I get the feeling Ruby would have rather sour relationship with Blake in the beginning if not seeing her as monster outright after her weapon reveals she has killed people. Could get worse depending how limited information about circumstances her eyes reveal.

On potentially sillier reveals, would her ability actually recognize Jaune as actual owner of (I am going to get this wrong aren't I?) Croea Mors? If she just looks at it and gets list of names or just one that last wielded it without any mention of him it would make him out as a thief. Or considering how old it could be as a heirloom it might just suddenly make her pass out from strain moment she tries to learn more about it.

Sister vengeance huh? Is she going to switch that shampoo for hair dye or be meaner and use actual paint? Eager to see that plot point you developed unfold!

I love this so far

For ships I'm ok for everything with the exception of Jaune x Ruby.

Interesting story, curious to see more.

now this seems interesting
the silver eyes in the show seemed boring
especially since as far as we know freezes grim or turns them into stone (like cinders arm an eye)
they seemed very medusa like (but for grim)
and there were no other abilities
like why not just disintigrate them (or could they do that if Ruby ACTUALLY PRACTICES her powers)
or maybe see if someone has maiden powers (that would make finding a maiden a lot easier)
it's nice to know that some people can give these eyes some more abilities and kick to them

C'mon... not going to have her answer Ozpin by scanning his weapon and with that take the story in a new direction rather than it just being that Ruby is a good fighter.

Awesome chapter.

Never played a mobile game and never will.

I am curious about one thing can Ruby's Silver Eyes freeze and destroy Grimm like canon or does she just have the weapon scan power? Also what would happen if she were to scan the Grimm? One could state their entire body is a weapon.

Both chapters were really solid.

This came together very nicely, I have to say. I'm happy to have had the opportunity to assist how I could, but make no mistake, you're the one who did all the heavy lifting here. Don't sell yourself short - you're doing a great job.

Anyway, the story itself. You're doing a good job of setting up plot threads here - the bolded sections are obviously indicative of something that will be important later, which is certainly an interesting way of doing things that I actually really like. It's a pretty unique way of doing it; I can't say I've seen it done like that before. But honestly, it's pretty cool - it's a good indicator to the audience of what's important, it's very efficient in terms of wordcount, it's something that's probably going to be noticed more easily than most other ways of doing it, and most importantly, it's unique to you. Definitely really nice to see.

Next up, you specifically mentioned how this chapter was an experiment on how well you can write dialog, and I'd say that you write it very well - everyone in this chapter has their own unique voice, so it's easy to keep track of who's talking an when, even without some indicator in the text itself saying who it is. Glynda is stern; Ozpin is more calm and collected; Ruby is awkward. You have a good handle on how each character ought to sound. I'm anxious to see how you handle the other members of the cast - they all have their own unique voices as well, and seeing your take on them will be interesting, especially when they're all together in a group.

Now then, onto the chapter itself. You've taken what's ordinarily a boring filling chapter in most RWBY fics - the police station - and actually made it important and interesting, because this chapter spells out what her eyes are actually capable of. I think this was a wise move, since it injects a bit of life into what's normally a tired part of the story.

At the same time, I have to point out that you're following canon pretty closely so far. I'm not overly worried since it's only the second chapter, and I'm sure you have plans for messing with canon in the future, but it's just something to keep in mind. For what it's worth, story beats aside, you're doing pretty good at keeping things fresh - dialog isn't just ripped from the show, and you're taking your time to really flesh out the original concepts you've introduced so far. Overall, I'm not too worried about whether or not you'll be deviating from the canon story beats, but it's something I'm careful to bring up anyway when I notice some of the usual story beats pop up.

Besides that, I'm excited for the next chapter, which I assume will be orientation. There's a lot that could happen there, and I'm definitely on board for all of it. The character interactions seem like they're going to be great, and the original story elements centered around Ruby's eyes have a lot of potential. I'm really anxious to see where you take all of this, because it seems like a really good time.

Honestly, I like the new developments that you had, with Glynda going a bit further only for Ozpin to not only tell her off, but push her back. I’m curious how Ruby will react to Blake in particular because I think she would probably find out about her past. One thing may be to have where she has the ‘ally’ or ‘thug’, that you could have her thoughts/summary in a different subtext. The last thing is that Ruby, if she were to push herself with her ability, could probably find out about the truth in Ozpin’s past.

