourself: do I feel lucky?"

Wolverine: "I go where I wanna go..."

Wolverine: "Somebody wake me up from this nightmare, 'cause I've gotta be dreaming. Who do these genius spy catchers think they're dealing with? Winnie the Pooh?"

Wolverine: "Why do they always give the guns to the stupid guys?"

Wolverine: "@#ING UNICORNS!"

Wolverine: "Like my name-sake, I'm fast an' I'm mean, an' when I get mad -- people get hurt!!"

Wolverine: "A man comes at me with his fists, I'll meet him with fists. But if he pulls a gun - or threatens people I'm protectin' - then I got no sympathy for him."

Wolverine: "I am afraid to be alone with my own thoughts. I'm afraid of my own memories."

Wolverine: "Before setting out on revenge, first dig ten graves. Saves time later."

Wolverine: "I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice."

Wolverine: "You ain't seen a kill-frenzy until you've seen me get mad!"

Creed: I know I got my feet on yer crummy armrest. I don't need you to tell me that, and if you open yer ugly yap one more time, I'm gonna undo yer last three facelifts!~Sabretooth: Death Hunt 3

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.~ Edgar Allen Poe

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes funny if you leave it out for too long. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is where you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favourite song plays. Crazy is where you do or say a totally random thing, like 'do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?' or start having a thumb war with yourself (I find I am a tough opponent). So if your crazy copy this onto your profile.

I've got a little thing to say to all my friends.
If you cry, I cry...
If you laugh, I laugh...
If you fight, I fight...
If you jump off a cliff...I'm gonna miss your retarded ass...

If your a slash fan, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

"The Founding Fathers, in their wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on parents. So they provided jails called schools, equipped with tortures called education." (Updike, John)

Stop, Drop and Roll doesn't work in hell.

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. And at the worst possible moment.

Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me! I quit!!"

Congratulations, you fail at life.

Sticks and stones might break my bones...but a 50 foot fall will kill ya'll!

Every piece of paper has two sides...unless you use magic marker. Then you're screwed.

I use to have super powers, but then my therapists took them away.

I'm not late. I'm just early for tomorrow.

I hear voices and they don't like you.

Smile: it confuses the enemy.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

Kinda hard not to be a smartass when you're talking to dumbasses all the time.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

You look familiar. Have I threatened you before?

Huh. Sanity. What would I do with something as useless as that? Lucky for me I never had any such thing

Those that ignore history are doomed to repeat it; those who studied history are doomed to know its repeating.

No one leaves this world a virgin cause fate screws you over.

I'm only afraid of knives when you're holding them.

I'm too tired to tell the truth.

I'm up, I'm dressed, what more do you want?

Instant Human: just add coffee.

I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard; be evil.

Last night, as I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, I thought, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"

Merry Christmas to all, and to all shut the hell up.

I have ADD, Attention Def-OMG! It's a butterfly!

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

Of course violence isn't the answer. 'Violence' is the question and 'yes' is the answer

Tell me your sob story... I need a good laugh.

That which doesn't kill you... Will probably try again

Sorry, no assholes allowed

Sometimes it's not a good idea to question your friend, just help them dump the body in the river and walk away

If carrots were drugged, bunnies would be fucked up

I didn't move up the fuckin food chain to eat god damn carrots, so shut the fuck up vegatarians!

I SWEAR TO DRUNK I AM NOT GOD!

Fuck poltics, I just wanna burn shit down

You say "Weird" like it's a bad thing

I'm so hot, I make fire Stop, Drop and Roll

Pardon me, but you've mistaken me for someone who actually gives a damn

I'm sorry, they had to remove part of my soul to make room for more sarcasm

What drugs are you on? and can I have some?

You're just jealous cuz the voices talk to me and not you

Just smile and wave

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

Never knock on Death's door... Ring the bell and run away... he hates that

Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door...

Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critisize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.

Warning: trespassers will be shot. Warning: survivors will be shot again

Always forgive your enemies... Nothing annoys them so much.

If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years.

If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

I want revenge. Is that so wrong?

Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

The problem with reality is a lack of background music.

I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Mirror's can't talk, Luckly for you they can't laugh either - Blood elf Humor

How can I miss you if you don't go away?

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

If you think that writing fanfics are fun, put this in your profile!

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

"Love your enemies! It really pisses them off"

"Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

I’ve got problem for your solution…

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

"When all else fails blow shit up."

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!

"I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly"

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

"Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again"

To put it nicely, I hope you choke

"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over."

Laughing is something you do while torturing somebody, slow and painfully

Blood is red, bruises are blue, my dear sweet arch nemesis; a violent death is the only death for you

Don't piss off an Anger Management Class, drop-out.

I'm not crazy.I'm psychotic.There's a difference.

Women go into marriage expecting men to change, and they don't. Men go into marriages expecting women to stay the same, but they don't.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

There's nothing that can't be fixed by:A)duct tape B)chocolate or C)running it over.I prefer option C.

The reason I'm still here is because Heaven doesn't want me,and Hell's afriad I'll take over.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Don't get mad;Get sadistic.

My mind isn't twisted, it's sprained.

Common sense is the enemy of comedy.

Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART

My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you at the same time.

Knowledge is power;Power is the root of all evil.Therefore study evil and excel at it.

What is this 'kindness speak of?

Why don't you slip into something comfortable;like a coma.I will gladly help you.

Define 'normal'

When in doubt...throw a chair.

If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of Progress?

Only two things are infinite:1)The universe.2)Human stupidity

There are few problems that can not be solved with large amounts of explosives.

Boys don't fall for me; I trip them.

It's always darkest before dawn...so if your gonna steal your neighbor's news paper that's the time to do it.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Keep smiling;It makes people wonder what your up to.

