Lmaooo this was great, I especially love how Morgana knows

HAHAHAHAHA I just can't stop laughing

LMAO Ok ur lucky- I'm going to review and say- LOL- "No squirrels were harmed in the making of this story."

Umm...OK. Very random, but good none-the-less! Great job!

"She’s gone to get a whip of some sort and she’s melting something." -Arthur. Oh, god, Emma, that's priceless! WHIPped cream and melting things is never good... He's too pretty to be tortured. Sorry to break this to you, Arthur darling, but the pretty ones make the best victims. Somehow their struggling and screaming is more... satisfying... Um, that's not me speaking, it's my Bella-complex, just to clarify.

“Arthur is my princy! I don’t share! Feel my wrath!” Oh, my god. I... can't... stop... laughing. '...'

Aw, I have sympathy for everybody. Especially the severely confused squirrel. And, oh, I forgot about Morgana. (That's also Bella's middle name in one of my stories.) She knows...

This was awesome, thanks for writing and sharing and making my day. Love.

Yay! I love your author's note's stab at Edward Cullen. Twilight will NEVER be the new Harry Potter. I think you should have said they're your own brand of crack instead of cocaine tho, because this is crack!fiction. lol. That was stupid, wasn't it? I apologize. I don't share your gift of lovely wit and charm exhibited here.

Sorry too that it's taken me FOREVER to read this. See, I still love you...

I don't think Narcissa ever got the Dark Mark, but I'll let that go because I'm too busy laughing at her being so "blonde" that she must rely on her mobile (that's a cell phone, right? She's too blonde, I'm too American... *sigh*) for communication to bother looking up the fact or chiding you for taking that liberty. not that i'd object anyway, it's crack, anything can happen. _

Lucy? lol, that's awful but just feminine enough to begin to justify his infinite supply of hair care products. Nar Nar... it's... um... I don't know. Both pet names are cracktastically disturbing. Really? That "evil be gone" routine is the cure for love potions? Wow. lol

Well, Bella's certainly having fun. Arthur's so funny: she's going to kill me with whipped cream and melted chocolate. He's probably imagining something along the lines of whips and thumbscrews. Or worse. He's thinking actual torture more than S&M which might be Bella's idea of a good time... The sweetest torture. lol.

Why did Merlin place that emphasis on "accidentally", surely he didn't mean for all this to happen. Then again, teenage boys tend to think insane dangerous things are fun... lol Arthur being all macho with his sword and armor.

"he knew where he was going. Like he’d been there before…" oh? really?

lol, and poor, poor Rodolphus! Love.

“And that’s for calling me Blondie!” Arthur exclaimed. He’d hit her round the back of her with the hilt of his sword. Merlin whooped and they high-fived.

Best chapter ever! Oh wow this stpry was, like, seriously refreshing. Brilliant! Okay I love crack fics from now on, they sould dedicate one to your name lol :D

OMG You're like the master of crack fics! They should give you an award or something

Hah! take that cullen! oh gosh this is pure genius! i just wish i could write as well oras witty (oh well)

“That squirrel is about to attack! Quick, Arthur! Get out the way! It’s my destiny to protect you!” LOL *wipes tears away and continues reading*

OMG This is seriously hilarious! Only...you know. one thing: can students apparate in the grounds of Hogwarts?

"nyways, makes the whole thing much funnier! :)

Onwards!

Love it! Best chapter yet! I've said it before but I don't mind saying it again - you crackfics a winning combination. You have mastery over the crackfic universe, Emma. ("And I looked upon my new dominion as master of all and I thought it . . . . good." Yep, I'm quoting the Master again. Dammit, Koschei, get OUT of my head. I know you and Barty are probably having a great time up there with your shared, erm, interests, and all -*cough-creepiness-cough* - but you're both driving me nuts. And now Emma's fearing for my sanity . . . . thanks, guys. LOL. The inside of my head . . . .scary place. *shudders* I shall try never to subject you to that again, oh cracktastic one. But I can make no promises . . .)

Loving Rodolphus - dumb and adorably dim - and Morgana's little aura of knowing-ness at the end was nice too. *evil smirk* Yes boys. She knows EVERYTHING. So play nice, Arthur, or the tale of the prince too pretty to be tortured by a wench will be all over the kingdom! And if you REALLY annoy her, she may even make sure the melted chocolate gets a mention. *Arthur runs away screaming* That's right.

Fave lines -

“Please don’t hurt me! I’m too pretty to be tortured!”

Merlin! Thank the heaven’s you’re here! The witch kidnapped me and tied me up here! She’s gone to get a whip of some sort and she’s melting something, I think she’d going to kill me! Oh, please, help me! She wouldn’t stop kissing me and she’s done things to me I never want to speak of again!”

Merlin’s laughter cut short and he stared at Arthur, who tried to back away from the suddenly poisonous boy. Anger drowned in Merlin’s eyes and he glared at Arthur’s neck with such a passion, the prince felt the need to apologise. Merlin had noticed the vast scarlet and violet blotches on Arthur’s neck. The love bites.

No body hurt Merlin’s boyfriend.

“And that’s for calling me Blondie!” Arthur exclaimed. He’d hit her round the back of her with the hilt of his sword. Merlin whooped and they high-fived.

“What happened?” She asked. Rodolphus just stared at her for a moment. He gave her a look that said ‘you don’t remember?’ but she just groaned and swung her legs off the bed. “The last thing I remember was walking out the café after you went starry-eyes for Malfoy. And now, I’ve got one hell of a head ache. What did I do?”

Shaking his head, Rodolphus simply pulled out his trusty pad and a lime green crayon and wrote his reply.

“Oh, nothing”.