Interesting. Was a good read as well.

First off, welcome to the RWBY fandom.

Now then, the fic itself. Honestly, this is okay so far, and I'm only saying 'okay' because we've all seen the Dust shop robbery a million times before. Your writing itself is quite good, with very few spelling or grammar mistakes, so that isn't a problem. Your action scenes are similarly also very good - not too little action, but not over-the-top either. Probably my only complaint is that the Dust shop fight itself is... well, like I've said, we've all seen it a million times before in other fics. I would have liked to see something done to sort of spice things up, and admittedly you did some of this by giving Ruby new weapons to play with, but the end result was mostly the same, with one divergence in the form of Torchwick getting captured.

Now, about Torchwick getting captured... I actually like this development. The way you portrayed it makes sense, and I'm anxious to see how it changes canon. With Torchwick behind bars, Cinder is going to have a tougher time moving her plans forward, since he was in charge of gathering Dust. There's a lot of potential for you to change things up here, and I really hope you pursue it rather than just have Neo break him out or something.

One thing I want to talk about is the new trait you've given Ruby's eyes. I'm kind of on the fence about it. I think the ability itself is cool, but part of me feels like you're giving too much information away with it. I like the parts where she can see a brief snapshot of the person wielding it, as well as a history of the weapon itself - that could provide for a lot of interesting exchanges with both heroes and villains, as she uses that information to find out more about them. I find the idea of her scanning an opponent's weapon, then using that information to help her win a fight she normally should have lost, to be very cool. My biggest problem is that I think the bit about designating them an ally or an enemy is a bit too much. I would prefer to see her scan the history of the weapon, and come to that conclusion on her own rather than just have her eyes tell her. I think it would be far more interesting if she came across someone like, say, Emerald, and rather than knowing she's an enemy outright, is instead forced to read between the lines and make sense of what Emerald is showing to her and what her eyes are telling her. As it is now, it just feels like you're giving her too much to work with, and it takes a lot of the tension out of it knowing that she can just immediately tell who's going to be an enemy and who isn't.

Beyond that, I really like the potential for the new abilities her eyes have, and what they can do from a storytelling standpoint. It's clear that Ruby is a bit more mature now, and I'd really like to see that explored a bit more. I can see a younger Ruby having a lot of trouble with bullies in Signal because she claims she can talk to weapons, for example; it would make sense to her, but everyone else would think she's weird. If you want, you could maybe even replace the Jaune bullying arc from canon with one where Cardin bullies Ruby for being obsessed with weapons instead. I don't know, I'm just spitballing here.

Whatever you do, I suggest showing us snippets of Ruby's past somehow. You mentioned in your AN that she's changed from canon, but it would really help us understand just how much if you were to show us key parts of her past that caused her to change from her canon personality.

Also, this isn't related to the story itself, but rather her weapons - those things are WAY over-the-top, which admittedly fits Ruby to a T, but I have to call out a few things. For one, you referred to her pistols as .50 caliber - I'm assuming that's .50AE, not .50BMG? .50BMG is definitely NOT a pistol caliber, so I was a bit confused there. Crescent Rose, meanwhile... it's ridiculous, but to an absurd degree. The concept of having to refill it with Gravity Dust every week just to use the thing is crazy. What happens if she's out in the field for a while, and runs out of Dust? Sure, she could carry more, but that's one more thing to keep track of while out on the field. She'd already be carrying ammo, food, water, medical supplies, etc. while out there, and adding Dust means just adding another thing to keep track of when she ought to be packing light. That's really the only problem I had with her weapons, though - the rest of it is fine, even the railgun so long as it isn't treated like an automatic win button.

Overall, I thought this was a good introductory chapter. It's something we've seen before, sure, but your writing is effective, and you have an interesting and unique premise that I'm excited to see more of.

I hope this review was able to help you. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a PM, and I'll get back to you. Thanks for the chapter, and I wish you the best for this fic.

This is really good and its just the first chapter. Keep up the good work. Cant wait for the next chapter.

I enjoy this a lot, everything about it is very good

I enjoy the detail of the chapter. It’ll be interesting to see where this goes. I look forward to more from you and this book.