Catch a man a fish, and you sell it to him. Teach a man to fish and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere

Anyone can write. But to capture an audience with so much power, spirit and feeling that they forget everything around them - that is a true gift.

I can forgive, and I can forget, but I want you to know, you've lost my respect.

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between how things are and how they ought to be.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Reeses Pieces, Coco Puff, mess with me; I’ll fuck you up.

Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I’m trippin’? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit down. Can’t face me? Then turn the fuck around!

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes

If I were trapped in a single room with two tigers, you, and a gun with two bullets I'd shoot you twice.

Someone call Toys R Us, they want their Barbie back

Suicide is our way of saying to God "You can't fire me! I quit!"

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

It looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Mirrors can't talk and you're lucky they can't laugh

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the heck happened to you?

I refuse to engage in a battle of wits! I will not take advantage of the handicapped!

You sit and listen while I talk about fictional characters like they actually exist.

Yes I am insane, but sometimes I have these periods of boredom where I have to act normal like you.

They say murderers are loners...OF COURSE THEY'RE LONERS! THEY'VE BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!!

Animals were created to love those that nobody else wants.

Why kill them with kindness when using a chainsaw is a lot cooler?

When I start killing off the human race, you'll be sorry you weren't nicer to me

Neither guns, nor knives, nor axes kill people. The people living just next door or sitting next to you at work are the ones that kill people.

Roses are red, violets are blue,St. Valentine was beheaded, and you should be too.

7 Ways to Scare your roommates
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

7 Reasons Not to Mess with Small Children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Computer Related Random Things

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
FATAL ERROR: Size of thought exceeds available memory.
My programs never have bugs, they just develop random features. windows: 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition
Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
Runtime error 6D at 417A:32CF: incompetent user.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

More Quotes

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters

"Man must wait long time with mouth open for roast duck to fly in." ancient Chinese proverb

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" –Unknown

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."-Unknown

Dealing with Television network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."- Eric Sevareid

“I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." --Jasper Carrott

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." --Will Rogers

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it." –Unknown

"Perfection is a waste of time." --Kim De Coite

Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'" –Unknown

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." –Unknown

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

"That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy." --Nora Ephron

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook

"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright

“You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.” – Unknown

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” – Unknown

“He who laughs last didn't get it.” – Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

"Americans worship money. I have been looking for god all my life and he is right in my pocket." -Chris Rock

Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.

Don't own, originally from Raptor-Chick and Hazel-Star.

1. Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.

2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard above note.

7. Perform numbers 1 to 4. Note expressions.

8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9. Floor is slippery when wet.

10. Lake is slippery when dry.

11. Only talk to strangers you know.

12. Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.

13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15. Kill them for security purposes.

16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18. The men in white coats are not your friends.

19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24. Always remember, um... um... Damn.

25. Train army of flying monkeys.

26. Goldfish don't like milk.

27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28. Find out who invented the word "pianoist".

29. People are staring at you.

30. So act insane.

31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.

32. Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.

33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.

35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.

36. Never pet a wild dog.

37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38. Naked men dig parkas.

39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40. You know what would look good on you?

41. Immolated cockroaches.

42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43. The size of Danny DeVito.

44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. O~O

45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"

48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49. That way is rum.

50. Constipated people don't give a sh-t.

52. You cannot kill the snow.

53. The snow can kill you.

54. Grass can also kill you.

55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57. HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.

58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.

59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61. Pretend to be so around the n00bs.

62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65. Remember to kill HIM...

66. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69. Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.

70. Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions.

71. Eat the evidence.

72. But not if it's broken glass.

73. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75. Disregard last note.

76. Note reactions.

77. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78. Stock up on ball point pens.

79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

81. Do not stick fingers into blender.

82. Blender... Bad... Ouch.

83. Blood loss is bad.

84. Find way to re-attatch fingers.

85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86. Answer every question with a question.

87. Ask people what gender they are.

88. Note reactions.

89. Refer to people as "mortal".

90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92. Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94. Kill them.

95. Brutally.

96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97. Dunk head in boiling water.

98. Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100. Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine.

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

You have strange nicknames and can tell a detailed story about how you got them.

You tell stories in your head, as if you're writing it down.

When someone asks you something about a book or its characters, you go off on a half-hour tangent about a plot-bunny that came into your head about said character/book.

You already know who your first book is going to be dedicated to.

When someone asks you what you want to be when you get older, there's no hesitation when you automatically reply "A novelist."

You get sidetracked easily, and often break off mid-conversation to talk about something else, but can sit and read/write for hours on end, no matter how much chaos is happening around you.

You don't want kids because they would take away from your reading/writing time.

You put off homework/going to work so that you can finish reading/writing a story.

You talk about WWII/Nazis in class and start thinking about Grammar Nazis and how much you hate them.

If you are actually crazy enough to read right to the bottom of the page to get to this point and are reading this right now, then copy and paste this into your profile.

A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle.

Girl:Slow down, I'm scared.

Guy:No, this is fun.

Girl:No it's not, please, it's so scary.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl:I love you, slow down.

Guy:Now give me a big hug

She gave him a big hug

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself, It's really bothering me

The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people

were in the crash, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the

breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she

loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he

would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this in your profile.

If you hate stereotypes and think ppl should just shut up and stop POST THIS. Pick the stereotype that fits you.

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm Emo, I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm Blonde, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I'm Blonde, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be Sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I'm an OG so I must be Mexican.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT; I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times

I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake

I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop, POST THIS.

Stupid Racist People...

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:

"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."

"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriages Are Wrong

(A Little Humor)

1. Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because, as you know, a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, menopausal women, women who have a medical condition which makes it harmful to be pregnant, women who have had a tubal ligation, men who have had a vasectomy, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.