“You’re a sorcerer!” He exclaimed and the manservant hung his head,

“Yeah, I am. But I wouldn’t ever hurt you! Not like that witch! Pinky swear!” He held out his little finger and Arthur took a moment to think it through before his looks softened and he beamed,

“Pinky swear!” He repeated as they did the said action. Nodding, he finished, “Let’s not speak of today again”.

“Agreed”.

“Oh, I know”.

FAVING IT!

Love x

Hehehe. Morgana knows. Mwahahaha!

“Arthur is my princy! I don’t share! Feel my wrath!” I love those lines. Cracked me up.

Emma my hunni, Thanks for making me laugh with this fic. It makes a change from the angst/romance stuff I read. Not saying I don't like that stuff, but it was a nice change.

Fave lines:

“Please don’t hurt me! I’m too pretty to be tortured!”

All I can say to that is. Arthur, that is not very king like. Uther wouldn't be too proud. Shame on you! Though after saying that.. -looks around- You are with Bellatrix, so I will let you off. Oh, and yes you are gorgeous I agree.

"I never thought I hear the crowned Prince of Camelot beg! I wish I could capture that moment just so I could replay it over and over again!” Merlin chortled, wiping tears from his eyes."

No body hurt Merlin’s boyfriend.

Shaking his head, Rodolphus simply pulled out his trusty pad and a lime green crayon and wrote his reply.

“Oh, nothing”. He has a green crayon! woop! woop!

Anyway, really enjoyed this fic. Write more crack! I will make ya -mwahahahaha-

Great job hunni x

I'm getting the strangest looks because of you! It'll teach me for reading fanfics in a shared computer lab, but damn that was hilarious. The mental pictures will not stop, even now xD I'd love to read more, even if the first chapter got a bit tangled, with some of the spelling and grammar being lost.

Haha. Another cracktastic chapter! I don't know how you do it! Loving Merlin (poor guy!) and Arthur (um . . . ditto!) in this chapter. And Rodolphus made a noise! (A mouse squeak, maybe, but hey - noise is noise! )

I don't mind the blonde jokes, but then again, I'm a brunette. ] Dishwater blonde counts as blonde in my book! (My sister is that colour, and though it's really turning brown now . . . I'm nothing if not diplomatic!)

Cissy is SO blonde here! I LOL'd. Actually, I'm writing a Cissy / Lucius romance fic (yes, seriously) that is about a million miles from this, but I kept thinking about it and laughing harder. I think it was the nicknames that pushed me over the edge!

And haha, I don't know which was funnier - Rodolphus thinking "Lucy" was playing hard to get (!) or Arthur bragging about his princely status even when facing the triple threats of bondage, melted chocolate and whipped cream! And, of course, the wielder of such things, our own dear Bellatrix! ;)

Nicely done! xD

-Reads back and wonders whether she should post- This review is incredibly random seriously.. Read at your own risk-

Yet another chapter where my family think I am completely insane because I am laughing at random points.

Opening line:

“Hello? Oh Lord of Dark, can you hear me?” Cissy tweeted down her mobile, too blonde to use her dark mark. Lord Voldemort sighed into his own mobile, rubbing his fingertips to his templates,

For some reason I imagined her saying it in do ya know like a fortune type way. Not the best explanation I know. But hey if I randomly call ya later then I will explain then. Oh, and Cissy being a typical blond. What a muppet?

No, it isn’t! If I’m Nar Nar, you’re Lucy. Anyway,” she drew circles on his chest with her finger, “It reminds me of all those times when it was just us two and-”

“I think that’s far enough!”

Nar Nar and Lucy LOL. And if I was a man I wouldn't want to be called a womens name in public. NOT THAT I WANNA BE A MAN! Lets make this clear! *ahem* Sorry that just needed to be clarified. Don't take the piss outta me now. LOL (jk)

like the whole texting, Hayley choking incident. Anyway back to the certain line and after revealing things we do outside this site.. Voldy shouting: "I think thats far enough!" LOL! It was just funny :)

The boy jumped up, a big idiotic smile on his face as he brushed himself off and beamed at complete strangers. They could only stare at him, dumb-struck. He asked,

“Did someone say my name?”

What a doofus? They didn't mean him! Oh, and YOU USED IT! YOU USED IT! YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD! (WTF is with the caps today seriously!) Anyway, I am glad that you used it. Oh, and I have this picture of Merlin with a big grin on his face now.. Hmmn.. Is that a good or bad thing?

“Oh my Merlin! I’ve always wanted to meet you! You completely inspired me to take over the wizarding world and kill everyone! Wow! This is such an honor!” Merlin faltered, staring the Dark Lord like he was insane.

Yes, Merlin is right the Dark Lord is genuinely insane. Well done mate! for noticing it that early on. Oh, I shall be damned with the cruciatius curse. Oh, and Merlin was his inspiration PMSL! And the Dark Lord said that he is honoured to meet him, Merlin think yourself lucky. Most people are normally dead by now. But that is a common misjudgement really, depending on who you are. I will be correct about this..

“Merlin, wait! I’m your biggest fan! At least let me take a picture! Hey, Merlin! MERLIN! Come back here! I’m the Dark Lord and I DEMAND YOU GET YOUR SKINNY ARSE BACK HERE!” I liked how you portrayed the Dark Lord here as it was strangely in character with his temper. and also The Dark Lord taking a picture of his idol. That is strangely amusing, and yeah if Voldy wasn't so evil that would be a honour for Merlin.

Oh, and I have to comment. I feel sorry for poor Rod, just being there in the background -pats on shoulder- Poor bloke x

Anyway, it was a great chapter, and thanks for unleashing my randomness for today. Woop! Woop!

Update soon please! I am really enjoying it!

-Sarah x